The Evster finds the best Sixers posters EVER

The Evster finds the best Sixers posters EVER

Here's a sneak peek into how things work at The 700 Levvy: Every Thursday afternoon, I email Enrico telling him I have NO IDEA what I'm gonna write about for this week's post and every week he responds by saying "ummmm" and "durrrrrrr" and "I don't know what you should write about either." Then, after some lousy ideas are tossed back and forth, he gives up and just tells me to do whatever I want because "life is meaningless and who cares." Then I write some garbage, click "publish" and get paid ACTUAL AMERICAN CURRENCY by Comcast.

This Thursday was no different. I had nothin. So I looked out my office window, searching for some sort of inspirashe, and realized this week's post was staring me right in the face.

And then I thought, "Ehh, whatever, enough has been written about D-Jax this week. What if I just searched the internet for some really cool posters?"

BOOM BABY.

So here we are!

I scoured the internet, uncovered some gems, and am ready to take you on a trip down memory lane. Unfortunately, I found WAY TOO MANY posters for just one post. So Ron Hextall and Reggie White and MICKEY MORANDINI will have to wait. This week, in honor of the shittiest basketball team to ever walk the planet, I'm highlighting Sixers posters ONLY. If this post is well received (meaning if Enrico doesn't get fired), I'll do another jawn later in the year featuring Phillies, Eagles and Flurbers posters.

But for now, just scroll down and enjoy the best five minutes of your stupid, meaningless week.

Obviously everything about this poster is amazing. From the shards of glass under Darryl's sneaks to his high waisted shorts -- which are currently back in style! -- this poster is incredible. I mean, Darryl's shorts are basically covering his ENTIRE belly button (which is surprisingly VERY smooth). In fact, all of Darryl is smooth. He's like the smoothest, chocolateiest man. No wonder his nickname was Chocolate Smooth Man.

Also notice that Darryl's left sock is slightly rolled down at the top (a very popular style among soccer players circa 1989) and you can totally see his dork pressed against the front of his shorts (which I find to be a nice touch).

Probably the best poster ever.

I mean, let's be honest here, this is probably the BEST. POSTER. EVER. Can you imagine the photographer sitting down with big Mo before this photo shoot?

"Uh, yeah, Moses, so we were thinking of having you stand in the middle of the Red Sea, like you had just parted it, but instead of goats and Israelites and lepers behind you, we'll just have a bunch of basketballs. Like, sticking out of the sand. And seashells. And starfish. Maybe like, two starfish."

"I wear red shorts."

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. You can wear your red shorts."

"Red shirt, too."

"Perfect. Perfect, Moses. That'll be just perfs. How 'bout a robe? Would you wear a robe?"

Moses walks away while eating an entire baked potato.

Just your standard Nike poster with Moses and Charles wearing trash bags as shirts. No big deal. Just Hefty Glad Bags, cut up, and draped over two of the best rebounders in NBA history. How does this fit in with Nike's Air Force brand? And is Chuck also wearing a mock trash bag turtleneck? Either way, no two men have ever looked scarier. I would not challenge these guys to a take-out-the-trash contest let alone a game of 2-on-2. Actually, are those ponchos? I think they might be ponchos. That makes a little more sense, what with the mist and all, and the ponchos make these guys a bit more approachable. BUT WHY IS IT SO MISTY? This poster should be called MIST FORCE.

Here's an amazing non-misty Moses Malone Nike commercial from back in the day (with French subtitles).

Here's more Moses, together with (left to right) Michael Cooper (amazzzzzziiiinnnggggg hat by the way), Moses (all business), Calvin Natt (sorry, who?), Jamaal Wilkes (aka Mississippi Slim), BOBBY JONES (represent, represent-zent!) and Mychal Thompson (born in the Bahamas!) as part of Nike's original Air Force 1 campaign back in 1982.

A few years ago, for Air Force 1's 25-year anniversary, Nike actually re-released this poster and started selling DOLLS of all six of these Air Force 1 dudes ($150 for the set).

Just dolls with little hats and jumpsuits and basketballs.

Not that cute.

Not that incredible.

Just the $150.

Here's Mo Mo:

YO TRY TO STEP TO THAT MOSES DOLL AND SEE WHAT HAPPS.

The nameplate on his little jacket says "Malone."

This is an unbelievable world we live in.

THIS GUY WILL TAKE CHARGES ALL NIGHT LONG.

His belt is tied so tight, too!

Accentuate those curves, right Bobby?!

I know that Wes Anderson sights people like Orson Welles and François Truffaut as his influences, but I kinda feel like he had this Bobby Jones poster hanging up in his room growing up. Look at the attention to detail here: the Nike carpet, the Nike flag, the little basketballs on top of the flag posts, the globe on his desk that's actually a basketball, THE THREE PIECE SUIT.

So Wes Anderson!

It's disappointing that this Charles poster is not as dope as the other Costacos posters from its era, but it's still nice in its simplicity. It's also incredible to see how fit Charles was back then. I mean, he's not skinny, but he's kinda skinny. Those shorts honestly look so comfortable. Here's the best Charles Barkley video ever made.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/oJuINS6WZyA width=620 height=465]

"Nights of Thunder" is so stupid, but also so amazing. Tom Cruise is honestly such a dork. Those Nike Flights that Chuck wore during the 1990 playoffs though were maybe my favorite sneaks ever.

I have so many questions about this poster.

1. Like, what is Charles Oakley doing in the background? Who is he guarding? And why isn't he playing any help D? I think he's just leaking out for a fast break THAT JUST AIN'T GONNA HAPPS, Oak! Thump and Bizzump!

2. Did Rick Mahorn really need that elbow pad? I mean, what did that thing do? And why was it made of leather?

3. Patrick Ewing's knee pads (with those weird leather thingies underneath) were always so ridiculous and sad. He was such a beast back at Georgetown, but those knee pads, ugh. Look how much cooler Rick Mahorn's bare knees look that Pat's volleyball jawns.

I realize #3 wasn't even a question, but #2 had like nine questions in one question. So...

Stackhouse ALSO rocking the weird, leather knee sleeve! Was orthopedic medicine really that lame 20 years ago? How does that help your performance? I imagine it made your knees so sweaty.

These Sixers unis remain my all-time faves.

Also, and this could be the most fascinating thing in this entire post, I'm 95% sure that #24 on the Raptors is former Fab Fiver, Jimmy King.

Congratulations. You have made it down to BY FAR the dopest part of the this post... the Dr. J section. While I was doing research for this post (i.e. googling stuff and googling stuff and googling stuff), I got sidetracked for around three hours just checking out old pics, posters and girlfriends of Doc. This Converse ad above is only the appetizer. The rest is a goddamn Doctor J gold mine.

What is this even an ad for? Spalding basketballs? The brand in general? What else does Spalding even make? Soup? Spaulding get your foot off the boat!

Also, check out the dude in the bottom righthand corner. What is he trying to do? Is he trying to block Doc's shot? Did he even jump? Spaulding! Get dressed you're playing golf.

No I'm not, Grampa. I'm playing tennis.

My favorite part is the ref if the background T'ing Doc up.

WHATEVER, REF!

YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING AND LIKE IT.

So silky.

Do they even make socks like that anymore?

Also, check out that dude up in the front row of the second level going absolutely bonkers.

TUCKED IN SHIRT!

This is not a poster, but photoshop a Converse logo in the corner and boom, hang it in your living room. For real though, I've never seen anyone but Doc just grip the ball behind his head like that and RAM. And how 'bout that Brazilian soccer-player-looking-dude standing at half court? Is he wearing jean shorts? With a belt? And business socks?

You can just imagine the explosion of "Ohhhhhhs!!!" that came from the crowd after Doc brought the house down here. For the record, when I was around 25 years old, I had sex with a 36-year-old lady and my roommates told me we "brought the house down." To this day it remains the greatest compliment I've ever received. Pretty sure the guy behind Doc here has his shoelaces tied together.

This picture is so freaking awesome I can't handle it.

Let's take a break and watch an old Doc Converse commersh to calm us all down.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/tAoDIJAhC64 width=620 height=465]

Again, not a poster, but too unbelievable to leave out of this post.

Okay, first of all, it's every woman's dream to have double ovens in her kitchen, and Turquoise has GOT THAT. But let's forget about the all yellow everything for a sec, and the perfectly organized flour and sugar canisters, and the WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING? and let's talk about Turquoise's outfit. Converse sneaks and baby blue tennis socks with the little balls on the heels?!?!!

Adorbs!

And yet, sadly, like most couples, they just couldn't stand the test of time.

Doc's still got it, tho!

He's still got it.

I see you, Doc!

Speaking of "still got it," $99.99 will get you this exclusive Elena Delle Donne Fathead.

Interesting scarf collection this little girl has on her bedpost by the way. Or boy! Could be a boy!

Delle Donne also rocking the modern day knee-pad Leggersons that every person over the age of 28 thinks are absolutely ridiculous.

What is Dikembe doing here? I know Paul Westhead was an offensive-minded coach, and gave his players the freedom to operate, but he couldn't be happy that Deke was putting the ball on the floor here. Guarantee this play ended up as either a travel or a running jump hook that clanged off the backboard. Dope that this little kid is into chess, though. That is a chess board in the foreground, right? omg it's not even a real room, Ev! Who cares?!

WHAT IS THIS POSTER AND HOW DO I ACQUIRE IT?

RIP MOE CHEEKS.

How sweet is that bunk bed action?

GUARANTEE THIS KID BRINGS THE HOUSE DOWN FROM TIME TO TIME.

"Toney."

WHATEVER COACH COLLINS.

What you know about bringin da house down?!

Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

 

NBA draft profile: Providence PG Kris Dunn

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NBA draft profile: Providence PG Kris Dunn

Kris Dunn

Position: Point guard

Height: 6-4

Weight: 205

School: Providence

Point guards are coveted on NBA rosters, and a team could land a long-term solution with Dunn. Last season, he averaged 16.4 points, 5.3 rebounds, 6.2 assists and 2.5 steals in 33.0 minutes per game. The Sixers met with Dunn at the draft combine and plan to work him out as well. In order for the Sixers, who hold the first, 24th and 26th picks, to acquire Dunn, they would have to make a trade to move up in the selection order. 

Strengths
Dunn brings a physical presence to the one spot. At 6-foot-4, he has a 6-9 wingspan and can create size mismatches at the point guard position. Dunn is athletic with strong leaping abilities, which allows him to move well without the ball to the basket and attack the rim as well. While Dunn can score (16.4 points per game), he also averaged 2.5 steals per game this season.

Beyond the numbers, he has immeasurable mental strength and focus after overcoming obstacles to reach the highest level of basketball.

“You’re going to get someone who works hard every day,” Dunn said at the combine. “I like to say I’m a blue collar worker. Nothing was ever given to me and I go after it with everything I have.”

Weaknesses
As an NBA point guard, Dunn has to be disciplined running the floor. At times in college he went for the highlight play over fundamentals, resulting in turnovers (3.5 per game). He will have to improve shot selection in the pros. Dunn took 21 more field goal attempts from his junior to senior season but actually made one less year to year. He also shot 69.5 percent at the line. 

How he'd fit with the Sixers
The Sixers had a revolving door at the point guard position this season. They didn’t have a consistent starter until late December when they traded to re-acquire Ish Smith, who is a free agent this summer. Dunn could be their point guard for the future. 

NBA comparison
Dunn has been compared to Wizards All-Star point guard John Wall. At the combine, Dunn said he liked that comparison because of Wall’s defensive skillset.

Draft projection
Dunn is projected to be drafted as high as in the top five. He could be selected lower, though, given teams close to the top already have point guards.

MLB Notes: Sore left foot sidelines Red Sox's David Ortiz against Blue Jays

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MLB Notes: Sore left foot sidelines Red Sox's David Ortiz against Blue Jays

TORONTO -- Red Sox designated hitter David Ortiz has been scratched from the lineup for Sunday's series finale against the Blue Jays with a sore left foot.

He is day to day.

Ortiz, who leads the major leagues with 46 RBIs, 23 doubles, and 121 total bases, was hit on the foot by a pitch in the fifth inning of Saturday's 10-9 loss. Ortiz struck out on the play.

Hanley Ramirez moved from first base to DH, Travis Shaw moved from third to first and Josh Rutledge replaced Shaw at third.

Ortiz is batting .339 with 13 home runs. He has announced his intention to retire at the end of the season.

Yankees: Beltran misses Rays game with shoulder tightness
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. -- New York Yankees right fielder Carlos Beltran is out of the starting lineup Sunday against the Tampa Bay Rays because of right shoulder tightness but says he is available off the bench.

Beltran was hurt Saturday on a checked swing.

He said Sunday: "A little sore, but I'm good. I saw the doctor yesterday and he said that it should go away in a couple days, so I'm not worried."

Yankees first baseman Mark Teixeira didn't start for the fifth consecutive game because of neck stiffness but said he "felt pretty good" after resuming batting practice and taking grounders.

Teixeira had a cortisone shot Thursday. He said that made a "night and day difference."

Yankees manager Joe Girardi is hopeful that Teixeira can start Monday night's game at Toronto.

Royals: C Salvador Perez out 7-10 days
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Kansas City Royals catcher Salvador Perez is expected to be out 7 to 10 days with a bruised left thigh after colliding with rookie third baseman Cheslor Cuthbert while catching a foul pop up in the ninth inning Saturday.

Perez had a MRI on Saturday night, which confirmed the injury was a contusion with no structural damage.

"Hopefully it's not going to require a trip to the DL," Royals manager Ned Yost said Sunday. "We're hoping he'll be back in 7 to 10 days. It could be earlier or later. We'll just have to wait and see and just manage it day to day.

"Great news, you don't want to have to put him on the DL and he's ready to play in eight days and has to sit there for another week."

The Royals recalled catcher Tony Cruz from Triple-A Omaha, where he was hitting .278 with three home runs and 20 RBIs in 31 games. Cruz has a .220 average in 229 games with St. Louis the past five years (see full story).

©2016 by STATS LLC and Associated Press. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of STATS LLC and Associated Press is strictly prohibited.

Pelicans' Bryce Dejean-Jones killed after going to wrong apartment

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The Associated Press

Pelicans' Bryce Dejean-Jones killed after going to wrong apartment

DALLAS -- New Orleans Pelicans guard Bryce Dejean-Jones was fatally shot on his daughter's first birthday after he mistakenly went to the wrong apartment in Dallas, a death that rattled the NBA over Memorial Day weekend.

"We are devastated at the loss of this young man's life," the Pelicans said Saturday in a statement.

Dallas police said Sunday they would not have more information about the shooting until after the holiday and did not answer The Associated Press' question regarding whether the man who shot the 23-year-old Dejean-Jones would face charges. It is legal in Texas for someone to use deadly force to protect themselves from intruders.

Dejean-Jones was visiting his girlfriend for his daughter's first birthday and had gone for a walk early Saturday, according to his agent, Scott W. Nichols. His girlfriend lives on the fourth floor, and Dejean-Jones, who was visiting the complex for the first time, went to the third.

A man living at the apartment was sleeping when he heard his front door kicked open, police Senior Cpl. DeMarquis Black said Saturday in a statement. When Dejean-Jones began kicking at the bedroom door, the man retrieved a handgun and fired. Dejean-Jones collapsed in an outdoor passageway, and he died at a hospital.

Dejean-Jones's father told KCAL-TV that his son was "tenacious."

"He has had so many things that have happened to him along his path," K.C. Jones told the station. "He made up his mind that he wanted to do what he was doing -- play pro ball. And whatever it took, he was going to get there. He was going to do it."

In Dejean-Jones' only NBA season, which ended in February because of a broken right wrist, the 6-foot-6 guard started 11 of 14 games and averaged 5.6 points and 3.4 rebounds.

Nichols said Dejean-Jones had nearly completed his rehab and was set to begin shooting with his right hand again next week.

"It's shocking this happened," Nichols said. "Wrong place, wrong time, I think."

NBA Commissioner Adam Silver called it a "tragic loss" and said Dejean-Jones "had a bright future in our league."

Dejean-Jones was signed by the Pelicans last summer after not being selected in the 2015 draft.

"I just lost my best friend/cousin last night enjoy life because you never know if tomorrow is guaranteed," Shabazz Muhammad of the Minnesota Timberwolves wrote on Twitter.

Dejean-Jones was part of the 2014-15 Iowa State team that went 25-9, captured a Big 12 title and made a fourth consecutive trip to the NCAA Tournament. He also played at Southern California and UNLV; he was suspended late in the 2013-14 season from UNLV for conduct detrimental to the team, and announced that he was leaving USC midway through the 2010-11 season.

Former Cyclones coach Fred Hoiberg, now the coach of the NBA's Chicago Bulls, added in a statement that Dejean-Jones was a "passionate and talented player that lived out his dream of playing in the NBA through hard work and perseverance."

Julie Keel, a spokeswoman for Camden Property Trust, the real estate company that owns the apartment complex in Dallas, confirmed that the complex's apartment manager had sent out an email to residents saying that the person who had been shot had been trying to break into "the apartment of an estranged acquaintance" and that this person had "inadvertently" broken into the wrong apartment.

Black said he could not confirm that Dejean-Jones was trying to access an acquaintance's apartment.

©2016 by STATS LLC and Associated Press. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of STATS LLC and Associated Press is strictly prohibited.