Mike Vick's alleged former stripper-slash-'secret girlfriend' tells hilarious tales of orgies, affirmed straightness

Mike Vick's alleged former stripper-slash-'secret girlfriend' tells hilarious tales of orgies, affirmed straightness
January 13, 2014, 1:30 pm
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The thing about the year 2014 is that computers are relatively cheap and anyone can sit down and hunt and peck their way to tell any story they want. Bloggers exist, after all, and you're reading this.

So it's always a bit entertaining when "secret girlfriends" try to write tell-all books. The latest target of such a tale is Eagles quarterback Michael Vick.

Radar Online posted the story last Friday of a woman who called herself Vick's "secret girlfriend" for something like 10 years. They met at a strip club, naturally, which provides us with the first hilarious anecdote:

Vick and the author first met when she was working at a strip club. She recalls, “He said only one word, ‘dance,’ and that’s exactly what I did … Vick appeared to take it all in like a child in a candy store for the very first time.” At the end of the night, Escritor claims, she left the club with him, and they had sex for the first time at his Atlanta home — although he was already in a relationship.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm not so sure how that metaphor works.

The next amazing detail is about how the "secret girlfriend" finally realized the rumors about Vick being gay weren't true. It wasn't from having sex with him over and over and over.

The first time she saw the report, she writes, “I started laughing at first, because I knew damn well after being with him sexually for quite some time now that this man seemed far from gay.” She says she got her confirmation when she saw Vick making faces at a local R&B singer’s music video on TV.

“I’m like, ‘What’s wrong? You don’t like him?’” she remembers. “He says, ‘Hell naw.’ He said that the guy was staring at him all weird and sh*t when he did that music video with a local rapper. He went on to say that he, himself, wasn’t gay, and he didn’t like being stared at by that man … So that right there, to me, solved the mystery of ‘Vick Gay?’”

There's plenty more about the sex parties at Vick's Atlanta home, how the couple would crawl on floors to sneak up and watch his friends have sex with strippers, about his herpes and dog fighting scandals. It just keeps going. There's just so much.

I'm not sure I can summarize it any better than Radar Online commenter "Ruprecht" who really captured the story's essence:

A tell all book about being a side piece for a herpes infested dog killing peeping Tom dooche rocket. You stay classy!

>>Sex Parties, Strippers & Flavored Condoms: 'Secret' Girlfriend Tells All About Sex Parties at NFL Star Michael Vick's Mansion [Radar]

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