The first thing you’re taught when learning to play help defense is, “See ball, see man.” Jeremy Lin’s mom did neither of those things… and that’s why she got yammed on.
Earlier this week, Lin pulled off one of the greatest dunks (on someone) in the history of basketball. Granted, Mrs. Lin is a lousy rim protector, just a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shot blocker, but that doesn’t stop us from wondering where Jeremy Lin’s alley-oop ram-a-jam-bam ram-jammer ranks among the all-time greatest ram-jams (over someone)?
Lin over His Mom
What made this dunk so hype was how sneaky it was. So smart of the Lin brothers to play barefoot, literally tip-toe’ing into the kitchen, quietly attacking (and punishing) the woman who birthed them. I know, I know, it’s not easy to stop a 3-on-1 break – especially one that includes a baseline, out-of-bounds alley-oop? – but Mrs. Lin could’ve at least made an EFFORT to break up the play. You gotta get your hands out in the passing lanes, lady! PUT DOWN DA SNACKZ.
Tom Chambers over Mark Jax
Incredible that the first two dunks on this list are by an Asian dude and a white person. Still, Chambers’s dunk over Jackson is undeniably a Ramma-lamma-ding-dong Special.
At least Jackson, unlike Mrs. Lin, sort of attempted to take a charge. He failed, and instead just took a flying knee to the throat. As amazing as this dunk was – and it was amazing – I still prefer when Chambers went off for 36 points in the first half versus the Lakers.
Verdict: Lin’s is better.
Shawn Kemp over Alton Lister
Poor Alton Lister. Poor, old, broken-down, terrible at basketball, Alton Lister. The guy was just trying to earn a living… I sort of feel bad for including this one.
Although let’s be honest, the dunk by Kemp wasn’t that awesome. I mean, clearly it was awesome, but it wasn’t thatttttt awesome… it was the Academy Award-winning cinematography that really makes this dunk. The little zing-zang by the cameraman right as Kemp points at Lister really brings it home. For the record, Alton Lister averaged 2.3 points per game in 1992. He was 9-feet tall.
Verdict: Lin’s is way better.
Mike Marra (ex-Louisville forward) over Some Chump
The audacity of Marra to even attempt that windmill. What a jerk.
Verdict: Lin’s is slightly better, but mostly because of Marra’s terrible haircut.
18-year-old Kobe over Ben Wallace before Ben Wallace was Ben Wallace
The fact that this video has the word “OWNAGE” in the title makes me want to get blasted by a Buick. Still, totally worth watching just for Nick Van Exel’s reaction.
Verdict: Lin’s is better… OWNAGE.
Vince Carter over that 7-foot French Dude
This video includes six different camera angles, two screaming French people, and one Vin Baker stink face.
Verdict: Why do I insist on keeping this charade going? Each one of these dunks is WAY better than Lin’s. VINCE CARTER JUMPED OVER A WHOLE GUY.
Victor Dukes over Some High School Kid
The guy he dunks on can’t get off the ground.
He can’t get off the ground.
No human being has ever elevated higher than Victor Dukes (who was a sophomore in high school when he rammed this ram). As of now, ESPN dot com claims ZERO schools are currently recruiting Dukes, which is reason #4,827 why I hate everything.
Verdict: Who cares, life is meaningless.
Doc over Coop
For some reason – for some dumb, stupid, inexplicable reason – this video includes commentary from Mike Piazza.
Verdict: .308 lifetime average. Can’t argue with that.
DeAndre Jordan over Brandon Knight
Verdict: Good night.