The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

I’m not normally the type of person who cares about stuff, but the Redskins nickname is racist as shit. It's like calling a team the Cincinnati Black People or the New York Jews. I know, I know, the name 'Redskins' has EQUITY and Native Americans aren't real, but that’s not the point, the point is that I needed something to write about this week.

So here’s some free advice for you, Dan Snyder. Instead of shelling out thousands of dollars to some fancy dancy marketing firm, check out these new names and logo treatments that I've created FREE OF CHARGE for your clammy football team.

Note from Evster’s lawyer who is real and a person: Mr. Snyder, these names and logos are NOT free. Nothing in this world is free. If you choose to go forward with any of these designs, there will be a charge. Let's start the conversation at $11, shall we?

Ideally when rebranding a franchise, your team name should be intimidating (JAG-OO-UARS) while also giving a nod to the city they’re from (Jacksonville starts with a J!). This is not necessary, but it certainly adds some nice value. It’s not like there are lions roaming around downtown Detroit, but I do appreciate the cleverness of the New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, and Saskatchewan Hairy Mole Women.

So let's check out some new names for da Skins.

Washington Mega Ram Jam Ram Jammers

It is a fact, a medical fact, that nothing is cooler than ramming a basketball down a white person’s throat. Imagine a football team whose entire image was built on just that. I know, we’re mixing up sports, but look at how cute that guy is hanging on the rim up there. He has a flat top! If you’re still not convinced that this is the most awesome idea, watch this  video of all 57 of Gerald Green’s rams from this past NBA season. There's so many rams!

For the record, Gerald Green is not actually from D.C. but if you told me he was I'd totally believe you.

Washington Flarfs

It’s 2014, no one cares about making sense anymore. I talked to a guy in line at Wendy's the other day who told me that if they serve you french fries that aren't hot, just ask for a new pack o' gizzlers. No idea what he was talking about. Absolutely no idea. And yet I consider him to be a very dear friend.

Are you telling me you wouldn't wear a "WASHINGTON FLARFS" hooded sweatshirt? I'd pay big bucks ($3) to hear Gus Johnson announcing a game and screaming about how the Flarfs were just flarfing all over the place. I sort of feel like this article should just end now -- I mean we're not gonna do better than the Flarfs -- but I did spend a bunch of time flarfing out some new logos, so let's just flarf on.

Washington Kathie Lee Giffords

I can't think of a more terrifying image than lining up against 11 Kathie Lee Giffords. Now I know that if you change your team name to the Kathie Lee Giffords, you don't actually get to sign 45 Kathie Lee Giffords, but a man can dream.

The D.C. connection here is obviously people constantly talking about bullshit and never shutting up and no I'm not from D.C. please don't be rude.

Washington Potato Skins

It's like Redskins, but with potatoes! Notice too how there are laces on the outside of this potato skin to make it look like a pigskin. Also, the potato skin sort of looks like a stadium. Also it's a potato skin.

Washington Dentists

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more terrifying than going to the dentist. The scraping, the x-rays, the hygienists berating you for not flossing enough. Well, here's a football team that will be just as intimidating. Plus, great opportunity to dress up your cheerleaders as hot hygienists. Although I gotta be honest, I have never, EVER, had a hot hygienist. I feel like it's a total myth. Every one of my hygienists has been from Broomall. That being said, there are few better feelings in this world than walking out of that office carrying that little plastic bag with a new toothbrush and floss. Struttin' like the goddamn King of Westeros.

By the way, how is it that in this day of modern medicine, we can attach a guy's butt to his foot but we still remove plaque with a metal hook.

Washington People Who Graduated from the University of Maryland with a Communications Degree

Ugh, no one is worse than Maryland grads. From that stupid state flag to their love of Lonny Baxter, nothing about these people is interesting. Then again, I do know a guy who once barfed on a dog there, so I guess that's pretty cool.

Washington Belt Waze

It's a belt but also a beltway and a football stadium and I spelled "ways" with a "z" and I really do get paid money to write these things.

Washington Red Skinny Jeans

Good night, everybody.

Follow the Evster @TVMWW.

The Sixers are the perfect distraction from the Sixers

The Sixers are the perfect distraction from the Sixers

There's your Philadelphia 76ers season in a nutshell, huh? Nerlens Noel gets traded for an all-lemon pack of Starbursts, Ben Simmons' right foot is still apparently stuck in a beartrap, Joel Embiid can't get himself dismissed from the nurse's office, and Jahlil Okafor is forced back into +1 status after everyone else passed on going to the concert with Bryan Colangelo -- and the Ballers still go out and beat one of the best teams in the East in their first game back from the All-Star break. Nearly everything about the Sixers is depressing right now, except for the team themselves. They're cool. 

Kudos to Brett Brown, man. The team is playing with such fluency and energy right now that it can withstand some losses in personnel without the drop-off being particularly dramatic -- at least for the moment. Replacing Embiid and Noel with Okafor and Holmes for as long as we'll have to do it will catch up with us in time, but for now, all you can do is marvel at the pace, cohesion and (with some mildly glaring moments of exception) discipline that Brown has the guys playing at the moment. I doubt there are five coaches in the league having a more impressive season than him right now. 

But the players were pretty good in this one, too. Dario Saric had 20-11-4 in his first start in three weeks, continuing his unlikely Rookie of the Year surge with his third-straight double-double and fourth game of 20-plus in his last six games. The All-Star Break hasn't cooled Robert Covington's hot hand, as the shooter went 5-9 from deep last night and is now 17-31 on threes over his last four games, also posting a 20-10 night with his 25 points and 11 boards. (Also three assists and four steals, whatever.) Richaun Holmes dunked over some people and reminded a handful of fans why they've gotten way too excited about him at various points earlier in the year. Good times were had by all. 

Games like last night's also just remind you how marginal the difference between winning and losing is. As they've been wont to do forever, the Sixers blew their considerable lead to the Wizards late in this one, which would've undoubtedly resulted in a tragic loss in years past. But these days, the leads are a little bigger going into the Sixers' fourth-quarter tailspins, and their defense is just a little tighter on critical possessions, and that's the difference between losing on a Bradley Beal buzzer-beater and hitting just enough free throws to squeak out a mildly secure 120-112 victory. 

Anyway, after an impossibly discouraging week of Sixers happenings, it turns out some actual Sixers basketball is just what we needed. Hopefully their level of play will continue to get better as news of their off-court developments invariably keeps getting worse .

Best of NBA: DeRozan scores career-high 43 points in Raptors' win

Best of NBA: DeRozan scores career-high 43 points in Raptors' win

TORONTO -- DeMar DeRozan scored a career-high 43 points and the Toronto Raptors rallied from a 17-point deficit to beat the Boston Celtics 107-97 on Friday night.

DeRozan shot 15 of 28 from the floor as he surpassed his 42-point effort against the Houston Rockets on March 30, 2015, helping the Raptors overcome the absence of fellow All-Star Kyle Lowry. Lowry sat out with a right wrist injury.

Serge Ibaka, acquired by trade from the Orlando Magic last week, scored 15 points in his debut, while fellow newcomer P.J. Tucker, picked up from the Phoenix Suns on Thursday, had a game-high 10 rebounds and nine points in his first game for his new team.

Isaiah Thomas scored 20 points for Boston, which also got 19 points each from Jae Crowder and Marcus Smart (see full recap).

Westbrook triple-double lifts Thunder over Lakers
OKLAHOMA CITY -- Russell Westbrook scored 17 points in his 28th triple-double of the season, and his new teammates fit in seamlessly as the Oklahoma City Thunder defeated the Los Angeles Lakers 110-93 on Friday night.

Westbrook also had 18 rebounds and 17 assists for the 65th triple-double of his career.

It was the first game for new Thunder players Taj Gibson and Doug McDermott, acquired Thursday in a trade with the Chicago Bulls. Gibson scored 12 points and McDermott added eight, even though they arrived Thursday night and weren't even available for shootaround on Friday.

Alex Abrines and Andre Roberson each set a career high with 19 points, and Steven Adams added 15 points and 10 rebounds for the Thunder.

D'Angelo Russell scored 29 for the Lakers (see full recap).

Pacers beat Grizzlies to snap six-game skid
INDIANAPOLIS -- CJ Miles made five 3-pointers and scored 17 points, Paul George had nine points and nine rebounds after remaining with Indiana following the trade deadline, and the Pacers snapped a six-game losing streak with a 102-92 victory over the Memphis Grizzlies on Friday night.

Monta Ellis finished with 16 points, Myles Turner scored 12, and Lavoy Allen, Jeff Teague and Thaddeus Young each added 10 for the Pacers.

The Pacers outscored the Grizzlies 64-42 across the middle two quarters and never relinquished their lead, leading by as many as 27 points in the second half. The Grizzlies finished the game shooting 41 percent from the floor (35 for 84).

Troy Daniels had 13 points for Memphis and Marc Gasol scored 12. Indiana outrebounded Memphis 50-39 and scored 29 points off 17 Grizzlies turnovers (see full recap).