The Evster's Midseason WNBA Awards

The Evster's Midseason WNBA Awards

It's been another roller coaster season in the WNBA filled with ups and downs and women throwing the ball off the bottom of the backboard and right back into their own faces. In the East, the Chicago Sky (led by local hero Elana Delle Donne) have SKY'ED to the top of the standings, while out West, the Tulsa Shock have been shitting all over themselves, delivering another shit-filled summer to the shitty fans in their shitty city.

Perennial fan favorites like Tina Thompson, Jet "The Jet" Jett and Fancy Nancy Reagan have continued to amaze, while young stars such as Dr. Jane Naismith, Kevin Durant's fiancé and Wilma Rudolph Jr. have taken the ligg by storm.

So seeing as the past few months have been chest-pass-arrific©, let's give out The Evster's Midseason WNBA Awards.

Most Incredible Layup

Oh man, there have been so many sweet layups so far this season: Right-handed layups, left-handed layups, OFF-DA-BACKBOARD layups. I even saw one layup that was meant to go off the backboard, but instead went over the backboard, into another player's hands, and then that player tried put it back in, missed, got her own rebound, back-dribbled off her foot, over to another player, who then collided with a different player, knocking the ball loose and causing six women TO SIMULTANEOUSLY CRASH TO THE FLOOR OH GOOD GOD THE HUMANITY.

Rookie of the Year

It's a two-horse race this summer between the former Blue Hen, Delle Donne, and the Phoenix Mercury's Britney Griner, last year's NCAA player of the year. EDD has been sensational for Chicago, but Griner has been HUGE for the Mercury, literally, she's by far the tallest woman on the planet. The first-born daughter of Gheorghe Muresan and a giraffe, Griner stands at 19 feet tall and averages over 300 points per game. Experts all over the country are debating which one of them has had the greater impact, so I asked University of Tennessee Head Coach, Imelda Marcos, who she thought has had the better start to her career.

Imelda Marcos: "I love shoes!"

Thanks, Imelda Marcos.

I'm giving the award to Delle Donne because she's prettier.

**Evster's Note** I'd just like to take a second to say that I actually sort of enjoy watching women's basketball, specifically the USA National Team, and feel kinda bad about making fun of the sport. Over the past 25 years, the women's team has consistently outperformed the men, winning seven of the past eight olympic gold medals while the men have only won six. I also recognize that any woman in the WNBA could destroy me on the court -- or in the bedroom -- and that I am a terrible and pathetic person. That being said, it's still really fun to rag on the WNBA, so let's continue with this mildly offensive, kinda sexist blog post. Next award!

Chick With the Biggest Rack

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidddddinnnnnggggggg.

Most Valuable Player

According to EmilyMaynard.com, the first half MVP has been Candace Parker of the Los Angeles Sparks. So yeah, that's great, I agree, Candace for MVP, whatever. But more importantly, did you know that Candace is married to former Duke and Atlanta Hawks SUPAHSTAH, Shelden "My Name is Shelden" Williams?!?!

It's true!

The couple married in 2008, and have a lovely 4-year-old daughter together, Lailaa, whose name is spelled with a ridiculous amount of A's. Lailaa is an aspiring soccer player and amateur artist, and recently drew this picture of her Mommy and Daddy.

Candace is the one wearing headphones.

Also that picture of Shelden is INCREDIBLE.

Based on her Instagram, it seems as if Parker is living a truly #blessed life, as evidenced by the fact that she recently met Mr. Belding!

Best Mascot

After googling "WNBA + mascots + I'm so very lonely", I discovered that the Houston Comets -- the former back-to-back-to-back-back (that's four backs!) champions -- are no longer a team! Can you believe it? Me neither! I'm actually being serious right now, that's friggin' really weird (and sad). Other teams who have folded are the Charlotte Sting, the Detroit Shock, the Cleveland Rockers, the Orlando Miracle, the Miami why do I keep naming teams this isn't even interesting. Anyway, that's pathetic that the team who won the league's first four championships had to fold. Not as pathetic as what's happened to Mr. Belding's career, but still.

Even sadder is the fact that Haley the Houston Comet, the weirdest-looking mascot in the history of mascots, is now dead! That lady was a total weirdo!

What is even going on there?!?!

#75?

So I guess now the Seattle Storm's mascot, Doppler, looks to be the league's best. Doppler is a big, furry, brown idiot whose favorite broadcaster (according to the Storm's website) is Hannah Storm. That's kinda funny, actually. Doppler's favorite movies are listed as Rain Man and Gone With the Wind. His favorite color is white lightning, which isn't even a real color, so now I sort of hate him. He might not even be a he. He might be a she. Explain to me why I chose to write about the WNBA again?

Best Kevin Durant's Fiancé

Monica Wright, Minnesota Lynx, hands down. She's the only player so far this year to get engaged to the NBA superstar. I could tell you more about the young lovers -- like the fact that they met years ago at the McDonald's game -- but instead let's just check out Monica's Instagram account, because clearly that's the only research I'm capable of doing.

Here's Monica and KD getting ready to go paddle boarding. Interesting that Durant is goin' with the "Hang Loose" Hawaii hand gesture while Monica is throwin' down deuces like her name was MC Ren.

Monica posted these pics over the past couple of Wednesdays, giving props to that Geico Humpday commercial (WHICH I LOVE). Not only did she post a screenshot of the spot, she also recently bought a t-shirt featuring the camel. I love this woman.

And this is her dog wearing sunglasses!

So there you have it, folks. You're all caught up on the wonderful world of the WNBA.

You're welcome!

You can follow the future Mrs. Kevin Durant on Twitter @Monnie22. You can also follow The Evster @TVMWW, or Imelda Marcos @ThePhilippinesFinest.

North Dakota appears to be Eagles country

North Dakota appears to be Eagles country

It appears that Carson Wentz' fanbase in North Dakota is still pretty strong. Before North Dakota State’s game against Illinois State Saturday afternoon, fans were seen walking around the parking lot in Carson Wentz Eagles’ jerseys. 

Wearing Eagles gear at the tailgate was not all, however. A large group of people begun chanting “Carson” over and over to show their love and support for the Eagles quarterback. 

This is not the first time we have seen North Dakota State fans showing how much they adore Carson Wentz. Going back to the NFL Draft, fans were seen on the red carpet wearing North Dakota State Wentz jersey’s and waving flags.

On Sept. 19, when the Eagles played the Bears, North Dakotans traveled to see Wentz play in person.

Clearly, Wentz has a lot of love from his fans back at home, but it is safe to say that Eagles fans love him just as much after he has led them to a 3-0 start.  

It doesn't hurt that Wentz' cousin, Connor, plays for North Dakota State. Connor is a redshirt junior tight end.

John Clark with Connor Wentz

A photo posted by Rob Kuestner (@rkuestner23) on

Expect Sixers to take cautious approach with Ben Simmons

Expect Sixers to take cautious approach with Ben Simmons

Expect the Sixers to take a cautious approach when determining Ben Simmons’ return to the court.

Simmons will undergo surgery to repair a fractured fifth metatarsal bone in his right foot, according to a league source. No date has been set for the surgery. On Friday, Simmons rolled his ankle during the final training camp scrimmage. According to ESPN's Marc Stein, the Sixers believe Simmons has an acute injury that is not related to his weight, which is up to 250 pounds.

The Sixers placed a heavy emphasis on maintaining health and preventing re-injuries during camp. That focus will continue into the regular season. They implemented load management, in which they allocate the best use of a player’s designated minutes. 

The approach was applied to Joel Embiid and Jahlil Okafor, as they entered the preseason coming off of injuries. Embiid, who is nearing his NBA debut, had been sidelined the past two years with foot injuries. Okafor underwent season-ending right knee surgery last March. Both are slated to play Oct. 4 in the preseason opener. Gerald Henderson also followed load management for rest.  

“There are more variables going on pre-practice,” Brett Brown said Friday. “Before we design our practices and figure out how we’re going to maneuver through the day, the first thing we always do is we put on a digital projector a depth chart and we have the medical staff behind us talking about the circumstances of each player and the restrictions that each player has. 

“Once you understand that world, then you go over to the practice plan and you say, ‘How do you want to spend your money?’ I don’t want to use Joel’s minutes up in a lot of small drills when I could spend it easily and more wisely playing.”

Following this plan, Embiid, Okafor and Henderson did not participate in all of the scrimmages. When they did, Brown utilized Embiid and Okafor in spurts instead of long stretches. 

“Four-minute clumps and really trying to test themselves,” Brown said. “Let’s learn a little bit before we play the Celtics. Let’s just go as hard as you possibly can, let’s see what that means.”

The mapped-out formula allows the players to gauge how they assert their energy on the court. The Celtics took a similar approach with Kevin Garnett during the 2011-12 season. Doc Rivers implemented a “5-5-5” plan in which Garnett played in three five-minute spurts. 

“You kind of know the rhythm you are going to have,” Okafor said. “I think that’ll make it easier for myself and I’m sure for Jo as well knowing that we have four minutes to go as hard as we can, to make an impact on the game, and then we have a sub.” 

The Sixers assessed the length of these segments by comparing them to real-game situations. They want the scrimmage setting to simulate the flow regular season contest. The Sixers are looking to feature an uptempo this season and ranked first in the NBA last season with a total of 1,427.4 miles run. 

“With our sports science program, we’re designing our practice on trips,” Brown said. “How many trips does a normal NBA game have before there’s a stoppage in play? You see, it’s about six, seven trips. You’ve got to go for that … We’re very calculated on how we design our practice to reflect the true pace of a game.”

While there is the eagerness of players to make a comeback as quickly as possible, following the team’s carefully constructed recovery timeline is critical to prevent the reoccurance of injuries. Embiid better understands the importance of waiting after undergoing two surgeries. 

“The main thing I learned about myself is, I could be patient,” Embiid said. “When I was first doing my rehab … the only thing I thought about was getting back on the court. I would try to get back on the court and play more than I was supposed to. After the doctor told me you had to heal well and I needed the second surgery, that’s when I told myself be patient and do whatever I can and make sure I listen to people have to say.”

The Sixers drafted Simmons to be a centerpiece of their team for the future, not just this season. It is worth being careful early on to help him be healthy down the road.