Hide yo' women, yo' children and yo' fourth quarter leads, 'cause Jake Plummer back and he rippin' errbody.
After four years away from the game, the former Arizona Cardinal and Denver Bronco joined a Phoenix radio station on Tuesday to sound off in regard to his grievances with front office in Mile-High, both past and present.
Referring to Mike Shanahan as "maybe not as special as we thought" (which we love) and to Tim Tebow as a guy with a whole lot of talent who Jake "would like more if [Tim] would just accept the fact that we know he know loves Jesus" (which we really love), Plummer appears just a wee bit salty in his retirement.
If your anger is as a result of Tebow receiving a whole boatload of press for his fourth quarter comeback against the Jets on Thursday Night Football, then don't worry, Jake; we remember you.
Long before John Skelton was even a glimmer on Ken Wisenhunt's depth chart—and certainly before Kulp began referring to Tony Romo as "The Snake" in a desperate attempt to make sense of the quarterback's career—Plummer was leading late-game rallies like it was his job—which, by the way, it was.
In 10 professional seasons as a starter, Jake was responsible for, believe it or not, 20 fourth quarter comebacks and 30 game-winning drives. He personally engineered five separate Cardinal comebacks over the Eagles in just four seasons.
After some digging on YouTube, we were able to unearth these all-too-painful memories.
Now, you may be asking yourself: "Isn't this really just piling on during a what has turned out to be radically disappointing year for the Eagles given our off-season expectations?" "And shouldn't you be letting up a bit after the team's hard fought win over the hated Giants on Sunday night." To answer my own questions in order: Yes, of course, it is; and, no, I shouldn't be.
In fact, it's precisely because the Eagles have managed to rope everyone back in that we need to talk about this. Really, I post these videos with love.
From an early age, Jake Plummer taught me everything I would need to know about bracing myself for heartbreak. You can keep your John Skeltons, your Tony Romos and—hell, probably even one day at the rate this team is going—your Tim Tebows, because Eagles fans got to watch The Snake do it live on five separate occasions.
Earlier this week I asked you (in jest...I think) to give thanks to Vince Young; but now, I'll be giving thanks this Thursday to Jake Plummer for teaching us all a valuable lesson.
Remember Birds fans, no matter what happens, and no matter how bad it gets, you've seen it all before.
As a matter of note, I'll also be giving thanks to Chris Berman for coming up with the added nickname of Jake "The Snake" "Liquid" Plummer. Love that guy.