The Evster: What kinda name is Drew Brees anyway?

The Evster: What kinda name is Drew Brees anyway?

Ready for some quick, mind-blowing, knock-your-balls-off Evster research?

The name Drew is of Welsh origin meaning "wise" (seriously, I looked it up), so it's only fitting that Drew Brees would grow up to be one of football's all-time smartest quarterbacks.

Strong arm? Sure. Accurate? Absolutely. Lame haircut? You know it. But what sets Drew apart from the rest of his peers is his ability to break down defenses with his quick trigger decision-making. The former Academic All-American is an absolute savant between the hashmarks, BUT HE IS ALSO A TOTAL DORK.

In case you don't remember from every 80's sports movie you ever saw, smart people are nerds, and nerds get beat up when they try to play football. Drew Brees is no different -- a scrawny, wispy-haired, delicate little man -- and he is going to get annihilated at the Linc this Saturday night. Remember, this is a game made for meatheads, founded by greats like Mean Joe, Concrete Charlie and Ogre, so I fully expect DeMeco and company to get revenge on this nerd on Saturday night.

Unsurprisingly, the Brees Family dorkdom doesn't start or stop with Drew. Brees's father was named EUGENE and his uncle's name was MARTY. (Granted, both of them were incredible athletes, but whatever. Also, for the record, the name Nick means "victory" while Foles loosely translates to "HORSED!CK".) Even Drew Brees's sons have stupid names: Baylen, Bowen and Callen.

Yep.

BAYLEN, BOWEN and CALLEN.

Those are their actual names. Like, on their birth certificates and everything. Legitimate, human names. I'm not even joking.

Honestly, how can you be scared of a guy who gave his sons such ridiculous names? Baylen, Bowen and CALLEN? How do you even pronounce that? Is it Call-in? Like, "I'm callin' into a call-in show"? Or is it Cal-lin, like Cal Ripken Junion? Or is is Kale-en, like that dude from The Bachelorette who arrived on a helicopter? Either way, none of those names even comes close to making sense. I guess, maybe Bowen does, mayyybeeeeee Bowen does, but still, stupid, stupid name. And we didn't even talk about Baylen!

Everyone in this world is always complaining about global warming and Miley Cyrus and how difficult it is to find good potato salad, but what is wrong with this current generation of parents? What are they trying to prove? Whatever happened to the good ole days when parents gave their sons normal, masculine names like LeSean, Rocky or Chip?

I was at the playground with my little nephew the other day when I overheard some dad call out to his kid, "Amadeus! Amadeus! It's time to go home!" and I was like, "What the WHAT?" and then his mother, who just so happened to be standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME, said (in the saddest and sorriest voice), "It's Amadeus. My son's name is Amadeus."

It was so sad, because you could tell she was absolutely mortified. This poor, poor woman, who had bags under her eyes and a husband who wore pleated pants, somehow thought that it'd be a good idea to name her son Amadeus. Ugh. It had to be the father's idea. His pants were so pleated. And his kid couldn't play tetherball for shit.

Obviously Drew Brees's'ss's's's kids are going to be dope at tetherball. They're destined to become wonderful athletes -- and will probably date super hot chicks (or dudes) because of it -- but they still won't be able to find personalized license plates when they stop at gift shops on the New Jersey Turnpike.

And that's just sad.

You know for as smart as a guy as Drew Brees pretends to be, maybe he should've used a little common sense when naming his kids. Also, his last name is totally spelled wrong.

I have no idea what the point of this article is.

Prediction: Eagles 74, Saints 5

Follow The Evster @TVMWW

Phillies can exhale after bullpen nearly blows 10-0 lead

Phillies can exhale after bullpen nearly blows 10-0 lead

BOX SCORE

The moment when the ball struck first baseman Tommy Joseph’s glove for the final out of the Phillies 10-8 win over the Mets — dealing a major blow to their rival’s wild card hopes in the process — felt more like a collective exhalation than a moment of celebration (see Instant Replay).
 
Two days earlier, the bullpen faltered suddenly. A game-tying two-run homer by Jose Reyes in the ninth was the first body blow. The game-winning three-run homer by Asdrubal Cabrera was the knockout.
 
Saturday, the collapse occurred over the course of five innings as the Phillies let a lead that was once 10-0 slip away, one drawn-out at-bat after another.
 
Missing, of course, was the moment of impact in the proverbial slow-motion car crash, thanks to well-placed sinkers and four-seamers from Michael Mariot.
 
“The bullpen’s been sputtering,” manager Pete Mackanin said in an understatement.
 
Joely Rodriguez entered in the sixth inning with a 10-4 lead to face a string of lefties and it quickly became apparent that he did not have his fastball. A middle-in four-seamer that caught too much of the plate was slapped for a double by Mets shortstop Gavin Cecchini, his first major-league hit and a run. A second run scored when a little dribbler by third baseman T.J. Rivera died on the third base line, leaving Rodriguez with no play.
 
“He just didn’t throw quality strikes,” Mackanin said.
 
Even the normally-reliable Hector Neris struggled on Saturday. In his 77th outing of the season, Neris walked two straight batters and then surrendered an RBI double to Cecchini of his own which narrowed the lead to 10-7 and thrust the uncertainty of a save situation onto Mackanin.
 
Mariot was given first crack at the ninth inning one day after Mackanin said he would give Jeanmar Gomez a break from closing duties.
 
Mariot’s audition got off to a rough start. He gave up a pinch-hit solo home run to Jay Bruce — who had been mired in an 0-15 slump — with one out in the ninth and then walked Eric Campbell and Michael Conforto after a pair of grueling at-bats that lasted a combined 18 pitches.
 
The two hitters fouled off eight of Mariot’s pitches and took several four-seamers that just missed the plate.
 
“I was pretty upset about that,” Mariot said of the four-seamers that missed. “I was hoping to get at least a swing or maybe a call on those. Talking to [catcher] A.J. [Ellis], I think he said that they missed but I was hoping at least one of them to get called a strike.”
 
Gomez was up in the Phillies’ bullpen but Mariot ensured that Mackanin wouldn’t need to throw the recently-struggling closer back into the fire in a high-stress situation.
 
Mariot was able to locate his fastball when he needed to most. He fooled Lucas Duda with a two-seamer that the slugger popped out to Freddy Galvis and got Travis D’Arnaud to ground a four-seamer outside right back to him.
 
“I just told myself: ‘keep throwing strikes and good things will happen,’” Mariot said.
 
He threw just enough strikes to ensure that the Phillies didn’t end up on the wrong end of what would have been the Mets’ biggest comeback in team history.

Find great deals on Philadelphia Phillies tickets with TicketIQ. Buy cheap Phillies tickets with no hidden fees for all games on their 2016 schedule. 

College football wrap: Auburn upsets No. 18 LSU with controversial finish

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USA Today Images

College football wrap: Auburn upsets No. 18 LSU with controversial finish

AUBURN, Ala. -- Gus Malzahn was ready to try anything to get a win for his Auburn Tigers.

Malzahn relinquished offensive play-calling duties. Following his daughters' advice, he traded his usual game-day visor for a cap. And then, when the clock expired and LSU players were celebrating an apparent last-second win, the Auburn coach put all his faith in a ruling he couldn't control.

Daniel Carlson kicked six field goals and Auburn beat No. 18 LSU 18-13 on Saturday night after officials ruled Danny Etling's apparent last-gasp scoring pass came after time expired.

Malzahn said he knew there were only zeroes on the clock before the snap to Etling.

"I was pretty confident time had expired," Malzahn said. "It was just a matter of going to the booth and confirming it."

Etling rolled to his right and found D.J. Shark in the back of the end zone on a 15-yard pass, setting off a short-lived celebration by LSU players (see full recap).

Hornibrook proves he's ready in Badgers' win over Spartans
EAST LANSING, Mich. -- By the time Alex Hornibrook's first start was over, there wasn't much question about whether he could handle one of the toughest road tests in the Big Ten.

Hornibrook threw for 195 yards and a touchdown, and 11th-ranked Wisconsin turned its early-season showdown with No. 8 Michigan State into a rout, beating the Spartans 30-6 on Saturday.

"You've got to have respect for a guy whose first start is against a Michigan State defense," Wisconsin running back Corey Clement said.

"He's going to come out the next game and do even better. I think he's just getting his feet wet."

The freshman quarterback outplayed fifth-year senior Tyler O'Connor, his Michigan State counterpart. The Badgers (4-0, 1-0 Big Ten) were the better team in the first half and then outscored the Spartans 17-0 in the third quarter (see full recap).

No. 23 Rebels find their rhythm, beat No. 12 Georgia 45-14
OXFORD, Miss. -- Mississippi quarterback Chad Kelly faked the handoff and then took off running toward the end zone. A few seconds and 41 yards later, the quarterback had cruised through the middle of the Georgia defense and into the end zone untouched.

It was pretty much that easy for the Rebels all afternoon. Ole Miss finally built a lead it couldn't give away.

No. 23 Ole Miss rolled to a 45-14 victory over No. 12 Georgia on Saturday, building a 31-0 lead by halftime and a 45-0 advantage by midway through the fourth quarter.

Kelly threw for 282 yards and two touchdowns. Ole Miss (2-2, 1-1 Southeastern Conference) broke a 10-game losing streak in the series dating to 1996 (see full recap).

Dobbs rallies No. 14 Vols to 38-28 win over No. 19 Gators
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- This time, Tennessee delivered the comeback.

And in the process, the Volunteers took out 11 years' worth of frustration on Florida.

Joshua Dobbs accounted for five second-half touchdowns Saturday and No. 14 Tennessee erased a 21-point deficit to beat No. 19 Florida 38-28 and end their 11-game losing streak in the annual series.

"I didn't see anybody blink," Tennessee coach Butch Jones said. "Nobody flinched. They just kept playing."

This marks the first time Tennessee (4-0, 1-0 SEC) has beaten Florida (3-1, 1-1) since 2004. The Volunteers had lost to Florida by one point each of the last two years despite leading in the fourth quarter of both games (see full recap).