Wake Me Up When the Eagles Sign Someone I've Heard Of

Wake Me Up When the Eagles Sign Someone I've Heard Of

We Eagles fans had so much hope. Really, we did. Andy Reid is gone, and so are Joe Banner and Juan Castillo and Jim Washburn. We've got a new coach, who's installing new systems on offense and defense, and might even do something crazy like run the ball once in a while, or acquire at least one better-than-mediocre linebacker. Chip Kelly even showed up at Wing Bowl, showing he’s learned the important lesson that when it comes to sports success in this town, nothing is more crucial than getting on Angelo Cataldi's good side.
 
But since then? Nothing but bad.
 
First the Eagles saw it fit to hire both offensive and defensive coordinators away from the Cleveland Browns, who went 5-11 last year. Since the Eagles were 4-12, I guess I appreciate the commitment to incremental improvement, but still.
 
Then there was the inexplicable decision to bring back Michael Vick, a quarterback I don't think anyone in this town wants to see for one more game. Then they failed to trade Nick Foles to an obviously-interested Andy Reid in Kansas City, who got Alex Smith instead. Then they cut Mike Patterson, sending a clear message to every one of their players: If your brain explodes, and you work to come back, first we'll cut your pay, and then we'll release you.

That brings us to free agency. In the first week, the Eagles were active, signing Isaac Sopoaga, Bradley Fletcher, Patrick Chung, Jason Phillips, Kenny Phillips, Cary Williams and Connor Barwin. Then they traded for Arrelious Benn.

I think I speak for just about all Eagles fans when I ask, "WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?"

A lot of fans are excited about the free agent signings, but I don't really understand why. Did you know who any of these people were before last week? Don't they realize that the way to win in this league is to pinpoint the best players, and offering them so much money that they'll say yes?

This is a superstar league, and superstars win championships.

Why didn't the Eagles go after Joe Flacco, who just won the Super Bowl and is from South Jersey? What about Wes Welker, who's the definition of a scrappy, lunchpail Philly Guy who gets it? Why no trade for Percy Harvin, Anquan Boldin or Darrelle Revis?

I know what they're going to say: The Eagles spent money on the "Dream Team" in 2011, it didn't work, so now they're going to be cheap from here on in. Please. The problem with 2011 was that they signed the wrong guys, and they didn't spend enough. We’re shown once again that the Eagles are an organization that cares more about being Salary Cap Champions than real champions.

So now we come to the draft, and I've got a feeling Howie Roseman's once again going to do arrogant things like trading up, or trading down. That's what GMs do when they think they're smarter than everyone else.

That doesn’t sound like a “Gold Standard”  to you, does it?

Other Philly sports takes:

- Speaking of the draft, there was a fascinating exchange on the midday show Monday about quarterback Geno Smith. A caller said Smith "has McNabb written all over him," and that if the Eagles pick him at #4, we can expect a lot more heartbreaking playoff losses. Ike Reese, meanwhile, replied that Geno is better than McNabb right now. I know one of them is right, I'm just not sure which…

- Speaking of which, Bernard Hopkins' victory earlier this month just proves once again: Donovan McNabb was never a good quarterback.

- Don't tell me not to panic about Roy Halladay's spring struggles and coming out of a game after one inning! I don't want to hear that "he's going to be fine," because they said the same thing about Andrew Bynum.

- Still, that that World Baseball Classic brawl between Mexico and Canada was filled on both sides with Phillies minor leaguers gave me more hope for the Phils this year than anything else this spring.

- Considering how bad Tomas Perez was as a Phillies utility man, I have no idea why he'd be nominated to be Secretary of Labor.

- I'm mad at Jimmy Rollins for guest-starring on "The Cleveland Show." If he cared about this city, he'd go on "The Philadelphia Show."

Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter.

Best of MLB: Nelson Cruz drives in 7 as Mariners pummel Blue Jays

Best of MLB: Nelson Cruz drives in 7 as Mariners pummel Blue Jays

TORONTO -- Nelson Cruz hit his ninth career grand slam and added a three-run shot, and Hisashi Iwakuma pitched six innings to win his fifth straight start in Seattle's victory over Toronto.

Cruz hit his slam off R.A. Dickey (7-11) in the third, then added a three-run drive off Drew Storen in the eighth for his 20th career multi-homer game. He has 25 home runs this season.

It was the 13th time in team history a Mariners player has recorded seven RBIs. The team record is eight by Mike Blowers, Mike Cameron and Alvin Davis.

Kyle Seager hit a two-run homer and Nori Aoki had two RBIs and scored twice as the Mariners used a season-high 19 hits to win their third straight. Iwakuma (11-6) allowed two runs and four hits.

Wade LeBlanc pitched the final three innings for his first save (see full recap).

Stanton leads Marlins past Mets
MIAMI -- Giancarlo Stanton homered and had his first four-hit game since 2012, driving in three runs to give Jose Fernandez all the support he needed, and Miami beat New York.

Miami rocked Jacob deGrom (6-5), who allowed 10 hits and five runs, both season highs, and lasted just 3 2/3 innings in his shortest outing since August.

Fernandez (12-4) gave up two runs in seven innings to match his career high for victories, achieved in his 2013 rookie season. He also had two hits, hiking his average to .265, and drove in the first run.

Home Run Derby winner Stanton put Miami ahead to stay in the third inning when he hit a majestic two-run homer off the left-field scoreboard above the 401-foot sign. He added an RBI single in the fourth, and singled in the first and sixth, hiking his average to .241 after a prolonged slump (see full recap).  

Dodgers snap Cardinals' 5-game win streak
ST. LOUIS -- Adrian Gonzalez hit his eighth homer, red-hot Justin Turner got two more RBIs and the Los Angeles Dodgers beat St. Louis 7-2 on Saturday night to end the Cardinals' five-game winning streak.

Turner's two-run double capped a four-run third. He has 14 RBIs since the All-Star break.

Gonzalez's 429-foot solo blast to center sparked a three-run sixth.

Kenta Maeda (9-7) rebounded from a poor outing against Arizona on July 17, giving up two runs over 5 2/3 innings. Only one of the Cardinals' first 15 batters was able to hit the ball out of the infield against the Japanese right-hander.

Andrew Toles went 3 for 4 and scored once for the Dodgers. He has reached safely in nine of 10 games since being called up from the minors.

Mike Leake (7-8) allowed seven runs -- six earned -- in six innings.

Matt Adams homered for the second consecutive game. His blast to left in the fourth extended the Cardinals' streak of home runs to 14 straight games.

Aledmys Diaz reached safely for the 26th straight game with a first-inning single. Diaz's streak is the second-longest by a Cardinals rookie since Albert Pujols had streaks of 30 and 48 games in 2001 (see full recap).

Drew's walk-off triple lifts Nats past Padres
WASHINGTON -- Pinch-hitter Stephen Drew hit a game-ending RBI triple in the ninth inning to lift Washington past San Diego,

Anthony Rendon opened the bottom off the ninth with a single off reliever Kevin Quackenbush (6-4). Drew entered with one out and drove a pitch off the center-field scoreboard, and Rendon raced around the bases for the winning run.

Jonathan Papelbon (2-2) allowed a leadoff double in the ninth before retiring three straight batters. San Diego left runners in scoring position in each of the last two innings.

Washington starter Max Scherzer struck out 10 over seven innings (see full recap).

Giants top Yanks in extras to snap losing skid
NEW YORK -- Mac Williamson homered in the fifth inning and hit a tiebreaking single in the 12th, lifting San Francisco past New York for the Giants' first victory since the All-Star break.

NL West-leading San Francisco had lost a season-high six straight games and had held just one lead since the break -- when Buster Posey hit a go-ahead home run leading off the 10th inning at San Diego on July 16 only to have the Padres rally for a pair of runs in the bottom half against Santiago Casilla.

Williamson, whose fourth-inning error allowed the Yankees' run, began the comeback when he connected off Ivan Nova leading off the fifth.

Trevor Brown hit an opposite-field double to right off Anthony Swarzak (1-1) leading off the 12th, and Williamson singled up the middle with one out, just past the glove of diving shortstop Didi Gregorius. San Francisco was 0 for 10 with runners in scoring position, dropping to 7 for 64 (.111) since the All-Star break, before Williamson's single.

Cheered on by hundreds of orange-clad fans in the Giants' old hometown, San Francisco escaped a bases-loaded, one-out jam in the 10th when Casilla (2-3) retired Brian McCann on a shallow flyout and Starlin Castro on a foulout. Hunter Strickland pitched a perfect 12th for his second save (see full recap).

Joel Embiid posts amazing tribute to Sam Hinkie on Instagram

Joel Embiid posts amazing tribute to Sam Hinkie on Instagram

The treasure trove that is Joel Embiid's social media presence unearthed another jewel on Saturday evening.

The Sixers' big man took to Instagram to post a picture of himself chatting with local folk legend Sam Hinkie. As if that wasn't enough, check out the captions he wrote at the bottom.

THE GOAT #HeDiedForOurSins #TrustTheProcess

A photo posted by Joel Hans Embiid (@joelembiid) on

Let us break this down.

"THE GOAT" - As in Greatest Of All Time, not an actual goat you would find at your local petting zoo.

"#HeDiedForOurSins" - St. Sam, patron saint of analytical basketball martyrdom.

"#TrustTheProcess" - The rallying cry of the masses.

Sure, they may have taken away Sam, but they'll never take away JoJo's social media platforms. Never!

Union have no answer for Didier Drogba, Impact in 5-1 loss

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Associated Press

Union have no answer for Didier Drogba, Impact in 5-1 loss

MONTREAL  -- Didier Drogba broke out with a hat trick to lead the Montreal Impact to a 5-1 victory over the Union on Saturday night.

The 38-year-old Ivorian striker hadn't scored since May 28. He returned last week after missing three games with a thigh injury.

Ignacio Piatti returned after sitting out a one-game suspension to score a goal and add two assists. Recent signing Matteo Mancuso, who went in for Drogba in the 79th minute, got his first MLS goal in added time.

Montreal improved to 7-5-8.

Chris Pontius scored for Philadelphia (8-7-6).