The Evsters Super Bowl Special Teams Breakdown

The Evsters Super Bowl Special Teams Breakdown

Hey
SPORTS FAN, you think you’re ready for THE BIG GAME? You’ve got chili
on the stove, a full pack of Imodium, and the Puppy Bowl on DVR, but WHO
YA GONNA ROOT FOR? You GOTTA root for someone. You can’t not ROOT. This
is AMERICA. The land where puppies play FOOTBALL!

ON TELEVISION.

It’s
tough with these two teams -- there’s no clear underdog and there’s no
downright villain. Frank Gore is a G, but Jim Harbaugh is a tweedle. Ray
Rice is a bowling ball, but Ray Lewis is a dork. B-More killed Stringer
Bell, but San Fran birthed Uncle Joey. In the NFL, in tight situations
like this, it all comes down to special teams, which is why I’m picking
my squad based on punters.

You might be thinking, “Punters? Punters?
We sittin’ here, I’m supposed to be the franchise playa, and we in here
talkin’ bout punters?” You’re goddamn right we are, because as much as
you wanna analyze Colin Kaepernick’s scrambling ability, or the fact
that the Ravens like to GRIND IT OUT IN THE TRENCHES, everything in the
NFL comes down to FIELD POSITION. Cris Collinsworth, what are your keys
to the game? FIELD POSITION. Michael Oher, any advice for kids growing
up without socks? FIELD POSITION. Larry, what are two words that rhyme
with veal nutrition? SEAL PETITION.

Wrong!

FIELD POSITION.

Same answer as the previous three sentences!

Shoulda picked up on that!

So seeing as punters are the single most important players when it comes to SEAL PETITIONS FIELD POSITION, let’s get to know Andy Lee of the Niners, and Sam Koch from the Ravens.

This
is Andy Lee, punter for the San FranciscOH MY GOD LOOK AT THOSE EARS.
Those are his real ears. THOSE ARE HIS REAL EARS. I had planned to talk
about Andy’s college career at Pitt, and how he recently broke Reggie
Roby’s record for most 49er punting yards in a season, BUT HOLY MOSES
THOSE EARS.

This
man here -- this normal looking man with normal sized ears who could
very well be your next-door neighbor -- is Sam Koch, punter for the
Ravens. He wears a necklace.

Advantage: RAVENS

Andy
likes to hang out with dogs, which is cool, I like dogs, and these are
nice dogs, especially that dog on the right who is all, “Oh don’t mind
me, I’m just gonna put my paw on your knee, just a dog showing some
affection to his owner, no big deal,” but what is up with Andy wearing
jeans with flip-flops??? C’mon Andy! You can’t do that! Jeans with
flip-flops? That’s unacceptable!

Those are really nice dogs, though.

BUT, STILL.

Sam
on the other hand hangs out with his Ravens teammates -- because this
dude’s got MAD LOCKER ROOM CRED. Even the guy who once stabbed someone
is bout it bout it. Probably because Sam doesn’t look like a total
weirdo. This picture is honestly fascinating, I never knew football
players even acknowledged punters let alone stood on chairs to make this
a THREE TIERED PICTURE! Check out the dude kneeling in the front right,
though. Why is he the only Raven whose shirt is completely covered in
sweat? That dude is DRENCHED.

Advantage: RAVENS

Andy’s
from South Carolina, where people use ice cream scoopers to dish out
mashed potatoes. According to Wikipedia, during his senior year of high
school Andy averaged 42.8 yards per punt, which ranked him as the 33rd
best punter in South Cackalack by something called “SuperPrep.” This
leads me to believe one of two things: either SuperPrep has NO IDEA how
to rank punters, or South Carolina has BY FAR the greatest punters in
the country! Dude, 42.8 yards a punt? For a high school kid? That’s
pretty good! The punter from my high school team used to routinely punt
the ball off his shin. We called him Shinkicker Jones. I faintly
remember Shinkicker Jones once shinning the ball right in his own face.
Pretty sure that guy now sells life insurance. He might even have a
website.

Sam
walked on at Nebraska, and in 2005 made the Big 12 Commissioner’s
Academic HONOR ROLL during the Spring AND Fall semesters. SPRING AND
FALL. While you were sleeping through Statistics class and not doing
laundry, this guy was getting straight As AND booming balls in through
the Alamo Bowl ROOF. In 2005’s bowl game, Sam just so happend to post a
51.5-YARD AVERAGE on 8 punts against mighty Michigan (HAIL TO THE
VICTORS) including 5 punts of over 50 yards THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Now I’m
no STATISTICIAN, but I’m pretty sure that 51.5 is WAY HIGHER than 42.8.

Advantage: RAVENS

This
year against the Raiders, Andy got blasted by some guy who wore a
visor. Not surprising considering his limp-wristed throwing motion most
resembles Lamar’s javelin toss from Revenge of the Nerds.
I’m honestly amazed he could even put his helmet on over those ears.
And why do the 49ers coaches on the sidelines look so relaxed? YOUR
PUNTER IS GETTING BLASTED WHILE TRYING TO COMPLETE SOME SORT OF MUGGSY
BOGUES JUMP PASS. THAT CAN’T BE A GOOD THING. They don’t seem to care,
though. Maybe it was pre-seez.

Against
those same Raiders, Sam the Man scored a little thing called a
TOUCHDOWN. During a fake field goal attempt (BECAUSE SAM ALSO HOLDS
FOOTBALLS ON FG ATTEMPTS), he Kaepernick’d his way into the END ZONE for
six whole points. Six more points than Andy has scored in his ENTIRE
CAREER.

Also,
peep Michael Oher in the background showing love for his punter. Sam
gets LOVE from his linemen and Oher is not a dude who shows affection to
just anyone. I know this because I once read a book about Oher and how
he had a hard life and was born without feet.

Advantage: RAVENS

Just a punter warming his balls. No big deal. Just your average punter, on a Sunday afternoon, warming his balls.

Not only do they sell Sam Koch jerseys, they sell Sam Koch LADIES jerseys, because LADIES LOVE SAM KOCH.

Advantage: RAVENS

The
best athletes get endorsements, so of course Sam Koch -- sorry, LADIES
MAN Sam Koch -- is the spokesman for JIFFY MART, which as everyone knows
is Carroll County’s hometown convenience store offering great food fast
and high quality Tevis brand gasoline.

ANNOYING WHITE PERSON: Hey Sam, great punting today, you look really interested in what I’m saying here.

SAM:
 Yeah, that’s great, are we done here? I’ve got high quality Tevis
brand gasoline to sell. Also, get your Sam Koch bobble heads, only
$5.99. Practically giving ‘em away. I scored a touchdown once. What’d
you ever do? And yeah, I wear a white watch.

“Oh,
don’t mind me, guys, I’ll just be over here STANDING ON ONE LEG and
JUGGLING A BALL ON MY FOOT while wearing this AWESOME ORANGE BEANIE.”  

Look,
the bottom line is, Sam Koch is awesome. The only knock that I could
find on him during my EXTENSIVE RESEARCH was that his three kids are
named Ryan, Braxtyn and Kamdyn, which are two of the three stupidest
names I’ve ever heard in my life. Other than that, this dude is a boss,
and Andy Lee looks like a mongoloid.

That’s why The Evster’s goin’ with:

Ravens 24
49ers 20

Although
to be honest, I kinda think Colin Kaepernick is super exciting to
watch, I mean that guy is like pure lightning, so scratch that.

49ers 27
Ravens 20

He’s really fast!

The Evster writes the blog TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. You can follow him on Twitter @TVMWW, orrrrrrrrrrr you can watch Sam’s Jiffy Mart commercial here. That’s probably the better move.

Eric Paschall's game rounding out when Villanova needs it most

Eric Paschall's game rounding out when Villanova needs it most

Those on the outside are now starting to see what those on the inside of Villanova basketball program have seen for the last year and a half.

Eric Paschall can play.

Paschall on Saturday had the biggest game of his career – at least his Villanova career – with 19 points, six rebounds and two steals in the Wildcats’ Big East-clinching win over Creighton at the Pavilion.

With Darryll Reynolds sidelined since early February with a rib injury, the Fordham transfer has been starting and playing at a high level. But he was at his best on Saturday when his team needed him the most.

Paschall was essentially a guard at Fordham, but with Reynolds out and Omari Spellman forced to sit out the year, Paschall has been playing a lot of the 5 for Villanova, and against Creighton, he effectively neutralized 6-foot-11 Blue Jays center Justin Patton, who managed just four points – 9 ½ below his average.

“He’s getting better, that’s the biggest thing,” teammate Josh Hart said of Paschall. “He’s down there battling with Patton, a 7-footer, he’s down there battling with 6-10, 6-11 guys just about every night, and he’s battling and battling and we just tell him, keep working like that. That’s more important to us than him going out there scoring 20.

“We know he’s talented enough to score 20, you saw that (Saturday), but the way he’s battling and the way he’s not being frustrated and just keeps getting better, for us that’s the best part.”

Paschall averaged 15.9 points and 5.8 rebounds per game two years ago for the Rams, earning Atlantic 10 Freshman of the Year honors.

He was one of only three NCAA Division I freshmen who averaged at least 15.9 points and 5 ½ rebounds per game. The others were D’Angelo Russell of Ohio State and Jahlil Okafor of Duke, who are both now double-digit scorers in the NBA.

But to play at Villanova, you have to play defense, and that’s where Paschall has shown the most improvement.

“Eric is developing as a Villanova basketball player defensively in terms of executing far better than anyone knows,” coach Jay Wright said. “We know. When he’s in the game, we are executing at a high level. We’re just starting to see what he can do offensively, but in our program, you’ve got to be able to (play defense) first and he’s been doing that all year.

“(He’s) getting better and better, and today you just saw a glimpse of what you’ll probably see next year, but you’ve got to get the basics down first, which he’s done an incredible job of this year. It’s like I tell you with Dante (DiVincenzo), these guys play against him in practice, they’re not surprised when they see him do that, but I know everybody else is, because they don’t get to see it all the time.”

It’s not easy to transfer into a new program and get used to new players, a new coach, a new system, a new philosophy.

“It was a process,” Paschall said. “The biggest thing was getting used to what they wanted, and that’s defense and rebounding. That took some getting used to, but once I understood what they were looking for from me and what they wanted me to do, that just made it easy.

“The guys welcomed me with open arms. It’s a brotherhood here and we’re all brothers and they made me feel like I was a part of it from Day 1. It can be hard sometimes as a transfer coming in, but they made it easy. It’s just a matter of focusing on my job.”

Overall, Paschall is averaging 7.1 points and 3.8 rebounds per game and shooting 50 percent from the field in an average of 21 minutes a night. But during these last five starts, he’s 21 for 32 from the field (66 percent) and is averaging 9.8 points per game.

“Eric, he came in knowing what coach wanted, knowing what coach’s philosophy is and how coach wants things, and he’s come and in done what’s expected,” Jalen Brunson said.

“He’s done a great job for us and we’re extremely confident in him. It’s hard coming in front a different school, coming in and learning a new system, learning the philosophy, but he’s done a good job.”

Paschall can play the 2 through the 5, so he gives Wright a lot of versatility.

His 19 points Saturday were his most as a Wildcat and his most in any game since he scored 21 for Fordham vs. George Mason on Feb. 18, 2015.

When asked about his role, he just pointed at Hart and Kris Jenkins.

“Just listen to these guys, making sure I have my head clear every game,” he said. “They do a great job of telling me what to do during the games and having my attitude right during the games so I can just go out there play hard, play together, play smart, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

As thin as Villanova is – Wright has played just six guys in his regular rotation since Reynolds got hurt – Paschall has been a life-saver.

It’s hard not to imagine how talented Villanova will be next year with Spellman, Paschall, Mikal Bridges, Phil Booth, Brunson and DiVincenzo.

But first there's a game Saturday against Georgetown, the Big East Tournament in New York and then the NCAA Tournament.

“We see him getting better every day with his decision making,” Hart said of Paschall. “Last year he definitely kicked our butt a lot when he was on the scout team.

“One thing we always had a question about was how was he going to fit in with just playing hard the way we play defense, and he’s doing the best job, and he keeps getting better, and seeing him develop and seeing him grow has been amazing. Looking forward to seeing what he’s going to do in the future.”

Phillies prospect Nick Pivetta has long-awaited meeting with Roy Halladay

Phillies prospect Nick Pivetta has long-awaited meeting with Roy Halladay

CLEARWATER, Fla. – Phillies pitching prospect Nick Pivetta had one of those pinch-me moments Saturday.

He met his boyhood idol, Roy Halladay, at a charity event.

Someone had filled in Halladay that Pivetta had grown up in Canada and had regularly watched Toronto Blue Jays games on television. Pivetta loved watching Halladay pitch, as he talked about a few weeks ago here.

“I got to briefly shake his hand,” Pivetta said Sunday morning. “He knew I was like a stalker. He said, ‘Oh, right, you’re the guy from British Columbia.’ “

Halladay, who pitched for the Phils from 2010 to 2013, lives in the Clearwater area. Pivetta said he expected to speak more with Halladay in the coming days.

Halladay was honored at the 44th annual Clearwater For Youth banquet and Pivetta attended with a number of his teammates and Phillies officials. Phillies chairman David Montgomery and his wife Lyn were also honored for their charitable works.

Pivetta will pitch for Team Canada in the World Baseball Classic in March.