It consists of Rick Reilly using a 17-year-old's Twitter account to semi-accuse Chris Davis of using PEDs ... and, you know, Ryan Braun actually using PEDs.
Thankfully, we're only five weeks away from getting another sport back into our lives -- one defined almost entirely by cheating the system! North and South Carolina kick things off at 6 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 29, and things pick up locally when Penn State meets Syracuse at Metlife Stadium and Temple travels to Notre Dame on Aug. 31.
As they do every year, CBS Sports has posted the results of the 2013 college football season using a simulation from the NCAA 14 video game. This, you may have heard, will be the last college football game produced by EA Sports to actually carry the letters "NCAA" in the title.
And this year's version of the game either thinks a whole lot of a Temple team that went 4-7 last year and is now under the control first-year head coach Matt Rhule, or not very much of the American.
-- Your first American Athletic Conference Champion? It's the Temple Owls, who will go 9-3 overall and 6-2 in the AAC.
Well, surely one of those losses is to...
-- But what about Louisville? Well, the Cardinals finish 6-2 in conference play as well, but that includes a 27-20 loss on the road against Temple in early October.
Worth noting in this conversation is how I've decided to name the button that dispenses water from my refrigerator "Teddy." Teddy Fridgewater.
Hey! 9-3, huh? OK, where's that get them?
-- Texas A&M (11-2) wins the West Division and beats Georgia (10-3) 49-32 to win its first SEC title. Johnny Manziel finishes fifth in the final Heisman balloting. Apparently having a similar season but adding a SEC championship wasn't enough for the voters.
Sugar Bowl: Texas A&M beats Temple, 37-27.
Football! Johnny! Johnny Football!
As for the Penn State Nittany Lions, who after a rough start finished 8-4 in Bill O'Brien's first year as coach, how will they fare (wearing these new jerseys)?
-- Bill O'Brien's second season in Happy Valley isn't as happy, as the Nittany Lions finish 5-7 overall and win only two conference games.
-- Your reminder that this is a video game and not real life: Illinois goes 8-4 with wins over Penn State, Wisconsin and Northwestern. Oh, and Northwestern follows up its 10-win season in 2012 with a 3-9 record in 2013.
For the full simulation results, see below:
>>The 2013 season according to NCAA Football 14 [Eye on College Football]
[h/t Temple News head honcho Joey Cranney]