The Evster's Guide to Sprucing Up Your Sports Wardrobe

The Evster's Guide to Sprucing Up Your Sports Wardrobe

The other day, I saw this dude walking down 16th Street in Center City.

Clearly, this guy is the coolest person in the world. He's rocking a turquoise Charlotte Hornets shirt with turquoise jeans and yep, that's right, look closely, those are turquoise New Balances. Amazing. And if you look to his right, it's really no surprise that he also has a super-hot, sweaty white woman walking alongside him.

Unfortunately for you, you're not this cool. No one is. But that's okay. By simply shutting up for five minutes and reading this post, I'll help you find a few things to spice up your summer wardrobe. Then you too can have a somewhat attractive, majorly sweaty white woman to stroll down the street with.

So without wasting anymore time, let's move on with this post because quite frankly I have no idea if it's legal to take a picture of a person walking down the street and then post it on the internet so seriously let's just move on, please scroll down, c'mon keep reading, let's go let's go let's go, there's no way that's legal, no way, no way, no way.

NBA Legend Socks, by Stance

Most likely, if you are reading a Philadelphia sports blog to get fashion advice, then you are in need of some serious serious help. You also probably work in some dumb office where they make you tuck your lame short-sleeved collared shirt into some stupid khakis, and every time you sit down in a meeting the outline of your balls is visible to pretty much everyone in your office, including all the cute interns, and no one wants to see that, man, no one. I know it makes you feel like a MANLY MAN, but it's not helping you, at all. But these socks -- these NBA legends socks -- these can help.

Socks are really the only way for a stupid person like you to put any pizzazz into his outfit. Instead of making people gag in meetings, simply cross your legs, show off these bad boys and you'll find the interns will be sending you selfies in no time. Did you see these jawns?! They're incredible! Besides offering Big Game James, Doc and Ewing, they also come in pairs of Hakeem Olajuwon (DREAM SOCKS!), Kenny Smith (I KNOW!), Larry Legend (whatever), Bill Walton (CURRENTLY SOLD OUT), The Worm (that's Dennis Rodman) and wait for it, here it comes, this is the big bopper, Karl Malone on one foot and John Stockton on the otherrrrrrr!!!

The only problem is they cost $16 (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD), so you might have to get someone else to buy them for you. My wife bought me the Ewings (she's a Knicks fan) and she couldn't be more excited for me to have them. As I'm typing this, she's literally trying to tear my pants off. These are the greatest socks in the world.

Where can you get 'em? Ubiq, 1509 Walnut Street -- don't be scared to go in there. It's not that cool. It's just a store. Calm down. You can also get 'em on Stance's website, which apparently is a thing.

Mitchell and Ness Hardwood Classics Caricature T-shirts

Do you hear that sound? Do you hear that? Turn the speakers down on your computer and listen closely: that's the sound of a thousand men popping a thousand boners.

NBA Caricature T-shirts (aka the Greatest Shirts in the History of Western Civilization) are back, baby! Besides the Iverson jawn above (and check it out, look what he's doing, he's cupping his ear to listen to the crowd!), they also have Shawn Kemp, Magic, Bird, Hakeem, LARRY JOHNSON WITH THE GOLD TOOTH, Dr. J and Shaq Daddy.

Where can you get 'em? store.NBA.com or Mitchell and Ness.com -- but Mitchell and Ness secretly has a couple Dennis Rodmans on their sale rack for only 20 bucks. The price of these is outrageous ($39.95?!?!), but still, it's a lot better than your Phillies Chooch shirt you've been wearing every Saturday for the past three years I mean c'mon my niece also has that shirt, dude, I mean seriously.

Zaire Leopards Futbol T-shirt

The story behind this shirt is that the Zaire national team (nicknamed the Leopards) made an unbelievable run in the 1974 World Cup, but honestly who cares it's a leopard playing soccer and that's good enough for me. This could be the dopest shirt of all time. Did you see the leopard playing soccer?!?! My wife also bought this for me (AM I MARRIED TO THE GREATEST WOMAN EVER OR WHAT?) and the first time I wore it I got around 7 different compliments (and then got mustard on the sleeve). Regardless, amazing shirt, soccer is cool, leopards kill people, and according to my wife, cream-colored clothing goes perfectly with pretty much all skin complexions.

Where can you get one? I'm not telling you. I want to be the only one in Philadelphia wearing one. I'm sorry. (Not sorry.)

Bille Jean King - Pressure is a Privilege T-shirt

This is another shirt that I own (apparently this is just a blogpost to talk about my wardrobe), but I never wear it because it's too tight and armpit sweat stains show way too easily in grey t-shirts.

Where can you get something like it, because obviously you're not gonna wear a BJK shirt? Homage.com -- most of their t-shirts are dumb, but they do have a couple jawns that are fantastic, like this Bernie Kosar, an Ickey Woods jawn that says "Do the Ickey Shuffle", Chris Sabo (or "Chris Sabo to Drugs" as my friend Law calls him), and now that I think about it, this might be some sort of Ohio website. Whatever, I'm down with Ohio. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony? They're cool. Bone bone bone bone bone, bone bone ...

Mitchell and Ness Neon Sonics Hat

Honestly you're not cool enough to wear this, I just wanted to post it because OMG NEON SONICS HAT?!?!

New Balance 574

Dude! Don't listen to people who tell you you're not cool enough to wear stuff! Just wear stuff! I own a Billie Jean King t-shirt for cryin' out loud. WHO CARESSSSS???!!? Stop being a wimp and get yourself some dope kicks. That's what's summer is all about. They don't even have to be turquoise. Ughghghghh, and throw away those khakis. No human being should ever wear khakis! I don't care how well they go with your complexion!

Where can you get 'em? Any sneaker shop downtown, stupid. Just go get some new kicks. There's honestly like 400 sneaker shops on Chestnut street and nothing makes you feel better in this world than new sneaks. FACT!

EXCEPT FOR PATRICK EWING SOCKS!!!!!!!

The Evster writes the blog TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. He also became The 700 Level's resident fashion expert after he wrote this post in January about making your own jerseys. Follow him on Twitter @TVMWW. Or don't. Doesn't matter. Who cares?

Joel Embiid not named All-Star starter, can still make it as reserve

Joel Embiid not named All-Star starter, can still make it as reserve

Joel Embiid will have to hope NBA coaches trust the process.

Embiid on Thursday was not named a starter in the 2017 NBA All-Star Game. LeBron James, Giannis Antetokounmpo and Jimmy Butler locked in the three Eastern Conference frontcourt spots. Kyrie Irving and DeMar DeRozan rounded out the backcourt.

James (25.6 points, 7.8 rebounds, 8.1 assists) and Antetokounmpo (23.7 points, 8.7 rebounds, 5.6 assists) were locks as starters. That left Butler, Kevin Love and Embiid as the next in contention. Butler is a two-time All-Star averaging 24.8 points, 6.8 rebounds and 4.8 assists in 36.8 minutes for the 21-22 Bulls. Love is posting 20.7 points, 10.8 rebounds and 1.7 assists in 31.6 minutes per game on the Eastern Conference-leading, 29-11 Cavaliers.

The Western Conference starting spots went to Stephen Curry, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard and Anthony Davis. 

The voting was made up of fan votes (50 percent), player votes (25 percent) and media votes (25 percent). Embiid has a chance to be voted in by the NBA coaches, whose reserve selections will be announced on Jan. 26. 

Embiid would have been named a starter had the results been based on fan voting (50 percent). He finished third ahead of Love and Butler.

Embiid was in the running for a starting role during a breakout rookie season. He is averaging 19.9 points, 7.8 rebounds and 2.4 blocks in 25.4 minutes per game. Even though his playing time is capped at 28 minutes, he ranks seventh among all players in scoring per 48 minutes. He is eighth overall in free throw attempts per game (7.9) and 10th in those made (6.2).

Embiid had obstacles, though, when it came to the voting: rookie status, 28-minute restriction, limited games played (29) because of his allocated workload, and the Sixers’ record.

Even though the All-Star Game highlights individual achievements, team record is often taken into consideration. The Sixers have won seven of their last nine games (see story), but still stand well below .500 at 14-26.

When it came to the players’ vote, it is hard for a rookie who hasn’t even competed against every team in the league to make a strong enough impression for another player to influence their perception of the top talent. Embiid finished outside of the top five in the players' vote, behind James, Antetokounmpo, Butler, Paul George and Kristaps Porzingis. Meanwhile, the Sixers' big man finished fifth in the media vote.

Embiid and the Sixers were very active in pushing for the fan votes. Embiid received the social media support of celebrities including Triple H, Kevin Hart and MLB MVP Mike Trout, among others. The Sixers promoted Embiid through a Shirley Temple campaign based on his favorite drink.

Embiid picked up major steam in the last week of voting. He had trailed Love by 16,028 fan votes in the second returns on Jan. 12.

He took to Twitter to express his gratitude.

Chip Kelly still jobless after swinging and missing with Jaguars

Chip Kelly still jobless after swinging and missing with Jaguars

Chip Kelly's job search continues.

The beloved (sarcasm) former Eagles head coach reportedly interviewed for the Jaguars' offensive coordinator opening. However, on Wednesday night, Jacksonville announced it was retaining Nathaniel Hackett as its OC.

“We are excited to announce Nathaniel Hackett as our offensive coordinator and he will immediately be tasked with installing and implementing our offense this offseason,” Jaguars new head coach Doug Marrone said in a statement from the team. “I have had the pleasure of working with Nathaniel for seven consecutive seasons and know firsthand how knowledgeable and passionate he is about winning.”

So, Kelly swung and miss twice on the Jaguars, as he reportedly interviewed for Jacksonville's head coaching job, as well.

"I’m not going to close the door on any opportunity, but I have to be very smart in what I do next,” Kelly said, via CSNBayArea.com, two days after his firing as 49ers head coach. “I don’t have to take anything, but I wouldn’t rule anything out. I need to make sure that I’m in the right situation.

“I don’t know what the future holds. I’ll do my due diligence. I’m not going to coach just to coach.”

Kelly's decline is staggering, even if you saw it coming.

Look at this NFL coaching history ...

With Eagles in 2013: 10-6, wild-card playoff berth
With Eagles in 2014: 10-6, missed playoffs
With Eagles in 2015: 6-9, fired before final regular-season game
With 49ers in 2016: 2-14, fired after regular season

Who knows what's next for the Chipper?