The Evster searches online for some dope retro Phillies stuff and finds a bonkers oil painting of Jim Eisenreich

The Evster searches online for some dope retro Phillies stuff and finds a bonkers oil painting of Jim Eisenreich

From the Department of No One Could Possibly Even Come Close to Caring About This: the last-place Phils take on the last-place Cubs in a three-game series this weekend at Citizens Bank Park. To spice things up a bit, the Phillies are holding their annual "Retro Weekend" in South Philly featuring a bunch of old-time flizzim flazzem to get people all jazzed up about baseball. There'll be a Jim Bunning tribute on Father's Day, Art Garfunkel aka Big Poppa Garf will sing the national anthem, and both teams will wear 1964 throwback uniforms while sucking.

So in honor of a weekend of total suck, I spent four hours sucking my own butt Thursday night while searching the internet for some dope retro Phillies stuff.

Here's what I found:

One of the greatest posters of that era, and probably the only legitimately cool thing you’ll find in this post. Obviously the flames are what makes the poster incredible, but Schmidtty and Lefty’s matching spikes & stirrups combo is also a nice touch. Shout out to the massive dent in Lefty’s hat too, and Schmidtty’s bulging forearms/full-right-leg-extenshe a la Kerri Strug.

 

Brought to you by Shop n Bag!

The star of the 5 Horses is clearly Big Ben Rivera who seems to have borrowed one of Corey Pavin’s sweater vests for the photo shoot. Terry Mulholland also looks verrrrrrryyyyyy comfortable in those ass-less leather chaps, while I’m pretty sure Danny Jackson is rockin' a mid- to full-throttle bone job.

 

This is not actually a poster, this is a painting -- an oil painting -- painted by an actual human painter who thought it'd be a good idea to paint Jim Eisenreich on a canvas using paint.

Let the record show that this painting sold for $696 according to Robert Edward Auctions. THAT'S SIX NINE SIX, PEOPLE, which to be honest is a total steal. The only knock on this exquisite piece of artwork is the fact that Eisy was painted with no visible nose hairs. Huge oversight by the artist as far as I'm concerned. Someone actually made this. Using paint. And a brush.

 

Your goddamn right he's The Pride of the Phillies.

Everything about this poster is spot on. From Sammy's trademark smile to the fact that he seems to have no idea what’s going on around him. I love this man so much. He seriously struck out ALL THE TIME.

/hit so many doubles!

For the record there are also Steve Bedrosian and Doug Glanville versions of this poster online because of course there are.

 

Bing...

 

... and bong.

 

Hey there Charlie Hust!

Ole Double Donut Pete Rose is just puttin’ it all out there, huh? This poster was actually part of a Jockey shorts ad where a bunch of athletes were photographed without their unis on. Pete looks by far the happiest of the bunch. And such hairy forearms!

 

Jo Jo White looks the most serious...

... while Steve Carlton is easily the most tantric.

 

I like to think Kevin Mitchell hit into this textbook 6-4-3 double play and then threw down his batting helmet in disgust. Also, big time props to the artist who PERFECTLY captured Matt Williams's likeness sliding into second. His back/shoulder/pack of hot dogs neck is drawn just masterfully. Also loving Morandini's Pony cleats and yes that is one half of a John Chaney bobble head creepin’ into the bottom right corner of the photograph.

 

For a mere $89.99 this Phanatic Fathead can be yours. (THAT'S $606.01 LESS THAN THE OILY EISY.)

Also I never noticed this before, but I'm 89% certain the Phanatic has diabetes. Look how thick his ankles are! And is he wearing a beret?!?! WHO WANTS TO SHOOT SOME STICK?

 

 

I believe you're a dork, Tugger.

OMG I'M KIDDING I LOVE THE TUGGER. Technically not a poster, but I would still pay big bucks (maybe $7?) to have this dork hung up on my wall. But what's up with the last line of the ad? Why wouldn’t a Flyers fan like Phillies franks? Do Flyers fans not like other Philly sports teams/hot dogs? Wouldn’t this ad have made much more sense if it said, “Even if you’re a Mets fan”? Oh my God who cares let’s just go eat and some hot dogs and move on RIP Tugger and your perfectly broken-in belt.

 

Thighs like what, what, what. And I know, I know, this is technically a Lenny Dykstra Mets poster, but it's still fantastic. Another pair of Pony cleats, too.

All right, enough of these posters. We're all grown adults here. We don't need no stinkin' posters! How 'bout some gear/trinkets/flea market specials that no one could possibly ever have any use for?

 

My friend Larry had this shirt growing up and he became the first one of my friends to take a chick to the boneyard.

He was 27.

 

Some absolute lunatic is charging $21.95 on eBay for this "Authentic 1980's Philadelphia Phillies Hat Ball Cap Mesh Retro New RARE" head lice vessel. Pretty sure my mother has around 11 of these in her downstairs closet. Also pretty sure some Fishtown hipster will offer double for it.

 

Nothing Phillies related here, but these caricature wrist bands from the 80s were unstoppable. I remember first seeing them during that off-season MLB skills challenge -- the one hosted by Joe Gariogiola on NBC-- where there was a home run derby and the dudes got timed going around the bases and the San Diego Chicken ran around trying to pinch everyone's ass. It was so stupid/amazing and I'm pretty sure Eric Davis won every year. I just tried googling "80s MLB Skills Challenge" to see what I could dig up about it and came up with nothin'. I'm now realizing that I might have made the whole thing up in my perverted childhood mind. Whatever.

Speaking of Eric Davis...

 

Did anyone ELSE imitate his laissez faire batting stance while slappin' out dubbs at Blue Bell Day Camp?!

THAT STANCE WAS SO CASJZ!

 

Not even sure what this Krukker thing is, but I just bid $9 on it and now I really feel like I should go back and DOUBLE IT.

 

Just your standard Manny Trillo Canada Dry ginger ale cans.

 

And Greg Luzinski.

 

And Jim Lonborg?

 

STACK EM AND YACK EM.

 

Thee entire 1975 Fly Guyz!

7 bucks by the by!

 

Robert Person Upper Deck rookie anybody?

 

This post is over.

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Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

NBA Playoffs: Westbrook, Thunder push Warriors to brink of elimination

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NBA Playoffs: Westbrook, Thunder push Warriors to brink of elimination

BOX SCORE

OKLAHOMA CITY -- Suddenly, these Golden State Warriors who have been compared all season to the Chicago Bulls dynasty of the 1990s are on the brink of elimination.

Russell Westbrook had 36 points, 11 rebounds and 11 assists, and the Oklahoma City Thunder beat the Warriors 118-94 on Tuesday night to take a 3-1 lead in the Western Conference Finals. Golden State, which won a league record 73 games in the regular season, lost consecutive games for the first time this season.

The Warriors must win Game 5 on Thursday in Oakland to keep their season alive.

"We all have to bounce back," Warriors coach Steve Kerr said. "The good news is, we go home. Obviously we play well at home. The idea now is to go home and get one win. Do that, and we put some pressure on them and we'll see what happens."

Klay Thompson led Golden State with 26 points, but two-time league MVP Stephen Curry was limited to 19 points on 6-for-20 shooting. Curry's shooting performance was so uncharacteristic that reporters asked if he was hurt.

"He's not injured," Kerr said. "He's coming back from the knee, but he's not injured. He just had a lousy night. It happens, even to the best players in the world."

The Warriors lost consecutive playoff games by at least 20 points for the first time since Games 2 and 3 of the 1972 Western Conference semifinals against the Milwaukee Bucks. Golden State's Draymond Green, who was fined for kicking Steven Adams in the groin in Game 3, finished with six points, 11 rebounds and six turnovers.

Meanwhile, Oklahoma City got a boost from an unlikely source. Andre Roberson, a player the Warriors have ignored at times during the series, scored a career-high 17 points and grabbed 12 rebounds.

Kevin Durant added 26 points and 11 rebounds and Serge Ibaka added 17 points and seven rebounds.

As for Westbrook, it was his first triple-double of the playoffs after posting 18 in the regular season. It was his fifth career playoff triple-double.

"I play every game like it's my last, regardless of who's in front of me," he said. "That's my job, and my job is to worry about my team, and that's all I do."

The Thunder know they have to close. Nine teams have rallied from 3-1 deficits to win.

"I think we're in a good place, but like I said, this game is over," Westbrook said. "We've got to move on to the next game. Every game is different."

The Thunder led 30-26 at the end of the first quarter, then gained control in the second. In the most unlikely of connections, Adams threw a bullet pass to Roberson near the basket for a dunk that gave the Thunder a 56-43 lead with just over four minutes left in the first half.

Oklahoma City finished with a flurry and led 72-53 at halftime. The Thunder matched the most points they have scored in a first half in franchise playoff history, a mark they set the previous game against the Warriors. It also matched the most points Golden State has allowed in a half this season for the second straight game.

Westbrook had 21 points, nine assists and five rebounds in the first half, and Durant had 18 points and six boards.

Thompson tried to keep the Warriors in it, scoring 19 points in just over seven minutes to start the third quarter. But the Thunder maintained their composure, led 94-82 at the end of the period and remained in control in the fourth.

"This is a tough situation to be in, but the series isn't over," Curry said.

Quotable
Kerr, on the pressure of trying to win a title after setting the regular-season wins record: "We had a tremendous regular season, our guys competed every single night and did something no one has ever done and they're proud of that. But in the playoffs, everybody starts 0-0. So there's no extra pressure, whether you're talking about defending our title or trying to back up the regular season."

Stat lines
According to Thunder Public Relations, the last team to score 72 or more points in the first half of two straight playoff games was the 1987 Los Angeles Lakers.

Tip-ins
Warriors: Curry went 1 for 7 in the first quarter, and made just 1 of 4 3-point attempts. ... Thompson committed his third foul with 7:55 left in the second quarter, and C Andrew Bogut committed his third about two minutes later. ... Curry made a 3-pointer for his 48th consecutive playoff game, extending his NBA record. ... The Warriors were 12-0 this season the game after a loss.

Thunder: Westbrook had five points, six assists and three rebounds in the first quarter. ... Oklahoma City forced 13 turnovers in the first half. ... The Thunder improved to 19-0 this season when Westbrook gets a triple-double. ... The Thunder outrebounded the Warriors 56-40 and outscored them 31-19 from the free throw line.

NHL Playoffs: Penguins fight off Lightning to force Game 7

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NHL Playoffs: Penguins fight off Lightning to force Game 7

BOX SCORE

TAMPA, Fla. -- The Pittsburgh Penguins made good on Evgeni Malkin's pledge to force Game 7 in the Eastern Conference final.

Sidney Crosby had a goal and an assist, and Phil Kessel, Kris Letang, Bryan Rust and Nick Bonino also scored Tuesday night in a 5-2 victory that evened the best-of-seven series with the Tampa Bay Lightning 3-3.

Game 7 is Thursday night, with the Penguins hoping to reach the Stanley Cup Final for the first time since 2009 and the Lightning looking to advance to the Cup Final for the second straight year.

"I just told them to embrace the moment. It's a great opportunity for us. These are the type of circumstances to where you have an opportunity to write your own story," Pittsburgh coach Mike Sullivan.

"They had a certain mindset going into this tonight: `We're going to leave it all out there and do everything we can to bring this back to Pittsburgh,'" Sullivan added. "And, certainly that's what they did."

Malkin was the most demonstrative of the players expressing confidence the Penguins could take the series back to Pittsburgh, saying he believed in himself, his teammates and that they could return home for a seventh game "for sure."

Crosby stepped up with his third game-winning goal of the series. The Penguins captain assisted on Kessel's 5-on-3 power-play goal in the opening period and later skated around Tampa Bay defenseman Anton Stralman into the clear before sending a wrist shot between goalie Andrei Vasilevskiy's legs for a 3-0 lead in the final minute of the second period.

"We know the circumstances. It makes you go out there with a mindset of playing desperate," Crosby said. "I think we had confidence in the whole group. I think everyone played great.

"Everyone contributed in their own way. In a big game like this you, don't do anything special, just do your job. I think that's gotten us this far."

Rookie goaltender Matt Murray returned to the lineup after being replaced as the starter for Game 5 by Marc-Andre Fleury, but his 10th playoff victory did not come without a bit of suspense.

Brian Boyle scored twice in the third period for Tampa Bay, with one of the goals bouncing off Kessel before getting past Murray, who finished with 28 saves. The second score drew the Lightning within one goal with 7:17 remaining.

Instead of flinching, the young goalie who turns 22 on Wednesday retained his composure down the stretch to help the Penguins avoid relinquishing a third-period lead for the second straight game.

"I just think it's part of his DNA. He has a calming influence. He doesn't get rattled if he lets a goal in. He continues to compete," Sullivan said.

"That's usually an attribute that takes years to acquire. And to have it at such a young age is impressive. I think one of his biggest strengths is just his ability to stay in the moment."

Rust's breakaway goal at 17:52 of the third gave Pittsburgh breathing room, and Bonino added an empty-netter to finish it off.

"We had a great chance tonight and just tip-toed around a little bit," Boyle said. "We were tentative and weren't aggressive."

Kessel's goal was his team-leading ninth of the playoffs. Crosby had the primary assist, his first point since delivering game-winners in Games 2 and 3, and Malkin also had an assist to extend his point streak to four games after a slow start in the series.

The Lightning had an apparent goal by Jonathan Drouin waived off a little more than five minutes into the game, when Sullivan successfully challenged that the young Tampa Bay winger was offside on the play before tapping in a rebound off Ondrej Palat's shot that bounced off Murray's pads.

Sullivan announced the decision to go back to Murray following Tuesday's morning skate.

Murray started the first four games of the series. Fleury replaced him during the third period of Game 4, then made his first start in nearly two months in Game 5, which Tampa Bay won 4-3 in overtime.

Before Game 5, Fleury had not started a game since March 31, when he suffered a concussion.

Tampa Bay entered the game determined to not come out flat in Game 6 of the conference final for the second straight year.

The Lightning beat the New York Rangers on the road to go up 3-2 in that series, but were badly outplayed at home the next game and had to return to Madison Square Garden to finish the series.

Now, they'll have to win on the road again to make the third Stanley Cup appearance in franchise history.

"I know we can. I've got confidence in this group. We believe we can do that," Tampa Bay's Ryan Callahan said. "We've had success on the road in the playoffs. We've had success in their building already. It's going to be a good one."

Notes
The Penguins were 1 for 3 on the power play and are 4 for 19 in the series. The Lightning were 0 for 1, dropping to 2 for 12. ... Malkin was penalized in the first period for slashing Tampa Bay Bay's Ryan Callahan in what appeared to be retaliation for the Lightning forward whacking him across the wrist with his stick. ... Murray improved to 4-0 following a loss. He's 10-4 overall in the playoffs.

Best of MLB: Jackie Bradley Jr. extends hitting streak to 28 games

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Best of MLB: Jackie Bradley Jr. extends hitting streak to 28 games

BOSTON -- David Price scattered five hits over seven innings and Jackie Bradley Jr. had a pair of hits to extend his streak to 28 games as the Boston Red Sox beat the Colorado Rockies 8-3 on Tuesday night.

David Ortiz had a two-run double and a two-run single, and Dustin Pedroia added three hits to help Boston win its third straight game. Price (7-1) allowed three runs, walking one and striking out six to earn his third consecutive win.

Colorado lost for the fifth time in six games.

Jorge De La Rosa (1-4) made his first start after spending almost a month on the disabled list with a left groin strain. He gave up two runs in the first, two more in the second and left with one out in the fourth with two on and one run already in (see full recap).

Polanco, Pirates crush Diamondbacks
PITTSBURGH -- Gregory Polanco hit a three-run homer and drove in a career-best five runs as the Pittsburgh Pirates rolled by the Arizona Diamondbacks 12-1 on Tuesday night.

Polanco's shot to the concourse in right-center field off Shelby Miller (1-6) in the first inning gave Pittsburgh an early boost. Francisco Liriano (4-3) scattered two hits in 5 2/3 innings and added an RBI single as the Pirates improved to 6-2 during a 10-game homestand.

After a short adjustment period, Polanco has thrived batting third in the lineup, hitting .317 (20 of 63) with three home runs and 13 RBIs in 15 games. The Pirates spread their 17 hits among 11 batters.

Miller's recent recovery from a miserable start with the Diamondbacks took a step backward. Less than a year removed from an All-Star appearance with Atlanta, Miller's ERA ballooned to 7.09 after surrendering six runs in five innings (see full recap).

Strasburg strikes out 11 in Nationals' win
WASHINGTON -- Stephen Strasburg remained unbeaten with an 11-strikeout performance, and the Washington Nationals hit three of their season-high five home runs off struggling Matt Harvey in a 7-4 victory over the New York Mets on Tuesday night.

Strasburg (8-0) gave up two runs and four hits over 6 2/3 innings in defeating Harvey and the Mets for the second time in six days. Strasburg has five games this season with at least 10 strikeouts and 26 over his seven-year career.

Harvey (3-7) stumbled through a third straight ineffective start, allowing five runs and eight hits over five rocky innings. The right-hander has yielded 16 earned runs and 31 hits over his last three outings.

Ryan Zimmerman and Anthony Rendon hit successive solo shots to put Washington ahead in the fourth inning, and Daniel Murphy added a two-run drive off his former teammate in the fifth for a 5-1 lead (see full recap).