The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

The Evster comes up with new names and logos for the Redskins

I’m not normally the type of person who cares about stuff, but the Redskins nickname is racist as shit. It's like calling a team the Cincinnati Black People or the New York Jews. I know, I know, the name 'Redskins' has EQUITY and Native Americans aren't real, but that’s not the point, the point is that I needed something to write about this week.

So here’s some free advice for you, Dan Snyder. Instead of shelling out thousands of dollars to some fancy dancy marketing firm, check out these new names and logo treatments that I've created FREE OF CHARGE for your clammy football team.

Note from Evster’s lawyer who is real and a person: Mr. Snyder, these names and logos are NOT free. Nothing in this world is free. If you choose to go forward with any of these designs, there will be a charge. Let's start the conversation at $11, shall we?

Ideally when rebranding a franchise, your team name should be intimidating (JAG-OO-UARS) while also giving a nod to the city they’re from (Jacksonville starts with a J!). This is not necessary, but it certainly adds some nice value. It’s not like there are lions roaming around downtown Detroit, but I do appreciate the cleverness of the New England Patriots, Baltimore Ravens, and Saskatchewan Hairy Mole Women.

So let's check out some new names for da Skins.

Washington Mega Ram Jam Ram Jammers

It is a fact, a medical fact, that nothing is cooler than ramming a basketball down a white person’s throat. Imagine a football team whose entire image was built on just that. I know, we’re mixing up sports, but look at how cute that guy is hanging on the rim up there. He has a flat top! If you’re still not convinced that this is the most awesome idea, watch this  video of all 57 of Gerald Green’s rams from this past NBA season. There's so many rams!

For the record, Gerald Green is not actually from D.C. but if you told me he was I'd totally believe you.

Washington Flarfs

It’s 2014, no one cares about making sense anymore. I talked to a guy in line at Wendy's the other day who told me that if they serve you french fries that aren't hot, just ask for a new pack o' gizzlers. No idea what he was talking about. Absolutely no idea. And yet I consider him to be a very dear friend.

Are you telling me you wouldn't wear a "WASHINGTON FLARFS" hooded sweatshirt? I'd pay big bucks ($3) to hear Gus Johnson announcing a game and screaming about how the Flarfs were just flarfing all over the place. I sort of feel like this article should just end now -- I mean we're not gonna do better than the Flarfs -- but I did spend a bunch of time flarfing out some new logos, so let's just flarf on.

Washington Kathie Lee Giffords

I can't think of a more terrifying image than lining up against 11 Kathie Lee Giffords. Now I know that if you change your team name to the Kathie Lee Giffords, you don't actually get to sign 45 Kathie Lee Giffords, but a man can dream.

The D.C. connection here is obviously people constantly talking about bullshit and never shutting up and no I'm not from D.C. please don't be rude.

Washington Potato Skins

It's like Redskins, but with potatoes! Notice too how there are laces on the outside of this potato skin to make it look like a pigskin. Also, the potato skin sort of looks like a stadium. Also it's a potato skin.

Washington Dentists

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more terrifying than going to the dentist. The scraping, the x-rays, the hygienists berating you for not flossing enough. Well, here's a football team that will be just as intimidating. Plus, great opportunity to dress up your cheerleaders as hot hygienists. Although I gotta be honest, I have never, EVER, had a hot hygienist. I feel like it's a total myth. Every one of my hygienists has been from Broomall. That being said, there are few better feelings in this world than walking out of that office carrying that little plastic bag with a new toothbrush and floss. Struttin' like the goddamn King of Westeros.

By the way, how is it that in this day of modern medicine, we can attach a guy's butt to his foot but we still remove plaque with a metal hook.

Washington People Who Graduated from the University of Maryland with a Communications Degree

Ugh, no one is worse than Maryland grads. From that stupid state flag to their love of Lonny Baxter, nothing about these people is interesting. Then again, I do know a guy who once barfed on a dog there, so I guess that's pretty cool.

Washington Belt Waze

It's a belt but also a beltway and a football stadium and I spelled "ways" with a "z" and I really do get paid money to write these things.

Washington Red Skinny Jeans

Good night, everybody.

Follow the Evster @TVMWW.

NHL Notes: Islanders fire head coach Jack Capuano

NHL Notes: Islanders fire head coach Jack Capuano

The struggling New York Islanders fired coach Jack Capuano on Tuesday, ending his tenure in the middle of its seventh season.

General manager Garth Snow named assistant GM/coach Doug Weight as Capuano's interim replacement. Snow told reporters Tuesday that the Islanders weren't where they wanted to be in the standings and that everyone's disappointed in their performance his season.

"At the end of the day organizationally I don't think Jack was probably going to be a coach that we were going to bring back," Snow said, adding that the team will begin a full-time coaching search now.

Snow said the halfway point of the season played a role in the timing of firing Capuano a day after beating the Boston Bruins 4-0. The Islanders were 17-17-8 and are in last place in the Eastern Conference with 42 points (see full story).

Predators: Hunt claimed, Fiala sent to AHL
NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- The Nashville Predators have claimed defenseman Brad Hunt off waivers from the St. Louis Blues.

In other moves announced Tuesday, the Predators assigned forward Kevin Fiala to their American Hockey League affiliate in Milwaukee and have placed defenseman Petter Granberg on injured reserve.

Hunt had one goal and four assists in nine games for St. Louis this season. He has appeared in a total of 30 NHL games over parts of four seasons with the Edmonton Oilers and St. Louis. He has two career goals and six assists.

Fiala has six goals and three assists in 32 games for Nashville this season.

Granberg has played in 10 games for the Predators and has 10 penalty minutes.

NFL Notes: Tomlin says Antonio Brown 'foolish, selfish' for live stream

NFL Notes: Tomlin says Antonio Brown 'foolish, selfish' for live stream

PITTSBURGH — The father in Mike Tomlin regrets the language he used to describe the New England Patriots during the postgame speech Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Antonio Brown's opted to livestream on social media after a taut playoff victory over Kansas City.

The coach in Tomlin has just as big an issue with one of his team's biggest stars forcing the Steelers to talk about something other than trying to find a way to finally beat Tom Brady when it counts.

A characteristically blunt Tomlin called Brown's decision to broadcast more than 17 minutes of Pittsburgh's giddy locker room to the world -- a move that caught Tomlin using a handful of profanities -- over Kansas City "foolish," "selfish" and "inconsiderate."

"Not only is it a violation of our policy, it's a violation of league policy, both of which he knows," Tomlin said Tuesday.

"So there are consequences to be dealt with from his perspective. We will punish him. We won't punish us."

Tomlin took responsibility for his choice of words, though he was unaware of being filmed as he spoke.

During Tomlin's brief remarks he attached an expletive to the Patriots, who earned a full day's head start on the Steelers by virtue of beating Houston on Saturday night, 24 hours before Pittsburgh outlasted Kansas City 18-16.

"The responsibility associated with being in this thing, just from a role model standpoint, it's something that I personally embrace," Tomlin said.

"It's something that we as a team and organization embrace. So that's why the language, specifically, in terms of the content, is regrettable," (see full story).

- The Associated Press

Report: Former Eagles DL Clyde Simmons joining Browns' staff
The Sporting News' Alex Marvez reported that the Browns are hiring Clyde Simmons to coach their defensive line.

Since 2012, Simmons has worked as the assistant defensive line coach for the St. Louis/Los Angeles Rams under head coach Jeff Fisher and defensive coordinator Gregg Williams. Fisher was fired by the Rams with three games left in the 2016 season and Williams left Los Angeles for Cleveland, where he will also be the defensive coordinator.

Filling out his staff in Cleveland, Williams appears to be bringing Simmons with him from the Rams. Cleveland.com reported that Williams is also hiring his son, Blake, as the linebackers coach and Jerod Kruse as the defensive backs coach. 

Simmons spent the first eight seasons of his 15-year NFL career in Philadelphia, starting 108 of the 124 games he appeared in. Simmons recorded 76 of his 121.5 career sacks with the Eagles and also forced 12 fumbles, recovering 10, and scoring two touchdowns with the Birds.

- CSNPhilly.com

Broncos: Joe Woods promoted to defensive coordinator
ENGLEWOOD, Colo. — Broncos coach Vance Joseph has promoted secondary coach Joe Woods to defensive coordinator, replacing Wade Phillips, who left for the Los Angeles Rams.

Woods, 46, was in charge of the Broncos' "No Fly Zone" secondary that led the league in pass defense each of the last two years behind All-Pro cornerbacks Aqib Talib and Chris Harris Jr., safeties T.J. Ward and Darian Stewart and nickel back Bradley Roby.

Woods has a quarter-century of experience coaching defensive backs including the last 13 seasons in Denver (2015-16), Oakland (2014), Minnesota (2006-13) and Tampa Bay (2004-05).

Joseph said Woods "is ready for this opportunity" and "no one will outwork Joe."

Harris said, "If we had to lose Wade at least we get to keep Joe," (see full story).

- The Associated Press