The Evster's Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

The Evster's Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

This year, Demaryious Thomas led the Broncos with 92 catches for 1,430 yards and 14 touchdowns, but do you know how many punts he had land inside the 20? ZERO. In the NFC Championship game, Russell Wilson threw a go-ahead 4th-quarter touchdown, but where was he when the Seahawks were forced to punt on 4th and 1 from their own 25? HOLDIN' A CLIPBOARD. The media can analyze Peyton's play-calling all week long, but who's gonna pooch that baby into Coffin Corner when it's time to pin the Seahawks deep? NOT ELVIS DUMERVIL, THAT'S FO SHO. Mainly because he doesn't play for the Broncos anymore, but whatever.

In the past 25 Super Bowls, the team whose punter had a higher punting average has won EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now granted, there is no validity to that statement whatsoever. None. I totally made it up. But the fact remains that punters are hilarious, so let's get to know this year's Big Game Blasters.

source: sportspressnw.com

This is Seahawks punter, Jon Ryan. A simple man with a simple name. Jon grew up in Regina, Saskatchewan (that's in Canada!) where he learned to punt by playing football, and practicing punting, and I dunno, what'd you expect for him to grow up kicking moose? After starring at THE U(niversity of Regina), Jon was selected by the Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the third-round of the 2004 CFL draft. In Winnipeg, he averaged 50.6 yards per punt, that's FIVE OH POINT SIX (a stat I did NOT make up!), which propelled Jon and his enormous neck to later sign with the Green Bay Packers. Two years later, he ended up in Seattle where he and his neck are currently thriving. Seriously, look at that thing. Very little razor burn for a man with such fair skin. The man has the neck of a rhinoceros. I don't know if rhinoceroses are native to Canada, but I'd bet my house on the fact that Jon is at least part rhino. I also do not own a house. Nor do I know exactly what a rhinoceros looks like.

source: themoderngladiator.com

This is Broncos punter, Britton Colquitt -- yep, Britton -- posing with his gorgeous family. Besides being married to a model (who he has impregnated TWICE), Britton is the highest paid punter in the NFL. A native of Knoxville, Britton earned a scholarship to the University of Tennessee where he was later kicked off the team after being charged with DUI and fleeing the scene of an accident. Even though both Britton and his wife are excellent squatters, I think they're only doing it so they don't get grass stains on their fancy designer jeans. Regardless, I imagine her hair smells fantastic.

source: seahawks.com

This is what Jon Ryan used to look like. Obviously a little ridiculous (but still awesome). I'll let you decide as to whether or not this guy could eat a whole box of waffles.

source: govolsxtra.com

This is what Britton used to look like. Bowl Cut City. He's the one on the right, giving his brother Dustin the world's lamest Heimlich maneuver. (For the record, I just googled "Heimlich" to see if I spelled it correctly and found out that the Heimlich was invented by a guy named HARRY HEIMLICH! Again, not making that up!)

Dustin Colquitt is also an NFL punter, for the Kansas City Chiefs. In fact, the Colquitts belong to a punting dynasty. Britton's father Craig -- the guy who named his son Britton -- won two Super Bowls in the 70's punting for the Steelers. His Uncle Jimmy (who doesn't have an Uncle Jimmy?!) punted for the Seahawks in 1985, and his younger cousin Greg currently punts at Tennessee Tech. Also, Britton's mother Ann is a fantastic seamstress.

source: denver.sbnation.com

She even has one blue sleeve and one red one.

That's pretty impressive.

source: sbnation.com

This past October, Jon-Jon got absolutely blasted by a dude on the Colts while attempting to make a touchdown-saving tackle. I sort of don't like gif's, they make me dizzy, but I cannot stop watching this one. He seriously keeps getting blasted. In real life, he only got blasted once, but here, he just keeps getting blasted and blasted and blasted.

Like even now, even though I started a new paragraph, he's still getting blasted.

This is honestly sad.

Let's move further down the page so we don't have to keep watching Jon get blasted.

source: stylemepretty.com

This might be even harder to look at.

A photo of Britton having his face caressed by his beautiful fertile wife. I cannot believe how sensual she is. Like a young Juan Pablo. I'm about to barf all over the place.

Amazingly, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Check this out:

source: stylemepretty.com

OH MY GOD HERE COMES THE BARF.

So many Dockers!

These are real people. Real khaki pants-wearing, linen clothes-having people. And they actually own this clothing! Like, they purchased it! With money!

Also, that kinda looks like Jon Ryan standing next to Britton -- only like a miniature version of him. By the way, here are the official Evster Hershey's Miniature rankings: 1) Krackel, obvs  2) Mr. G-bar  3) Hershey's origj  4) Special Dark (also obvs).

source: @JonRyan9

In Jon's spare time, he volunteers at his local Starbucks. This picture was taken as part of fundraiser to support A Better Seattle, a program set up to help at-risk youth. Personally, I think Starbucks and their $17 coffees are ridiculous, and it doesn't matter how at-risk kids are, I'm not spending my hard-earned money on a cup of warm milk.

Seriously, there could be children hanging off the Space Needle, with killer fish from Pike Place Market being thrown in their faces, and I still would not buy a Starbucks vanilla soy latte. Then again, Starbucks does have some pretty good scones -- and I think I still have some money left on a gift card I got this winter -- so I might head down there as soon as I'm done writing this.

I mean, this seems like a good time to end this post anyway. By now you have to know who you're rooting for this Sunday.

source: seafense.blogspot.com

No big deal, just a guy dressed up like the Big Unit.

source: twicsy.com

Just squashing a dude's vertebrae.

Prediction: Jon-Jon's Seahawks 52, Brittony's Broncos 9

Follow The Evster @TVMWW

Ben Simmons officially ruled out for season by Sixers

Ben Simmons officially ruled out for season by Sixers

Ben Simmons is officially out for the season, Sixers president of basketball operations Bryan Colangelo said Friday.

Simmons had a CT scan on his injured right foot Thursday in New York which showed that the foot is not yet fully healed. He'll have another scan in about a month, Colangelo said.

Simmons suffered the injury, a Jones fracture, on Sept. 30, the final day of training camp. Aside from a few hopeful comments from Brett Brown, no timetable for Simmons' return was ever officially given by the Sixers.

As recently as Thursday, Brown reiterated that he expected Simmons to play this season.

"I personally would like to see him play this season. I don't backpedal from that," Brown said Thursday. "I think my comments are really very much influenced by his reciprocal desire to play this year, which we all respect. Everybody's got clandestine conspiracy theories on why he might not want to play. I know in my heart and speaking to him, he wants to get on a court and play basketball again.

"I hope he can do that, too. If for some reason he can't, we'll deal with it. But I think it would help him to play NBA basketball and get his competitive juices going again if the doctors point us in that direction."

Simmons can't, and now it's up to the Sixers to deal with it. They surely would have wanted a look at him this season to better determine their needs for the future and how other pieces fit.

Fastbreak Friday: No. 2 Villanova hopes to rebound vs. No. 23 Creighton

Fastbreak Friday: No. 2 Villanova hopes to rebound vs. No. 23 Creighton

CSN anchor/reporter Amy Fadool and producer Sean Kane get you set for all of the weekend's local college basketball games with Fastbreak Friday. Look for this column every Friday during the college basketball season.

No. 23 Creighton (22-6, 9-6 Big East) at No. 2 Villanova (26-3, 13-3 Big East), Saturday, 3 p.m.
SK: Second-ranked Villanova takes another crack at securing a fourth straight outright Big East regular season championship on Saturday against No. 23 Creighton. The Wildcats couldn't capitalize on their first opportunity to do so, losing 74-66 to Butler on Wednesday. The loss snapped Villanova's 48-game win streak at the Pavilion, a run of success that dated back to February of 2013. 

Despite the setback, Villanova just needs one win in its final two games to clinch the outright league title as well as the accompanying top seed in the Big East Tournament in two weeks. The Wildcats also remain in prime position to earn the No. 1 seed in the East Region of the NCAA Tournament.

But there is cause for concern -- namely, the absence of senior forward Darryl Reynolds. A rib injury has sidelined Reynolds for each of the last four games, forcing Jay Wright to play with essentially a six-man rotation. Freshman forward Dylan Painter has seen spot minutes but played just one minute Wednesday against Butler. As a result, three Wildcats -- Josh Hart, Jalen Brunson and Mikal Bridges -- played 37 minutes in the loss. 

Playing with a six-man rotation can wear a team down eventually. Particularly a six-man rotation with no players taller than 6-6. And there's no denying Villanova looked gassed in the second half against Butler. Their offensive execution was uncharacteristically sloppy and defensively they allowed Butler far too many open looks at the basket. The Wildcats have survived this season without freshman big man Omari Spellman (academically ineligible) and junior guard Phil Booth (knee injury), but Reynolds' absence is beginning to catch up with them. 

Reynolds will once again be a game-time decision for Saturday's game against Creighton. It will be Senior Day, so Reynolds will undoubtedly be eager to take the Pavilion floor one last time with classmates Hart and Kris Jenkins. Meanwhile, Hart and Jenkins will be eager to atone for lackluster performances against Butler. Hart finished 7 of 18 from the field and 0 for 4 from the foul line, while Jenkins went 1 for 8 overall and 1 for 5 from three-point range.

The good news for Villanova continues to be the play of sophomore Jalen Brunson, who is performing as well as any point guard in the country. Brunson scored a game-high 24 points on 9-of-13 shooting against Butler and is averaging 20.2 points in his last four games. He scored a career-high 27 points at Creighton on New Year's Eve.   

Look for Brunson to keep rolling on Saturday, and get some help from Hart and Jenkins on Senior Day. The Villanova seniors still haven't lost two games in a row in their careers. That shouldn't change on Saturday.

Villanova 84, Creighton 72

La Salle (14-12, 8-7 A-10) at Massachusetts (13-15, 3-12 A-10), Sunday, 1 p.m.
AF:
The Explorers book end their month of February with UMass. They will once again face the Minutemen, a team they beat by 10 points at home on Feb. 1. In that game, it took a combined 49-point effort from Jordan Price and B.J. Johnson to put the game away. At the time, that put La Salle in the upper quarter of the Atlantic 10 standings at 6-3. But this month has not been too kind to Dr. John Giannini's team. Losses to Saint Bonaventure, Richmond and George Mason have seen La Salle slip down to the middle of the pack in the conference. 

But there are still three games to play and the A10 tournament. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the Explorers can run the table into the NCAA Tournament, but they can salvage a few wins and end a once-promising season on a high note. 

Meanwhile, UMass has lost eight of its last 10 games and while the only wins in that span came against a Philadelphia team, it was not La Salle but St. Joe's. In their previous meeting with the Explorers, the Minutemen shot very well, better than 55 percent from the field, including five three-pointers, in the first half to jump out to a lead. So La Salle needs to guard against another hot start in Amherst. 

I would like to see more from Price too. This team, full of transfers, has seemed to get away from Price. It could be because his role as the leading scorer or the best player on the team has been taken over, but Price needs to show that he can still score the ball effectively like he did last season. 

You never know which La Salle team will show up. Will it be the one who beat Rhode Island on the road, or the one who lost to St. Joseph's? I'm going with road warriors. 

La Salle 76, UMass 66

Tulane (5-22, 2-13 AAC) at Temple (14-15, 5-11 AAC), Saturday, 12 p.m.
SK:
The hits just keep coming for Temple. The Owls lost each of their last two games in the final minute, or in the case of Sunday's loss to UConn -- the final seconds. Temple has lost three straight and has lost 11 of its last 16 games. Fortunately, a visit from Tulane on Saturday offers a much-needed chance for the Owls to regain some positive vibes. The Green Wave has just five wins all season and are 2-13 in conference play. 

Temple handed Tulane a 79-71 win back in late January behind 18 points from freshman guard Quinton Rose, who was coming off the bench at the time. Rose has since moved into the starting lineup and the results have been tangible. He's averaging better than 12 points in his last five games to boost his season average to an even 10 points. Meanwhile, Obi Enechionyia continued his uneven season over the course of the last two games -- following up a two-point outing against UConn with a team-high 17 points on Wednesday against UCF.

I'd be surprised if Enechionyia and Temple don't take out their frustration on Tulane on Saturday. The Green Wave has all of two wins since Dec. 10. They're not getting one at the Owls' expense this weekend. 

Temple 75, Tulane 60

Saint Joseph's (10-17, 3-12 A-10) at Saint Louis (9-19, 4-11 A-10), Saturday, 4:30 p.m.
AF:
 Has there been a team more snake bitten in one season? Former Drexel coach Bruiser Flint might tell you yes, but even he didn't have to suffer through three players out for the season, two of them leading scorers at the time of injury. 

The Hawks have been decimated by devastating, season-ending injuries. But the band must play on. Phil Martelli will be the first one to tell you that. So as SJU winds down it season, the coach, players and fans alike are looking for positives. And one of those is the playing time opportunity the injuries have bestowed upon younger members of the roster. Freshman Charlie Brown and sophomore Chris Clover have seen their roles increased and that should pay dividends for the Hawks in the future

Back to the here and now, it's a visit to Saint Louis this weekend. And pretty much the only reason the Billikens have been in the national news this season was because of a stolen bus. Tough times out in Saint Louis for a program that was once seen, under Rick Majerus, as a rising star among the mid-majors. Travis Ford, the former Oklahoma State coach has a chance to get their program back on the map, for something other than a drunk bus driver that tried to make off with their gear and bus. 

For the Hawks, having James Demery and Brown, the two remaining double-digit scorers still healthy, step up and take the reigns is a positive sign. In their recent loss to Saint Bonaventure, Demery poured in 21. Brown struggled a bit scoring, but was effective on the defensive end. The Hawks just didn't have enough to stop a guy like the Bonnies' Matt Mobley on a career night, but still only lost by six. 

I know they are down players on the roster. I know that turnovers have plagued them in close games. I know their shooting percentage has been down. But I think the Hawks could get a win this weekend on the road. Call me crazy, but I like "the little engine that could" mentality of this team right now. 

St. Joe's 72, Saint Louis 70

Pennsylvania (11-12, 4-6 Ivy) at Cornell (7-18, 3-7 Ivy), Friday, 7 p.m.
Pennsylvania (11-12, 4-6 Ivy) at Columbia (10-13, 4-6 Ivy), Saturday, 7 p.m.
SK:
Don't look now... but here come the Penn Quakers, winners of four straight following an 0-6 start in conference play. Steve Donahue's team isn't just winning, they've been steamrolling the competition. Penn has won its last four games by an average of just under 17 points. As a result, the Quakers have moved into a tie for fourth place in the conference with a 4-6 record against Ivy League opponents. 

In previous years, Penn's fourth-place standing in the conference wouldn't have mattered much. Until this season, the Ivy League did not have a conference tournament and would simply send its regular season champion to the NCAA Tournament. This year that would have likely been Princeton, which has a perfect 10-0 league record and a two-game lead over second place Harvard. But times have changed. The first ever Ivy League Tournament will be played next month, with the top four teams squaring off at the Palestra for the right to earn the league's automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament. So not only does Penn have a shot at playing their way into the Big Dance, they could potentially do so with a homecourt advantage. 

But first things first. Penn hits the road this weekend to visit Cornell on Friday and Columbia on Saturday, a pair of teams the Quakers beat two weeks ago. Things figure to be tougher on the road, but I'm not betting against this resurgent Penn team. They'll be focused on improving their chances of advancing to postseason play -- particularly against Columbia, who is tied with Penn for fourth place in the conference. 

Expect more big things from freshman guard Ryan Betley. The Downingtown native is averaging a shade under 21 points in his last three games and has given the Quakers a sorely needed consistent perimeter threat to complement freshman big man AJ Brodeur. Betley, Brodeur and company will creep closer to an invitation to the Ivy League Tournament with a pair of wins this weekend.

Penn 71, Cornell 66
Penn 73, Columbia 70

Drexel (9-21, 3-14 CAA) at Charleston (22-8, 13-4 CAA), Saturday, 5 p.m.
AF:
 This is it for the Drexel Dragons. Senior day earlier this week wrapped up the home portion of the schedule. But it was not a happy send off as JMU spoiled the seniors final game at the DAC, winning by six. Once again, however, a freshman stole the show for Zach Spiker's group. Kurk Lee led the Dragons with 18 points. He's really coming into his own, both shooting and defensively. Lee has shown range as well, making four three-pointers in that loss to the Dukes and shooting 50 percent from the field. 

Next up, a tough ending on a even tougher season. A visit with Charleston, who has kept pace with conference leader UNCW. If you're looking for a fun, sleeper team in the NCAA Tournament, do yourself a favor and tune in for the CAA title game. These two are on a collision course and are playing great right now. One of the two will be in the NCAA tournament and providing they aren't a 16-seed, could win their first round matchup. 

This one won't be pretty for Drexel. It's Charleston's senior day and the Cougars are looking to go into the CAA tournament with momentum.   

Charleston 83, Drexel 65

Prediction Records
Sean Kane: 25-10
Amy Fadool: 22-13