The Evster searches online for some dope retro Phillies stuff and finds a bonkers oil painting of Jim Eisenreich

The Evster searches online for some dope retro Phillies stuff and finds a bonkers oil painting of Jim Eisenreich

From the Department of No One Could Possibly Even Come Close to Caring About This: the last-place Phils take on the last-place Cubs in a three-game series this weekend at Citizens Bank Park. To spice things up a bit, the Phillies are holding their annual "Retro Weekend" in South Philly featuring a bunch of old-time flizzim flazzem to get people all jazzed up about baseball. There'll be a Jim Bunning tribute on Father's Day, Art Garfunkel aka Big Poppa Garf will sing the national anthem, and both teams will wear 1964 throwback uniforms while sucking.

So in honor of a weekend of total suck, I spent four hours sucking my own butt Thursday night while searching the internet for some dope retro Phillies stuff.

Here's what I found:

One of the greatest posters of that era, and probably the only legitimately cool thing you’ll find in this post. Obviously the flames are what makes the poster incredible, but Schmidtty and Lefty’s matching spikes & stirrups combo is also a nice touch. Shout out to the massive dent in Lefty’s hat too, and Schmidtty’s bulging forearms/full-right-leg-extenshe a la Kerri Strug.


Brought to you by Shop n Bag!

The star of the 5 Horses is clearly Big Ben Rivera who seems to have borrowed one of Corey Pavin’s sweater vests for the photo shoot. Terry Mulholland also looks verrrrrrryyyyyy comfortable in those ass-less leather chaps, while I’m pretty sure Danny Jackson is rockin' a mid- to full-throttle bone job.


This is not actually a poster, this is a painting -- an oil painting -- painted by an actual human painter who thought it'd be a good idea to paint Jim Eisenreich on a canvas using paint.

Let the record show that this painting sold for $696 according to Robert Edward Auctions. THAT'S SIX NINE SIX, PEOPLE, which to be honest is a total steal. The only knock on this exquisite piece of artwork is the fact that Eisy was painted with no visible nose hairs. Huge oversight by the artist as far as I'm concerned. Someone actually made this. Using paint. And a brush.


Your goddamn right he's The Pride of the Phillies.

Everything about this poster is spot on. From Sammy's trademark smile to the fact that he seems to have no idea what’s going on around him. I love this man so much. He seriously struck out ALL THE TIME.

/hit so many doubles!

For the record there are also Steve Bedrosian and Doug Glanville versions of this poster online because of course there are.




... and bong.


Hey there Charlie Hust!

Ole Double Donut Pete Rose is just puttin’ it all out there, huh? This poster was actually part of a Jockey shorts ad where a bunch of athletes were photographed without their unis on. Pete looks by far the happiest of the bunch. And such hairy forearms!


Jo Jo White looks the most serious...

... while Steve Carlton is easily the most tantric.


I like to think Kevin Mitchell hit into this textbook 6-4-3 double play and then threw down his batting helmet in disgust. Also, big time props to the artist who PERFECTLY captured Matt Williams's likeness sliding into second. His back/shoulder/pack of hot dogs neck is drawn just masterfully. Also loving Morandini's Pony cleats and yes that is one half of a John Chaney bobble head creepin’ into the bottom right corner of the photograph.


For a mere $89.99 this Phanatic Fathead can be yours. (THAT'S $606.01 LESS THAN THE OILY EISY.)

Also I never noticed this before, but I'm 89% certain the Phanatic has diabetes. Look how thick his ankles are! And is he wearing a beret?!?! WHO WANTS TO SHOOT SOME STICK?



I believe you're a dork, Tugger.

OMG I'M KIDDING I LOVE THE TUGGER. Technically not a poster, but I would still pay big bucks (maybe $7?) to have this dork hung up on my wall. But what's up with the last line of the ad? Why wouldn’t a Flyers fan like Phillies franks? Do Flyers fans not like other Philly sports teams/hot dogs? Wouldn’t this ad have made much more sense if it said, “Even if you’re a Mets fan”? Oh my God who cares let’s just go eat and some hot dogs and move on RIP Tugger and your perfectly broken-in belt.


Thighs like what, what, what. And I know, I know, this is technically a Lenny Dykstra Mets poster, but it's still fantastic. Another pair of Pony cleats, too.

All right, enough of these posters. We're all grown adults here. We don't need no stinkin' posters! How 'bout some gear/trinkets/flea market specials that no one could possibly ever have any use for?


My friend Larry had this shirt growing up and he became the first one of my friends to take a chick to the boneyard.

He was 27.


Some absolute lunatic is charging $21.95 on eBay for this "Authentic 1980's Philadelphia Phillies Hat Ball Cap Mesh Retro New RARE" head lice vessel. Pretty sure my mother has around 11 of these in her downstairs closet. Also pretty sure some Fishtown hipster will offer double for it.


Nothing Phillies related here, but these caricature wrist bands from the 80s were unstoppable. I remember first seeing them during that off-season MLB skills challenge -- the one hosted by Joe Gariogiola on NBC-- where there was a home run derby and the dudes got timed going around the bases and the San Diego Chicken ran around trying to pinch everyone's ass. It was so stupid/amazing and I'm pretty sure Eric Davis won every year. I just tried googling "80s MLB Skills Challenge" to see what I could dig up about it and came up with nothin'. I'm now realizing that I might have made the whole thing up in my perverted childhood mind. Whatever.

Speaking of Eric Davis...


Did anyone ELSE imitate his laissez faire batting stance while slappin' out dubbs at Blue Bell Day Camp?!



Not even sure what this Krukker thing is, but I just bid $9 on it and now I really feel like I should go back and DOUBLE IT.


Just your standard Manny Trillo Canada Dry ginger ale cans.


And Greg Luzinski.


And Jim Lonborg?




Thee entire 1975 Fly Guyz!

7 bucks by the by!


Robert Person Upper Deck rookie anybody?


This post is over.

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Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

Eagles-Vikings Week 7: What they're saying

Eagles-Vikings Week 7: What they're saying

Riding a two-game losing streak, the Eagles (3-2) return home Sunday for the first time in nearly a month and welcome a familiar face to the confines of Lincoln Financial Field. 

Sam Bradford and the Vikings (5-0) will come to Philadelphia fresh off a Week 6 bye and, most notably, as the league's lone unbeaten team. Minnesota boasts one of the league's top defenses, ranking first in points allowed (12.6 per game) and second in yards allowed (287.6 per game), and is looking to improve to 6-0 for the first time since 2009.

The last time these two franchises met was back in December 2013, when Matt Cassell and the Vikings put up 48 points in a win over Chip Kelly's Eagles.

To get a better handle on this year's Vikings, here's what they're saying about the Eagles' Week 7 opponent.

Brian Robison poses yet another challenge for Big V
Making his NFL debut in a start against the Redskins last week, Halapoulivaati Vaitai struggled mightily. Ryan Kerrigan beat Vaitai and got to Carson Wentz for 2½ sacks, all of which came in the first half.

It won't get any easier for the rookie right tackle this week either, as he'll likely be lined up against Brian Robison for most of the afternoon. Robison has four sacks and two forced fumbles on the season and, according to Andrew Krammer of the Star Tribune, the versatile 10-year defensive end could be difference maker on the defensive side of the ball Sunday.

"Whether his hand is in the turf at left end or he’s standing over a guard or center as the defensive tackle, Robison could be dropping back to cover a tight end or running back," Krammer wrote. "At the line, he’s given responsibilities to call stunts or twists depending on their own play call. Sometimes he’s setting the pick to free another teammate. ... And on Sunday against the Eagles and their rookie right tackle, keep an eye on Robison when he lines up at his traditional spot of left end. All four of his sacks this season, including two strip-sacks, have come from there."

Makeshift offensive line remains a question mark
The Vikings may be undefeated, but by no means are they made up of perfect parts. As the midway point of the NFL season approaches, Minnesota's injury-battered offensive line is still a work in progress. 

Starting tackles Matt Kalil and Andre Smith are both sidelined with season-ending injuries. Starting guard Brandon Fusco suffered a concussion Week 5 against the Texans, but is expected to return against the Eagles. Center is the only position on the line the Vikings haven't had to replace because of an injury at some point this season.

But despite the constant changes up front, Minnesota has been stout overall in protecting the quarterback, allowing eight sacks and 27 quarterback hits across five games. According to Brian Murphy of the Pioneer Press, the performance of that makeshift offensive line is going to be key in the Vikings' potential success down the road. 

"What’s best for Bradford and the Vikings’ standing as the NFC’s top dog is better pass protection," Murphy wrote. "He was sacked twice when Houston defenders turnstiled Clemmings and hit hard in the pocket other times. ... Offensive line intrigue never is a sexy storyline, but how well the Vikings manage the unit week to week figures to be an underlying factor to their continued success."

Strong away from home
The Vikings are a just a few years removed from going winless on the road, finishing 0-7-1 away from home in the 2013 season. Minnesota secured wins in only two of its first 10 away games under the tutelage of Mike Zimmer, but have since gone on a tear.

Minnesota has won seven of its last eight road games dating back to last season and, in their most recent game away from U.S. Bank Stadium, the Vikings took down the Panthers, 22-10, in Week 3. A testament of a true contender is having the ability to win consistently on the road, which holds true with the Vikings.

According to Chris Tomasson of the Pioneer Press, the Vikings' vast improvement over the past two-plus seasons has contributed to them becoming a stronger team away from home.

"Facing a tough opposing crowd once was a tall order for the Vikings, but it’s much less of one now. After being one of the worse road teams in the NFL earlier this decade, they’re now one of the best," Tomasson wrote. "Overall, the Vikings have improved, having gone from 7-9 in 2014 to 11-5 last season to 5-0 this year. That’s the main reason the road record has gotten so much better. Still, players say the continuity the team has had has especially helped when entering rugged road environments."

While Vegas has the Vikings as light favorites on the road, national experts have them heavily favored straight up to hand the Eagles their third straight loss.

ESPN: All nine experts picked the Vikings

CBS Sports: Seven of eight experts picked the Vikings

FOX Sports: Three of five experts picked the Vikings 

Flyers Skate Update: Ivan Provorov has a new partner

Flyers Skate Update: Ivan Provorov has a new partner

Ivan Provorov has a new partner.

Provorov will be paired with Brandon Manning on Saturday night against the Carolina Hurricanes, a changeup from the first four games of the season. Mark Streit drops to the third pair with Nick Schultz, a tandem that worked together most of last season.

"We're going to change them up," Flyers head coach Dave Hakstol said after the team's morning skate. "We're going to look at a couple of different things. Some of the combinations are some familiar ones, such as Streiter-Schultz. They played a lot of minutes together last year. It's a move that we want to take a look at."

The Provorov-Manning pair is an interesting one. It should allow the 19-year-old to activate more in the offensive zone with Manning playing positionally sound. Manning has played with an extra edge thus far, showcasing a far more aggressive brand of hockey than he's shown previously with the orange and black.

With Streit, an offensive-minded blueliner, Provorov had to cover for his partner. Provorov also ran into some tough luck situations, too. Now with Manning, Provorov has the handcuffs off a little bit. Manning plays well positionally and while he has been more aggressive, he knows when to stay back, which will help Provorov.

It's another adjustment for the rookie. Through four games, he said, there haven't been any surprises in terms of his expectations for how the NHL game plays.

"I think what I expected is what I got," Provorov said. "It's the best league in the world, you expect all four lines to be great, you expect fast pace, physical game and that's what I got. I'm still learning, but I'm trying to do better as the games go on."

Provorov has one assist this season and enters Saturday as a minus-5, largely because of the Chicago game Tuesday. Hakstol praised Provorov's maturity level and ability to self-evaluate. What he hasn't done with Provorov is talk about numbers.

"There are some meaning in stats and we take the meaningful areas and apply those," Hakstol said. "But I haven't talked to any of the young guys about their statistics. We're four games in. I don't make too much of statistics right now. We're evaluating day-to-day play and looking at areas that we can use as strengths and areas individually we can improve."

Starting slow
If there has been one common theme through the first four games, it's the Flyers' poor starts. In first periods this season, they've been outscored, 6-1 (see game notes).

On Thursday night, the Flyers again came out of the gates slow. It was their first game back after a season-opening road trip out West, which Jakub Voracek said was a factor.

Voracek, who has four assists, said the burden falls on the individual player to focus on the small details and avoid committing mistakes.

"As a player, if you don't have that extra step, you just have to keep it simple," he said. "It's going to come around. The first 10 minutes, you have to make sure you don't make mistakes and I think that we were trying to do too much if we weren't feeling right. It showed last game against Anaheim. We were a half-a-step slower."

Four games isn't a large enough sample size for Hakstol to make a definite statement on the Flyers' first-period woes. The second-year coach said he'll have a better understanding where his team is at after the Carolina game.

"I think we'll answer that question after the start tonight," Hakstol said. "I think we'll get a fair evaluation of our starts after our start tonight, and if we have a problem, we'll know it after tonight. If we don't, we'll know that as well.

"Pretty clear, crystal clear, black and white in my mind. Tonight should tell else what type of team we are at the start of the hockey game."

Projected Flyers Lineup
F: Brayden Schenn-Claude Giroux-Wayne Simmonds

Travis Konecny-Sean Couturier-Jakub Voracek

Nick Cousins-Pierre-Edouard Bellemare-Matt Read

Chris VandeVelde-Boyd Gordon-Roman Lyubimov

D: Andrew MacDonald-Shayne Gostisbehere

Ivan Provorov-Brandon Manning

Nick Schultz-Mark Streit

G: Steve Mason