Who Said It: Sarge Matthews or a Child in the AT&T Commercials?

Who Said It: Sarge Matthews or a Child in the AT&T Commercials?

Congratulations, everyone!  We survived the Sisyphusian hellscape that was the 2013 Phillies season.  It hasn’t been pretty. But we had some fun, didn’t we? I said some.  If you were like many fans this season, you attended fewer games at Citizens Bank Park, so you probably found yourself watching more of the broadcasts.  This has brought you countless visits with kindergarten kids discussing the issues in AT&T commercials.  Whether fantasizing about an island made of candy, or failing to grasp the concept of puns, these kids deliver a unique kind of humor that comes from such a mixture of youth, lack of filter, and imagination you’d find in children.  Or, you know, Gary Matthews in the middle of a game.  Amazingly, if you mix a bunch of their quotes with quotes from Sarge, it’s actually quite a challenge to figure out where each line originated…

1.  If you have fast feet, everything...ends up being fast!

2.  When you're slower, you won't have to get in the street as fast and get ran over.

3.  A big fancy stadium, because you can fit more fans in there!

4.  They're all over the ballpark these days, hats.

5.  If stuff is not less, there’s more stuff.

6.  Right now, with all of the computers, you need two guys.

7.  If you put those suits on and lean your head too far out, you can tip over.

8.  And then you’ll have to stay in and then you’ll have to get shaved because you’ll be too hot.

9.  It was just the loneliest time of ever.

10. A lady buying small shoes and having bigger feet--it's gonna be really tight.

11.  If it’s big enough, you can have a disco.

12. Well you guys have all kinds of tricks up here to get your information. Here I gotta go off the top of my head, you're getting textses... text messages from different people.

13. I would give them castses if they’re hurt, colorful castses with stickers on them.

14.  They're gonna welcome them, with arms!

15. From what I hear, we've been having problems pitching and hitting on the same day. And tonight we went out and did that.

ANSWERS

Sarge:   1, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 12, 14, 15 (okay, that last one was pretty obvious, but I had to include that gem)

AT&T Commercial:   2, 3, 5, 8, 11, 13

TicketIQ: Penn State to face USC in most expensive Rose Bowl this decade

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TicketIQ: Penn State to face USC in most expensive Rose Bowl this decade

Editor's Note: The following is sponsored content written by TicketIQ.

Penn State is headed to the Rose Bowl Game, and it will cost a pretty penny to be on hand in Pasadena on January 2.

With a statement win over Wisconsin in the Big Ten Championship Game Penn State clinched their first Rose Bowl berth since 2009. The No. 5 school in the nation will face No. 9 USC in a rematch from seven years ago. Such a long absence for both schools in the bowl game is driving resale ticket prices to new heights, so much so that the Rose Bowl Game will be the most expensive bowl game this season – including the two Semifinal games.

On TicketIQ, an event ticket search engine that pools tickets and data from over 90 percent of the secondary market, the average resale price for Rose Bowl Game tickets is now $804. Not only does that make it the most expensive Rose Bowl since at least 2010, but also the priciest bowl game of the last seven seasons. If looking just to get in on January 2 the cheapest tickets are now priced from $346 each.

The showdown between Penn State and USC is so expensive that it will be more than twice the average price of both Semifinal games. As it stands now the resale average for Peach Bowl tickets between Alabama and Washington at Georgia Dome is $389 with a get-in price of $185. Clemson and Ohio State will clash in the Fiesta Bowl to the tune of a $241 average and $71 get-in price.

Prices are so high for this year’s game in Pasadena that they rival the 2015 National Championship Game. The first-ever Championship Game under the new College Football Playoff system, that year’s game between Ohio State and Oregon averaged a $858 ticket and $317 get-in price.

While Penn State fans, students and alumni raced to snag tickets during the general on sale, prices were quick to skyrocket on the secondary market following the school’s invitation to the Rose Bowl Game. On Saturday afternoon, several hours before the Big Ten Championship kickoff, Rose Bowl tickets were averaging under $600, marking a nearly 40 percent increase since that time. The cheapest resale ticket price has jumped more than $100 since Saturday, climbing from its $245 price tag since.