The following is a guest post by Eric Marmon
All aboard the hype train! The dining car is open, and they’re serving nothing but Kool-Aid, smoothies, and sky-high expectations. Next stop, Santa Clara!
Okay, so at 2-3, the Birds aren’t exactly opening up the ticket office for playoff seating. However, in the 2015 NFC East, they’re not nearly as far off as you think (or should be). ESPN already says we’ve got this! And it’s all thanks to the NFC East, the NFL’s own personal cloaca.
Here’s what happened this week around the division that helped keep the Eagles season alive:
Washington R-Word
What Happened: Let’s skip to the part where Washington fans get punched in the stomach: The Falcons took a 19-16 lead with 24 seconds remaining (actually scoring twice due to a boneheaded incompletion call by the referees) which seemingly put this one to bed. Somehow, Washington quarterback Kirk Cousins completed three consecutive passes against Nnamdi-soft coverage to get his team into field goal range. The Washington kicker (whom they signed four days before Chip signed Caleb Sturgis, for the record) hit a 52-yard kick, and Washington was heading to overtime.
Then, predictably, Kirk Cousins did Kirk Cousins things, throwing an interception off his back foot that was returned 59 yards for a walk-off Atlanta victory.
NFL
Was the INT Cousins fault? According to former Eagles Donte Stallworth, yes, yes it was. Stallworth took to Twitter blasting the Washington QB, confirming for football fans everywhere that Donte Stallworth is still alive. Also, for his opinion on the Iran Deal, click here.
Meanwhile, earlier this week former Washington coach Mike Shanahan said The Kirkster was capable of taking a team to a Super Bowl. Which seems unlikely, since he needs to throw interceptions to survive. Seriously, they’re like oxygen for him.
What This Means For The Eagles: Atlanta has now swept the NFC East, which takes a lot of the sting out of the Bird’s opening night choke job. However, the Week 4 loss at FedEx Field still feels like a cheap wine hangover.
Despite what we saw last week on the final drive of the game, Cousins and the Washington Football Team aren’t a legitimate threat to make major waves in this septic tank division. The ideal situation for Eagles fans is for Washington to stay competitive enough to take a few games from New York and Dallas.
What’s Next: @ New York Jets (coming off a bye), vs. Tampa Bay, @ New England. If Jay Gruden’s squad can take two of the next three, they’ll have matched their win total from 2014. It’s the little things.
Dallas Cowboys
What Happened: For the first time since Romo went down with a broken collarbone, the Cowboys got thoroughly demolished. Sure, they hadn’t won a game since Jordan Hicks smashed the overrated signal-caller into the Lincoln Financial Field turf, but this was the first time Jason Garrett’s squad looked fully overmatched. Y’know, like a team led by Brandon Weeden is suppose to.
This wasn’t some quick-and-laughable blowout that you could turn off after six minutes (though. This was a slow death, as the Patriots never scored more than ten points in a quarter. The Dallas offense couldn’t get anything going all afternoon, and the Super Bowl Champs* left Big D with a 30-6 victory.
I know, considering Dallas has the greatest offensive line in the history of professional sports, I’m surprised as well.
The highlight of the afternoon for Cowboys fans (which is comparable to saying “the highlight of Ruben Amaro Jr’s 2015 offseason”) was Greg Hardy, who returned from his four game suspension and made his presence felt immediately. Hardy had two sacks and a forced fumble, which ended up having as much impact on the final result as a Chris Christie fart.
Feel good, Jerry Jones; you brought in a domestic abusing gun enthusiast with zero self awareness or remorse, and it won’t save your season. Usually when you make a deal with the devil, you get something in return. Someone DM me if Jones is seen with a golden fiddle.
Meanwhile, rooting for the Patriots is like pulling for Magneto in an X-Men movie. I feel like I need a shower.
What This Means For The Eagles: Dallas is now in free-fall mode. As long as Romo is out, the Cowboys have about as much chance of winning the NFC East as the Miami Marlins. Four weeks from now, the ‘Boys host the Eagles for a game that could be the final nail in Jason Garrett’s season.
What’s Next: The Cowboys are entering the bye week on a three game losing streak; expect Matt Cassel to be the starter when they return. They’ll face the Giants, then Seattle, then Sunday Night Football in Dallas. Dez Bryant thinks he’ll be back before then, and if he does, we need to get some of his stem cells for Joel Embiid.
*the asterisks was added to annoy people from Boston. David Ortiz did steroids.
New York Giants
What Happened: In a see-saw match on primetime, Eli Manning Face and the New York Giants came through big when it mattered, marching down the field for a game-winning touchdown and a 27-30 victory. The truly woeful San Francisco 49ers hung around all game (Coughlin’s squad never led by more than ten), but didn’t have an answer for Shane Vereen of all people (three catches for 51-yards on the final drive), and suddenly the Giants are the NFC East’s hottest franchise.
How good are the Giants really? They’re a lot like Siri on your iPhone; expectations aren’t likely to go much higher. Like the Saints, the 49ers are a former NFC powerhouse on rapid decline. The Giants victory this Sunday wasn’t nearly as encouraging as the Eagles was, but it was a victory nonetheless.
Oh, and Odell Beckham Jr hurt his hamstring salsa-dancing after a touchdown. Considering Victor Cruz is still out with an injured hamstring, it’s fair to wonder (loudly) if OBJ took his tribute a little too seriously. Sure, Beckham claims he pulled his hammy a few plays before the touchdown, but that’s either a big, dumb, yellow-haired lie or simpyl a dumb way to celebrate when you’re injured. Either way, it’s getting easier and easier to dislike this guy.
Rueben Randle also left the game with a hamstring injury, meaning the Giants Top 3 receivers are all suffering from hamstring-related ailments. Chalk that up as a victory for #SportsScience.
Meanwhile, reports of Colin Kaepernick’s demise are as exaggerated as Na Brown preseason expectations. If the Eagles have a chance of acquiring this guy over the summer, I say go for it. It will be criminal if Chip Kelly goes his entire NFL tenure without a truly mobile quarterback.
What This Means For The Eagles: Win Monday night, and the Eagles are suddenly the NFC East favorites. Additionally, there’s a chance Beckham might not play, which would go a long way towards making Byron Maxwell’s contract look smart.
Winners of three straight, the Giants have to be feeling good about themselves. The Eagles have a real chance to take the legs out from under New York. To get a sense of what that would look like, Google “Chase Utley Ruben Tejada.”
What’s Next: A year ago, the Giants came to Philadelphia with a 3-2 record, riding a three game winning streak, with a chance to make the NFC East theirs. They were shut-out by a defense featuring Bradley Fletcher and Nate Allen. The Gmen didn’t win another game until December.
On Monday, the Giants come to Philadelphia with a 3-2 record, riding a three game winning streak, with a chance to make the NFC East theirs. They’ll go up against a defense that features Jordan Hicks, Fletcher Cox, and Walter Thurmond (three interceptions? Go figure). New York got the monkey off their backs the past three weeks by holding on to 4th quarter leads, but there’s a different animal waiting for them at The Linc on Monday.