2013 Philadelphia Eagles: Predictions for All 16 Games

2013 Philadelphia Eagles: Predictions for All 16 Games

Week 1 at Washington – Win, 37-27

Chip Kelly shocks the world with his offense – by coming out and running the triple option out of the Flexbone on Monday Night Football. Michael Vick, LeSean McCoy, and Bryce Brown combine to rush for over 300 yards against the Redskins, who are caught completely off-guard by Chip’s college gimmicks. The Eagles never use the Flexbone again, and this goes down in lore next to the Pickle Juice game.

Week 2 vs. San Diego – Win, 41-23

Philip Rivers goes ballistic on King Dunlap on the sidelines during the fourth quarter after the Chargers’ left tackle allows Connor Barwin to beat him for four sacks on the afternoon. Later that week on The Howie Roseman Show, the diabolical Eagles’ GM reveals that was the plan all along when the team let Dunlap reach free agency.

Week 3 vs. Kansas City – Win, 38-30

Donovan McNabb dresses in full uniform for his halftime retirement ceremony a la John Riggins – pads, helmet, everything. Toward the end of the ceremony, Andy Reid emerges from the locker room to congratulate Donovan on stage, only when they go to shake hands, McNabb turns on his head coach of 11 seasons and delivers a Stone Cold Stunner. Nobody in Philadelphia ever boos or talks bad about Five again, both because that was awesome and for fear of retribution.

Week 4 at Denver – Loss, 45-24

The fun times are over for Chip as Peyton Manning absolutely wrecks the Eagles’ defense. Cary Williams gets burned deep for two long touchdowns, and both times Kurt Coleman gives the cornerback a quizzical look as if they had their assignments mixed up. Coleman isn’t even playing, it’s just force of habit.

Week 5 at New York Giants – Loss, 38-34

Eli Manning picks up where Peyton left off, torching the Birds’ secondary for over 450 yards for a second consecutive week. Vick has a chance to be a hero on the final drive, but fumbles the football away when he dives head first for extra yards at the end of a scramble. No one for the Giants even touches Vick, he just coughs it up because that’s a thing he would do.

Week 6 at Tampa Bay – Loss, 27-19

Darrelle Revis intercepts a pair of Vick passes, one of which the All-Pro corner takes to the house. After posting passer ratings of 95.0 and above the first three weeks of the season, the Eagles’ quarterback hasn’t cracked 70.0 in the past three. WIP is inundated by calls for Matt Barkley to start, while Nick Foles secretly wonders who he needs to stab to get some respect around here.

Week 7 vs. Dallas – Win, 30-23

Cary Williams misses the Cowboys game to be at the grand opening of his new restaurant. Unfortunately for Williams, the cream rises to the top in his absence. Brandon Boykin shuts down Dez Bryant, holding the NFL’s leading receiver to just two catches the entire afternoon. The next day Boykin is named starter. Cary hears of the news while he’s picking out drapes.

Week 8 vs. New York Giants – Win, 27-24

Jason Pierre-Paul folds up Vick like a pretzel, and in comes Foles. The backup quarterback has trouble finding his rhythm, but LeSean McCoy refuses to lose. Shady weaves all over the place on one 33-yard run in particular, seeking out Giants defenders and audibly shouting “McCoy” with each juke. He totals 200 yards of total offense by himself while carrying his team to victory, and the Eagles are surprisingly in first place in the NFC East.

Week 9 at Oakland – Win, 34-16

Foles isn’t particularly sharp in Vick’s stead, the Raiders are just that bad. Matt McGloin gets into the game at some point for Oakland and actually performs well, leading to a groundswell of WIP callers who believe the Eagles should trade their 2014 second-round pick for the Penn State grad and install him as franchise quarterback during the offseason.

Week 10 at Green Bay – Loss, 42-26

Vick returns, but looks as though he’s still dealing with the lingering effects of whatever injury he came down with this time. Aaron Rodgers on the other hand is in MVP form, completing over 80% of his passes against a defense that doesn’t have the horses to keep up with the Packers’ speed on offense. After the game, Cary Williams throws his teammates and coaching staff under the bus.

Week 11 vs. Washington – Loss, 31-28

Having been thoroughly embarrassed by Chip Kelly in Week 1, Mike Shanahan goes deep into his bag of tricks to jump on the Eagles early, and the Redskins hang on to gain their revenge. Robert Griffin catches a touchdown pass from Santana Moss, and Sav Rocca scampers in for six on a fake field goal in what are the beginnings of a rivalry where two head coaches try to out-troll the other every time they meet.

Week 12 Bye

DeSean Jackson releases his second hip-hop single Shiny Objects Distract Me featuring Kanye West. WIP and internet message boards are filled with irate fans who say the wide receiver should focus on football. DJacc is enjoying a career year and is en route to his third Pro Bowl.

Week 13 vs. Arizona – Win, 24-6

The Eagles’ front seven swarms Ryan Lindley all afternoon long – the Cardinals are already on to their third quarterback – with Fletcher Cox landing the hit of the year on the helpless signal caller. It’s the type of devastating collision the marketing department uses in their highlight reels for years to come.

Week 14 vs. Detroit – Win, 45-41

Defensive coordinator Bill Davis makes a halftime adjustment, having Cary Williams shadow Calvin Johnson wherever he goes. The plan works, as Cary hauls in a pair of interceptions including one in the final two minutes to help seal a huge comeback victory. After the game, Williams tells reporters in the locker room that the Eagles’ defense is once again feared around the National Football League. Note the final score.

Week 15 at Minnesota – Loss, 27-13

Vick suffers from flashbacks of his dreadful performance against the Vikings in 2010. He keeps hallucinating Antoine Winfield is blitzing off the edge, repeatedly attempting to flee the pocket even when the protection is fine. In the meantime, Adrian Peterson rushes for over 200 yards and scores three touchdowns – Vick is eventually sent to the trainer’s room where he rocks himself to sleep.

Week 16 vs. Chicago – Loss, 24-19

Amid baseless rumors that Chip Kelly will return to college football at season’s end, the Eagles come out flat. DeSean has just been named to the Pro Bowl as well, and wants to be healthy for an imaginary impending contract renegotiation, so he’s back to gator-arming passes. Chris Tillman terrorizes Vick, forcing three turnovers. Afterwards, Chip berates Les Bowen for asking about the reports at the post-game press conference.

Week 17 at Dallas – Win, 31-23

Jason La Canfora’s report about Chip is (not surprisingly) unfounded, and the Birds have new life. Of course, it helps that this game somehow winds up being for the NFC East Championship. Vick puts in his best outing of the year, rewarding coach for sticking by him through the ups and downs of a 16-game season. With their sweep of Dallas, Philadelphia owns the tiebreaker over the Cowboys, which means the Eagles earn a home game in the playoffs with a 9-7 record.

Wild-Card Round vs. San Francisco – Loss, 38-14

The Eagles have already exceeded expectations at this point, so it’s not surprising when a powerhouse like the 49ers steamrolls right through Philly to advance. Vick is so ineffective that Foles gets a shot, but it’s clear the Birds will be in the market for the quarterback at the draft in May. Still, the season was more fun than a lot of people expected, and there’s real enthusiasm heading into the offseason.

Eagles Injury Update: Logan, Ron Brooks, McKelvin questionable

Eagles Injury Update: Logan, Ron Brooks, McKelvin questionable

Bennie Logan will miss practice again on Friday, but after sitting all week, will still be listed as questionable for Sunday’s game against the Vikings.

While it seems unlikely Logan will be able to play, head coach Doug Pederson said the starting defensive tackle will be a game-time decision.

“The chance to possibly work him ouct game day and just see where he’s at,” Pederson said. “It’s groin strain, so we just have to be careful with it and be smart with it and how we handle him.” 

If Logan can’t play, reserve Beau Allen would get just his third career start. 

“I’ll tell you, Beau was honestly one of the bright spots last week,” Pederson said. 

Along with Logan, Ron Brooks (calf), Leodis McKelvin (hamstring) and Mychal Kendricks (ribs) will also be listed as questionable, according to Pederson. 

Pederson said Allen Barbre (ankle), Jason Kelce (foot), Jordan Matthews (knee tendinitis), Rodney McLeod (shoulder) and Marcus Smith (groin) should all be fine for Sunday’s game. 

McKelvin missed last week with the same hamstring that kept him out for Weeks 2 and 3 and forced him to leave the Lions game early. He has practiced in full all week. 

If Brooks, who was limited on Thursday, can’t play, the Eagles would be without their slot corner. That means Malcolm Jenkins would play the slot in the nickel package and Jaylen Watkins could come on the field as a safety.

While Kelce should be OK for the game, he did miss Wednesday’s practice with plantar fasciitis in his foot. 

Will that bother Kelce for the rest of the season? 

“It’s just a nagging deal,” Pederson said. “It’s kind of a sore … Again, I don’t know much about it. You can refer to it as a stone bruise, whatever you want to refer to it as. I talked to him yesterday. He was fine yesterday. We’ll just manage him and make sure he’s getting treatment and the proper medication and everything to try to keep it to a minimum.”

Penn at Yale: Quakers try to keep rolling, stay atop Ivies


Penn at Yale: Quakers try to keep rolling, stay atop Ivies

Penn (3-2, 2-0) at Yale (1-4, 1-1)
Yale Bowl, New Haven, Conn.
Friday, 7 p.m., NBCSN

It’s once again time for Friday night lights for Penn, which plays its second of three nationally televised Friday matchups tonight. Here’s a look at what’s on tap:

Scouting Penn
The Quakers won their third straight game and stayed perfect in the Ivy League with an easy 35-10 victory over old friend Al Bagnoli and Columbia last week. Junior running back Tre Solomon, the Ivy League’s leading rusher, was the star of the game, rushing for a career-high 127 yards on nine carries, catching five passes for 30 yards and even throwing a 23-yard TD pass on a late trick play. 

Quarterback Alek Torgersen threw for 241 yards and three touchdowns, one going to star junior Justin Watson and two more going to sophomore Christian Pearson, who’s emerging as another dynamic explosive receiving weapon. Linebacker Colton Moskal led the best defensive effort of the season with eight tackles, 1.5 sacks and 1.5 tackles for a loss. Moskal, a Syracuse transfer, currently ranks fourth in the Ivies in tackles with nine per game.

Scouting Yale
The Bulldogs lost their first three games (including a surprising one to Cornell in their Ivy opener), snapped their slide vs. Dartmouth, and then fell back to its losing ways last week at Fordham. Yale’s defense has particularly struggled, allowing 44 points to Fordham after previously surrendering 55 points in a loss to Colgate and 63 in a loss to Lehigh. 

The Bulldogs’ scoring defense currently ranks 118 out of 122 teams in the FCS (40.4 points per game) and 117th in total defense (487.8 yards per game). But their defense does have two of the top tacklers in the Ivies in Hayden Carlson and Foyesade Oluokun. And led by the tandem of Dale Harris and Alan Lamar, Yale leads the Ivies in rushing offense, averaging 184.8 yards per game — two-tenths of a yard more than Penn.

Series history
Yale leads the overall series 47-35-1, but Penn is 18-6 in the programs’ last 24 meetings dating back to 1992. The Quakers prevailed in last year’s matchup but hasn’t won at the Yale Bowl since 2010.

Storyline to watch
The historic Yale Bowl was erected more than 100 years ago but this will be the first true night game in the history of the stadium. That will only add to the mystique for the Penn players, who beat Yale in a night game at Franklin Field last season and love Friday night games because it reminds them of their high school days. But Yale players certainly figure to be up for the unique matchup, too. 

What’s at stake?
A win would keep Penn atop the Ivies with either Princeton or Harvard, the two other unbeaten frontrunners who face off the following day. 

Alek Torgersen, Justin Watson and Tre Solomon should have a field day against Yale’s leaky defense. Penn 42, Yale 27.