LEGO-like Phillies Toys Exist and They're Both Awful and Amazing

LEGO-like Phillies Toys Exist and They're Both Awful and Amazing
June 12, 2013, 10:39 am
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I don’t know about you, but I loved Legos as a kid. I had the castle, I had the pirate ship, I even had a little ice cream truck so the knights & pirates could stop by for creamy treats on the way to more swashbuckling adventures.  Sadly, my love for baseball never had a place in Legoland.  Maybe it should have stayed that way.  This week I discovered that Oyo, who describe themselves as “compatible with brand name building toys” has filled that gap.  Like their off-brand nature, they present the Phillies as represented in Lego Oyo form, to varying degrees of accuracy.

The Outfield

Due to the constraints of the figurine form, Dom Brown and Ben Revere are the same height.  Due to the constraints of not wanting to get too specific about skin color, Dom Brown and Ben Revere are the same complexion.  The “Jr.” is dropped from Mayberry’s name—though his dad never played for the Phillies, the figurine has just the right amount of “generic black guy”ness to make the Fox broadcasting crew disregard that historic tidbit. Righty pull-hitters have it made vs. the Phillies’ defense, as all three outfielders seem only capable of running to Right Field.  There is no figurine for Delmon Young, leaving me to keep searching for the perfect Chanukah present for my nephews.

The Infield


Ryan Howard looks exactly like Dom Brown, right down to the facial hair. Nevermind that there’s like 50 lbs separating them.  Michael Young is just happy to be here, you guys. If he looked any more generic, he’d literally just be a manila envelope wearing a plastic baseball cap.  Jimmy Rollins is probably the coolest of all the not-Lego figurines.  He’s got a sweet goatee, and a smile that says he knows it.

They’ve actually improved on the real Chase Utley, in that his torso can’t twist and strain an oblique.  And based on all that lunging he’s doing, his knees are stronger than ever!  Freddy Galvis is there to fill in for Utley, and introduces a new color of plastic skin—vaguely brown: used for Latin American players not from the Dominican, as well as Shane Victorino.

Catchers

Now that they’ve expanded the line to mascots, it’s only a matter of time til Erik Kratz gets a little plastic turkeypig to talk him through breakfast, right?

I fear I may have buried the lede here, because if you compare 2013 Carlos Ruiz to his 2011 version, it’s clear that he’s taken up tanning and gotten Botox.  Forget ADHD medication, this is the real story!

Pitchers

I can see the resemblance with Roy Halladay’s beard, but I really can’t get what they’re going for with Cliff Lee. That’s not even his hair color, and he looks downright dastardly. What’s even more confusing is that his earlier iteration had lighter (and more accurate) facial hair. They’ve gone all Brian Wilson on him, and I don’t know why. Meanwhile, Cole Hamels has impeccable eyebrows, and that’s about as far as the resemblance goes.  There is no Kyle Kendrick because I guess the Oyo’s aren’t buying the hype. And there’s no fifth starter because the less said about that, the better.

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