The Evsters Super Bowl Special Teams Breakdown

The Evsters Super Bowl Special Teams Breakdown

SPORTS FAN, you think you’re ready for THE BIG GAME? You’ve got chili
on the stove, a full pack of Imodium, and the Puppy Bowl on DVR, but WHO
YA GONNA ROOT FOR? You GOTTA root for someone. You can’t not ROOT. This
is AMERICA. The land where puppies play FOOTBALL!


tough with these two teams -- there’s no clear underdog and there’s no
downright villain. Frank Gore is a G, but Jim Harbaugh is a tweedle. Ray
Rice is a bowling ball, but Ray Lewis is a dork. B-More killed Stringer
Bell, but San Fran birthed Uncle Joey. In the NFL, in tight situations
like this, it all comes down to special teams, which is why I’m picking
my squad based on punters.

You might be thinking, “Punters? Punters?
We sittin’ here, I’m supposed to be the franchise playa, and we in here
talkin’ bout punters?” You’re goddamn right we are, because as much as
you wanna analyze Colin Kaepernick’s scrambling ability, or the fact
that the Ravens like to GRIND IT OUT IN THE TRENCHES, everything in the
NFL comes down to FIELD POSITION. Cris Collinsworth, what are your keys
to the game? FIELD POSITION. Michael Oher, any advice for kids growing
up without socks? FIELD POSITION. Larry, what are two words that rhyme
with veal nutrition? SEAL PETITION.



Same answer as the previous three sentences!

Shoulda picked up on that!

So seeing as punters are the single most important players when it comes to SEAL PETITIONS FIELD POSITION, let’s get to know Andy Lee of the Niners, and Sam Koch from the Ravens.

is Andy Lee, punter for the San FranciscOH MY GOD LOOK AT THOSE EARS.
Those are his real ears. THOSE ARE HIS REAL EARS. I had planned to talk
about Andy’s college career at Pitt, and how he recently broke Reggie
Roby’s record for most 49er punting yards in a season, BUT HOLY MOSES

man here -- this normal looking man with normal sized ears who could
very well be your next-door neighbor -- is Sam Koch, punter for the
Ravens. He wears a necklace.

Advantage: RAVENS

likes to hang out with dogs, which is cool, I like dogs, and these are
nice dogs, especially that dog on the right who is all, “Oh don’t mind
me, I’m just gonna put my paw on your knee, just a dog showing some
affection to his owner, no big deal,” but what is up with Andy wearing
jeans with flip-flops??? C’mon Andy! You can’t do that! Jeans with
flip-flops? That’s unacceptable!

Those are really nice dogs, though.


on the other hand hangs out with his Ravens teammates -- because this
dude’s got MAD LOCKER ROOM CRED. Even the guy who once stabbed someone
is bout it bout it. Probably because Sam doesn’t look like a total
weirdo. This picture is honestly fascinating, I never knew football
players even acknowledged punters let alone stood on chairs to make this
a THREE TIERED PICTURE! Check out the dude kneeling in the front right,
though. Why is he the only Raven whose shirt is completely covered in
sweat? That dude is DRENCHED.

Advantage: RAVENS

from South Carolina, where people use ice cream scoopers to dish out
mashed potatoes. According to Wikipedia, during his senior year of high
school Andy averaged 42.8 yards per punt, which ranked him as the 33rd
best punter in South Cackalack by something called “SuperPrep.” This
leads me to believe one of two things: either SuperPrep has NO IDEA how
to rank punters, or South Carolina has BY FAR the greatest punters in
the country! Dude, 42.8 yards a punt? For a high school kid? That’s
pretty good! The punter from my high school team used to routinely punt
the ball off his shin. We called him Shinkicker Jones. I faintly
remember Shinkicker Jones once shinning the ball right in his own face.
Pretty sure that guy now sells life insurance. He might even have a

walked on at Nebraska, and in 2005 made the Big 12 Commissioner’s
Academic HONOR ROLL during the Spring AND Fall semesters. SPRING AND
FALL. While you were sleeping through Statistics class and not doing
laundry, this guy was getting straight As AND booming balls in through
the Alamo Bowl ROOF. In 2005’s bowl game, Sam just so happend to post a
51.5-YARD AVERAGE on 8 punts against mighty Michigan (HAIL TO THE
VICTORS) including 5 punts of over 50 yards THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Now I’m
no STATISTICIAN, but I’m pretty sure that 51.5 is WAY HIGHER than 42.8.

Advantage: RAVENS

year against the Raiders, Andy got blasted by some guy who wore a
visor. Not surprising considering his limp-wristed throwing motion most
resembles Lamar’s javelin toss from Revenge of the Nerds.
I’m honestly amazed he could even put his helmet on over those ears.
And why do the 49ers coaches on the sidelines look so relaxed? YOUR
BOGUES JUMP PASS. THAT CAN’T BE A GOOD THING. They don’t seem to care,
though. Maybe it was pre-seez.

those same Raiders, Sam the Man scored a little thing called a
TOUCHDOWN. During a fake field goal attempt (BECAUSE SAM ALSO HOLDS
FOOTBALLS ON FG ATTEMPTS), he Kaepernick’d his way into the END ZONE for
six whole points. Six more points than Andy has scored in his ENTIRE

peep Michael Oher in the background showing love for his punter. Sam
gets LOVE from his linemen and Oher is not a dude who shows affection to
just anyone. I know this because I once read a book about Oher and how
he had a hard life and was born without feet.

Advantage: RAVENS

Just a punter warming his balls. No big deal. Just your average punter, on a Sunday afternoon, warming his balls.

Not only do they sell Sam Koch jerseys, they sell Sam Koch LADIES jerseys, because LADIES LOVE SAM KOCH.

Advantage: RAVENS

best athletes get endorsements, so of course Sam Koch -- sorry, LADIES
MAN Sam Koch -- is the spokesman for JIFFY MART, which as everyone knows
is Carroll County’s hometown convenience store offering great food fast
and high quality Tevis brand gasoline.

ANNOYING WHITE PERSON: Hey Sam, great punting today, you look really interested in what I’m saying here.

 Yeah, that’s great, are we done here? I’ve got high quality Tevis
brand gasoline to sell. Also, get your Sam Koch bobble heads, only
$5.99. Practically giving ‘em away. I scored a touchdown once. What’d
you ever do? And yeah, I wear a white watch.

don’t mind me, guys, I’ll just be over here STANDING ON ONE LEG and

the bottom line is, Sam Koch is awesome. The only knock that I could
find on him during my EXTENSIVE RESEARCH was that his three kids are
named Ryan, Braxtyn and Kamdyn, which are two of the three stupidest
names I’ve ever heard in my life. Other than that, this dude is a boss,
and Andy Lee looks like a mongoloid.

That’s why The Evster’s goin’ with:

Ravens 24
49ers 20

to be honest, I kinda think Colin Kaepernick is super exciting to
watch, I mean that guy is like pure lightning, so scratch that.

49ers 27
Ravens 20

He’s really fast!

The Evster writes the blog TV My Wife Watches where he writes about TV his wife watches. You can follow him on Twitter @TVMWW, orrrrrrrrrrr you can watch Sam’s Jiffy Mart commercial here. That’s probably the better move.

No. 16 Villanova vs. No. 23 Albany: With or without Bednarczyk, can Wildcats rebound?


No. 16 Villanova vs. No. 23 Albany: With or without Bednarczyk, can Wildcats rebound?

No. 16 Villanova (5-2, 3-1) vs. No. 23 Albany (4-2, 1-2)
Villanova Stadium, Villanova, Pa.
Saturday, 3:30 p.m.

Fresh off a rare loss, Villanova looks to get back on track during its homecoming game against another nationally ranked foe. Here’s a look at the matchup:

Scouting Villanova
The Wildcats saw their five-game winning streak snapped in resounding fashion as they were shut out for the first time since 2004 in a 23-0 loss to Richmond. Sophomore quarterback Zach Bednarczyk left the game in the second quarter with an injury, a big reason why the Wildcats finished with just 222 yards of total offense. But despite the final score, Villanova’s defense played well again with Austin Calitro and Rob Rolle each hitting double digits in tackles. The unit is ranked fifth in the FCS in scoring defense (16.3 points per game) and sixth in total defense (237.9 yards per game) and has scored four defensive touchdowns.

Scouting Albany
After winning their first four games, the Great Danes lost their next two, a 36-30 triple-overtime heartbreaker to Richmond followed by a 20-16 setback to Maine. Sophomore quarterback Neven Sussman led Albany with 187 passing yards and 75 rushing yards. But for the season, their offensive strength has been with sophomore running back Elijah Ibitokun-Hanks, who’s second in the CAA in rushing, averaging 105 yards per game. Albany’s defense is only behind Villanova in points allowed per game (19.3) in the CAA, but interestingly enough is last in total defense (420.2 yards per game). The Great Danes lead the league in turnover margin (plus-15), led by linebacker Michael Nicastro and safety Mason Gray with three interceptions apiece.

Series history
Villanova has only played Albany twice, beating the Great Danes, 48-31, in 2014 and steamrolling it, 37-0, last season. 

Storyline to watch
The big question going in is whether Bednarczyk will play with Villanova saying it will be a game-time decision after the QB suffered a concussion last week. If he can’t go, Adeyemi DaSilva will get the start in his place after replacing him in the second quarter vs. Richmond. DaSilva is a promising player but Bednarczyk was coming into his own this season and his absence would naturally be a difficult one. Of course, the Wildcats have been through this before with Bednarczyk taking over as the starter last season when star John Robertson went down with an injury of his own.

What’s at stake?
Villanova still has a chance to win the CAA but probably can’t afford a second loss in the league. And of course, there’s nothing better than winning in front of a homecoming crowd.

A lot depends on whether Bednarczyk can play … but even if he doesn’t, the Wildcats’ dominant defense may be enough to get the job done. 

Villanova 20, Albany 17

Anthem singer at Sixers-Heat game kneels during performance

Anthem singer at Sixers-Heat game kneels during performance

MIAMI — A woman performing the national anthem before an NBA preseason game in Miami on Friday night did so while kneeling at midcourt, and opening her jacket to show a shirt with the phrase "Black Lives Matter."

The singer was identified by the Heat as Denasia Lawrence. It was unclear if she remained in the arena after the performance, and messages left for her were not immediately returned.

Heat players and coaches stood side-by-side for the anthem, all with their arms linked as has been their custom during the preseason. Many had their heads down as Lawrence sang, and the team released a statement saying it had no advance knowledge that she planned to kneel.

"We felt as a basketball team that we would do something united, so that was our focus," Heat coach Erik Spoelstra said. "Throughout all of this, I think the most important thing that has come out is the very poignant, thoughtful dialogue. We've had great dialogue within our walls here and hopefully this will lead to action."

The anthem issue has been a major topic in the sports world in recent months, starting with the decision by San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick to not stand for its playing. Kaepernick cited racial injustice and police brutality among the reasons for his protest, and athletes from many sports -- and many levels, from youth all the way to professional -- have followed his lead in various ways.

"All I can say is what we've seen in multiple preseason games so far is our players standing for the national anthem," NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said in New York earlier Friday, at a news conference following the league's board of governors meetings. "It would be my hope that they would continue to stand for the national anthem. I think that is the appropriate thing to do."

The NBA has a rule calling for players and coaches to stand during the anthem.

Heat guard Wayne Ellington often speaks about the need to curb gun violence, after his father was shot and killed two years ago. He had his eyes closed for most of the anthem Friday, as per his own custom, though was aware of Lawrence's actions.

"At the end of the day, to each his own," Ellington said. "If she feels like that's the way she wants to stand for it, then more power to her."

Making a statement in the manner that Lawrence did Friday is rare, but not unheard of in recent weeks.

When the Sacramento Kings played their first home preseason game earlier this month, anthem singer Leah Tysse dropped to one knee as she finished singing the song.

Tysse is white. Lawrence is black.

"I love and honor my country as deeply as anyone yet it is my responsibility as an American to speak up against injustice as it affects my fellow Americans," Tysse wrote on Facebook. "I have sung the anthem before but this time taking a knee felt like the most patriotic thing I could do. I cannot idly stand by as black people are unlawfully profiled, harassed and killed by our law enforcement over and over and without a drop of accountability."