When I was around 10 years old, I bumped into former Sixer and all-around terrible basketball player, Bob Thornton, at the Acme on City Line Ave. No seriously, I walked right into him. Like, right into his leg. I was looking for Skittles and he was waiting in line to buy ice cream and a People mag. I remember thinking, "Wow, Bob Thornton eats ice cream?" which is crazy considering the guy was nose deep in an article about Glenn Close. But whatever, People magazine's awesome, I know that now, but at the time I was just so excited to come face-to-knee with an actual NBA ballplayer, I didn't know what to do.
So I stood there for a sec, and gathered my thoughts, then said something dope like, "Yo, you're Bob Thornts!" and he was like, "Yeah," and I was like, "How's your back?" which was an amazing question to ask considering no one else in the supermarket even knew who he was, let alone was aware of his injury status. Now you would think that a dude who averaged 3 points per game for his entire NBA career would've been more excited to talk to a fan -- especially one who was as adorable and knowledgeable as I was -- but Bob kinda shrugged me off and said, "It's getting better," and that was the end of our conversashe. I walked away, paid for my Skittles and then biked to my friend Nate's house to play with matches.
OMG WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS STORY, EV?!
The point is that A) Bob Thornton sucks butt, and has always sucked butt, and B) these days -- with platforms like Twitter, Instagram and People dot com -- it's so much easier to interact with our favorite athletes without badgering them at the grocery store.
Sooooooo, considering Villanova lost, and the Sixers suck, and I started this post before the Eagles traded for Darren Sproles (and a friggin plane crashed on the friggin runway!), I figured it'd be cool to check out what everybody's favorite Phillie, Big Ben Revere, has been up to this off-season.
The best part of this tweet is not the tweet itself -- even though it's hilarious that a major league baseball player would ask 63,000 strangers if they saw the new 300 movie -- it's the fact that a guy who calls himself the "Amazing Binder-Man" thought it was ass. And I'm not doubting him, the movie was probably ass, but imagine Ben Revere hanging out with Marlon Byrd last Friday night, trying to decide what movie to see.
Marlon: Yo, you wanna go check out that new 300 movie tonight?
Ben: Naw, I heard it's ass.
Marlon: Really? Who'd you hear that from?
Ben: Binder-Man. The Amazing Binder-Man.
Marlon: Oh word? Eff that then. Let's stay in.
When Ben does stay in, he tends to watch a lot of college basketball. He's from Kentucky, where the UK Wildcats rule, but he's also a fan of the Eastern Kentucky Colonels, who are not only a real basketball team, but the winners of this year's Ohio Valley Conference Championship.
Okay, I understand that $515,000/yr (Ben's current salary) is not a lot for a major league ballplayer to take in, but that doesn't mean that Ben has to live in squalor. Wires all dangling from the back of the TV. Eating off a styrofoam plate. I'm 95% sure Ben Revere lives at a Red Roof Inn.
Also, why wouldn't you take a picture of the actual game?! That's like a promo shot!
Earlier this year, when Kentucky was playing Cleveland State, Ben tweeted this:
Obviously I had to find out who Ben was talking about, so I googled Cleveland State's roster in hopes of finding the Bruno Mars lookalike. And as I clicked on player after player after player, I finally stumbled upon this guy, sophomore guard, Bryn Forbes.
Ding ding ding ding ding!
42% three-point shooter! Banged 77 triples this year. And he'll catch a grenade for ya!
Of course, when you hang out at home watching a lotta hoops, you need ice cream. And Ben is an ice cream FIEND. Here he is loading up at the supermarket.
I didn't even know Twix ice cream bars were a thing!
And he's got Fruit Loops in the cart!
You want another ice cream shot? I can get you another ice cream shot.
Ben captioned this with: "Me and my baby spending quality time tonight. #shesbouttogetit #bouttoeatherup #bouttogetthehammer lol"
Sometimes, when Ben's not droppin the hammer, he'll pop in a Blu-Ray, put on some 3D glasses, and get lost in some epic sci-fi.
But above all else, Ben is a ballplayer. Here he is with his little league team back in the day.
This caption reads: #tbt Lagrange GA days!! #coachpitch #thecomeup #idontsmile #ikeepithood #justkidding #washavingabadday #didntgetmyfruitjuice #needmyfruitjuice
Yo look how wide those kids are smiling in the bottom left. How could anyone be that happy to do anything? And what's up with dude's hat in the upper right? His brim is bent like a Red Roof Inn. If you're counting at home, that's two Red Roof Inn jokes in one post. TWO. Gotta be a record, right?
Let's go to the judges.
Here's Ben today -- still #keepinithood -- in the clubhouse with Dominic Brown (who apparently is goin all beige eerythang).
He's standing on a chair!
Also, smart move by Ben to put his left hand on Dom's back for balance. I stood up on an office chair last week and almost broke my neck. That's not true. I don't even own an office chair. But those things are wobbly a.f.
All in all, I love Ben Revere. Cool dude, down-to-earth, lover of God, keeps it real. Also he's incredibly optimistic.
The Phils are 4-10 this Spring.
Follow The Evster @TVMWW.