Comcast SportsNet

The Evster puts together the all-time most annoying Duke basketball team

The Evster puts together the all-time most annoying Duke basketball team

Everyone should love Duke basketball. Obviously we don't -- because Duke players constantly suck their own butts -- but we should. They play tough defense. They bomb threes. And they sometimes have a mega-ram-bam ram-jammer who does nothing but ram. (Basically I'm just talking about Mason Plumlee here, but you know what I'm saying.) And yet, Duke is still the worst. The absolute worst.

So seeing as Philadelphia is a hub for human suffering, I figured I'd put together the all-time most annoying Duke basketball team just to rile us all up. Then I figured we could make fun of them one by one. Because if there's one thing that brings this city together, it's pissing all over people who are way more successful than us.

Right, Kobe?

Whatever, Sénor Sunglasses!

Get over yourself!

THE STARTERS 

POINT GUARD - WOJO, OBVIOUSLY

Defining Duke Characteristic: No one, and I mean no one, enjoyed slapping that stupid floor more than Steve Wojciechowski (THAT IS A REAL NAME, PEOPLE). Before Wojo, I actually liked the floor slap. It was so primal and intense. Just a dude, bending over, waiving his ass in the air and slamming his palms against the hard, glossy wood. Nothing fires up a defense like a floor slap. The energy picks up, the offense feels challenged, and the chances of someone getting choked out exponentially rises. And that's basically all I want out of life: more choke outs. The other day, I was making sweet, passionate, dirty love to my wife, and in the middle of an outfit change I started slapping the floor like a lemur. Then I threw my back out and had to lay down for a while, but if I hadn't thrown my back out, awwwwww man, she was gonna get it. But stupid Wojo ruined it all. He slapped that floor on like every possession. Plus, he was like 4 foot 6, so he hardly even had to reach down! God, what a stupid name: Wojo. That's like the dumbest name ever. My back hurts so much, all the time. I go through like a tube of Ben Gay a week. Everything I own smells like ointment.

Haircut: Wojo was rocking the mushroom cut around four years after Cherokee Parks ruined the mushroom cut. To make things worse, the sides of Wojo's head were always so sweaty, and he would smooth 'em down while his mushroom top flapped in the breeze. Also, ENORMOUS head.

Life After Duke: Wojo is currently an assistant on Coach K's staff and has the most disgusting white bread mayonnaise family in the history of Western civilizashe:

OH THAT POOR DOGGIE.

SHOOTING GUARD - CHRIS COLLINS

Defining Duke Characteristic: Such a whiner. Chris Collins argued every call, had a stupid squatting jump shot, and was an embarrassment to his world famous father, Phil Collins. Oh my God who cares can we just talk about how dumb his haircut was?

Haircut: Boring, lame-ass, parted on the side. Dude, you were in college. This was your time to look (and act) like a total bonehead. And yet you decided to rock the same look as my mailman. (NO DISRESPECT TO MY MAILMAN. LOVE YOU, WENDELL.) When I was in college, at least four of my friends tried to grow dreadlocks. Three of them got head lice, BUT THAT'S WHAT COLLEGE WAS ALL ABOUT. I remember shaving my buddy Clamball's head junior year and finding a small Armenian family living in his scalp. The Patroszians. Very nice people, those Patroszians. Ended up going into the rug business. Very, very nice. Always friendly. Possibly drug lords, but very friendly.

Life After Duke: After spending 47 years on Coach K's staff, Chris Collins is now the head coach at Northwestern. This year, the Wildcats failed to make the tournament for the 80th straight year, THANK GAWD.

QUARTERBACK - GREG PAULUS 

Defining Duke Characteristic: For all intents and purposes, Greg Paulus should've been cool. He was the 2005 Gatorade Athlete of the Year after starring as both a point guard and quarterback at New York's Christian Brothers Academy. During his career, Paulus threw for over 10,000 yards (still a state record). By comparison, I threw for 15 yards at my Thanksgiving Turkey Bowl game this year and had to leave the game early because my arm'y warm'y hurt. Paulus ended up choosing basketball over football and turning down loads of scholarship offers to play for Duke. After a four-year career that pretty much sucked a thousand butts, he went to grad school at Syracuse where he STARTED AT QUARTERBACK during the 2009 season. Once again, lotta butt sucking. He also loved to push teammates in their chests to show how fired up he was which I imagine is very annoying when you're a 6'10" McDonald's All American forced to play on the same team as Greg Paulus.

Haircut: Ughghghghghhhhhh.

Life After Duke: Paulus is now an assistant coach at Ohio State where he is shockingly only the second most annoying person in the program -- ranking just behind college basketball's #1 pony boy, Aaron Craft.

POSSIBLY THE BEST COLLEGE PLAYER EVER - CHRISTIAN LAETTNER

Defining Duke Characteristic: I was at that stupid game against Kentucky at the Spectrum and there was a Duke fan sitting directly behind me who was sooooooooooooo annoying, like constantly clapping in my ear and spitting popcorn everywhere and screaming at Coach K to "GIVE MARTY CLARK THE ROCK, BABY!" I actually sat in an aisle seat, and as Laettner's last shot went in, the dude behind me put his hands on my shoulders and LEAPFROGGED OVER MY HEAD. He literally jumped over me. I will never forget it. I saw the shot go down and then a grown man vaulted himself over my soft, teenage body. The guy then proceeded to run up and down the stairs screaming like a lunatic while I tried to trip him.

Haircut: Luke Perry would be nothing in this world without Christian Laetts. NOTHING.

Life After Duke: Dream Teamer, made an NBA all-star game, eventually got a decent haircut. Widely considered to be the greatest college basketball player who ever lived. Personally, I'd give that honor to that Armenian guy on St. Joe's and/or Spike Albrecht, but whatever. Also, in a documentary made about Duke in 2010, everyone pretty much admitted that they hated his guts.

CAPTAIN DORF - CHEROKEE PARKS

Defining Duke Characteristic: I don't really remember the Chief doing anything, ever. He might've knocked down a couple threes and grabbed a few boards, but I'm honestly not sure. He was essentially a doofier, lamer, clammier Christian Laettner. Also mighta been a drug addict.

Haircut: So, so, so floppy.

Life After Duke: I get it. I totally get it. Cherokee wanted to redefine himself once he left Durham and get outta the corny Dukie mold, But those tattoos?!?!

TRUE GRIT?

C'MON, CHIEF.

There is absolutely nothing gritty about Cherokee Parks. He essentially just jacked threes and shied away from contact his entire career. He had to be Byron Mullens' favorite player growing up. Below is a 12-second clip from the end of Cherokee's career, when he was playing in France, that pretty much sums up everything about him.

I IMPLORE you to watch it. (Honestly it's like 13 seconds long. Just watch it.)

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/bOZrsodQGuE width=620 height=465]

Pretty sure the dude filming says, "clang" the second after Cherokee jacks that three.

THE BENCH

DEFENSIVE STOPPERS/REAL ESTATE MOGULS - SHANE BATTIER and BRIAN DAVIS

Defining Duke Characteristic: Battier was a flopping machine (which frankly I had no problem with) while BD played just prior to the baggy shorts era and spent his entire career running around and showing off his tight little ass.

Haircut: To this day I have no idea what's going on with Shane Battier's head. Brian Davis had a psuedo-flatop, like he was too scared to REALLY commit to it. I mean, if you're gonna have a flattop, at least have an enormous one like Dominique Wilkins or my Aunt Maxine. For the record, Brian Davis might've sucked more butts than anyone.

Life After Duke: Battier has won two rings with the Miami Heat while Brian Davis made like a billion dollars in the real estate biz -- which makes this post that much more frustrating.

SPARK PLUG - QUIN SNYDER

Defining Duke Characteristic: Coach K's original pony boy. (I keep using that term and yet I have no idea know what it means.)

Haircut: Any man who has to constantly tuck his hair back behind his ears is hardly a man at all. That being said, let it be know that as I'm typing this I'm drinking a non-fat vanilla soy latte from Starbucks and just applied some face lotion to my T-zones.

Life After Duke: Resigned as head coach of Mizzou in 2006 amid rumors that he had a cocaine problem. Has probably had sex with MUCHO sorority girls. Still has yet to add another "n" to his first name.

THE ERIC MEEK, BRIAN ZOUBEK, GREG NEWTON, SHAV RANDOLPH, TAYMON DOMZALSKI, CHRIS BURGESS, JOSH MCROBERTS COMBO PLATTER 

Defining Duke Characteristics: It is incredible that Mark Madsen did not go to Duke.

Haircut: Have you seen Josh McRoberts these days?

LET ME LICK YOU UP AND DOWNNNNNNNNN, TIL YOU SAYYYYYYYY STOP.

I legitimately want to know what kind of conditioner he uses.

Life After Duke: Here's Eric Meek rejecting a guy from a foreign country that may or may not still exist.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/XXJIxGfb1c4 width=620 height=465]

SWAG MASTER GENERAL - AUSTIN RIVERS 

Defining Duke Characteristic: He wore a Sleeverson (that's what my wife calls those Allen Iverson arm sleeve thingies).

Haircut: Ohhhhhhhhh, Austin. That chin hair.

Life After Duke: According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Rivers' rookie season was the worst in the NBA's 68-year history. Here he is getting his ankles broken by James Harden.

[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/qge70eEDP6o width=620 height=349]

***Quick tangent to explain why Bobby Hurley is not on this list: Dude was nasty. You gotta admit, Bobby Hurley was like the modern day Bob Cooz. Yes, he was from New Jersey, and yes, he kinda looked like a squirrel, but he tore those Dream Teamers up in that scrimmage before the '92 Olympics. Have you seen those clips? HE AND PENNY AND C-WEBB WUZ KILLIN' EM. I would also not be surprised if Bobby Hurls smoked trees with Redman back in the day. He was a bad dude. Other dope Duke ballplayers that should not be featured on this team include: Robert Brickey, Johnny Dawkins, Kyrie Irving, Jabari Parker, Chris Carrawell, Elton Brand, Carlos Boozer, Grant Hill (sorta), Jay Williams, Trajan Langdon and JJ Redick (calm down).

THREE POINT SHOOTER WHO PROBABLY HAS A VERY GOOD LOOKING GIRLFRIEND -- JJ REDICK 

Defining Duke Characteristic: He was a total strokaholic who drained threes on the regg.

Haircut: So much gel/faux hawk/sprout action.

Life After Duke: Continues to drink draino on a daily basis for the LA Clippers.

12TH MAN -- MARTY CLARK 

Defining Duke Characteristic: Considered a deadly three-point sniper despite the fact that he hit four, mayyyyyybe five threes in his entire college career. Slightly edged out Nate James -- a guy who raised the roof more than any player ever -- to make this team.

Haircut: Actually had a pretty decent Johnny Unitas jawn.

Life After Duke: omg who cares life is meaningless.

Follow The Evster @TVMWW.

CSNPhilly Internship - Advertising/Sales

plain-peacock-logo.png

CSNPhilly Internship - Advertising/Sales

Position Title: Intern
Department: Advertising/Sales
Company: Comcast SportsNet Philadelphia
# of hours / week: 10 – 20 hours

Deadline: November 20

Basic Function

This position will work closely with the Vice President of Sales in generating revenue through commercial advertisements and sponsorship sales. The intern will gain first-hand sales experience through working with Sales Assistants and AEs on pitches, sales-calls and recapping material.

Duties and Responsibilities

• Assist Account Executive on preparation of Sales Presentations
• Cultivate new account leads for local sales
• Track sponsorships in specified programs
• Assist as point of contact with sponsors on game night set up and pre-game hospitality elements.
• Assist with collection of all proof of performance materials.
• Perform Competitive Network Analysis
• Update Customer database
• Other various projects as assigned

Requirements

1. Good oral and written communication skills.
2. Knowledge of sports.
3. Ability to work non-traditional hours, weekends & holidays
4. Ability to work in a fast-paced, high-pressure environment
5. Must be 19 years of age or older
6. Must be a student in pursuit of an Associate, Bachelor, Master or Juris Doctor degree
7. Must have unrestricted authorization to work in the US
8. Must have sophomore standing or above
9. Must have a 3.0 GPA

Interested students should apply here and specify they're interested in the ad/sales internship.

About NBC internships

A closer look at Nick Williams' surprising, impressive rookie season

usa-nick-williams-celebrate.jpg
USA Today Images

A closer look at Nick Williams' surprising, impressive rookie season

With less than two weeks to go before baseball season ends, now's a good time to begin looking back at the most surprising developments, stats and trends for the Phillies in 2017.

In no particular order, we'll run these throughout the fall, starting today with Nick Williams' success against left-handed pitching.

• • •

Williams has had an impressive rookie season overall but his success against same-handed pitching has been the biggest surprise in Year 1.

In the upper minor leagues in 2015 and 2016, Williams hit .223 with a .583 OPS.

As a major-leaguer, Williams has hit .282 against lefties with a .774 OPS, a double, two triples and two homers.

Makes me think back to a conversation with Williams in the summer of 2016, when things started to click for him vs. lefties.

"I've been seeing lefties a lot better lately," Williams said then. "A lot of them kind of do the same thing to me and that helps. I just want to master, really figure out what I'm trying to do and what they're trying to do to me. I didn't like when [managers] thought I couldn't hit a lefty and they would call a guy in from the bullpen just to pitch to me. It bothered me, I didn't like that, them thinking it could just take a lefty to get me out. I worked on it, worked on it, and I got better at it.

"Breaking balls away, sometimes they try to come in, but usually if they throw me a breaking ball that's a strike, it's a good pitch to hit. There's a couple times you can tip your hat to them for hitting a certain spot, but really, when lefties throw me a breaking ball for a strike, it's a good pitch to hit. Just staying patient and the one that's an inch off, two inches off, just bite your lip and take."

Williams won't place high in NL Rookie of the Year voting because it's been an impressive class with Cody Bellinger (the lock), Rhys Hoskins, Paul DeJong, Josh Bell and Kyle Freeland. (I think the Padres' Dinelson Lamet will be the third-best player among that group next year.) In other years, he'd be more of a top-five consideration.

Consistency over 300 PAs

Williams' strong summer has been overshadowed by Hoskins-mania but his production has been consistent.

Through 298 plate appearances with the Phillies, Williams has hit .287/.339/.478 with 14 doubles, four triples, 10 homers and 48 RBIs. 

Project that over 162 games and you get 32 doubles, 9 triples, 23 homers and 109 RBIs.

That doesn't mean that if Williams plays 162 next season he'll absolutely hit all of those marks but it's an idea of what a full, healthy season from him might look like.

"Nick Williams looks like the Phillies' rightfielder of the next six years" couldn't have been said with nearly as much certitude just six months ago.

Still think the Phillies waited too long?

I'd argue this is more indicative of the Phils' front office moving Williams along the right way.

They wanted him to show more plate selection before bringing up to the majors and he obliged, walking 8 times in his final 13 games at Triple after walking 8 times in his previous 65 games.

(Since this is the internet and at least a few will be inclined to label me a Phillies apologist for those previous two paragraphs, I do think they waited at least two months too long with Hoskins, maybe more.)

Williams just turned 24 on Sept. 8. He celebrated with a three-run homer off of Max Scherzer and a 4-for-5 night at Nationals Park. 

He's shown power to all fields, and though he's never been much of a base stealer, his speed stands out.

Finding a decent comp

So Williams has hit .287/.339/.478 in his first 300 plate appearances. 

Before this season, Justin Upton hit .268/.347/.472 over a decade (wow, does time fly).

Pretty similar, right?

Back to that 162-game projection for Williams of 32 doubles, 9 triples, 23 homers and 109 RBIs.

From 2007-16, Upton averaged 32 doubles, 5 triples, 27 homers and 86 RBIs per 162 games.

Williams' 300 plate appearances are far, far different from Upton's 6,000. But if Williams can start hot next season and remain consistent throughout 2018, a left-handed hitting Justin Upton with a skill set to bat second through sixth ain't bad.

So, is this sustainable?

Williams has a .376 batting average on balls in play. The league average is .300, so some will be quick to holler out that Williams will regress.

But keep in mind that just because the league average BABIP is .300 doesn't mean all players end up there. From 2014-17 in the minors, William's batting average on balls in play fell in the .355 to .365 range.

And this season, there are 33 players with a BABIP of at least .350. So it's not necessarily a major fluke that Williams has hit the way he has to this point. 

When putting the ball in play, fast players like Williams get on base more often than those with average speed. Williams already has 10 infield hits.

Next April and May are going to be really important for Williams. He'll start facing pitchers for the second, third and fourth times, and the rest of the league will have a better idea of how to get him out. These early returns are promising, though.