Wake Me Up When the Eagles Sign Someone I've Heard Of

Wake Me Up When the Eagles Sign Someone I've Heard Of

We Eagles fans had so much hope. Really, we did. Andy Reid is gone, and so are Joe Banner and Juan Castillo and Jim Washburn. We've got a new coach, who's installing new systems on offense and defense, and might even do something crazy like run the ball once in a while, or acquire at least one better-than-mediocre linebacker. Chip Kelly even showed up at Wing Bowl, showing he’s learned the important lesson that when it comes to sports success in this town, nothing is more crucial than getting on Angelo Cataldi's good side.
 
But since then? Nothing but bad.
 
First the Eagles saw it fit to hire both offensive and defensive coordinators away from the Cleveland Browns, who went 5-11 last year. Since the Eagles were 4-12, I guess I appreciate the commitment to incremental improvement, but still.
 
Then there was the inexplicable decision to bring back Michael Vick, a quarterback I don't think anyone in this town wants to see for one more game. Then they failed to trade Nick Foles to an obviously-interested Andy Reid in Kansas City, who got Alex Smith instead. Then they cut Mike Patterson, sending a clear message to every one of their players: If your brain explodes, and you work to come back, first we'll cut your pay, and then we'll release you.

That brings us to free agency. In the first week, the Eagles were active, signing Isaac Sopoaga, Bradley Fletcher, Patrick Chung, Jason Phillips, Kenny Phillips, Cary Williams and Connor Barwin. Then they traded for Arrelious Benn.

I think I speak for just about all Eagles fans when I ask, "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"

A lot of fans are excited about the free agent signings, but I don't really understand why. Did you know who any of these people were before last week? Don't they realize that the way to win in this league is to pinpoint the best players, and offering them so much money that they'll say yes?

This is a superstar league, and superstars win championships.

Why didn't the Eagles go after Joe Flacco, who just won the Super Bowl and is from South Jersey? What about Wes Welker, who's the definition of a scrappy, lunchpail Philly Guy who gets it? Why no trade for Percy Harvin, Anquan Boldin or Darrelle Revis?

I know what they're going to say: The Eagles spent money on the "Dream Team" in 2011, it didn't work, so now they're going to be cheap from here on in. Please. The problem with 2011 was that they signed the wrong guys, and they didn't spend enough. We’re shown once again that the Eagles are an organization that cares more about being Salary Cap Champions than real champions.

So now we come to the draft, and I've got a feeling Howie Roseman's once again going to do arrogant things like trading up, or trading down. That's what GMs do when they think they're smarter than everyone else.

That doesn’t sound like a “Gold Standard”  to you, does it?

Other Philly sports takes:

- Speaking of the draft, there was a fascinating exchange on the midday show Monday about quarterback Geno Smith. A caller said Smith "has McNabb written all over him," and that if the Eagles pick him at #4, we can expect a lot more heartbreaking playoff losses. Ike Reese, meanwhile, replied that Geno is better than McNabb right now. I know one of them is right, I'm just not sure which…

- Speaking of which, Bernard Hopkins' victory earlier this month just proves once again: Donovan McNabb was never a good quarterback.

- Don't tell me not to panic about Roy Halladay's spring struggles and coming out of a game after one inning! I don't want to hear that "he's going to be fine," because they said the same thing about Andrew Bynum.

- Still, that that World Baseball Classic brawl between Mexico and Canada was filled on both sides with Phillies minor leaguers gave me more hope for the Phils this year than anything else this spring.

- Considering how bad Tomas Perez was as a Phillies utility man, I have no idea why he'd be nominated to be Secretary of Labor.

- I'm mad at Jimmy Rollins for guest-starring on "The Cleveland Show." If he cared about this city, he'd go on "The Philadelphia Show."

Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter.

Sixers fail to take care of business against Denver Nuggets

Sixers fail to take care of business against Denver Nuggets

It really felt like we could've gotten this one. The Denver Nuggets are hardly pushovers, but they came into this one a 7-13 team that'd lost their last three games, and even last night they seemed fairly beatable, even for a Philadelphia 76ers team still missing Robert Covington (in additional to our usual mini-roster of absentees). But Philly's energy sagged in the third quarter as Denver caught a second wind, and they spent the final frame hitting shots that the Sixers couldn't answer. Final score: Nuggets 106, 76ers 98. 

The most sobering part of the loss was that Joel Embiid finally played what would best be described as "a bad game." Not that bad, of course — even at his worst, Joel still managed 16 points and notched career-high five blocks. But he only shot 5-15 from the field, turned ball over three times, grabbed just four boards and played a large part in the sinkhole offense that the Sixers played in the late third and early fourth that ultimately cost them this one. JoJo still has trouble reading double teams and knowing when not to attack into traffic, and his frustration was extremely evident as he kept trying to do too much and paying the price for it. 

Nonetheless, even with an off Embiid night and a still-slumping Sauce — officially down to Left in the Car Overnight temperature after a night of 4 points on 1-7 shooting in 35 minutes — Philly probably still coulda gotten this one. Sergio Rodriguez appears to have swiped Nik's swag at least temporarily, with a season-high 17 points on 7-14 shooting to go with seven dimes and three steals, while Dario Saric and Ersan Ilyasova also poured in 17 and 8 each, and the Nuggets wings were largely kept quiet for two and a half quarters. But even while struggling, the Nuggets paraded their way to free-throw line — 34 FTAs for the night, including 12 for Danilo Gallinari alone — and once they caught fire late, the Sixers just couldn't keep up. 

A bummer for a team that's now lost seven in a row, and has to face the Grizzlies tonight in Memphis — their fourth game in five nights, and the first of a three-game road trip — without Embiid and also without Jahlil Okafor, out with illness. Even with the Grizz missing their own big names (no Mike Conley, Chandler Parsons, Zach Randolph or Vince Carter lately) and likely suffering from fatigue of their own after a double-OT road win last night in New Orleans, the 4-17 Sixers are gonna have a tough go matching Memphis' grit and grind tonight. Anytime you feel like Supermanning in and saving the day now would be cool, Nerlens Noel. Just sayin'.

Sixers name Elton Brand as Player Development Consultant

Sixers name Elton Brand as Player Development Consultant

Elton Brand is back with the Sixers, albeit not on the court.

The Sixers agreed with the former NBA forward to name Brand Player Development Consultant. In a press release, the team said Brand will be working with Sixers players in 'every facet of their on- and off-court development' while also working in the front office.

“We are extremely excited to bring Elton Brand back into the organization where he will be a valuable resource to our young and developing team," Bryan Colangelo said in the release. "Elton’s leadership and character displayed throughout his playing career as a player align perfectly with our vision, direction and culture of this basketball team, coaching staff and management group."

Brand retired during training camp after 17 NBA seasons, including five with the Sixers over two stints. The 6-foot-8 forward came out of retirement last season to provide a veteran presence for the Sixers and eventually played in 17 games when the team was snakebitten by injuries. 

He will now continue to be an influence on the Sixers' young core thanks to his new role with the basketball operations department.