The Evster: Chips, ranked

The Evster: Chips, ranked

My wife institutes a staunch “NO CHIPS” policy in our household. Not because they’re bad for you, but because she can't stand my erotic mouth-breathing as I shovel them into my fat, sweaty face. Also, they’re horrible for you. That's why I keep no fewer than 47 bags in my car at all times. I also take blood pressure medication.

So considering this holiday weekend kicks off barbecue season -- and I have no idea what’s going on in the sports world -- let’s rank chips.

Dead Last – Any chip made by Wise®

Wise is by far the shaftiest brand ever. I’m pretty sure the only place you can still find ‘em is at the Pathmark in Willingboro, New Jersey. And for good reason, too. They come in those little 25-cent bags and they're always brown and broken and now that I think about it Wise did make some pretty dope corn chips back in the day with the ridges on ‘em so I guess this list has already lost all credibility so let’s just start over, shall we.

Actually Dead Last – Any baked potato chip

I’m not saying I won’t eat ‘em. I'll definitely eat 'em. But I won't enjoy 'em.

(Yes I will. And I'll also enjoy the explosive diarrhea that comes with 'em. That's just a bonus right thurr.)

20. Funyuns

Let’s be honest with each other, folks. Let’s be honest with each other for once in our stupid lives. Would it kill you -- just once, JUST ONCE -- to be truthful on the internet? Because Funyuns are not good. They're not. They're just not. That’s not true. They’re fine. They're perfectly fine. I honestly don’t think I’ve had a Funyun in over 30 years. I may have never had a Funyun. This is what goes for a blogpost these days?

19. Pork Rinds

Nope.

18. Sun Chips

Amazing job out of Sun Chips' packaging/marketing department to make us all believe that they won’t turn our insides into a bona fide shit cavern.

17. Party Mix

The pretzels are worthless and most people just gank all the Cheetos, but if you get on a roll there’s no better way to destroy a Sunday.

16. Lay’s Barbecue

Lay's Classic will cut the roof of your mouth Capn' Crunch style, but the bbq jawns are good enough for #16 on this list that honestly took me 35 minutes to write.

15. Rap Snacks

On this list for packaging only.

14. Andy Capp’s Hot Fries

In middle school I used to stick them up into my gums like a walrus until the pain became so severe that I'd sneeze blood.

13. Fritos

The ultimate palette cleanser.

12. Kettle Cooked whatever

Where can I buy one of these kettles to cook potatoes in? Sky Mall? They gotta have one, right? Along with a cat desk/swimming pool wine rack.

11. Tostitos with that unbelievable Salsa Con Queso stuff 

A dish best served cold, right outta the fridge, smeared all over your chest.

10. Dr. Dread’s Famous Jamaican Jerk Potato Chips

I once spent five days in a hospital because I needed fluid drained from the sack of my heart.

9. Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream

Goes perfect with a Turkey hoag from Wawa, or a quick jolt of pure Canadian heroin.

8. Pringles (Classic)

So fun to pretend you're a frog and yoink 'em into your mouth with your tongue.

7. Herr’s Sour Cream and Onion

That shiny green packaging is unstoppable. And when you buy the family sized bag it honestly takes up like the whole backseat. I don't know why that's amazing, but it totally is and you know it.

6. Sørlands (from Norway!)

For the one person reading this who's been to Norway and had these bad boys let me know when you wanna cyber.

5. Jax

Anyone who has a problem with Jax being ranked this high can email me directly at SuckkkkkkkkMyyyyyyyButttttttt@gmail.com. Nothing dissolves in your mouth quite like Jax. It's like fondue's slutty step-cousin. Oh my God I wanna dip a Jax in fondue. Tell me you don't. TELL ME YOU DON'T.

4. Utz Salt and Vinegar

Honestly any salt and vinny can go here, I just like the green and yellow Minnesota North Stars packaging that Utz puts out there. I also knew a chick in college who would always bring her own vinegar to the dining hall and put it on everything she ate and she was seriously so weird and I tried to hook up with her once in my dorm room but I fell asleep while she was talking because she was soooooooo boring and that's a lie she was actually pretty cool and I'm scared of all women.

3. Cheetos

How good are the big nubbed, Babe Ruth baseball bat-looking Cheetos? I'm talkin' bout the Fred Flintstone jawns. If there is one person reading this that knows what I'm talking about, feel free to follow me on Twitter.

2. Doritos

My dream in life is to have my old middle school principal Mrs. Durbage slug me in the face while I eat Doritos while wearing her stockings.

1. Grandma Utz’s Handcooked Potato Chips

Legit ingredients from da back of da bag: “Handcooked. Whole Fresh Potatoes, Sliced and Cooked in Lard, with Salt Added."

Let the complaining begin.

Joel Embiid doubtful Tuesday vs. Clippers with left knee injury

Joel Embiid doubtful Tuesday vs. Clippers with left knee injury

Joel Embiid did not practice on Monday and is listed as doubtful for the Sixers' game Tuesday against the Clippers.

Embiid hyperextended his left knee in the Sixers' 93-92 win over the Blazers Friday. He said after the game that the knee was fine, but the Sixers are clearly exercising caution with their young star center. Embiid will also rest on Wednesday against the Bucks.

"I knew it was OK. I just landed the wrong way," Embiid said Friday. "I'm great. The knee's fine. They did an MRI and stuff, everything looked good."

The Sixers are calling it a left knee contusion. They're 13-17 when Embiid plays and 2-10 without him.

Jahlil Okafor (right knee soreness) was limited at Monday's practice but is probable to play the Clippers.

Okafor had 12 points, four rebounds and three blocks in 30 minutes in Saturday's 110-93 loss at Atlanta.

CSN Philly's Jessica Camerato contributed to this report.

Eagles’ Taylor Hart excited about switch from defensive to offensive tackle

Eagles’ Taylor Hart excited about switch from defensive to offensive tackle

As the Eagles’ 2016 season was nearing its end, the offensive line was limping toward the finish line. 

Thanks to Lane Johnson’s suspension and several injuries across the line, the Eagles needed someone to take scout team reps at offensive tackle. So they asked reserve defensive tackle Taylor Hart. 

“They needed a little bit of help,” Hart told CSNPhilly.com on Monday. “That’s where the whole idea grew from.” 

The idea Hart talked about is a pretty big move in his career. When the spring rolls around, Hart will no longer be a defensive lineman. Instead, he’ll try to prolong his career by switching to offensive tackle. 

At first, the idea wasn’t to make Hart switch positions permanently, but the 25-year-old was impressive during practice. And still, it wasn’t until after the season that the decision to permanently switch positions was made. Hart said he talked it over with the team, his family and agent and came to the conclusion it was a good idea. 

“We all decided that this was a great route to prolong my career with the Eagles,” Hart said. “I’m really excited about it.” 

Hart came to the Eagles as a fifth-round pick in 2014 but has played minimally during the first three years of his NFL career. He's played in 15 games with one start. Fourteen of those games came in 2015 in a 3-4 defense under then-defensive coordinator Billy Davis. 

Before the 2016 season, Hart made the Eagles' original 53-man roster but was then cut as the team claimed three players. From there, he went to join his old coach Chip Kelly in San Francisco. The 49ers waived him on Oct. 22 and the Eagles claimed him but kept him inactive the rest of the way. 

The writing was on the wall: Without this decision, it’s very possible Hart’s days with the Eagles were numbered. They might still be. But at least he’s giving it a shot. 

At 6-foot-6, 305 pounds and with pretty good athleticism, it seems like Hart has the right makeup to be an offensive tackle. 

It took some prodding, but eventually, Hart admitted he was “pretty good” as an offensive lineman in high school; according to the Eagles, he was an all-state tackle. When he went to Oregon, he was given the choice to play offense or defense. He chose defense. 

Recently, Hart has been thinking a lot about why he landed on defense back then. He liked the aggressive, attacking nature of being a defensive player, but says he really enjoyed both. 

“Maybe looking back at it,” he said, “maybe I should have chosen offensive line.” 

This time last year, Hart was worried about a different switch, from Davis’ two-gapping 3-4 defense to Jim Schwartz’s attacking 4-3. At the time, Hart said he thought it was a good thing to get out of his comfort zone. Now, he really is. 

The biggest challenges he’ll face relearning to play offensive tackle, according to Hart, will be moving backwards and staying flat-footed. But Hart thinks his knowledge of playing defensive line will help him as he now tries to stop other defensive linemen. 

While Hart used to wear No. 97 with the Eagles, when he returned from San Francisco, rookie Destiny Vaeao had already snatched it, so Hart was given 77. That will work — 77 is an offensive lineman-eligible number. 

While it’s not common for a defensive lineman to switch to the other side of the ball, it’s not unprecedented either. In fact, Alejandro Villanueva was once with the Eagles in the summer of 2014 (Hart’s rookie year) as a defensive lineman. The former Army captain was cut by the Eagles but latched on with the Steelers and has become Pittsburgh’s starting left tackle. 

Hart said that he and Villanueva have remained in contact and have talked about the switch. Seeing Villanueva’s success has made Hart more confident that he can do it too. 

“In the NFL, you want to make yourself as valuable as possible,” Hart said. “It really kind of clicked for me. This is a shot for me to really be productive.”