The Evster's Guide to Sprucing Up Your Sports Wardrobe

The Evster's Guide to Sprucing Up Your Sports Wardrobe

The other day, I saw this dude walking down 16th Street in Center City.

Clearly, this guy is the coolest person in the world. He's rocking a turquoise Charlotte Hornets shirt with turquoise jeans and yep, that's right, look closely, those are turquoise New Balances. Amazing. And if you look to his right, it's really no surprise that he also has a super-hot, sweaty white woman walking alongside him.

Unfortunately for you, you're not this cool. No one is. But that's okay. By simply shutting up for five minutes and reading this post, I'll help you find a few things to spice up your summer wardrobe. Then you too can have a somewhat attractive, majorly sweaty white woman to stroll down the street with.

So without wasting anymore time, let's move on with this post because quite frankly I have no idea if it's legal to take a picture of a person walking down the street and then post it on the internet so seriously let's just move on, please scroll down, c'mon keep reading, let's go let's go let's go, there's no way that's legal, no way, no way, no way.

NBA Legend Socks, by Stance

Most likely, if you are reading a Philadelphia sports blog to get fashion advice, then you are in need of some serious serious help. You also probably work in some dumb office where they make you tuck your lame short-sleeved collared shirt into some stupid khakis, and every time you sit down in a meeting the outline of your balls is visible to pretty much everyone in your office, including all the cute interns, and no one wants to see that, man, no one. I know it makes you feel like a MANLY MAN, but it's not helping you, at all. But these socks -- these NBA legends socks -- these can help.

Socks are really the only way for a stupid person like you to put any pizzazz into his outfit. Instead of making people gag in meetings, simply cross your legs, show off these bad boys and you'll find the interns will be sending you selfies in no time. Did you see these jawns?! They're incredible! Besides offering Big Game James, Doc and Ewing, they also come in pairs of Hakeem Olajuwon (DREAM SOCKS!), Kenny Smith (I KNOW!), Larry Legend (whatever), Bill Walton (CURRENTLY SOLD OUT), The Worm (that's Dennis Rodman) and wait for it, here it comes, this is the big bopper, Karl Malone on one foot and John Stockton on the otherrrrrrr!!!

The only problem is they cost $16 (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD), so you might have to get someone else to buy them for you. My wife bought me the Ewings (she's a Knicks fan) and she couldn't be more excited for me to have them. As I'm typing this, she's literally trying to tear my pants off. These are the greatest socks in the world.

Where can you get 'em? Ubiq, 1509 Walnut Street -- don't be scared to go in there. It's not that cool. It's just a store. Calm down. You can also get 'em on Stance's website, which apparently is a thing.

Mitchell and Ness Hardwood Classics Caricature T-shirts

Do you hear that sound? Do you hear that? Turn the speakers down on your computer and listen closely: that's the sound of a thousand men popping a thousand boners.

NBA Caricature T-shirts (aka the Greatest Shirts in the History of Western Civilization) are back, baby! Besides the Iverson jawn above (and check it out, look what he's doing, he's cupping his ear to listen to the crowd!), they also have Shawn Kemp, Magic, Bird, Hakeem, LARRY JOHNSON WITH THE GOLD TOOTH, Dr. J and Shaq Daddy.

Where can you get 'em? store.NBA.com or Mitchell and Ness.com -- but Mitchell and Ness secretly has a couple Dennis Rodmans on their sale rack for only 20 bucks. The price of these is outrageous ($39.95?!?!), but still, it's a lot better than your Phillies Chooch shirt you've been wearing every Saturday for the past three years I mean c'mon my niece also has that shirt, dude, I mean seriously.

Zaire Leopards Futbol T-shirt

The story behind this shirt is that the Zaire national team (nicknamed the Leopards) made an unbelievable run in the 1974 World Cup, but honestly who cares it's a leopard playing soccer and that's good enough for me. This could be the dopest shirt of all time. Did you see the leopard playing soccer?!?! My wife also bought this for me (AM I MARRIED TO THE GREATEST WOMAN EVER OR WHAT?) and the first time I wore it I got around 7 different compliments (and then got mustard on the sleeve). Regardless, amazing shirt, soccer is cool, leopards kill people, and according to my wife, cream-colored clothing goes perfectly with pretty much all skin complexions.

Where can you get one? I'm not telling you. I want to be the only one in Philadelphia wearing one. I'm sorry. (Not sorry.)

Bille Jean King - Pressure is a Privilege T-shirt

This is another shirt that I own (apparently this is just a blogpost to talk about my wardrobe), but I never wear it because it's too tight and armpit sweat stains show way too easily in grey t-shirts.

Where can you get something like it, because obviously you're not gonna wear a BJK shirt? Homage.com -- most of their t-shirts are dumb, but they do have a couple jawns that are fantastic, like this Bernie Kosar, an Ickey Woods jawn that says "Do the Ickey Shuffle", Chris Sabo (or "Chris Sabo to Drugs" as my friend Law calls him), and now that I think about it, this might be some sort of Ohio website. Whatever, I'm down with Ohio. Bone Thugs-n-Harmony? They're cool. Bone bone bone bone bone, bone bone ...

Mitchell and Ness Neon Sonics Hat

Honestly you're not cool enough to wear this, I just wanted to post it because OMG NEON SONICS HAT?!?!

New Balance 574

Dude! Don't listen to people who tell you you're not cool enough to wear stuff! Just wear stuff! I own a Billie Jean King t-shirt for cryin' out loud. WHO CARESSSSS???!!? Stop being a wimp and get yourself some dope kicks. That's what's summer is all about. They don't even have to be turquoise. Ughghghghh, and throw away those khakis. No human being should ever wear khakis! I don't care how well they go with your complexion!

Where can you get 'em? Any sneaker shop downtown, stupid. Just go get some new kicks. There's honestly like 400 sneaker shops on Chestnut street and nothing makes you feel better in this world than new sneaks. FACT!

EXCEPT FOR PATRICK EWING SOCKS!!!!!!!

The Evster writes the blog TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. He also became The 700 Level's resident fashion expert after he wrote this post in January about making your own jerseys. Follow him on Twitter @TVMWW. Or don't. Doesn't matter. Who cares?

Best of MLB: Mike Trout (thumb) leaves early as Marlins crush Angels

Best of MLB: Mike Trout (thumb) leaves early as Marlins crush Angels

MIAMI -- Mike Trout sprained his left thumb stealing second base Sunday, and the Los Angeles Angels took a thumping without him, losing 9-2 to the Miami Marlins.

Trout yelled in pain as he rose after sliding headfirst in the fifth inning. He was examined by a trainer, stayed in the game, but was replaced in the sixth. X-rays were negative, and there was no immediate timetable regarding his return.

The reigning American League MVP was 0 for 2 when he departed with the Angels trailing 4-2. He finished 2 for 9 in the series to drop his average to .337 (see full recap).

Aaron Judge hit first-career grand slam in Yankees' win
NEW YORK -- Aaron Judge hit his first career grand slam and the New York Yankees took full advantage of Oakland's shoddy defense Sunday in a 9-5 victory over the Athletics.

Michael Pineda (6-2) tossed six innings of three-hit ball to win his third straight start. Aaron Hicks and Chris Carter each had an early sacrifice fly as the AL East leaders scored five unearned runs and took two of three in a well-pitched series.

Judge connected with two outs in the third for his 16th home run, tying Mike Trout of the Angels for the big league lead. The drive landed in the right-field seats, not far in front of The Judge's Chambers cheering section installed by the Yankees for the start of this 4-2 homestand.

Khris Davis hit his 15th home run for the A's, who committed two more costly errors to raise their season total to 49. They began the day with 10 more than any other team in the majors.

The fielding failures put starter Andrew Triggs (5-4) in tough situations. He went six innings and gave up one earned run (see full recap).

Miguel Gonzalez loses perfect game in seventh, but pitches White Sox to win
CHICAGO -- Miguel Gonzalez took a perfect game into the seventh inning, Todd Frazier hit a two-run homer and the Chicago White Sox beat the Detroit Tigers 7-3 on Sunday.

Melky Cabrera and Matt Davidson also connected, helping the White Sox take three of four in the series. David Robertson got two outs for his seventh save.

Gonzalez (4-5) allowed three runs and six hits in 7 2/3 innings while snapping a five-start losing streak. The right-hander struck out six and walked none.

Gonzalez retired his first 18 batters before Andrew Romine led off the seventh with a hard one-hop liner to shortstop Tim Anderson, who couldn't field the ball cleanly and was originally charged with an error. Alex Avila followed with a single into to right field, and Romine's ball was later changed to a hit (see full recap).

Gone but not forgotten: Joel Embiid remembers Harambe on 1-year anniversary of death

Gone but not forgotten: Joel Embiid remembers Harambe on 1-year anniversary of death

Gone, but not forgotten … as long as Sixers superstar center Joel Embiid has his way.

On the one-year anniversary of Harambe's death, Embiid remembered the slain gorilla on Instagram with the caption: "Gone but never forgotten #RIPHarambe."

The Instagram post was accompanied by a picture of Harambe along with a longer message and acquired over 22,700 likes within the first 37 minutes of its posting.

Gone but never forgotten #RIPHarambe

A post shared by Joel "The Process" Embiid (@joelembiid) on

There are some factual errors in Embiid's post, however. The picture stated that Harambe "would've been 18 today," which was posted Sunday.

Harambe's birthday was May 27, 1999. He would have been 18 years and one day old Sunday.

This was not Embiid's first participation in the Harambe Internet meme.

Regardless, the tragic killing of Harambe, a popular male gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo, sparked outrage and then Harambe became an Internet meme.