The Peyton and Eli Manning phone call transcript

The Peyton and Eli Manning phone call transcript
October 5, 2013, 1:59 pm
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So apparently this week Eli called big bro Peyton to pick his brain about the upcoming matchup against the Eagles. You may recall that Peyton had some success against our birds last Sunday. I guess if Peyton were my older brother and I was playing for the Giants, I would probably be calling him too. Peyton is on a record breaking pace this season whereas Eli and the Giants are, to quote Katy Perry, “like a house of cards, one blow from caving in.” Love that song.

One can only imagine how their conversation actually went, but in my mind it probably sounded something like this:

Peyton: Hello?

Eli: Ugh hey Peyton.

Peyton: …Hey

Eli: So how’s practice been this week?

Peyton: Pretty much perfect. What kind of stupid-ass question is that?

Eli: Cool, cool sorry. Hey so I was just calling to ask if you had any pointers for me this weekend…you know haha…since you did so well against the Eagles defense last week.

Peyton: Yeah, I pretty much did whatever I wanted to them. But what makes you think you can replicate anything close to what I did? You’re 0-4. You’ve been outscored 69-7 in the past two games. You’ve been sacked 14 times.

Eli: Haha you’re such a jokester. I love you on those Dominos commercials. But seriously, any advice?

Peyton: …It’s Papa Johns…but if I tell you, will you please stop calling me all the time?

Eli: K, def.

Peyton: (sighs)…Do a hard count every snap and draw Fletcher Cox offsides. If that doesn’t work, send your receivers on lots of double moves. Cary Williams will bite. If he doesn’t, there’s a 95% chance he’ll grab onto your receivers’ jerseys and you’ll get a first down anyway.

Eli: (struggles to write down everything verbatim)

Peyton: Also look to get the ball out fast. Your line is pretty horrible, but if they can hold their ground long enough for you to get through your first two or three progressions, then you should be okay. Your receivers should win over the Eagles secondary all day. If you don’t have time and the pass rush is getting to you, expect to throw three interceptions like normal. (Hangs up the phone)

Okay, so maybe that wasn’t exactly how it went. Definitely was something along those lines. No matter how beneficial the phone call was, we all know that the Giants are not the Broncos and Eli is not Peyton. Even Chip Kelly was willing to distinguish between this week and last weeks’ matchup.

"Obviously they're brothers, both extremely successful quarterbacks," Eagles coach Chip Kelly said. "But it's two different offensive systems in terms of what Denver is running and what the Giants are running."

Although Chip’s point is true, it does not necessarily mean that the Giants will take a different approach from the Broncos. They will want to get the ball out fast and stay aggressive. What remains to be seen is whether or not the Eagles defense will be able to cope. Hopefully come Sunday we find out that Peyton’s teaching skills to little brother Eli are much worse than his actual quarterbacking skills.

This is a guest post by Shawn Conway

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