Word to the elderly: this is not the way to convince people you are still as sharp as you used to be.
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones desperately wants season-ticket holders and fans to believe he hasn’t been running the football operations into the ground for the better part of the last 15 years. You know whose word they should take? Jones’ doctors’, of course.
Jones may be 70, but he’s got the brain of a 40-year-old according to some recent CAT scans. Doctors were so impressed by Jerry’s brain, they had to drop all of the life-saving they were in the middle of to pat him on the back and tell him he’s a big boy. Rainer Sabin of The Dallas Morning News has the scoop:
“I’ve been told that I have, by CAT Scans, that it’s like the brain of a 40-year-old,” Jones crowed. “…The guy really did not know it was me. I was there anonymously. He said, ‘And so I just wanted to come down. I saw your chart. I know how old you are. That part is really impressive.’”
“I know more about what I’m doing than hopefully I did 25 years ago,” he said, referring to the time he entered the NFL as an owner.
Even if this quaint anecdote is completely accurate down to the most minute detail, doesn’t he just sound crazy bragging about it? It’s not like being able to locate your car keys without searching around the house for 30 minutes makes you an expert at running a football team – clearly.
In a somewhat related story, Sabin points out Jones’ son Stephen – the Cowboys’ executive vice president – spouts moderately humorous oddball metaphors as well. He thinks the front office has found the… heh… key ingredient to win a championship this year.
“We’re convinced we’ve got the secret sauce to put this thing back together again and win championships,” Jones said. “We can always be better. We look for ways to be better. We do that both on the field and off the field.”
Are they building burgers or a football team down in Dallas? 40-year-old brain at the wheel or not, sometimes it seems like they don’t know.
>> Jones says CT scan showed ‘brain of a 40-year-old’ [Dallas News]
What is there to say about the Philadelphia Phillies?
In doing my usual postgame perusal of the Internet after their 7-2 loss on Wednesday night, I visited Phillies.com to see what kind of "highlights" they could have possibly posted from another crushing defeat at the hands of the Colorado Rockies.
Thankfully, the first thing that caught my eye was a video titled, "Phanatic tries to comfort crying baby."
It was not Larry Andersen in the Phanatic's arms. Nor me.
And that's the Phillies season in a nutshell.
"You gotta question the parenting skills here," John Kruk said on the telecast. And he's right! What kind of parent would raise their kid to be a Philly sports fan?!?
The Phillies now have the worst record in all of baseball. They're 4-20 in their last 24 games. It's their worst start to a season since 1960.
Even the Phanatic doesn't have enough popcorn to mask all the pain.
If you want to read about the upbeat approach Pete Mackanin is taking, go give this a gander.
"In a long season, these things sometimes happen," Mackanin told reporters. "I remember Atlanta, the first half last year, was terrible. They had a real good second half. I believe we just need to get something going. We're going to put something together. I believe that."
That makes one of us.
The future of Villanova basketball just got brighter.
Brandon Slater, a 6-foot-6 wing and highly touted 2018 recruit, told Scout.com on Wednesday night that he has verbally committed to the Wildcats.
He later made the announcement on Twitter.
Among the 2018 recruiting class, Slater, a product of Paul VI Catholic High School in Fairfax, Virginia, is ranked in the top 30 by Scout.com and top 50 by ESPN.com. He's slated as a four-star talent by both media outlets.
Per ESPN, Slater had offers from Louisville, Maryland, Miami, Syracuse, USC and Virginia Tech. He is Villanova's first commitment for 2018.
"Going up there it just feels like a second home," Slater said, via Evan Daniels of Scout.com. "It gives me a good vibe. It's nothing like all the other schools. I just feel like a Villanova guy. It feels like PVI. It's already home."
Slater and Villanova head coach Jay Wright expressed their excitement on Twitter.