Jerry Jones Has ‘Brain of a 40-Year-Old,’ Cowboys Got the ‘Secret Sauce’

Jerry Jones Has ‘Brain of a 40-Year-Old,’ Cowboys Got the ‘Secret Sauce’

Word to the elderly: this is not the way to convince people you are still as sharp as you used to be.

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones desperately wants season-ticket holders and fans to believe he hasn’t been running the football operations into the ground for the better part of the last 15 years. You know whose word they should take? Jones’ doctors’, of course.

Jones may be 70, but he’s got the brain of a 40-year-old according to some recent CAT scans. Doctors were so impressed by Jerry’s brain, they had to drop all of the life-saving they were in the middle of to pat him on the back and tell him he’s a big boy. Rainer Sabin of The Dallas Morning News has the scoop:

“I’ve been told that I have, by CAT Scans, that it’s like the brain of a 40-year-old,” Jones crowed. “…The guy really did not know it was me. I was there anonymously. He said, ‘And so I just wanted to come down. I saw your chart. I know how old you are. That part is really impressive.’”

“I know more about what I’m doing than hopefully I did 25 years ago,” he said, referring to the time he entered the NFL as an owner.

Even if this quaint anecdote is completely accurate down to the most minute detail, doesn’t he just sound crazy bragging about it? It’s not like being able to locate your car keys without searching around the house for 30 minutes makes you an expert at running a football team – clearly.

In a somewhat related story, Sabin points out Jones’ son Stephen – the Cowboys’ executive vice president – spouts moderately humorous oddball metaphors as well. He thinks the front office has found the… heh… key ingredient to win a championship this year.

“We’re convinced we’ve got the secret sauce to put this thing back together again and win championships,” Jones said. “We can always be better. We look for ways to be better. We do that both on the field and off the field.”

Are they building burgers or a football team down in Dallas? 40-year-old brain at the wheel or not, sometimes it seems like they don’t know.

>> Jones says CT scan showed ‘brain of a 40-year-old’ [Dallas News]

Mike Trout joins push in trying to lure LeBron James to Sixers

Mike Trout joins push in trying to lure LeBron James to Sixers

LeBron James to the Sixers. It would take a miracle, right?

Sure, but one MVP is in on the push for the four-time MVP landing in Philly.

Enter Mike Trout.

The Angels' star outfielder, a two-time AL MVP and native of Millville, New Jersey, took to Twitter on Thursday to make a quick pitch for the King. Trout, a well-known fan of Philadelphia sports teams, responded to a 94WIP tweet about reporter Howard Eskin shooting down the LeBron James chatter.

First, it was Ben Simmons tweeting James. That's really how all the buzz started and now the idea is taking on a mind of its own. Clearly, it's being talked about. And what Sixers fan wouldn't want a player like James putting "The Process" into hyperdrive?

And hey, once James comes to Philly, he can then return the favor: bringing Trout to the Phillies.

We can dream, right?