The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

I’m not normally the type of person who cares about stuff, but the Redskins nickname is racist as shit. It's like calling a team the Cincinnati Black People or the New York Jews. I know, I know, the name 'Redskins' has EQUITY and Native Americans aren't real, but that’s not the point, the point is that I needed something to write about this week.

So here’s some free advice for you, Dan Snyder. Instead of shelling out thousands of dollars to some fancy dancy marketing firm, check out these new names and logo treatments that I've created FREE OF CHARGE for your clammy football team.

Note from Evster’s lawyer who is real and a person: Mr. Snyder, these names and logos are NOT free. Nothing in this world is free. If you choose to go forward with any of these designs, there will be a charge. Let's start the conversation at $11, shall we?

Ideally when rebranding a franchise, your team name should be intimidating (JAG-OO-UARS) while also giving a nod to the city they’re from (Jacksonville starts with a J!). This is not necessary, but it certainly adds some nice value. It’s not like there are lions roaming around downtown Detroit, but I do appreciate the cleverness of the New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, and Saskatchewan Hairy Mole Women.

So let's check out some new names for da Skins.

Washington Mega Ram Jam Ram Jammers

It is a fact, a medical fact, that nothing is cooler than ramming a basketball down a white person’s throat. Imagine a football team whose entire image was built on just that. I know, we’re mixing up sports, but look at how cute that guy is hanging on the rim up there. He has a flat top! If you’re still not convinced that this is the most awesome idea, watch this  video of all 57 of Gerald Green’s rams from this past NBA season. There's so many rams!

For the record, Gerald Green is not actually from D.C. but if you told me he was I'd totally believe you.

Washington Flarfs

It’s 2014, no one cares about making sense anymore. I talked to a guy in line at Wendy's the other day who told me that if they serve you french fries that aren't hot, just ask for a new pack o' gizzlers. No idea what he was talking about. Absolutely no idea. And yet I consider him to be a very dear friend.

Are you telling me you wouldn't wear a "WASHINGTON FLARFS" hooded sweatshirt? I'd pay big bucks ($3) to hear Gus Johnson announcing a game and screaming about how the Flarfs were just flarfing all over the place. I sort of feel like this article should just end now -- I mean we're not gonna do better than the Flarfs -- but I did spend a bunch of time flarfing out some new logos, so let's just flarf on.

Washington Kathie Lee Giffords

I can't think of a more terrifying image than lining up against 11 Kathie Lee Giffords. Now I know that if you change your team name to the Kathie Lee Giffords, you don't actually get to sign 45 Kathie Lee Giffords, but a man can dream.

The D.C. connection here is obviously people constantly talking about bullshit and never shutting up and no I'm not from D.C. please don't be rude.

Washington Potato Skins

It's like Redskins, but with potatoes! Notice too how there are laces on the outside of this potato skin to make it look like a pigskin. Also, the potato skin sort of looks like a stadium. Also it's a potato skin.

Washington Dentists

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more terrifying than going to the dentist. The scraping, the x-rays, the hygienists berating you for not flossing enough. Well, here's a football team that will be just as intimidating. Plus, great opportunity to dress up your cheerleaders as hot hygienists. Although I gotta be honest, I have never, EVER, had a hot hygienist. I feel like it's a total myth. Every one of my hygienists has been from Broomall. That being said, there are few better feelings in this world than walking out of that office carrying that little plastic bag with a new toothbrush and floss. Struttin' like the goddamn King of Westeros.

By the way, how is it that in this day of modern medicine, we can attach a guy's butt to his foot but we still remove plaque with a metal hook.

Washington People Who Graduated from the University of Maryland with a Communications Degree

Ugh, no one is worse than Maryland grads. From that stupid state flag to their love of Lonny Baxter, nothing about these people is interesting. Then again, I do know a guy who once barfed on a dog there, so I guess that's pretty cool.

Washington Belt Waze

It's a belt but also a beltway and a football stadium and I spelled "ways" with a "z" and I really do get paid money to write these things.

Washington Red Skinny Jeans

Good night, everybody.

Follow the Evster @TVMWW.

Cold can't keep Joel Embiid away from first Sixers practice

Cold can't keep Joel Embiid away from first Sixers practice

STOCKTON, N.J. — Joel Embiid awoke Tuesday morning and was still feeling ill from a cold and virus he has been battling since last Friday. He had been coughing, experiencing a bloody nose and even vomiting, but all those symptoms could not stop him from a day he has been eyeing for over two years: his first NBA practice.

Embiid had stayed back in Philadelphia on Monday night while the Sixers traveled to training camp at Stockton University in South Jersey. On Tuesday, he decided to leave the city and join the team on campus.

“I woke up this morning and I was like, ‘I waited too long for this time, so I’ve got to go and try to do some work in there,’” Embiid said.

Embiid had been sidelined by foot injuries since the Sixers drafted him third overall in 2014. Tuesday marked his first NBA practice, and he is eyeing his first preseason game next Tuesday against the Celtics.

Embiid was not expected to be part of training camp Tuesday because of his illness. He surprised the team when he arrived while practice was underway. The Sixers' medical staff cleared him before he took the court.

“He forced himself into practice today,” head coach Brett Brown said. “He said, ‘I feel good, I want to go.’ With the time that he has put in the last few years, he meant it. You respected that instruction.”

Embiid is following a minutes restriction during training camp, which currently is 25 minutes for the morning session and 20 minutes for the evening session. His previous physical restrictions have been lifted and the team is monitoring him for workload and time on the court.

“I step back and figure out how do I want to spend my money?” Brown said. “If we’ve got X amount of time, where do I feel like he can make the most improvement? Where do I feel like he’s going to have the best chance to get on the court and play minutes, as we expect against the Celtics?”

Tuesday morning’s session focused on the defensive end. While Embiid had trouble breathing at points and tired quickly, he made an effort to give 100 percent on the court. The only lags in Embiid’s game Brown noticed were attributed to his illness, not because of his foot.

“I don’t think he’s missed a beat from a great month of September,” Brown said.

The Sixers sensed the enthusiasm from Embiid. Regardless of his restrictions, his energy was felt among the team.

“When he did get in, he played well,” Ben Simmons said. “He’s a big inside presence. He got a lot of boards and crashed the offensive glass.”

Added Jahlil Okafor: "He’s excited to be here. Obviously, he’s had a couple tough years with his injuries that he couldn’t control. But he’s finally here and he’s taking advantage of that."

The Sixers will hold training camp through Friday at Stockton University. Embiid is looking to push past any symptoms to be on the court as much as he can.

Nerlens Noel's complaints only damage Sixers' trade leverage

Nerlens Noel's complaints only damage Sixers' trade leverage

Silence is golden.

It's a phrase uttered often by parents and teachers. It can also be an effective phrase when dealing with negotiations.

I'm not revealing a big secret by saying the Sixers have a logjam in their frontcourt. At some point, something has to give.

Nerlens Noel, a key component of the aforementioned logjam, doubled down on his quotes from over the weekend about the Sixers' "silly" frontcourt situation.

"I don't see a way it can work," Noel said on Monday. "It's just a logjam. You have three young, talented centers that can play 30-plus minutes a night."

Uh-oh.

Bryan Colangelo acknowledged that teams have been trying to "poach" a big man off him. He's been adamant in saying that he's not shopping any of his bigs. For leverage purposes, that's wise.

Any leverage Colangelo may have accrued through his media tour this summer took a hit. With the health of Joel Embiid still a question mark, it's important that the Sixers take a wait-and-see approach to their situation. Noel may have just put a damper on that plan.

I'm not advocating for the trade of Noel and keeping Jahlil Okafor. In fact, I've said that if Embiid proves he's healthy, I'd move both Noel and Okafor if the value was appropriate.

There can be arguments made for keeping Noel over the other two centers. His athleticism and rim protection skills fit Brett Brown's system and the way the NBA is trending. And it's important to note that Noel isn't wrong. It won't benefit him to take a cut in minutes. It won't help Okafor either. It's not the most pleasant situation to be sure. He has every right to be unhappy, but getting the media involved doesn't benefit Noel or the Sixers.

Anyone in any job should have the right to speak out if they feel they're being slighted, but sometimes you have to "play the game." If Noel were a poker player, he just revealed his hand. He should've shown up, said the right things and allowed Colangelo to negotiate a deal.

The best parallel is what the Eagles and Sam Bradford went through this offseason. Bradford was unhappy the Eagles traded valuable draft picks to acquire Carson Wentz. Understandable, but when he threw his rattle down and sat out part of camp, it helped nobody. The Broncos tried to lowball Howie Roseman, figuring Roseman had no leverage with Bradford's intent to get traded out of town. Roseman stood his ground and the Eagles were able to hold the Vikings hostage when Teddy Bridgewater suffered a season-ending knee injury.

It's not something you hope for by any means, but these things happen. Players get hurt and teams are left scrambling to find a replacement. Take a look at the Chris Bosh situation with the Miami Heat. Bosh, who's had a tremendous career, will likely never play again because of issues with blood clots. The Heat are likely not a match for the Sixers given defensive-minded center Hassan Whiteside's new contract, but the point is that you never know what will happen between now and opening night.

For Bradford, it was resolved just a week before the season started. If Noel follows suit with Bradford, perhaps there will be a similar solution.

"Things need to get situated," Noel said. "I think things obviously need to be moved around, someone needs to be moved around. It's just a tough situation. I can't really say too much because I have no say in the matter, so obviously that's for who can handle the situation in the right manner."

Well, Nerlens, you said too much already.