Forget about Bob Costas's eyeball and Shaun White's earring, the true story of these Winter Games has been the new Videon Chrysler Dodge & Jeep commercial featuring former Eagle and current ski-jumper, Hollis Thomas.
[nbcsports_video src=//www.youtube.com/embed/uCKUtY83KTM width=620 height=349]
If you haven't seen the spot yet, you are living a goddamn lie. Take the 30 seconds out of your stupid, boring life to watch the video above (or just keep reading for my hard-hitting blow-by-blow analysis).
If you're not familiar with Videon's past commercials featuring Hollis Thomas, they will blow your face all over your butt. Thomas plays a recurring role as "the Jeep Genie", a mythical robe-wearing creature who sprinkles fairy dust into the air in order to get customers the best possible deals on a new Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep. In this particular commercial -- a spot they're airing during NBC's daytime Olympic coverage -- Thomas tries to sell cars while competing in a sport that has traditionally been dominated by non-football-playing non-genie Norwegians.
The commercial opens up with a wide establishing shot, an obvious nod to the great Dutch filmmaker, Henri Winklorv. Thomas then zips down the ski jump at an INCREDIBLE pace, allowing him to sprout into the air like a goddamn wizard. I've never seen a take-off quite like Thomas's, his technique is flawless, as he launches himself to what is most likely the longest ski jump in the history of mankind.
While Hollis glides in the air, it is here that the commercial becomes a little far-fetched. The camera cuts to a side angle of Hollis, leading us to believe that another ski jumper (this one holding a camera, and also maybe a boom mic?) is flying alongside Hollis. So now two people are en route to the longest ski jump in the history of mankind. I guess you could argue that they now have those cameras that hang on wires and are supported by pulley systems, so maybe it's not so unrealistic after all?
Hollis then introduces himself by saying, "Oh hi. It's me, Hollis Thomas," as if even he was surprised by the cameraman ski jumping next to him. Hollis then relaxes and takes off his goggles, because WHO'S GOT TIME FOR GOGGLES when you're trying to sell Chryslers? It's not like Lee Iacocca ever wore goggs!
Just in case you you spent the first six seconds of the ad screaming at your television and missed Hollis's introduction, a plane flies in the background carrying a sign that reads, "Hollis Thomas -- All-pro Genie" just to remind you of who is trying to sell you a fine-crafted American vehicle. Frankly, I found this a little redundant. Anyone who doesn't recognize Hollis Thomas is not going to see this sign and then suddenly be convinced to buy a pickup truck. Considering this was a local TV ad, I would've preferred to have seen the plane pulling a more South Jersey Shore-centric sign, like, "$3 THURSDAYS: BULLS BOMBS AND BEERS AT THE O.D."
Soon after you've wrapped your head around the idea that A) Hollis Thomas can ski jump, B) Hollis is a genie and C) Genies are THINGS, the camera suddenly SWITCHES SPOTS to right in front of the 350-pound former D Tackle. Incredible filmmaking by the Videon crew.
Hollis doesn't miss a beat though -- I mean, he is a genie after all -- sorry, an all-pro genie -- and keeps singing the praises of Videon's staff while staring into the camera that is flying in front of him.
Eventually, after Hollis tells us more about car dealerships and the fine, reputable people who run them, he lowers his goggs and excuses himself so he can, "stick this landing."
Turns out, Hollis landed on a cloud. But not just a regular cloud, a cloud that also has a full-functioning ski shop on top of it. I imagine this ski shop went out of business VERY quickly. Location location location. I mean, why would anyone open (or visit!) a ski shop in the middle of the earth's atmosphere? Still, Hollis looks quite comfortable nestled in his little cloud as he has now taken off his hat, goggs and his Atomic skis, a brand that couldn't possibly have authorized Videon to use their product in the making of this commercial.
Still, this is obviously the best fucking commercial ever made. And if you're looking for a new Dodge Rammer, I highly recommend talking to the good people at Videon Chrysler Dodge and Jeep. Also, if you want to search for trucks online, make sure to include the "www" in their web address because we all know that you can't possibly access the Internet without those three crucial letters.
Follow The Evster @TVMWW.