@FakeWIPCaller's Essential 2013 Eagles Preview: 10 Things I Hate About the Eagles

@FakeWIPCaller's Essential 2013 Eagles Preview: 10 Things I Hate About the Eagles

For all those years, every true Eagles fan prayed that one day, we'd at last be rid of Joe Banner, Donovan McNabb, and Andy Reid. One by one, we got our wish. So why does being an Eagles fan still suck?

Here are ten reasons why, counting down:

10. Michael Vick, whose last playoff win was in 2005, is still here.

9. So is Jeffrey Lurie, whose trophy priorities were clearly Oscar first, wife second, Lombardi third.

8. For our two new coordinators, we raided the coaching staff of last year's 5-11 Cleveland Browns team.

7. The Riley Cooper double standard.

6. Our defense sucks. In the preseason, we gave up scoring drives to the likes of Tim Tebow and Matt Simms, who's the fourth string quarterback on the Jets and the third-string quarterback in his own family. And for some reason Nate Allen, Kurt Coleman, and Casey Matthews are all still on the team.

5. Our GM is still Howie Roseman, a man with the look and demeanor of a freshman accounting major and the football knowledge to match, with a speaking voice that resembles that of Pee Wee Herman before he went through puberty. Naturally, they gave him his own radio show.

4. Now I hear the Birds are using "analytics"? Please. The only analytic I care about is how hard you can smash people in the mouth.

3. On Thursday, Cary Williams and Riley Cooper got into a fight at practice, one caught on video as Chip Kelly's loud, silly music played. In training camp alone, Cooper was videotaped using a racial slur, and even worse, Williams talked about sconces. It's good that Michael Vick was there to break up the altercation, because if anyone knows how to referee a fight, it's Vick.

2. I can see getting excited about Chip Kelly- he did show up at Wing Bowl, after all, and he's agreed to appear every Monday morning with Angelo. But his coaching was clearly so indispensable to Oregon that they won their first game without him 66-3.

1. Clearly, Donovan McNabb will never, ever go away. He's coming back to get his number retired in Week 3- and Andy's coming too. McNabb gives local interviews all the time, sports websites run long features about him, and he's got national TV and radio shows too. Hasn't Philadelphia been sending the message, since April 1999, that we're sick of this guy?

For week one the key, of course, is to knock RG3 out of the game as early as possible. But if we can't win that one, it's going to be a long season. And if they can't beat Andy in week 3? I'm done.

Other Philly sports takes:

- There was a local column last week asking why, among the two recently retired star Philly athletes, Allen Iverson is beloved and McNabb is not. Please. Iverson may have become a hardcore alcoholic, but did he ever vomit during a game? There's your answer.

- We all know how much crap Philly gets from the media in the rest of the country. So I want to send special thanks to Marcus Hayes, for repping us with pride in other cities.

- This Roger Bernadina looks like the real deal. Big mistake if the Phillies don't lock him up long-term.

- I saw Cleveland released Brett Myers- why don't the Phils bring him back? I mean, what did that guy ever do that was so wrong?

- I loved that Deadspin story about how the Phillies and Eagles players used to share a large stash of porno magazines at the Vet. I used to bring my own, but their idea was even better.

- Will you still root for the Sixers after they move to Newark?

 Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter; he'll be live-tweeting the Eagles game Monday night. 

Best of NBA: Heat stun Warriors on Dion Waiters' 3 with 0.6 seconds left

Best of NBA: Heat stun Warriors on Dion Waiters' 3 with 0.6 seconds left

MIAMI -- Dion Waiters' 3-pointer with 0.6 seconds left capped his 33-point effort, and the Miami Heat beat Golden State 105-102 on Monday night to end the Warriors' seven-game winning streak.

The Heat wasted a 10-point lead in the final 4 minutes, and Kevin Durant tied the game on a dunk with 11.7 seconds left. With no timeouts, Waiters walked the ball up the court and drilled what became the game-winner over Klay Thompson.

Stephen Curry missed a 3-pointer as time expired for the Warriors (see full recap).

Rivers, Crawford lead Clippers past Hawks
ATLANTA -- Austin Rivers scored 27 points and Jamal Crawford broke out of a shooting slump with 19, helping the Los Angeles Clippers beat the Atlanta Hawks 115-105 on Monday night.

Crawford had eight points in the fourth quarter, including a driving basket after Atlanta cut the Clippers' lead from 24 to five points.

Kent Bazemore led the Hawks with 25 points. Dennis Schroder had 21, and Dwight Howard added 16 points and 12 rebounds (see full recap).

Wizards beat Hornets behind Wall’s 24
CHARLOTTE, N.C. -- John Wall firmly believes the Washington Wizards are a good team with plenty of playoff potential.

The key, he said, "is we just got to believe it every time we step on the court."

Wall had 24 points and seven assists, and the Wizards looked plenty confident as they continued their run up the Eastern Conference standings with a 109-99 win against the Charlotte Hornets on Monday night (see full recap).

Kings snap skid with win over Pistons
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. -- DeMarcus Cousins had 22 points and 14 rebounds, and the Sacramento Kings snapped a five-game losing streak with a 109-104 victory over the Detroit Pistons on Monday night.

Ty Lawson added 19 points and helped Sacramento turn the game around with a strong second quarter. Lawson scored nine points in the second, and the Kings outscored the Pistons 37-24 in the period to take a 65-62 lead into halftime.

A 3-pointer by Lawson put Sacramento up 101-90 in the fourth, and the Kings held on from there to stop Detroit's three-game winning streak (see full recap).

Jones, Holiday lead Pelicans past Cavs
NEW ORLEANS -- Terrence Jones filled in brilliantly for injured All-Star Anthony Davis, scoring a season-high 36 points, grabbing 11 rebounds and blocking LeBron James' dunk attempt in the fourth quarter, and the New Orleans Pelicans beat the Cleveland Cavaliers 124-122 on Monday night.

Jrue Holiday added 33 points and 10 assists for the Pelicans, and Langston Galloway capped a 12-point night with a clean steal on James' drive in the final minute, preventing the Cavs from erasing a deficit they had trimmed from 22 late in the first half to three with 1:32 left in the game.

Kyrie Irving scoring 35 of his 49 points in the second half, but the Cleveland fell to its fifth loss in seven games. James had 26 points, 12 assists and 10 rebounds (see full recap).

Best of NHL: Henrik Lundqvist's 36 saves leads Rangers past Kings

Best of NHL: Henrik Lundqvist's 36 saves leads Rangers past Kings

NEW YORK -- Henrik Lundqvist stopped 36 shots to lead the New York Rangers over the Los Angeles Kings 3-2 on Monday night.

Brandon Pirri, Matt Puempel and Mats Zuccarello scored to help New York win its third straight since a three-game skid.

Jordan Nolan and Kyle Clifford scored, and Jeff Zatkoff finished with 14 saves for Los Angeles, which has lost four straight and five of seven.

Lundqvist has given up just four goals on 84 shots during the winning streak -- including a 1-0 shutout at Detroit on Monday -- after allowing 20 on 113 shots the previous four games.

The veteran goalie needed to be at his best in this one as the Kings, who last played Saturday across town against the Islanders, seemed a step faster from the start and controlled play for most of the first two periods (see full recap).

Caps top 'Canes to extend point streak to 14 games
WASHINGTON -- Defenseman Dmitry Orlov scored twice and the Washington Capitals kept the offense rolling to beat the Carolina Hurricanes 6-1 on Monday night and extend their point streak to 14 games.

Orlov doubled his goal output for the season and Justin Williams, Evgeny Kuznetsov, T.J. Oshie and Lars Eller also scored for the Capitals, who have won three in a row and haven't lost in regulation since Dec. 27. Washington scored on six of its 25 shots on Cam Ward and handed Carolina its fourth consecutive loss.

Braden Holtby made 25 saves for his 23rd victory of the season. The only goal he allowed came from Jordan Staal on the power play in the first period.

The Capitals allowed the first goal for the first time in 11 games but scored six unanswered to continue their winning ways. They've scored 44 goals in their past eight games (see full recap).

Kadri reaches 20 goals as Leafs beat Flames
TORONTO -- Nazem Kadri scored twice to tie his career high with 20 goals this season, Frederik Andersen stopped 26 shots and the Toronto Maple Leafs ended a two-game winless streak with a 4-0 win over the Calgary Flames on Monday night.

Kadri beat Brian Elliott twice, and Andersen captured his second shutout as a Leaf.

Rookies Mitch Marner and Zach Hyman also scored for Toronto, which sits third in the Atlantic Division with 53 points.

Elliott gave up four goals on 28 shots, dropping his fourth consecutive start.

The Flames have lost three in a row and five of the past six. They are a point up on Vancouver for the final wild-card spot in the Western Conference (see full recap).