The Evster's Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

The Evster's Super Bowl Punter Breakdown

This year, Demaryious Thomas led the Broncos with 92 catches for 1,430 yards and 14 touchdowns, but do you know how many punts he had land inside the 20? ZERO. In the NFC Championship game, Russell Wilson threw a go-ahead 4th-quarter touchdown, but where was he when the Seahawks were forced to punt on 4th and 1 from their own 25? HOLDIN' A CLIPBOARD. The media can analyze Peyton's play-calling all week long, but who's gonna pooch that baby into Coffin Corner when it's time to pin the Seahawks deep? NOT ELVIS DUMERVIL, THAT'S FO SHO. Mainly because he doesn't play for the Broncos anymore, but whatever.

In the past 25 Super Bowls, the team whose punter had a higher punting average has won EVERY SINGLE TIME. Now granted, there is no validity to that statement whatsoever. None. I totally made it up. But the fact remains that punters are hilarious, so let's get to know this year's Big Game Blasters.

source: sportspressnw.com

This is Seahawks punter, Jon Ryan. A simple man with a simple name. Jon grew up in Regina, Saskatchewan (that's in Canada!) where he learned to punt by playing football, and practicing punting, and I dunno, what'd you expect for him to grow up kicking moose? After starring at THE U(niversity of Regina), Jon was selected by the Winnipeg Blue Bombers in the third-round of the 2004 CFL draft. In Winnipeg, he averaged 50.6 yards per punt, that's FIVE OH POINT SIX (a stat I did NOT make up!), which propelled Jon and his enormous neck to later sign with the Green Bay Packers. Two years later, he ended up in Seattle where he and his neck are currently thriving. Seriously, look at that thing. Very little razor burn for a man with such fair skin. The man has the neck of a rhinoceros. I don't know if rhinoceroses are native to Canada, but I'd bet my house on the fact that Jon is at least part rhino. I also do not own a house. Nor do I know exactly what a rhinoceros looks like.

source: themoderngladiator.com

This is Broncos punter, Britton Colquitt -- yep, Britton -- posing with his gorgeous family. Besides being married to a model (who he has impregnated TWICE), Britton is the highest paid punter in the NFL. A native of Knoxville, Britton earned a scholarship to the University of Tennessee where he was later kicked off the team after being charged with DUI and fleeing the scene of an accident. Even though both Britton and his wife are excellent squatters, I think they're only doing it so they don't get grass stains on their fancy designer jeans. Regardless, I imagine her hair smells fantastic.

source: seahawks.com

This is what Jon Ryan used to look like. Obviously a little ridiculous (but still awesome). I'll let you decide as to whether or not this guy could eat a whole box of waffles.

source: govolsxtra.com

This is what Britton used to look like. Bowl Cut City. He's the one on the right, giving his brother Dustin the world's lamest Heimlich maneuver. (For the record, I just googled "Heimlich" to see if I spelled it correctly and found out that the Heimlich was invented by a guy named HARRY HEIMLICH! Again, not making that up!)

Dustin Colquitt is also an NFL punter, for the Kansas City Chiefs. In fact, the Colquitts belong to a punting dynasty. Britton's father Craig -- the guy who named his son Britton -- won two Super Bowls in the 70's punting for the Steelers. His Uncle Jimmy (who doesn't have an Uncle Jimmy?!) punted for the Seahawks in 1985, and his younger cousin Greg currently punts at Tennessee Tech. Also, Britton's mother Ann is a fantastic seamstress.

source: denver.sbnation.com

She even has one blue sleeve and one red one.

That's pretty impressive.

source: sbnation.com

This past October, Jon-Jon got absolutely blasted by a dude on the Colts while attempting to make a touchdown-saving tackle. I sort of don't like gif's, they make me dizzy, but I cannot stop watching this one. He seriously keeps getting blasted. In real life, he only got blasted once, but here, he just keeps getting blasted and blasted and blasted.

Like even now, even though I started a new paragraph, he's still getting blasted.

This is honestly sad.

Let's move further down the page so we don't have to keep watching Jon get blasted.

source: stylemepretty.com

This might be even harder to look at.

A photo of Britton having his face caressed by his beautiful fertile wife. I cannot believe how sensual she is. Like a young Juan Pablo. I'm about to barf all over the place.

Amazingly, you ain't seen nothing yet.

Check this out:

source: stylemepretty.com

OH MY GOD HERE COMES THE BARF.

So many Dockers!

These are real people. Real khaki pants-wearing, linen clothes-having people. And they actually own this clothing! Like, they purchased it! With money!

Also, that kinda looks like Jon Ryan standing next to Britton -- only like a miniature version of him. By the way, here are the official Evster Hershey's Miniature rankings: 1) Krackel, obvs  2) Mr. G-bar  3) Hershey's origj  4) Special Dark (also obvs).

source: @JonRyan9

In Jon's spare time, he volunteers at his local Starbucks. This picture was taken as part of fundraiser to support A Better Seattle, a program set up to help at-risk youth. Personally, I think Starbucks and their $17 coffees are ridiculous, and it doesn't matter how at-risk kids are, I'm not spending my hard-earned money on a cup of warm milk.

Seriously, there could be children hanging off the Space Needle, with killer fish from Pike Place Market being thrown in their faces, and I still would not buy a Starbucks vanilla soy latte. Then again, Starbucks does have some pretty good scones -- and I think I still have some money left on a gift card I got this winter -- so I might head down there as soon as I'm done writing this.

I mean, this seems like a good time to end this post anyway. By now you have to know who you're rooting for this Sunday.

source: seafense.blogspot.com

No big deal, just a guy dressed up like the Big Unit.

source: twicsy.com

Just squashing a dude's vertebrae.

Prediction: Jon-Jon's Seahawks 52, Brittony's Broncos 9

Follow The Evster @TVMWW

Fastbreak Friday: Villanova to face pesky Providence Friars

Fastbreak Friday: Villanova to face pesky Providence Friars

CSN anchor/reporter Amy Fadool and producer Sean Kane get you set for all of the weekend's local college basketball games with Fastbreak Friday. Look for this column every Friday during the college basketball season.

Providence (13-7, 3-4 Big East) at No. 1 Villanova (18-1, 6-1 Big East), Saturday at noon

AF: This is a first. In the three seasons that I have been privileged to co-author this column, I've never written about Villanova. Today, that drought ends. Thank you to all who made this possible, which really is just one person: Sean Kane. 

I think one of the reasons that he relinquished his iron grip, just for one week, is that a new, young fan is now on board with this Villanova team and will be attending his first Wildcats game this weekend. When I say that our 2-year-old son is a fan, that may be understating it a little bit. He knows the entire roster, from Josh Hart, to Donte Divincenzo, and every player in between. He knows the fight song, and proudly belts out V for Villanova. Of course, I'm proud of my son. I do wish he could sneak in a few bars of "On, On U of K" or know one other Kentucky player besides Malik Monk. But that's enough on the background of why I finally broke through and am writing about Villanova this week.

The Wildcats returned the No. 1 ranking this week as they welcome Providence to the Wells Fargo Center on Saturday. The Friars have given Jay Wright's teams fits over the past few seasons. You don't need to look much further than last year when you check the numbers of a Ben Bentil or Kris Dunn. In fact, in the last three seasons, Villanova has lost one home game, and almost a year ago exactly that loss came courtesy Providence. On Jan. 24, 2016, Bentil owned the low post and poured in 31 points, while the high-low game was working to perfection because Dunn racked up 14 assists. Of course, neither Dunn nor Bentil are on this year's Providence squad and that is a good thing for Nova.

The Friars come into this game on a short two-game winning streak, but that's bigger than it may seem. Before that, they dropped five of their previous six games, including a heart-breaking one-point loss to DePaul. Nothing seems to get Providence back on track better than Georgetown, already sweeping the season series with the Hoyas. Ed Cooley's team seems to do this every year, have a lull only to explode in March. They did it three years ago, when Villanova crushed them by 30 in January, only to see Providence steam roll it's way through the Big East Tournament.  So I'm never ready to count out a Cooley team. 

But Villanova is rolling after it's lone loss of the year, falling to Butler on the road after a spectacular performance at Creighton. Sean Kane wrote in this very column last week that the Wildcats needed to get more from their bench, specifically Divincenzo. No, I don't think Donte reads this (though he should; it's fun!), but it was as if he did. In the decisive victory over Seton Hall this week, Divincenzo posted 10 points, two rebounds and a monster block in 29 minutes of work, a solid effort off the bench. 

In the game before, at St. John's last weekend, Divincenzo had starter-like numbers in a two-man bench effort with he and Eric Paschall. Divincenzo tallied a career-high 19 points in the win at the Garden. And if the Wildcats are getting numbers near that from him, they should start thinking about a return trip to the Final Four. 

March is all about depth. Josh Hart is going to get his. But you need other players to step up (see: Phil Booth in the title game). Divincenzo could be that guy for Wright this year. This team certainly looks primed to go far in March. Seniors who are not only the team's best players but also providing leadership combined with young players stepping into the spotlight. 

The spotlight on the Wells Fargo Center will shine on the Wildcats and another win. 

Villanova 80, Providence 66

La Salle (11-5, 5-1 A-10) at VCU (14-5, 4-2 A-10), Sunday at 2 p.m.

SK: Which city team has the longest winning streak? It's not top-ranked Villanova. The correct answer would be the La Salle Explorers, winners of five straight games and seven of their last nine. The good times kept rolling Thursday night with a 91-83 victory over Davidson at Tom Gola Arena. 

Four different Explorers scored 12 or more points in the win, and the one starter who didn't - junior Demetrius Henry - provided three critical baskets in the closing minutes. Henry's contributions aside, the night belonged to Jordan Price. The senior guard scored 29 points on 9-of-14 shooting. Price knocked down 4 of 6 three-point attempts and went 7 of 8 from the foul line. The Explorers' leader is hitting his stride, averaging 26 points in the last two games while shooting 72 percent from the field.

La Salle now sets its sights on a Sunday showdown at VCU, which has a 14-5 record under second-year head coach Will Wade. The Rams will be hungry for a win, having dropped back-to-back road games at Davidson and Fordham. Wade has done an admirable job maintaining the success of the VCU program following the departure of Shaka Smart to Texas following the 2014-15 season. The Rams advanced to the second round of the NCAA tournament a year ago and have a good shot at making their way into the Field of 68 again this season.

The Explorers shouldn't be phased by VCU's raucous homecourt advantage. La Salle won in double overtime in its last trip to Richmond to take on VCU two years ago. I can honestly see this game going either way and would be surprised if things weren't decided in the final minutes. But I'm riding the hot hand with the Explorers and Price. La Salle is a confident team right now, look for them to figure out a way to win a sixth straight game on Sunday.

La Salle 81, VCU 78

Pennsylvania (6-8, 0-3 Ivy League) at St. Joseph's (8-9, 2-4 A-10), Saturday at 7 p.m.

AF: The Quakers are in the midst of a tough stretch. They opened up Ivy League play with rival Princeton two weeks ago, and it started a three-game losing streak; first to the Tigers, then home losses to Yale and Brown. But it's not as if Penn hasn't been in these games. In the loss to Brown, the Quakers cut it to just a two-point deficit with under eight minutes to play, but a great defensive stand by the Bears led to Penn missing it's next seven shots. 

Next up for Steve Donahue, a Big Five matchup with St. Joseph's, a team also reeling a bit. Both of these teams struggle to find offense, especially when the game is still undecided. The bright side is that this game could be a remedy for one of those offenses. Of course, the downside, it would be more of the same for the other.

In the loss to Yale, Penn shot only 35 percent. The Quakers did improve upon that in the loss to Brown that same weekend, but even at 45 percent from the field, failed to capitalize on the opportunity the Bears gave them by going cold for seven straight shots. In it's most recent game, a five-point loss at UMass, St. Joseph's shot 32 percent overall, but an abysmal 26 percent in the second half. 

Once again, the Hawks did get a solid effort from James Demery. The junior had a career-high 11 rebounds to go with his team-high 19 points in the loss. One would think that if Phil Martelli keeps getting efforts like that from him, they will break through on a win soon. They are just short-handed with injuries right now.

This game will be played at the Palestra, which contrary to a silly Duke tweet this week, is the greatest home court in college basketball. Fun fact, Penn has enjoyed more success against Saint Joseph’s than any other Big 5 opponent in recent years, with three wins over the last six meetings.

But I don't know if that fun fact continues this weekend. Both teams are playing with a little desperation, and I think that the shooters for the Hawks will step up in this one with their backs against the wall.

St. Joseph's 62, Penn 60

Drexel (7-12, 1-5 CAA) at UNC Wilmington (18-2, 7-0 CAA), Sunday at 4 p.m.

SK: To say this is a tall order for Drexel would be an understatement. The Dragons have dropped six of their last seven games, including a 20-point loss at Elon Thursday night. Meanwhile, UNC Wilmington enters Sunday's game with a 18-2 record and a perfect 7-0 mark in CAA play. The Seahawks' two losses this season came at Clemson and against a very good Middle Tennessee State team.

The UNC Wilmington program has enjoyed a remarkable turnaround under third-year head coach Kevin Keatts, who previously served as Rick Pitino's assistant at Louisville. The Seahawks won 25 games and made it to the NCAA tournament last year, losing a tightly contested game to Duke in the first round. After establishing themselves as the class of the CAA once again this season, it would come as a major surprise if they're not back in the Big Dance this March. 

UNC Wilmington has three players averaging 15 points or more -- C.J. Bryce (17.5), Chris Flemmings (15.9) and Denzel Ingram (15.5). The Seahawks simply have too much firepower for a Drexel team struggling to find its way under first year head coach Zach Spiker. For the Dragons' sake, I hope I'm wrong, but I don't see this being much of a contest.

UNC Wilmington 77, Drexel 59

Prediction Records
Sean Kane: 18-4
Amy Fadool: 13-7

Joel Embiid: All-Star voting 'shows fans support me, that’s why I’m not even mad'

Joel Embiid: All-Star voting 'shows fans support me, that’s why I’m not even mad'

CAMDEN, N.J. — Joel Embiid didn’t earn enough overall votes to be named an All-Star starter, but he has no disappointment about the outpour of fan appreciation he received during the campaign.

“It shows that the fans support me, that’s why I’m not even mad,” Embiid said after shootaround on Friday. “The fans are going stick up for who they love, and I love that.”

Embiid finished third among frontcourt players in fan votes behind only LeBron James and Giannis Antetokounmpo, which counted for 50 percent of the votes this season. He made a late push after trailing Kevin Love for third place in the second return of votes last week.

“They’re behind me and they want me to succeed,” Embiid said. “That’s what I took from it.”

Embiid ranked fifth in media votes (25 percent), but there was a drop-off in the player votes (25 percent). Embiid was eighth among players, behind James, Antetokounmpo, Jimmy Butler, Paul George, Kristaps Porzingis, Carmelo Anthony and Love.

Embiid is averaging 19.9 points, 7.8 rebounds and 2.4 blocks in 25.4 minutes per game. He is under a 28-minute restriction this season and sits out one matchup of each back-to-back series. Veteran Gerald Henderson believes Embiid’s lack of games was a factor the player votes.

“I feel like since all the players vote, it’s probably important for you to play consistent and let all the players see night to night how good you are,” Henderson said. “I think that’s the difference. You’ll see Joel’s numbers are better than a lot of guys, but because some guys have been doing it year after year consistently and guys have seen how good they are, it helps them. I think if Joel continues to play like he’s been playing, he’ll earn everybody’s respect.” 

Embiid saw the competitiveness of the frontcourt race as a sign the league should revert back to the previous voting format which included centers. He has been advocating for that the entire season as he’s faced high-caliber players on the court.

“There’s a lot of talented big men in the league, especially at the center position,” Embiid said. “That’s something the NBA should think about, putting the center back on the All-Star ballot.”

Part of Embiid’s All-Star push centered around his opportunity to land a date with an unnamed celebrity if named a starter. So what happens now if he gets in as a reserve next week from the coach’s votes?

“I don’t know,” he said. “We’re going to have to figure that out.”

In spite of battling illness, Embiid plans to play Friday in front of the home crowd that was behind him during the voting process.

"I feel pretty sick still but I’ll be fine," he said. "I've been coughing a lot, sneezing, headaches, sinuses, can’t really breathe. But I'm fine."