The Evster Repairs the Images of Bynum, Lindros, Rolen and McNabb

The Evster Repairs the Images of Bynum, Lindros, Rolen and McNabb

I cannot wait to heckle Andrew Bynum when he comes back to the Wells Farg.

I might even make a sign, even though I recognize that there's nothing lamer than making a sign, and nothing more annoying than sitting behind a fan holding one up. And yet I'm still considering it. Right now my #1 sign idea is: "HEY ANDREW HOW'S THE WEATHER UP THERE JK NO ONE CARES." I think it's pretty good.

But the thing is, Bynum didn't really do anything wrong here. (Yeah, there was the whole bowling thing, but bowling is SUPER FUN and we can't get mad at a person for bowling.) He was just injured and wanted to make sure he was healthy before cashing in on free agency, and that's really no reason to hate him. It was just his complete and total apathy for the whole situation that was so maddening. Not once did it ever seem like he understood that we were excited to have him. Not once did it seem like he wanted to dunk on people's necks. It's not fun to watch Spencer Hawes play basketball. Andrew didn't get that, and now he's leaving town as one of this city's all-time most hated athletes.

I'm not sure if Andrew cares (in fact, I'm not sure if this guy cares about anything), but I think he might. Because if getting through middle school taught me anything, it's that most people in this world, deep down, just want to be liked.

And Andrew still could be.

All the guy needs a good public relations person and one thoughtful press release. So I am offering special one-time only pro bono Evster PR services to Andrew (and Eric Lindros, Scott Rolen and Donovan McNabb) to repair their images once and for all.

Andrew Bynum: "Yo, I'm sorry this didn't work out. I really am. I came to Philly super excited to follow in the footsteps of the great Sixers big men like Wilt and Moses and Shawn Bradley (jk that guy sucked), and be the face of this franchise, but my body just wouldn't let it happen. I get injured so much and it's really, really frustrating. I really appreciate the Sixers organization showing confidence in me, trading for me and prying me away from that whack job in Los Angeles, that city is friggin' bonkers by the way, have you ever been there? People wear jackets there all the time. It's like, 78 degrees every day, and they still wear jackets. Ridiculous. My time here wasn't supposed to end like this, and yes, I admit the bowling thing was stupid, but I friggin' love bowling. Cherry soda? Amazing. Those old school jawns with the plastic cups and the seltzer shoots out and then the syrup? You can't beat that! After being laid up for a while, I just wanted to get out of the house and roll a few frames with the fellas, but them lanes is slippery! You know them lanes is slippery! So I'm sorry, but I've got to move on, and I'm sure you understand that. Best of luck to the organization. Best of luck to Nerlens, I know how hard coming back from injuries can be. I really hope Cleveland has good sandwiches. You guys got some good-ass sandwiches here. Yo, you seriously got some good-ass sandwiches here. Y'all should be proud. Peace."

Eric Lindros: "Not sure if you guys are aware of this, but during my time here I suffered a bunch of brain injuries, which means I suffered injuries to my BRAIN. Do you get that? Do you understand what I'm saying there? I'm not even sure if I understand, because my brain is broken and I have trouble understanding things, but I want you to try and understand that THERE'S AN "S" AFTER THE WORD INJURY BECAUSE I HAD MULTIPLE MULTIPLE MULTIPLE BRAIN INJURIES. I wanted that Stanley Cup, I really did, but THE WHOLE THING WITH MY BRAIN AND IT GETTING INJURED AND ALL, I just wasn't able to make it happen. I always wanted to be the next Gretzky or Lemieux or Messier, but when my BRAIN STARTED TO SWELL UP INSIDE OF MY SKULL, I started to make some really poor decisions. Also, my dad is a total whack job. Ugh, parents, am I right? Can't live with 'em, do you guys hear a doggie? I think I hear a doggie. Sorry that I wasn't able to achieve my goals here, but I'm very thankful for, do you hear a doggie? I definitely hear a doggie. I'm going to go find that doggie. Here, doggie! Here, doggie!"

Scott Rolen: "I am a white person from Indiana who was drafted by a professional sports team that plays its home games in the murder capital of the world. And still, I feel like I gave you guys six solid seasons of hustle, grit and ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE DEFENSE I MEAN DID YOU SEE SOME OF THOSE PLAYS I MADE. But the Vet turf, I mean, that Vet turf?!?! You saw that guy on the Bears blow out both of his ACLs. HE BLEW OUT BOTH OF HIS ACLS! I'm from Indiana for God's sake! I needed to get back there. People from St. Louis and the Midwest are so nice. Yeah, they also commit murders, but there's plenty of great parking available in downtown St. Louis and people in this town park in the middle of Broad Street! Who does that? You can just park in the middle of the street? This place is lawless. And why is everyone in this town always yelling at each other? Must be the humidity. I just had to get out of here. I'm sure you understand. His ACLs literally exploded out of his legs. He was screaming."

Donovan McNabb: "You gotta see how much food they give you during Super Bowl week. Everywhere you go, there's just buffet tables and spreads and little dishes of peanuts and pretzels and Chex Mix, you wouldn't think Chex Mix was that delicious, but it is, and by the time that 4th quarter rolled around, I was queasy as a mugg. Plus, went to Olive Garden the night before, which was obviously a mistake, but dude, free breadsticks and salad?!?! How do you turn that down? Literally, as many breadsticks as you can eat. So sorry about the puking. I wanted to win, I really did, but I also wanted to just eat some breadsticks. You understand. How do you guys not like me? I played basketball at Syracuse for God's sake! That's so cool. Devendorf? Sherman Douglas! Please get off my back. Remember that scramble against the Redskins? Doug Pederson seriously sucked though, right, we can at least agree on that. You don't even have to like me, I really don't care, but can we just agree that Doug Pederson sucked so much butt? Do you know that he's now Andy Reid's offensive coordinator in Kansas City? That's unbelievable. Shawn Bradley was seriously the worst, though, c'mon, let's be honest. Shawn Bradley? Seriously? #76? C'mon. Hook shots? Hook shots??!?! C'mon, guys. C'mon. C'mon, man. Seriously. Shawn Bradley?"

If you want to hire The Evster to handle your clients' public relations, follow him @TVMWW.

Best of NHL: Senators beat Blues, jump Flyers to take over 2nd wild card

Best of NHL: Senators beat Blues, jump Flyers to take over 2nd wild card

ST. LOUIS -- Mike Hoffman and Mark Stone each scored twice to lead the Ottawa Senators over the St. Louis Blues 6-4 on Tuesday night.

Jean-Gabriel Pageau and Bobby Ryan also scored for the Senators, who won their fourth straight at Scottrade Center for the first time in team history. Mike Condon made 19 saves.

Paul Stastny, Kevin Shattenkirk, Alexander Steen and Patrik Berglund scored for the Blues, who had their two-game winning streak snapped. Carter Hutton made 18 saves.

Stone's third goal in four games at the 2:35 mark of the third period was the winner. Exactly a minute after Steen tied it, Stone stole Jaden Schwartz's pass to score his 14th goal of the season, giving the Senators a 4-3 lead.

With the win, Ottawa is currently in possession of the Eastern Conference’s second wild-card spot, leapfrogging the Flyers, who are idle this week (see full recap).

Stars hold on for 7-6 win over Rangers
NEW YORK -- The Dallas Stars gave up an early goal for the third straight game. However, this time they quickly bounced back, took two big leads and held on for a win.

Patrick Sharp scored twice, Jamie Benn and Patrick Eaves had a goal and two assists each and the Stars got a wild 7-6 victory over the New York Rangers on Tuesday night.

Dallas fell behind just 27 seconds in as Derek Stepan scored on the Rangers' first shot. On Monday, the Stars gave up a goal 19 seconds into a 4-1 loss at Buffalo, and Minnesota scored 1:19 into a 5-4 win at Dallas on Saturday night.

In this one, the Stars rallied and led 4-1 and 7-3 before pulling out their third win in nine games (3-5-1) (see full recap).

Dubinsky scores twice as Jackets beat 'Canes
COLUMBUS, Ohio -- Brandon Dubinsky hadn't scored a goal since Dec. 9 at Detroit, a 17-game stretch during which he had chances but couldn't find the back of the net. The drought ended Tuesday night, maybe helping Columbus end a team-wide lull in the process.

Dubinsky scored in the second and third periods, Boone Jenner had a goal and an assist and the Blue Jackets beat the Carolina Hurricanes 4-1.

The Blue Jackets got their third win in seven games since ending a 16-game winning streak and pulled even with Washington atop the unforgiving Metropolitan Division.

"We wanted to reset for sure," Dubinsky said. "We haven't played that well, obviously, in the last six or so games. We wanted to get back to the way we play,” (see full recap).

Matthews caps 3-goal burst, Leafs top Sabres
TORONTO -- Auston Matthews, Leo Komarov and Matt Martin each scored in a nine-minute span in the second period and the Toronto Maple Leafs rallied to beat the Buffalo Sabres 4-3 on Tuesday night for their 10th win in 13 games.

Toronto came back after trailing 2-0 through 20 minutes, getting its first victory this season when behind after one period (1-8-1).

It wasn't all rosy for the Leafs, though. Top defenseman Morgan Rielly left after the first period with a lower-body injury.

Frederik Andersen made 24 saves for Toronto, and James van Riemsdyk also scored.

Kyle Okposo, Evander Kane and William Carrier each scored for Buffalo. Robin Lehner and Anders Nilsson allowed four goals combined on 32 shots (see full recap).

Best of NBA: DeRozan scores 36 as Raptors down Nets, 119-109

Best of NBA: DeRozan scores 36 as Raptors down Nets, 119-109

NEW YORK -- DeMar DeRozan had 36 points and 11 rebounds, Cory Joseph scored a career-high 33 and the Toronto Raptors beat the free-falling Brooklyn Nets 119-109 on Tuesday night.

Toronto won its fourth straight game and extended Brooklyn's losing streak to 11 in a row. The Nets have not won since Dec. 26.

Terrence Ross added 15 points for the Raptors, who opened the game with an 11-0 run but fell behind after the first quarter.

Brook Lopez had 28 points for the Nets. Caris LeVert and Rondae Hollis-Jefferson scored 14 apiece.

Toronto took a 92-85 lead into the fourth quarter and never looked back. DeRozan led the way with 10 points in the third period, equaling LeVert's total in the quarter.

Lopez and Joseph each scored 14 in the second (see full story).

Mavericks edge Bulls, 99-98, for 3rd straight win on late Matthews' 3
CHICAGO -- Wesley Matthews made a go-ahead 3-pointer from the wing with 12 seconds left, and the Dallas Mavericks beat the Chicago Bulls 99-98 on Tuesday night for their first three-game winning streak of the season.

Six players scored in double figures for the Mavericks, including all five starters. Harrison Barnes had 20 points, Seth Curry added 18 and Dirk Nowitzki finished with 10 points and 10 rebounds.

Dallas trailed 98-96 after Jimmy Butler made a long jumper over Matthews with 23 seconds left, but Mavericks coach Rick Carlisle decided against a timeout and Deron Williams drove into the lane before kicking out to Matthews for the 3.

Chicago had one last chance, but Dwyane Wade missed a potential game-winning jumper from the corner on his 35th birthday as time expired (see full story).

Dragic scores 21 and Heat stun Rockets, 109-103, despite Harden's triple-double
MIAMI -- Goran Dragic had 21 points and eight assists, Wayne Ellington scored 18 off the bench and the Miami Heat overcame another triple-double from James Harden to beat the Houston Rockets 109-103 on Tuesday night.

Dion Waiters scored 17, Tyler Johnson had 16 and James Johnson added 15 for the Heat. Hassan Whiteside finished with 14 points and 15 rebounds.

Harden had 40 points, 12 rebounds and 10 assists for the Rockets (32-12), his 13th triple-double of the season. He shot 12 for 30 from the field and got his triple-double with an assist to Montrezl Harrell with 12.6 seconds left, an uncontested dunk with the Heat simply waiting for the clock to run out.

Harrell had 13 points for the Rockets, who got 12 from Patrick Beverley.

There were 19 ties and 15 lead changes in a game that was back-and-forth for 42 minutes, before the Heat finally took control (see full story).

Leonard's 34 points rally Spurs past Timberwolves, 122-114
SAN ANTONIO -- Kawhi Leonard had 34 points and the San Antonio Spurs overcame a strong start by the Minnesota Timberwolves for a 122-114 victory Tuesday night.

Leonard's fourth straight 30-point game helped him become the first San Antonio player to score 950 points in the season's first half since Tim Duncan in 2003.

Coming off a career-high 38 on Saturday against Phoenix in Mexico City, Leonard was 12 for 17 from the field.

LaMarcus Aldridge added 29 points on 12-for-20 shooting, spoiling Minnesota coach Tom Thibodeau's 59th birthday.

San Antonio had difficulty with Minnesota's explosive starting lineup. Karl-Anthony Towns had 27 points and 16 rebounds, and Ricky Rubio added 21 points and 14 assists. Zach LaVine scored 18, Gorgui Dieng had 17 and Andrew Wiggins 10 (see full story).