The Evster breaks down the 1989-90 Sixers team photo

The Evster breaks down the 1989-90 Sixers team photo

This April marks the 24th anniversary of the 1989-90 Atlantic Division Champion Thump 'n Bump Philadelphia 76ers. Now obviously, a 25th anniversary celebration would make more sense, but after googling "Da Golden Child Kurt Nimphius" and finding the team photo above, I couldn't wait another year to write this article.

Forget about Grantland's oral histories or talking to actual human beings, a deep look into this photo will tell you everything you ever wanted to know about this squad. They say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, this one is worth 919.

Let's start with the obvious.

BOOM SHAKALAKA.

Like a great 19th century impressionist painting, the eye is immediately drawn to these three towers of power, Bob Thornton, Kurt Nimphius and Mike Gminski. Nice of the G-Man to show up considering he just finished filming an episode of Guiding Light. That beard is SHORN, and check out the curly-q's creeping along the back of his neck. No wonder he averaged 13 and 9. Opposite the G-Man, you can't help but notice Bob Thornton's lack of shoulder hair. Shocking, really. Nimphius is just on a whole 'nother level though. THAT SMILE. Talk about just being happy to be there. Honestly, how did these dudes not have a sitcom together? And are you telling me that Kurt Nimphius didn't moonlight as a Main Line orthodontist?

Speaking of perfectly straight teeth ...

RONNIE RON RON ANDERSON.

Look at those pearly whites. And the 'stache. Andddddddd the 'stache! Unstoppable. Ron Anderson missed out on the 6th Man of the Year award that year, losing out to Ricky Pierce, but Ricky never had a mustache/smile combo like that. Also, those are some really smooth and defined cheek bones. I can't believe how in love I am with Ron Anderson. Nice little earsies, too.

I have a buddy whose father used to own the pharmacy at the corner of 54th and City Line, right across from where the Sixers used to practice at St. Joe's, and he claims that Ron Anderson used to come in before road trips to pick up CASES of condoms. Not cartons, but CASES. I am not making that up and I am also not surprised because Ronald is a STALLION.

Scott Brooks and Derek Smith seem to be having the time of their lives, a clear sign of how well this team got along. You would think that maybe they were laughing at something the Chuckster said, but Charles looks pretty focused here, so I'm gonna rule that one out. They could be having a laugh at the expense of Kenny Payne, but that'd be too easy. But if you look closer, it's actually pretty obvious as to why they're cracking up.

Buzz Braman totally farted.

He totally farted!

Look at that face, he can't deny it. Plus, if you zoom out a bit, you can see that Sixers' trainer, Tony Harris, is giggling like an idiot. Could probably feel the warm breeze on his leg.

Have you EVER seen hair like Buzz Braman's?

Nimphius Schmimphius, this guy is an Adonis. Nothing about his haircut makes sense. There's little sprouts popping out all over the place, and yep -- yep yep yep -- that's a Reverse Renegade mustache. I knew it. I knew it from the second I looked at it. HE'S A REAL PERSON, FOLKS. Buzz Braman is a real, live, breathing person who walked out of his house every day and tackled the world looking like this. God this is an unbelievable country we live in.

At the other end of Coaches Row is equipment manager, Alan Lumpkin, aka the Double Breasted Assassin. You don't see suits like that every day, people, you simply do NOT. I'm guessing Lumpkin came straight from Jos. A Bank and has like 14 more suits (and a sack of cocaine) in the trunk of his car. Seriously, how does that place stay in business? They always have the most ridiculous sales: Buy one suit, get two suits free, plus three shirts, four ties, a 1987 Buick Skylark, a half-a-pound of turnips and a free week trial of America Online.

That's a fascinating business model, you got there, Joey Banks. Absolutely fascinating.

Then there's Lanard Copeland, who is absolutely miserable. YO LENARD. YOU'RE EARNING AN NBA PAYCHECK. HOW 'BOUT CRACKIN A SMILE, YOUNG BUCK?

Then again, he's sandwiched in between Charles and Hawk, who are both sitting like a couple of jerks on the subway, taking up all the legroom, completely oblivious that someone's sitting next to them.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN, LANARD.

THIS LADY WAS ALL UP IN MY GRILL LAST WEEK.

Then there's my main man Johnny Dawkins aka Johnny Dawk-Dawk (no one called him that). This picture looks pretty harmless until you look at his sneakers: Avias. Seriously. Dawk-Dawk is wearing Avias. The only other people in 1989 who wore Avias were Hakeem Olajuwon and Jane Fonda.

Whatever, Fonda!

Get over yourself!

But back to Dawk-Dawk. 1989 was right smack in the middle of the greatest era in basketball sneaker history. Hersey Hawkins is rocking the Nike Air Revolutions. Lanard Copeland's got the Air Flights. Even G-Man is wearing Cons. But not Dawk-Dawk, that stubborn son-of-a-bitch.

For the record, I happen to know another ill-nana point guard (and future 700 Level blogger) whose sneaker game was on point back in the day.

SMOOTHEST THIGHS IN DA BIZ, Y'ALL!

Follow the Evster @TVMWW.

Phillies-Dodgers 5 things: Next 15 games will show us who the Phils are

Phillies-Dodgers 5 things: Next 15 games will show us who the Phils are

Phillies (11-9) at Dodgers (11-12)
10:10 p.m. on CSN; streaming live on CSNPhilly.com and the NBC Sports App

Draft, schmaft. The streaking Phillies are the best story in town.

OK, maybe not until Monday. But there's a buzz around this Phillies team, which has won six games in a row but begins a tough road trip Friday night in L.A.

Let's take a look:

1. Daunting stretch commences
The Phillies played well for the first seven weeks last season and carried a 25-19 record into a difficult road trip through Detroit and Chicago.

They won one game on that trip, beginning a stretch of 19 losses in 24 games. With that, their season was effectively over.

"We've just got to continue that for a little bit longer than we did last year," Pete Mackanin said after Thursday's win.

It won't be easy. The Phillies have three at Dodger Stadium, then four at Wrigley Field against the defending champion-Cubs, then they play six of their next eight against the Nationals, who've been the best team in baseball this month. (They also have a two-game series with the Mariners in there.)

Even if the Phils go something like 6-9 during this upcoming stretch, they'd emerge out of it 17-18, which would be a more-than-respectable start given the difficulty of their early-season schedule.

The good news is that after facing the Nationals six more times the next two weeks, the Phillies don't play them again until September.

2. Be like Maik
Maikel Franco's hot bat has carried the Phillies over the last week. 

During the six-game winning streak, he's gone 9 for 23 (.391) with a double, two homers, 10 RBIs, three walks and just one strikeout. The grand slam was great but the best sign has been the way he's used the whole field and not gotten himself out.

Franco is hitting mistake-pitches right now. It's something we haven't seen him do consistently the last two seasons because of his over-aggressiveness.

This hot streak won't last forever — in fact, it might not even make the trip out West. But Franco has indeed shown that when he's seeing the ball well, he can carry an offense. We used to say that often about the Phillies' previous cleanup hitter, didn't we?

3. Also, be like Eick
The Phillies have played so well the last week that even the national folks at MLB Network took notice Thursday night.

Greg Amsinger, Dan Plesac and Eric Byrnes did two whole segments on the Phillies, and at the end of one of them Plesac said that, "When this team is ready to contend again, Jerad Eickhoff will be front and center."

Eickhoff is finally getting some recognition.

Every athlete in every sport will tell you consistency is what they seek the most. It's as cliche as it gets, and it's usually meaningless because nothing in sports is totally consistent. You're hot for a few weeks, teams adjust, a cold spell begins, etc.

Well, Eickhoff is totally consistent. He's pitched six or more innings in 26 of 37 starts the last two seasons and he's allowed three earned runs or less in 31 of them.

Every fifth day, the Phillies know what they're going to get: at least six quality innings that keep them in the game and provide them a chance for a late win.

The Phils never seem to hit for Eickhoff, who is 0-1 this season despite stellar numbers: a 2.55 ERA, 1.05 WHIP, more than a strikeout per inning and a .200 opponents' batting average.

Eickhoff has been considerably better at home than on the road during his brief career, posting a 2.95 ERA at Citizens Bank Park and a 3.80 ERA everywhere else.

He's never pitched at Dodger Stadium, a ballpark that definitely favors pitchers.

Eickhoff's lone meeting with the Dodgers came last August. It was one of the few games he allowed more than four runs, but the Phillies actually provided some offense to get him off the hook. He struck out eight but was taken deep by Justin Turner and Yasmani Grandal.

4. A look at the Dodgers
Over are the days when the Dodgers had too many productive outfielders to play at one time. Matt Kemp has been traded twice, Andre Ethier can't get on the field, Joc Pederson is on the DL and Yasiel Puig has become a mediocre player.

The Dodgers' lineup looks a lot different these days, especially with first baseman Adrian Gonzalez shelved temporarily with a forearm injury that's bothered him for months.

Turner and Corey Seager are the two standouts in L.A.'s lineup. 

It's often mentioned that the Mets shouldn't have let Daniel Murphy walk, but losing Turner hurt nearly as much. Since signing with the Dodgers in 2014, Turner has hit .300/.368/.491 with 90 doubles, 50 home runs and 201 RBIs in 407 games. He's coming off an insane second half last season and leads the NL with nine doubles.

Seager has so far lived up to every bit of hype. In 898 plate appearances, he's hit .312 with a .900 OPS. He walks, he has massive power, he hits doubles (40 last season) and plays really good defense.

The key to holding the Dodgers in check is getting past that 2-3 of Seager and Turner. The rest of the lineup is lacking right now with Gonzalez, Pederson and Logan Forsythe banged up.

The Dodgers earlier this week called up one of their top prospects in first baseman Cody Bellinger. He's 1 for 10 with five strikeouts through three games. He entered the season as Baseball America's No. 7 prospect in the majors. The guy has hit bombs at every minor-league level.

5. Phils face Maeda
• The Phillies will face second-year Japanese right-hander Kenta Maeda, who went 16-11 with a 3.48 ERA last season but hasn't pitched well yet in 2017. In four starts, he's 1-2 with a 8.05 ERA and has allowed seven home runs in 19 innings.

Maeda doesn't go too deep into games. He's lasted less than six innings in 21 of his 36 starts with the Dodgers.

Maeda got the win both times he faced the Phillies last season but didn't pitch particularly well either time. He gave up five runs in 11 innings on four homers. The home runs were hit by Aaron Altherr, Freddy Galvis, Cesar Hernandez and Cameron Rupp.

Galvis and Hernandez each reached base against him three times.

Maeda has five pitches: a four-seam fastball, slider, changeup, sinker and curveball. He primarily uses the fastball and slider against righties but will throw any of those pitches to a lefty. The changeup has been by far his best pitch in the majors (.204 opponents' batting average, no home runs allowed) and the curveball has been by far his worst (.383).

The legend of Carson Wentz grows with GARBShotz reprise at NFL draft

The legend of Carson Wentz grows with GARBShotz reprise at NFL draft

Carson Wentz doesn't even have to be playing football for Philly to love him.

He stole the show on day one of the NFL Draft Experience simply by showing up on a golf cart and messing with a Cowboys fan.

This morning he made appearance on the NFL Network's Good Morning Football and brought back his infamous GARBShotz persona.

And as the name says, Carson can't miss.