As we wind down this NFL season and forge ahead toward the playoffs, Im taking time out to pay attention to what has become a regular part of the college football scene: the corporate branding of bowl games.
I get a kick out of the proliferation of corporate sponsorship of these games. It seems every year there are a couple new ones added to the mix.
Fortunately, I am chronologically blessed enough to remember when there were no such attachments. The games were simple called Rose, Sugar, Gator, Bluebonnet, and so on. But today, I cant keep up with the overwhelming number of games, let alone the sponsor names they carry.
So, in the interest of having a little fun with this, Ive come up with some substitute names for the bowl season. With a whopping three dozen games to choose from, I easily could have exhausted myself. Instead, Ive chosen to rebrand about half of them, beginning with a shoutout to a former Eagle.
Gildan New Mexico Bowl -> Hank Baskett Bowl
Id never heard of Gildan, an activewear company, before this years game. My idea is to honor the former Eagle and Lobo-turned reality TV figure. Hey, they could get Kurtis Blow to rap the games theme song. Theyre playing Baskett Booowwlllll We love that Baskett Booowwlllll
Famous Idaho Potato Bowl -> Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies Bowl
With three dozen bowl games on the docket, at some point you have to snack, and cookies are much tastier than spuds.
MAACO Las Vegas Bowl -> Earl Scheib No Snitchin Bowl
Even with cheap paint jobs, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
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Little Caesars Pizza Bowl -> 9-9-9 Bowl
Named after former Godfathers Pizza CEO Herman Cain. Your pizza delivered in 999 seconds or its tax-free!
TicketCity Bowl -> Big Ticket Bowl
Based in the great state of Texas (Dallas), its an ideal name, potner. Kevin Garnett tosses the coin for the noon kickoff then flies back to Boston in time for the Celtics' 7 p.m. tip with the Wizards.
Sheraton Hawaii Bowl -> Holiday Inn Express Fine and You? Bowl
Because its shows how smart you are when you cleverly return one greeting for another.
Military Bowl -> Hero Bowl
Doesnt that say it all?
Discover Orange Bowl -> Tim Tebow Bowl
The media obsession with the franchise that brought us the Orange Crush decades ago didnt start until he showed up. Surely, this game would come to be known as the TeBowl.
Rose Bowl: No sponsor. No problem here.
Outback Bowl -> Honey Wheat Bushman Bread Bowl
No trip to the place is complete without that delicious side treat that simply melts in your mouth.
Valermo Alamo Bowl ->Forget-me-Not Bowl
To help you to remember (the Alamo), songstress Patrice Rushen produces and performs in the halftime show.
Chick-fil-A Bowl ->Mad Cow Bowl
Named after the coolest highway billboard campaign ever, not the livestock plague. All helmets would be green, to signify the pickle on top.
Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl ->Chopper Bowl
Because in the age of Twitter, characters are at a premium.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: Cant mess with this one, its perfectly named.
Autozone Liberty Bowl -> Get In the End Zone Freely Bowl
Borrowing from Autozones slogan, this would be an annual matchup of the nations two highest-scoring teams.
GoDaddy.com Bowl -> IRS Bowl
Because there is no more powerful search engine in America. When the IRS wants to fine, uh, find you, it will.
Allstate Sugar Bowl -> Jambalaya Bowl
Everybody knows New Orleans is more spicy than sweet.
Allstate BCS National Championship Game -> Embarrassment of Riches Bowl
Not because it matches the top two teams, but because Allstate also is the corporate sponsor of the Sugar Bowl. This game should favor receivers, you know, the good hands people.
E-mail Ron Burke at rburke@comcastsportsnet.com.