Jay Cutler's Face Comes to Philadelphia; Hilarity and Sympathy Should Both Ensue

Jay Cutler's Face Comes to Philadelphia; Hilarity and Sympathy Should Both Ensue

I have an intense fascination with Jay Culter's mannerisms and facial expressions. And you know what? I'm not the only one. These guys seem pretty on board, too.

When Cutler was dealt from Denver to Chicago a few seasons back, I was largely apathetic about the now "embattled" quarterback. The guy was young and had a lot of hype surrounding him and seemed sort of whiny and frequently overthrew receivers and that was about it.

But I was wrong to be apathetic. There's more to Cutler than I previously assumed. A lot more. And it's in his face.

To begin, I know very little about the guy. I've never met him, never spoken with him and have seen very few quotes from him that would lead me to have any insight into his general or specific thought processes.

Still, the more I watch Cutler, the more I become convinced that he does not enjoy playing professional football. I am under that impression, because it's written all over his face.

Say what you will about the general bullshit that surrounded the "backyard enthusiasm" of Brett Favre, but there are guys in the league who outwardly evidence that they find enjoyment in their profession. Cutler doesn't appear to be one of them.

Then again, who could blame him?

He's a guy who gets the living hell beat out of him every week behind a non-existent offensive line, and then gets criticized for not being "tough enough." He's a guy with semi-other-worldly talent who just can't seem to fit it all together, and who isn't necessarily being given the tools to do it. He's a guy who looks like he's absolutely miserable, and it's because so sullen that he's draws the ire of the public.

I've never been repeatedly smacked to the ground by 300-pound pass rushers; I've never had the mantle of "The Man Whose Arm is Going to Solve a Decades-Long Passing Problem in Chicago" bestowed upon me; I've never been criticized for not playing with a torn ACL; so, I can't tell Jay to try doing all of this with a smile of his face.

But, Jay, you might want to try doing all this with a smile on your face.

Sure, I root for you, but that's because I have generally "contrarian" tendencies, legitimately sympathize with your situation and, yet, still take an outrageous amount of comedic enjoyment in your less than bemused facial expressions.

You look miserable, Jay, and to the large majority of those people who aren't myself, it's a turn off.

I'm writing all of this because there's a decent chance you're going to get carried off the field Monday night after Jason Babin shoots an imaginary arrow into the sky performs his best Hulk Hogan imitation. Personally, football will be less entertaining for me without you shaking your head, looking disgusted and waving dismissively at referees who just flagged you for intentional grounding for the second time in the last five minutes. But, as a matter of professional advice, if you want someone other than just me rooting for you, you might want to think about smiling a bit more.

That assumes, of course, you still have the ability to move your facial muscles after you—for the 9,999th time this season—pull your helmet out of the turf and stand up to get yourself some more.

Jay Cutler might just be the toughest son of bitch in the NFL today. Would someone please recognize it?

Phillies can exhale after bullpen nearly blows 10-0 lead

Phillies can exhale after bullpen nearly blows 10-0 lead

BOX SCORE

The moment when the ball struck first baseman Tommy Joseph’s glove for the final out of the Phillies 10-8 win over the Mets — dealing a major blow to their rival’s wild card hopes in the process — felt more like a collective exhalation than a moment of celebration (see Instant Replay).
 
Two days earlier, the bullpen faltered suddenly. A game-tying two-run homer by Jose Reyes in the ninth was the first body blow. The game-winning three-run homer by Asdrubal Cabrera was the knockout.
 
Saturday, the collapse occurred over the course of five innings as the Phillies let a lead that was once 10-0 slip away, one drawn-out at-bat after another.
 
Missing, of course, was the moment of impact in the proverbial slow-motion car crash, thanks to well-placed sinkers and four-seamers from Michael Mariot.
 
“The bullpen’s been sputtering,” manager Pete Mackanin said in an understatement.
 
Joely Rodriguez entered in the sixth inning with a 10-4 lead to face a string of lefties and it quickly became apparent that he did not have his fastball. A middle-in four-seamer that caught too much of the plate was slapped for a double by Mets shortstop Gavin Cecchini, his first major-league hit and a run. A second run scored when a little dribbler by third baseman T.J. Rivera died on the third base line, leaving Rodriguez with no play.
 
“He just didn’t throw quality strikes,” Mackanin said.
 
Even the normally-reliable Hector Neris struggled on Saturday. In his 77th outing of the season, Neris walked two straight batters and then surrendered an RBI double to Cecchini of his own which narrowed the lead to 10-7 and thrust the uncertainty of a save situation onto Mackanin.
 
Mariot was given first crack at the ninth inning one day after Mackanin said he would give Jeanmar Gomez a break from closing duties.
 
Mariot’s audition got off to a rough start. He gave up a pinch-hit solo home run to Jay Bruce — who had been mired in an 0-15 slump — with one out in the ninth and then walked Eric Campbell and Michael Conforto after a pair of grueling at-bats that lasted a combined 18 pitches.
 
The two hitters fouled off eight of Mariot’s pitches and took several four-seamers that just missed the plate.
 
“I was pretty upset about that,” Mariot said of the four-seamers that missed. “I was hoping to get at least a swing or maybe a call on those. Talking to [catcher] A.J. [Ellis], I think he said that they missed but I was hoping at least one of them to get called a strike.”
 
Gomez was up in the Phillies’ bullpen but Mariot ensured that Mackanin wouldn’t need to throw the recently-struggling closer back into the fire in a high-stress situation.
 
Mariot was able to locate his fastball when he needed to most. He fooled Lucas Duda with a two-seamer that the slugger popped out to Freddy Galvis and got Travis D’Arnaud to ground a four-seamer outside right back to him.
 
“I just told myself: ‘keep throwing strikes and good things will happen,’” Mariot said.
 
He threw just enough strikes to ensure that the Phillies didn’t end up on the wrong end of what would have been the Mets’ biggest comeback in team history.

Find great deals on Philadelphia Phillies tickets with TicketIQ. Buy cheap Phillies tickets with no hidden fees for all games on their 2016 schedule. 

College football wrap: Auburn upsets No. 18 LSU with controversial finish

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College football wrap: Auburn upsets No. 18 LSU with controversial finish

AUBURN, Ala. -- Gus Malzahn was ready to try anything to get a win for his Auburn Tigers.

Malzahn relinquished offensive play-calling duties. Following his daughters' advice, he traded his usual game-day visor for a cap. And then, when the clock expired and LSU players were celebrating an apparent last-second win, the Auburn coach put all his faith in a ruling he couldn't control.

Daniel Carlson kicked six field goals and Auburn beat No. 18 LSU 18-13 on Saturday night after officials ruled Danny Etling's apparent last-gasp scoring pass came after time expired.

Malzahn said he knew there were only zeroes on the clock before the snap to Etling.

"I was pretty confident time had expired," Malzahn said. "It was just a matter of going to the booth and confirming it."

Etling rolled to his right and found D.J. Shark in the back of the end zone on a 15-yard pass, setting off a short-lived celebration by LSU players (see full recap).

Hornibrook proves he's ready in Badgers' win over Spartans
EAST LANSING, Mich. -- By the time Alex Hornibrook's first start was over, there wasn't much question about whether he could handle one of the toughest road tests in the Big Ten.

Hornibrook threw for 195 yards and a touchdown, and 11th-ranked Wisconsin turned its early-season showdown with No. 8 Michigan State into a rout, beating the Spartans 30-6 on Saturday.

"You've got to have respect for a guy whose first start is against a Michigan State defense," Wisconsin running back Corey Clement said.

"He's going to come out the next game and do even better. I think he's just getting his feet wet."

The freshman quarterback outplayed fifth-year senior Tyler O'Connor, his Michigan State counterpart. The Badgers (4-0, 1-0 Big Ten) were the better team in the first half and then outscored the Spartans 17-0 in the third quarter (see full recap).

No. 23 Rebels find their rhythm, beat No. 12 Georgia 45-14
OXFORD, Miss. -- Mississippi quarterback Chad Kelly faked the handoff and then took off running toward the end zone. A few seconds and 41 yards later, the quarterback had cruised through the middle of the Georgia defense and into the end zone untouched.

It was pretty much that easy for the Rebels all afternoon. Ole Miss finally built a lead it couldn't give away.

No. 23 Ole Miss rolled to a 45-14 victory over No. 12 Georgia on Saturday, building a 31-0 lead by halftime and a 45-0 advantage by midway through the fourth quarter.

Kelly threw for 282 yards and two touchdowns. Ole Miss (2-2, 1-1 Southeastern Conference) broke a 10-game losing streak in the series dating to 1996 (see full recap).

Dobbs rallies No. 14 Vols to 38-28 win over No. 19 Gators
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- This time, Tennessee delivered the comeback.

And in the process, the Volunteers took out 11 years' worth of frustration on Florida.

Joshua Dobbs accounted for five second-half touchdowns Saturday and No. 14 Tennessee erased a 21-point deficit to beat No. 19 Florida 38-28 and end their 11-game losing streak in the annual series.

"I didn't see anybody blink," Tennessee coach Butch Jones said. "Nobody flinched. They just kept playing."

This marks the first time Tennessee (4-0, 1-0 SEC) has beaten Florida (3-1, 1-1) since 2004. The Volunteers had lost to Florida by one point each of the last two years despite leading in the fourth quarter of both games (see full recap).