The Evsters Year-End Best-Of 2012 Sixers Award Thingies

The Evsters Year-End Best-Of 2012 Sixers Award Thingies

The New Year is all about reflecting on the past,
looking forward to the future, and according to my wife: not shaving
your legs until mid March/early April. So seeing that this is the time
for Best Of columns (and because I couldn’t think of a decent thread
for this post), here are my Year-End awards for your hometown Philadorphlia
Seventy Sorxers! 

Reminder: the Sixers are currently
2 games below .500 and have lost 8 of their last 11. Also, sleeping
with a woman whose legs feel like thorn bushes can make you a littttttttle
cranky.

Here we go! 

Best Dog Who Also
Happens to Play Basketball

Nominees: Nick Young, Kwame Brown,
my friend's dog Leroy who once ate a basketball. 

Nick Young plays basketball like an 8-year-old: he shoots the
ball every time he touches it, plays no D, and gets distracted whenever
the ice cream guy comes by.

In his defense though, how could
you not? Those vanilla cones with the chocolate coating? AMAZINGGGGGG,
but they always melt the second you crack the outer shell and then drip
all over your arm causing you to miss most of the 2nd Quarter.
I was once licking the back of my wrists during a Sixers Dream Team
dance performance and locked eyes HARD with one of the dancers. I’m
pretty sure she quit later that evening. 

Kwame? I just feel sorry for that guy at this point. He
deserves an ice cream cone.

And Leroy is amazing except for the fact that
he will gank an ice cream cone RIGHT FROM YOUR WIFE’S HANDS when she’s
not looking. Note: This does NOT help when you’re trying to convince
your wife to let you get a dog. Other things that don’t help: leaving
your socks on the living room floor, forgetting to take the trash out
for three straight weeks, and calling your wife “Thorn Bush Legs McGee.” 

THE WINNER: Nick “RUFF RUFF!” Young

Guy Who Likes
Shooting a Basketball More Than Anyone Else Likes to Do Anything 

Nominees: Nick Young, Maalik Wayns,
My friend's 3-year-old son who seriously never passes me the ball and
is a total selfish piece of shit and also wouldn't give me any of his
mac and cheese the other day when he only ate like half of what was
in his bowl.

Here’s a scouting report on Nick Young that I obtained from a good friend
who works for the Phoenix Suns: 

NICK YOUNG LIKES TO THROW THE
BALL TOWARD THE HOOP. Let him do this becuz he’s a dawggggg. MICHAEL
BEAZ, IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY READING THIS, YOU’RE GUARDING NICK YOUNG
TONIGHT. He’s the guy who will have a shirt that says “YOUNG”
on the back, but not the “Young” who who be running around and trying
hard. I think you guys will get along really well. Also, yes Michael,
you can have an ice cream cone AFTER the game. Keyword there is “AFTER.”

Maalik Wayns at least TRIES to do other things, even though those
things often include “dribbling the ball off his foot” and “getting
his name spelled wrong.” Seriously, are we all okay with the double
A in Maalik and no relation to the Wayans Bros? Before I Googled it,
I wrote Maalik Wayns as “Malik Wayans, Mallik Waynns and Mel Torme’ans.” 

My friend’s 3-year-old son
is the Rodney Buford of basement basketball. I mean, dude, I was open
ALL DAY, and you KEPT SHOOTING? even though you went what, 2 for 30?
And yeah, pretty much every time I try to take a shot I end up hitting
the ceiling, BUT AT LEAST I GIVE IT UP ON THE 2-ON-1 BREAK AND IT’S
A REALLY LOW CEILING.

THE WINNER: RUFF RUFFFFF!!!

Guy Whose Name
is Nick and Who Sucks at Basketball 

Nominees: Nick Young, Nick Foles,
Nick Cannon

The worst thing is, some people actually like Nick Young! They like his crazy hair, his whacky shoes, but
you know what? My Aunt Maxine’s got crazy hair and whacky shoes, but
I’m not penciling her at the Two for 18 minutes a night. Also, she
shoots with two hands and once broke her wrist while carrying groceries.
IN HER DEFENSE THOUGH THEY WERE REALLY HEAVY GROCERIES. 

Nick Foles’s hair is unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.

I never thought I’d say this, but I kinda think
that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon sort of work. I mean, yeah,
I’d much rather see her with a 300-pound defensive lineman who could
WEAR THAT ASS OUT, but if she’s happy with a little tweedle-dork,
then that’s nice for her. 

THE WINNER:  SWAGGALICIOUS

Best Something
About Something Oh Who Cares Let’s Just Talk More Isht on Nick Young

Look, obviously Nick Young is not the WORST basketball
player of all time – clearly that honor goes to Shawn Brads – but
he still sucks really, really hard. His career W-L record (BECAUSE REMEMBER
BASKETBALL IS A TEAM GAME) is 163-258 (and yeah I know he played for
the Wizards so that’s not entirely his fault, but it’s not like
you’re not reading this for actual basketball analysis). In his first
five seasons in the NBA (five seasons when Nick was at the PEAK OF HIS
ATHELTIC PRIME) Dr. Doggington has averaged 1.9 boards a game, 1 assist,
0.5 steals and 0.2 blocks, proving that he sucksssssss. 

At least Shawn Bradley ATTEMPTED to play defense when
dudes were ramming on his neck. Nick Young just “Olé’s” ‘em
on by and then frumps down court and parks himself in the corner to
jack another three … hashtag CLANGGGGGGG.

For the rec (and I can’t believe I just defended
Shawn Bradley in that last paragraph), the worst players in 76er history
are: 

Shawn Brads – BUT HE COULD SWING A GOLF CLUB.

Keith Van Horns – Played in 575 career NBA games despite the fact
that he was born with 37 vaginas.

Maalik Wayns – Sorry, that last line about Keith Van Horn’s
vaginas was totally sexist and obviously made up. He was actually born
with only 11 vaginas.

Best Foghorn Leghorn
Impression by a Blogger Who Will Probably Never Be Asked to Write for
The 700 Level Again 

Now listen here boy, who, now I say, I say WHO, in
the Sixers organization watched Nick Young play basketball the last
5 years and thought, “You know what? We could really use a total gunner
who enjoys shooting 22-foot fade-aways despite the fact that HE’S
NOT GOOD AT BASKETBALL.”

The worst thing is: Nick Young is an above-average
shooter with good size and decent athleticism who does ABSOLUTELY NONE
of the little things that help teams win games. And that makes me sick. 

The Sixers aren’t going anywhere this year with
lame-o dudes like Swaggy P making fans barf all over themselves. His
horrific body language and wanna-be silky-smooth demeanor is insulting
to us all. So Tony DiLeo, in 2013, why not make a few moves that at
least make this team more fun to watch? It’s time for this organization
to drop this bum and pick up a LEGIT smooth baller who is PASSIONATE.
INTENSE. PROUD.

A player who is so captivating that you can’t keep
your eyes off of him no matter how much ice cream is dripping down your
sleeves. 

Yeah, you know who I’m talkin’ about …

Charlie Villanueva. 

Smoothest legs in the biz.

 

The Evster writes a blog called
TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. You can
follow him on Twitter @TVMWW. Orrrrrrrrrrrrrr you can look at this picture
of Charlie Villanueva lookin’ smoother than a muhhggg.

 


Best of NHL: Matt Murray, Penguins cruise past Habs

Best of NHL: Matt Murray, Penguins cruise past Habs

MONTREAL -- Eric Fehr and Jake Guentzel scored in the second period to lead the Pittsburgh Penguins past the Montreal Canadiens 4-1 on Wednesday night.

Defensemen Ian Cole and Olli Maatta also scored for Pittsburgh, which won its second game in a row after a three-game skid.

Sven Andrighetto scored for Montreal, which lost its second straight and has only two wins in its last six games. The Canadiens' offense remained in a rut coming off a 1-0 loss Monday in Detroit.

Penguins goalie Matt Murray was back in form after Monday's wild 8-7 win over Washington, making 19 saves. But Carey Price's woes continued as Pittsburgh outshot Montreal 26-20. Price allowed three or more goals for the eighth time in 10 games (see full recap).

Vanek, Nielsen lead Wings over Bruins
DETROIT -- Thomas Vanek and Frans Nielsen scored in a shootout, lifting the Detroit Red Wings to a comeback 6-5 win over the Boston Bruins on Wednesday night.

The Red Wings rallied from 3-0 and 4-1 deficits in the first period, and with 3:04 remaining in regulation, Gustav Nyquist scored to pull them into a tie.

In the shootout, Tuukka Rask and Petr Mrazek stopped the first shots they faced before Vanek scored for the Red Wings and Brad Marchand countered with a goal for the Bruins. Nielsen, who like Vanek joined the team last summer as a free agent, scored on the team's third attempt and Vatrano missed the net with a chance to extend the 1-on-1 duels.

The Bruins were dominant early before blowing a chance to keep Detroit at a distance in the Atlantic Division standings (see full recap).

Burns, Pavelski push Sharks past Kings
LOS ANGELES -- Brent Burns, Joe Pavelski and Tommy Wingels scored in the San Jose Sharks' seventh win at Staples Center in their last eight trips, 3-2 over the Los Angeles Kings on Wednesday night.

Joe Thornton had two assists and Martin Jones made 22 saves for the defending Western Conference champion Sharks, who wrapped up their regular-season series against their biggest rivals with three victories in five games.

After Burns scored his 19th goal in the opening minutes, San Jose hung on through a scoreless third period to continue its recent domination in downtown Los Angeles, including three victories in last season's first-round playoff series.

Tanner Pearson and Marian Gaborik scored for the Kings, who ended a seven-game homestand with four defeats (see full recap).

McDavid scores in OT, Oilers edge Panthers
EDMONTON, Alberta -- Connor McDavid scored the winning goal in overtime as the Edmonton Oilers won their fourth game in a row, 4-3 over the Florida Panthers on Wednesday night.

McDavid, who also had two assists in the game, got a breakaway late in overtime and got the puck away with 2.6 seconds left. Florida's James Reimer made the glove save, but the puck was ruled to be across the line via video review.

Zack Kassian, Mark Letestu and Jordan Eberle also scored for the Oilers, who have their longest winning streak since December 2015.

Vincent Trocheck, Michael Sgarbossa and Greg McKegg had goals for the Panthers, who have lost two straight (see full recap).

Joel Embiid, Sixers prove plenty with benchmark win over Raptors

Joel Embiid, Sixers prove plenty with benchmark win over Raptors

BOX SCORE

The Sixers weren’t supposed to beat the Raptors, were they? This was going to be an “easy” game for the visiting team, which was coming to Philadelphia on a back-to-back that started in Brooklyn. The Raptors are a playoff team, and second in the Eastern Conference at that. Not to mention, they had defeated the Sixers in their last 14 meetings.

Maybe easy would have been the case the last time the two teams played back in mid-December. For the Sixers, though, things have changed since then and a 94-89 win over the Raptors on Wednesday proved this recent success is not fleeting (see Instant Replay).

“I don’t think it’s a fluke,” Joel Embiid said. “We’re competing. We’re winning games. We’re playing great defense. We finally found what we’ve been looking for.”

The Sixers had been missing clearly-defined roles and a defensive identity (see story). Now that Brett Brown has whittled down his roster to 10 players and laid out a starting five and second unit, the team has been gelling in those two aspects. The Sixers have won seven out of their last nine games, with the Raptors being the highest caliber of competition.

The Raptors entered the game averaging 111.5 points per game, first in the East and third in the NBA behind only the Warriors and Rockets. They had scored less than 100 points in just seven games this season. Additionally, the Raptors had been held to under 90 points by a single opponent: the Spurs. Not bad company to be in. 

Embiid led all players with 26 points (including 12 for 14 from the free throw line) to go with nine rebounds (see highlights). The Sixers staved off 25 points (11 for 21 from the field), six assists and three rebounds from DeMar DeRozan and 24 points (11 for 16 from the line), four rebounds, four assists and five steals from Kyle Lowry, who fouled out. The Raptors shot 25 percent from three and 65.2 percent at the free throw line.  

“We’re playing with a spirit, we’re playing with a defensive mindset,” Brown said. “There is a belief within each other amongst the team that is the best that it’s been since I’ve been here.”

The Sixers' winning stretch began against subpar teams, opponents who earlier in the season some would look at the schedule and say, the Sixers could probably take that one, as they tried to project a batch of victories. The Sixers turned those wins over the Nuggets, Timberwolves and Nets into momentum and carried it into a matchup against the Knicks.

Even though the Knicks are looking lost this season, they still have veteran offensive firepower that can take over a game against a struggling opponent. The Sixers made noise by beating them at the buzzer, then escalated their performance against the postseason-hungry Hornets and Bucks. 

The Raptors are different, though. There is no questioning their success and potential to make a deep playoff run … again. Nonetheless, the Sixers handled this well-seasoned opponent with composure and confidence down the stretch. 

They stayed together when DeRozan hit a jumper with 1:53 to play to give the Raptors their first lead since the second quarter. The Sixers responded to the one-point deficit with a 7-0 run to push the edge up to six points with 20.7 seconds to go.

“I think it says we’re for real. It shows our consistency that we’ve built throughout the year,” Nerlens Noel said. “We’re relentless. We have a young group of guys that know how to play the game and play it the right way and will come out there and compete against anybody in this league. I think the perception should be a whole different one now.”

The Sixers showed they can compete with top talent. Their wins aren't just coming from teams at the bottom of the standings. 

"That gives us a lot of confidence," Embiid said. "Coming into the game, we had a lot of confidence. Winning against the second-best team in the East is just amazing. We’re going to keep on working."