The Evster Catches You Up on the NBA Finals

The Evster Catches You Up on the NBA Finals

Look, I like Carlos Zambrano. I think he's a very interesting fella and I thoroughly enjoyed watching him pummel those Gatorade coolers. I also like Zac MacMath. When I went to see the Union play Real Madrid last summer, I walked into the Linc right behind his entire family who were all wearing MacMath jerseys. Nice folks. Cute family. Mediocre goalie, but still. Also the name MacMath is fun to say. MacMath. MacMath. So I get it, I really do. This is a Philadelphia sports website and the 700 Level followers want to read about Philadelphia sports, and that's fine, Jonathan Papps blew another save, we should talk about it. He stinks, there I talked about it, BUT THERE IS AN AMAZING NBA FINALS GOING ON RIGHT NOW WITH A GAME 7 ON TAP TONIGHT, and I'm pretty sure, after doing extensive research, that there has not been one stinking post about the Finals on this website! And correct me if I'm wrong, but this is all coming at a time when EVERY PHILADELPHIA TEAM SUCKS BUTT.

So seeing as tonight is Game 7, and I'm the only person in this city who apparently realizes that MICHAEL YOUNG DOESNT MATTER, let's recap what's been going on in THA FINALZ!!!

Game 1: Tha Shot

Forget about the fact that Tony Parker FELL DOWN just seconds before the shot, then pulled a Curly Neal routine, twisted and turned and ducked under LEBRONNY-BRON of all people before hitting the game winner, there has never, ever, ever been a shot in NBA history that was so close to being a shot clock violation, yet so clearly was not. Each time they showed that Tony Parker replay it seemed to hit home just how incredibly close it was, and how lucky Tony is to have such iddy biddy little French fingers. Parker was so unbelievable in Game 1 (21pts, 6assts 0turns), that you almost (keyword: almost) forgot about the fact that he totally had sex with his best friend's wife. Ugh, what a dick. Really cute guy, sexy accent, but still a dick.

Other things we should've blogged about: LeBronski had a triple dubb (but was held under 20pts), Danny Green wapped four 3s, Birdman outscored Matt Bonner 7 to 0, T-Mac DNP.

Final Verdict: The Heat were tired, Kawhi Leonard is better than everyone on the Sixers, and there's no way I can root for a dude who boned his best friend's wife.

Game 2: Tha Block

Honestly shocked that Tiago Splitter has continued to suit up and attempt to play basketball since his dunk attempt was rejected by the Lebrontasaurus Burger. I really felt like after that play, Splitter should've just ran off the court and out of the arena, never to be heard from again. Kinda like how Shawn Bradley has fallen off the face of the earth since retiring. That's probably the only smart thing Shawn Bradley has ever done in his whole stupid life. God I hate that man. He's probably a really, really nice person.

Other things we should've blogged about: Just the five more 3s from Danny Green, Birdman outscored Bonner  9 to 5, TMac played 8 minutes and only attempted 1 shot. Read that again. Tracy McGrady. Eight minutes of playing time. One shot.

Final Verdict: The Heat got this in 5, Tiago Splitter probably has enough money saved up for retirement, it's absolutely mind-boggling that NBATV makes Brent Barry analyze games involving a guy who slept with his wife.

Game 3: Tha Bomb Squad

Before Game 3, I had never really understood the fascination with the 3-ball. Don't get me wrong, I liked Dale Ellis, thought Hersey Hawkins was a serviceable 10th man for the 1996 Hornets, but have always preferred a hard-nosed guy to lower his shoulder, knock people out the way and get to the rack. I also think Rumeal Robinson was the best point guard ever and my fantasy basketball team has finished in last place three consecutive years. But after watching Danny Green and Gary Neal go ABSOLUTELY BONKERS in game 3 (hitting 13 combined triples), I now get it, I totally totally totally get it. Watching them rain threes was mesmerizing, but not nearly as mesmerizing as Spike Albrecht's performance in this year's NCAA Final. I don't understand why we're still not talking about that. Did you see that little guy? So nifty! Also, how 'bout the fact that Miguel Cabrera won the Triple Crown last year?!?!? Do you realize how amazing that was?!?! I'd been waiting my whole life for that! Carl Yastrzemski can suck a butt!

Other things we should've blogged about: Lebron was held to 15pts on 7-21 shooting because Kawhi Leonard is AWESOME, Birdman and Bonner both scored 2pts, TMac had 3assts and 0turns in 7mins of action, Spike Albrecht tweeted about a thunderstorm in Michigan -- with emoticons!

Final Verdict: The Heat might be in trouble, I shoulda practiced my jumper more, I'm totally writing 30,000 words about Spike Albrecht's Twitter account next week.

Game 4: Tha Return of D-Wade

There are times when Dwayne Wade plays basketball like my 7-yr-old nephew. Dribble dribble dribble, tries to look cool, loses dribble off his foot, gathers dribble, rubs hand on his shorts as if they're sweaty and that's why he lost his dribble, hesitation move, double hesitation move, drives baseline, jumps in the air, looks around for someone to pass to, anyone, has no idea what he's doing, throws the ball wildly back toward three point line, turnover, jogs back on D as if that's a totally normal thing to do, complains to someone, wears stupid pants ... and there are other times when Dwayne Wade absolutely dominates. That was Game 4, where he (32pts), Bronkey (33) and Boshy (20) combined for 85 big ones. I don't know how the Heat ever lose a game.

Other things we should've blogged about: Three more 3s from Danny Green, Chris Bosh introduced himself to the paint ("Hi Paint, I'm Chris." "Hi Chris, I'm the Paint, I can talk,", Spo gave Mike Miller the start, Birdman DNP, TMac DNP, Bonner 4pts on 2 for 2 shooting.

The Final Verdict: Heat in 6, Mike Miller is the weirdest looking person ever, GET BONNER MORE PLAYING TIME.

Game 5: Tha Bald Spot

Pop inserts Manu into the starting lineup and Ginobili goes bonks. Driving to the hoop, jumping off the wrong foot, right hand, left hand, floaters, lookin' like a young Spike Albrecht. Oh, and just the six 3s for Danny Green.

Other things we should've blogged about: Mario Chalmers clearly has no idea who's on his team as he continues to jack up shots (2-10FG), another DNP for Birdman AND TMac, while Bonner gets one minute of action AND A STEAL. Obvs!

The Final Verdict: Heat gotta win two straight at home (THERE'S NO WAY), Manu signs on with CBS for a new sitcom called "Everybody Loves Manu", Brent Barry on suicide watch.

Game 6: Tha Greatest Game Everrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Ridic comeback by the Heat (down 5 with :20 left), but how 'bout being down 11 with 7 minutes left? And with Wade on the bench, Bronislav went into beast mode, revving up the energy on D, forcing turnovers, going to the rack SANS HEADBAND, and all of the sudden the Heat were back in this ... BUT THEN TONY PARKER TOOK OVER ... and the Heat were done ... but then Ray Allen got free! ... but he didn't  really get free, he just kinda got free! ... and then overtime! ... and the return of Birdman! ... and how about Mike Miller with one-shoe? ... I can't believe how much I love three-pointers! ... They give you an extra point! ... Aghghghhh, Game 7!!!

Other things we should've blogged about: Duncan goes for 30 and 17 (but only 5pts in the second half!), Manu being Manu completely out of control, Dwayne Wade might stink, Danny Green with only one 3??? Bonner's beard is getting long!

The Final Verdict: How can you ever leave Ray Allen?!?!?!?!?

Game 7: ????

Absolutely no idea what's gonna happen tonight. It always seems like when the Heat play D, they're in it, if they try to act cool, the Spurs wap threes in their face. Honestly after his Game 6 performance, I think Dwayne Wade absolutely stinks and should just get out of Lebron's way. I obviously don't really think that, but I sorta think that. All in all, this has been an incredible Finals even though we've only had two close games. Frankly I want to root for the Spurs, but the guy slept with his teammate's wife for cryin' out loud. How can you do that? Not even Carlos Zambrano would do that!

Zac MacMath on the other hand???

Gingers are VERY in these days.

Follow the Evster on Twitter @TVMWW

MLB Notes: Aroldis Chapman rejoins Yankees on 5-year, $86 million deal

MLB Notes: Aroldis Chapman rejoins Yankees on 5-year, $86 million deal

OXON HILL, Md. -- Aroldis Chapman found a spot in a most familiar bullpen -- a very rich spot, too.

The hard-throwing closer reached agreement to return to the New York Yankees on Wednesday night with the highest-priced contract ever for a relief pitcher, an $86 million deal for five years.

A person familiar with the negotiations told The Associated Press that the contract was pending a physical. The person spoke on condition of anonymity because the deal was not yet complete.

Once it's done, the 28-year-old lefty whose fastballs routinely top 100 mph would shatter the previous richest contract for a reliever -- that was the $62 million, four-year deal Mark Melancon signed with San Francisco just a couple days ago during the winter meetings.

Chapman was acquired by New York from the Cincinnati Reds last offseason, then missed the first 29 games of the season due to a domestic violence suspension from Major League Baseball. The Cuban was traded to the Chicago Cubs in late July and helped them win the World Series, becoming a free agent when it was over.

Chapman went 4-1 with 36 saves and a 1.55 ERA in a combined 59 games for the Yankees and Cubs. He struggled some in the postseason as the Cubs beat Cleveland for their first championship since 1908.

With the Yankees this season, Chapman teamed with Andrew Miller and Dellin Betances in one of the most dominant bullpens in baseball history. Miller was later traded to Cleveland, but Betances is still with New York.

Earlier this week, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said the team was interested in both Chapman and fellow free agent closer Kenley Jansen. The Yankees had already made one deal at these meetings, signing slugger Matt Holliday, before paying a lot more to bring Chapman back to the Bronx.

Fox Sports first reported the agreement.

Rangers: Gomez reaches deal to stay with team
OXON HILL, Md. -- Carlos Gomez is staying with the Texas Rangers.

The outfielder agreed to an $11.5 million, one-year contract, a deal subject to a successful physical.

"Many of the objectives of the Rangers for Carlos go beyond one year," his agent, Scott Boras, said Wednesday. "Certainly Carlos really enjoyed the team and the environment and feels he's got a great chance to win. So I think both parties' objectives were met by that deal."

Gomez, who turned 31 last weekend, figures to play center as general manager Jon Daniels structured an outfield that includes Shin-Soo Choo in right and Nomar Mazara in left. Ian Desmond left Wednesday for a $70 million, five-year deal with Colorado.

Gomez batted just .210 with five homers in 85 games this year for Houston and was released by the Astros in August. He signed with Texas and hit .284 with eight homers and 24 RBIs in 33 games. An All-Star in 2013 and '14 with Milwaukee, Gomez has a .257 average and 116 home runs in 10 big league seasons.

"J.D. was very clear from the onset about them wanting Carlos back, and we've had communication since the season's end to pursue that," Boras said. "So it was something in our minds and in their minds. It was just a constant dialogue."

AP Sports Writer Howard Fendrich contributed to this report.

Red Sox: Sale not worried about being ace
BOSTON -- New Red Sox pitcher Chris Sale says he isn't worried that he might not be the ace of the pitching staff after being traded from the White Sox to Boston.

The 27-year-old lefty told reporters on Wednesday, "We play for a trophy, not a tag."

Sale was traded to the Red Sox on Tuesday at the baseball winter meetings. He was the top starting pitcher on the market, and the Red Sox gave up touted prospect Yoan Moncada as part of a package to land him.

Sale has been an All-Star for five straight seasons and finished in the top six of the Cy Young Award voting each time. He joins a staff that already includes 2016 Cy Young winner Rick Porcello and '12 winner David Price (see full story).

Best of NBA: Cavs ride Big 3 to huge win over Knicks at MSG

Best of NBA: Cavs ride Big 3 to huge win over Knicks at MSG

NEW YORK -- LeBron James scored 25 points, Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love also surpassed 20, and the Cleveland Cavaliers crushed the New York Knicks 126-94 on Wednesday night.

James had nothing to say Wednesday morning about Knicks President Phil Jackson and not much more about his decision to not stay with the team in a Donald Trump-branded hotel, but he and the Cavs made a loud statement at Madison Square Garden.

It was their second straight win after a three-game skid, and they did it easily in handing the Knicks their worst loss of the season. Irving led Cleveland with 28 points and Love scored 21, 16 in the first quarter.

Brandon Jennings scored 16 points for the Knicks, who had their four-game winning streak snapped and lost for the just the third time in 10 games. He started for Derrick Rose, who missed his first game of the season with lower back pain.

Tristan Thompson grabbed 20 rebounds for the Cavs. They played without guard J.R. Smith, who returned to Cleveland for additional testing after hyperextending his left knee Monday in Toronto (see full recap).

Antetokounmpo drops triple-double in Bucks’ win
MILWAUKEE -- Giannis Antetokounmpo got his second triple-double of the season to lead the Milwaukee Bucks over the Portland Trail Blazers 115-107 on Wednesday night.

Antetokounmpo had 15 points, 12 rebounds and 11 assists for his seventh career triple-double -- second-most in franchise history -- and is the only NBA player averaging at least 20 points, eight rebounds, five assists, two blocks and two steals this season.

Jabari Parker added 27 points for Milwaukee, which rebounded from a one-point home loss to San Antonio on Monday to win for the fifth time in six games.

The Bucks entered holding opponents to a NBA-best .311 shooting percentage from 3-point range, but Portland drill a season-high 17 of them.

Damian Lillard made five of them and scored a team-high 30 points to go with seven rebounds and six assists.

C.J. McCollum added 23 points, including four 3-pointers, as the Blazers continued a nine-game stretch of playing eight times on the road (see full recap).

Streaking Rockets roll over Lakers
HOUSTON -- Eric Gordon made a career-high eight 3-points and scored 26 points to help the Houston Rockets cruise to a 134-95 victory over the Los Angeles Lakers on Wednesday night.

James Harden added 25 points in three quarters for the Rockets. They scored a season high and extended their winning streak to a season-best four games.

The Rockets were up by 12 in the third quarter, then had a 22-6 run to make it 96-68 and put the game out of reach with about 3 minutes left in the quarter. Houston made four 3-pointers and got a nifty one-handed dunk from Clint Capela in that run to pad the lead.

Gordon already had four 3-pointers seven minutes into the first quarter after making each of his first four attempts. It was his seventh straight game with at least four 3-pointers, which is a franchise record.

Houston's winning streak is its longest since taking five straight in January.

Lou Williams led the Lakers with 24 points. They have lost four in a row, their longest skid of the season (see full recap).