The Evster finds the best Sixers posters EVER

The Evster finds the best Sixers posters EVER

Here's a sneak peek into how things work at The 700 Levvy: Every Thursday afternoon, I email Enrico telling him I have NO IDEA what I'm gonna write about for this week's post and every week he responds by saying "ummmm" and "durrrrrrr" and "I don't know what you should write about either." Then, after some lousy ideas are tossed back and forth, he gives up and just tells me to do whatever I want because "life is meaningless and who cares." Then I write some garbage, click "publish" and get paid ACTUAL AMERICAN CURRENCY by Comcast.

This Thursday was no different. I had nothin. So I looked out my office window, searching for some sort of inspirashe, and realized this week's post was staring me right in the face.

And then I thought, "Ehh, whatever, enough has been written about D-Jax this week. What if I just searched the internet for some really cool posters?"

BOOM BABY.

So here we are!

I scoured the internet, uncovered some gems, and am ready to take you on a trip down memory lane. Unfortunately, I found WAY TOO MANY posters for just one post. So Ron Hextall and Reggie White and MICKEY MORANDINI will have to wait. This week, in honor of the shittiest basketball team to ever walk the planet, I'm highlighting Sixers posters ONLY. If this post is well received (meaning if Enrico doesn't get fired), I'll do another jawn later in the year featuring Phillies, Eagles and Flurbers posters.

But for now, just scroll down and enjoy the best five minutes of your stupid, meaningless week.

Obviously everything about this poster is amazing. From the shards of glass under Darryl's sneaks to his high waisted shorts -- which are currently back in style! -- this poster is incredible. I mean, Darryl's shorts are basically covering his ENTIRE belly button (which is surprisingly VERY smooth). In fact, all of Darryl is smooth. He's like the smoothest, chocolateiest man. No wonder his nickname was Chocolate Smooth Man.

Also notice that Darryl's left sock is slightly rolled down at the top (a very popular style among soccer players circa 1989) and you can totally see his dork pressed against the front of his shorts (which I find to be a nice touch).

Probably the best poster ever.

I mean, let's be honest here, this is probably the BEST. POSTER. EVER. Can you imagine the photographer sitting down with big Mo before this photo shoot?

"Uh, yeah, Moses, so we were thinking of having you stand in the middle of the Red Sea, like you had just parted it, but instead of goats and Israelites and lepers behind you, we'll just have a bunch of basketballs. Like, sticking out of the sand. And seashells. And starfish. Maybe like, two starfish."

"I wear red shorts."

"Yeah, yeah, that's fine. You can wear your red shorts."

"Red shirt, too."

"Perfect. Perfect, Moses. That'll be just perfs. How 'bout a robe? Would you wear a robe?"

Moses walks away while eating an entire baked potato.

Just your standard Nike poster with Moses and Charles wearing trash bags as shirts. No big deal. Just Hefty Glad Bags, cut up, and draped over two of the best rebounders in NBA history. How does this fit in with Nike's Air Force brand? And is Chuck also wearing a mock trash bag turtleneck? Either way, no two men have ever looked scarier. I would not challenge these guys to a take-out-the-trash contest let alone a game of 2-on-2. Actually, are those ponchos? I think they might be ponchos. That makes a little more sense, what with the mist and all, and the ponchos make these guys a bit more approachable. BUT WHY IS IT SO MISTY? This poster should be called MIST FORCE.

Here's an amazing non-misty Moses Malone Nike commercial from back in the day (with French subtitles).

Here's more Moses, together with (left to right) Michael Cooper (amazzzzzziiiinnnggggg hat by the way), Moses (all business), Calvin Natt (sorry, who?), Jamaal Wilkes (aka Mississippi Slim), BOBBY JONES (represent, represent-zent!) and Mychal Thompson (born in the Bahamas!) as part of Nike's original Air Force 1 campaign back in 1982.

A few years ago, for Air Force 1's 25-year anniversary, Nike actually re-released this poster and started selling DOLLS of all six of these Air Force 1 dudes ($150 for the set).

Just dolls with little hats and jumpsuits and basketballs.

Not that cute.

Not that incredible.

Just the $150.

Here's Mo Mo:

YO TRY TO STEP TO THAT MOSES DOLL AND SEE WHAT HAPPS.

The nameplate on his little jacket says "Malone."

This is an unbelievable world we live in.

THIS GUY WILL TAKE CHARGES ALL NIGHT LONG.

His belt is tied so tight, too!

Accentuate those curves, right Bobby?!

I know that Wes Anderson sights people like Orson Welles and François Truffaut as his influences, but I kinda feel like he had this Bobby Jones poster hanging up in his room growing up. Look at the attention to detail here: the Nike carpet, the Nike flag, the little basketballs on top of the flag posts, the globe on his desk that's actually a basketball, THE THREE PIECE SUIT.

So Wes Anderson!

It's disappointing that this Charles poster is not as dope as the other Costacos posters from its era, but it's still nice in its simplicity. It's also incredible to see how fit Charles was back then. I mean, he's not skinny, but he's kinda skinny. Those shorts honestly look so comfortable. Here's the best Charles Barkley video ever made.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/oJuINS6WZyA width=620 height=465]

"Nights of Thunder" is so stupid, but also so amazing. Tom Cruise is honestly such a dork. Those Nike Flights that Chuck wore during the 1990 playoffs though were maybe my favorite sneaks ever.

I have so many questions about this poster.

1. Like, what is Charles Oakley doing in the background? Who is he guarding? And why isn't he playing any help D? I think he's just leaking out for a fast break THAT JUST AIN'T GONNA HAPPS, Oak! Thump and Bizzump!

2. Did Rick Mahorn really need that elbow pad? I mean, what did that thing do? And why was it made of leather?

3. Patrick Ewing's knee pads (with those weird leather thingies underneath) were always so ridiculous and sad. He was such a beast back at Georgetown, but those knee pads, ugh. Look how much cooler Rick Mahorn's bare knees look that Pat's volleyball jawns.

I realize #3 wasn't even a question, but #2 had like nine questions in one question. So...

Stackhouse ALSO rocking the weird, leather knee sleeve! Was orthopedic medicine really that lame 20 years ago? How does that help your performance? I imagine it made your knees so sweaty.

These Sixers unis remain my all-time faves.

Also, and this could be the most fascinating thing in this entire post, I'm 95% sure that #24 on the Raptors is former Fab Fiver, Jimmy King.

Congratulations. You have made it down to BY FAR the dopest part of the this post... the Dr. J section. While I was doing research for this post (i.e. googling stuff and googling stuff and googling stuff), I got sidetracked for around three hours just checking out old pics, posters and girlfriends of Doc. This Converse ad above is only the appetizer. The rest is a goddamn Doctor J gold mine.

What is this even an ad for? Spalding basketballs? The brand in general? What else does Spalding even make? Soup? Spaulding get your foot off the boat!

Also, check out the dude in the bottom righthand corner. What is he trying to do? Is he trying to block Doc's shot? Did he even jump? Spaulding! Get dressed you're playing golf.

No I'm not, Grampa. I'm playing tennis.

My favorite part is the ref if the background T'ing Doc up.

WHATEVER, REF!

YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING AND LIKE IT.

So silky.

Do they even make socks like that anymore?

Also, check out that dude up in the front row of the second level going absolutely bonkers.

TUCKED IN SHIRT!

This is not a poster, but photoshop a Converse logo in the corner and boom, hang it in your living room. For real though, I've never seen anyone but Doc just grip the ball behind his head like that and RAM. And how 'bout that Brazilian soccer-player-looking-dude standing at half court? Is he wearing jean shorts? With a belt? And business socks?

You can just imagine the explosion of "Ohhhhhhs!!!" that came from the crowd after Doc brought the house down here. For the record, when I was around 25 years old, I had sex with a 36-year-old lady and my roommates told me we "brought the house down." To this day it remains the greatest compliment I've ever received. Pretty sure the guy behind Doc here has his shoelaces tied together.

This picture is so freaking awesome I can't handle it.

Let's take a break and watch an old Doc Converse commersh to calm us all down.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/tAoDIJAhC64 width=620 height=465]

Again, not a poster, but too unbelievable to leave out of this post.

Okay, first of all, it's every woman's dream to have double ovens in her kitchen, and Turquoise has GOT THAT. But let's forget about the all yellow everything for a sec, and the perfectly organized flour and sugar canisters, and the WALL-TO-WALL CARPETING? and let's talk about Turquoise's outfit. Converse sneaks and baby blue tennis socks with the little balls on the heels?!?!!

Adorbs!

And yet, sadly, like most couples, they just couldn't stand the test of time.

Doc's still got it, tho!

He's still got it.

I see you, Doc!

Speaking of "still got it," $99.99 will get you this exclusive Elena Delle Donne Fathead.

Interesting scarf collection this little girl has on her bedpost by the way. Or boy! Could be a boy!

Delle Donne also rocking the modern day knee-pad Leggersons that every person over the age of 28 thinks are absolutely ridiculous.

What is Dikembe doing here? I know Paul Westhead was an offensive-minded coach, and gave his players the freedom to operate, but he couldn't be happy that Deke was putting the ball on the floor here. Guarantee this play ended up as either a travel or a running jump hook that clanged off the backboard. Dope that this little kid is into chess, though. That is a chess board in the foreground, right? omg it's not even a real room, Ev! Who cares?!

WHAT IS THIS POSTER AND HOW DO I ACQUIRE IT?

RIP MOE CHEEKS.

How sweet is that bunk bed action?

GUARANTEE THIS KID BRINGS THE HOUSE DOWN FROM TIME TO TIME.

"Toney."

WHATEVER COACH COLLINS.

What you know about bringin da house down?!

Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

 

No. 10 Washington dominates No. 7 Stanford in rout

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USA Today Images

No. 10 Washington dominates No. 7 Stanford in rout

SEATTLE -- Jake Browning threw for 210 yards and three touchdowns, Myles Gaskin added 100 yards and two scores, and No. 10 Washington was dominant on both sides, overwhelming No. 7 Stanford 44-6 on Friday night.

After months of hype that Washington (5-0, 2-0 Pac-12) was on the verge of a breakout, the Huskies showed they were ready for their return to the national stage.

And they did it emphatically, handing Stanford (3-1, 2-1) its worst loss since a 41-3 setback against Arizona State in 2007.

The Huskies raced to a 23-0 halftime lead, scored early in the second half to go up 30-0 and coasted to their biggest victory over an AP Top 10 team since beating No. 5 Southern California 31-0 in 1990. That game 26 years ago announced Washington as a national contender and the Huskies went on to share the national title a year later with Miami -- taking the coaches' version while Miami topped the AP media poll.

Browning was the leader of an efficient offense that scored on six of its eight drives. He threw touchdowns of 3 yards to Dante Pettis, 19 yards to John Ross and capped the night with a 3-yarder to Aaron Fuller with 5:30 remaining. Browning was 15 of 21 and did not commit a turnover.

Equally important was Washington's ability to establish a running game. The Huskies rushed for 214 yards and averaged 5.2 yards per carry.

Meanwhile, Stanford star Christian McCaffrey saw his Heisman Trophy aspirations hit a major speed bump. McCaffrey was held to 49 yards rushing on 12 carries, five catches for 30 yards and continued his streak of never scoring an offensive touchdown in a road game.

It was McCaffrey's fewest yards rushing since 2014 at California when he had 19 yards on three carries.

Stanford's only TD came late in the third quarter on a 19-yard pass from Ryan Burns to J.J. Arcega-Whiteside.

Burns was 15 of 22 for 151 yards, but Washington controlled the line of scrimmage on both sides. Stanford quarterbacks were sacked eight times, six in the first half. Stanford had allowed only four total sacks in the first three games combined.

Stanford was playing short-handed without starting cornerbacks Quenton Meeks and Alijah Holder, starting wide receiver Francis Owusu and starting fullback Daniel Marx. Starting right tackle Casey Tucker limped off with an apparent leg injury late in the fourth quarter.

Takeaways
Stanford: The Cardinal were unexpectedly sloppy. Stanford committed 11 penalties after entering the week as the least penalized team in the Pac-12. There were communication issues in part due to the roaring Washington crowd, but also a lack of sharpness not normally seen from David Shaw's team.

Washington: The defense was up to the task of keeping McCaffrey under control and forcing Burns to beat them through the air. McCaffrey had 34 yards on 10 carries in the first half and forced the Cardinal into numerous long third-down situations. That allowed Washington to bring extra pass rushers to get to Burns.

Up Next
Stanford: The Cardinal head home after two straight weeks on the road to host Washington State.

Washington: The Huskies travel to Oregon looking to snap a 12-game losing streak to the Ducks.

Best of MLB: Darvish stars as Rangers beat Rays 3-1 and clinch home field

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USA Today Images

Best of MLB: Darvish stars as Rangers beat Rays 3-1 and clinch home field

ARLINGLTON, Texas -- Yu Darvish looked playoff-ready with a season-high 12 strikeouts in six innings as the Texas Rangers beat the Tampa Bay Rays 3-1 on Friday night and clinched home-field advantage throughout the postseason.

The Rangers can be tied by only the Cleveland Indians and they own the tie-breaker by winning the teams' season series. The AL owns home-field advantage in the World Series thanks to its win in the All-Star Game.

Darvish (7-5) allowed one run, three hits and one walk. His 28th career game of double-digit strikeouts is the second-most in a pitcher's first 100 major league starts, topped only by Dwight Gooden (31). Darvish will likely start Game 2 of the Division Series following Cole Hamels.

Shin-Soo Choo returned to Texas' lineup after missing 39 games with a fractured left forearm. Choo pulled a single to right in his first plate appearance since Aug. 15 and went 1 for 4.

Matt Andriese (8-8) gave up three runs and seven hits, including solo home runs to Carlos Beltran and Rougned Odor (see full story). 

Cabrera hits 2 HRs, Tigers move up in playoff race, beat Braves
ATLANTA -- Miguel Cabrera hit two home runs, Ian Kinsler and Justin Upton also connected and the Detroit Tigers moved up in the playoff race, beating the Atlanta Braves 6-2 Friday night.

The Tigers won their third straight and pulled within a half-game of Toronto for the second AL wild-card spot. The Blue Jays lost at Boston 5-3.

The regular season is scheduled to end Sunday, but the Tigers might need to play beyond that. They were rained out against Cleveland this week and would have to make up that game if it impacts their playoff chances.

Daniel Norris (4-2) gave up one run, five hits, two walks and struck out eight in 6 2/3 innings.

The Braves, playing their final series at Turner Field before moving north to the suburbs next year, had won 10 of 11. Matt Wisler (7-13) was chased in the fifth when James McCann's RBI single made it 5-0 (see full story).

Trumbo hits 47th, Schoop 5 RBIs as Orioles top Yankees 8-1
NEW YORK -- Mark Trumbo hit his major league-leading 47th home run, Jonathan Schoop and Adam Jones also went deep in a six-run fifth inning and the Baltimore Orioles beat the New York Yankees 8-1 in steady rain Friday night to maintain their AL wild-card lead.

Baltimore began the night tied with Toronto for the AL's two wild cards at 87-72, with Detroit 1 1/2 games back and Seattle trailing the Tigers by a half-game.

Trumbo and Jones homered off Michael Pineda (6-12), who started with 3 2/3 hitless innings and suddenly became ineffective.

Schoop tied his career high with five RBIs, hitting a go-ahead, two-run double in the fourth and adding a three-run homer in the fifth against James Pazos -- Baltimore's big league-high 250th home run this season.

Yovani Gallardo (6-8) won for just the second time in nine starts since Aug. 5, allowing two hits, three walks and Mark Teixeira's sacrifice fly in six innings (see full story). 

Ortiz delivers another HR, Red Sox beat Blue Jays 5-3
BOSTON -- Opening his final weekend with yet another game-winning homer, David Ortiz lined a two-run shot into the right-field stands to break a seventh-inning tie and help the Boston Red Sox beat the Toronto Blue Jays 5-3 on Friday night.

The AL East champion Red Sox snapped a three-game losing streak and stayed one game ahead of Cleveland in the race for home-field advantage for the playoffs.

The Blue Jays fell one game behind Baltimore in the wild-card race and are now within range of Detroit and Seattle in the fight for the AL's final postseason berth (see full story).