Chooch Parte Dos? Union Close to Signing Carlos Ruiz

Chooch Parte Dos? Union Close to Signing Carlos Ruiz

[UPDATE: The Union have officially signed Carlos Ruiz.]

Philly.com's Jonathan Tannenwald reports that the Union have a deal in place with forward Carlos Ruiz. Ruiz, who comes equipped with his own non-Chooch nickname (El Pescadito - "Little Fish") is an MLS veteran. He's had two stints with the LA Galaxy, scored 31 goals in 68 games with FC Dallas, and had a five game cup of coffee with Toronto.

He most recently played with Aris in Greece, where Americans Freddy Adu and Eddie Johnson played before also moving on. Whereas the Phillies' Chooch hails from Panama, El Pescadito is from Guatemala, where he's the national team's all-time leading scorer.

Assuming the deal closes, what can you expect from the Union's newest signing (aside from well placed elbows to the face)?

Well, if past performance is any indication you can expect lots of clutching, grabbing, faking of injury, and exaggerating. Assuming he's in form you can also expect a fair amount of goal scoring. Ruiz knows how to find the back of the net, scoring 82 times in MLS play.

Ruiz is the kind of player you hate when he's on the opposing team, but love when he's on your team. He's only 5'9" and literally has to scratch and claw for any and all space on the field. He's short and squat, kind of like Chooch, but he's way more demonstrative and wears a perpetual scowl on his face.

I am not 100% sure how or why he earned the nickname El Pescadito, but I can only assume it has to do with his flopping. I know it sounds like I am killing the guy, but he's always been very difficult to watch. I suppose a nice way to put it would be to say that he's crafty. Sure, "crafty" could easily be confused with cheap, but perception depends on which side of the fence you're on.

Another thing I'll say about Ruiz is that he is completely unafraid to mix it up. I can absolutely see Peter Nowak loving him and his willingness to do anything and everything to win or gain an advantage.

In soccer there are a number of players who are skilled in what is often referred to as "the dark arts" (think Mark van Bommel, Nigel De Jong, and Gennaro Gattuso). It's not often that a forward or striker is thought of in those terms, but Ruiz comes about as close as any I've ever seen.

If nothing else, the Union have certainly addressed a major area of need. Their only returning reliable goal scoring threats are Sebastien Le Toux and Danny Mwanga. A player with the goal scoring pedigree of Ruiz should certainly help the Union finish in the final third.

Bottom line, if he's fit the Union will likely see both their goal scoring and yellow card totals go up.

Malcolm Jenkins is prepared for both a zombie apocalypse or Donald Trump as president

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Malcolm Jenkins is prepared for both a zombie apocalypse or Donald Trump as president

A zombie apocalypse or Donald Trump becoming the President of the United States of America are both nightmare scenarios for many people. But Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins is prepared in the case of either.

At least that's what he says.

The Philadelphia Eagles have a bye this week, so Jenkins found the time to post the below video to Twitter, teaching us a little bit about his quirks.

"Something you might not know about me is that I'm a half-hearted doomsday prepper. For the last two or three years I've been silently preparing myself for a zombie apocalypse... or Donald Trump becoming President, whichever comes first. Communications, food, protection, everything, I've been stockpiling. I took a zombie survival course a couple of years ago," Jenkins said.

"Hopefully I won't have to use my skills."

 

Tonight's lineup: Tommy Joseph's last start of the year?

Tonight's lineup: Tommy Joseph's last start of the year?

Tommy Joseph, who has been missing from the lineup lately, starts at first base and bats fourth tonight.

Joseph will most likely be making his final start of the season with Ryan Howard expected to start the final games of the season. Joseph is batting just .235 against the Braves this season, but does have two home runs. The rookie first baseman has 21 home runs and 15 doubles in 104 games during his first season in the majors. 

Howard will be playing what are almost definitely his final games in a Phillies uniform this weekend vs. the Mets.

Maikel Franco bats fifth and plays third base. Franco, who has been hot lately, has three home runs and is batting .320 over his last 25 at-bats. He will look to continue his success against the Braves, as five of his 25 home runs this season have come against them.

Cameron Rupp gets a day off behind the plate and will be replaced by veteran catcher A.J. Ellis. Ellis has exceeded expectations in a short sample since coming over in the Carlos Ruiz trade last month. Ellis is 8 for 28 with a home run and nine RBIs in 10 games with the Phils. He's batting .285, which is astronomically better than his paltry .194 mark with the Dodgers. 

Part of the reason for Ellis' start could be his history against Braves starter Josh Collmenter. He is 4 for 11 with two home runs and four walks against the former Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher.

Here is tonight's lineup:

1. Cesar Hernandez, 2B
2. Freddy Galvis, SS
3. Odubel Herrera, CF
4. Tommy Joseph, 1B
5. Maikel Franco, 3B
6. Cody Asche, LF
7. A.J. Ellis, C
8. Aaron Altherr, RF
9. Jeremy Hellickson, P

And for the Braves:

1. Mallex Smith, CF
2. Dansby Swanson, SS
3. Freddie Freeman, 1B
4. Matt Kemp, LF
5. Nick Markakis, RF
6. Anthony Recker, C
7. Jace Peterson, 2B
8. Rio Ruiz, 3B
9. Josh Collmenter, P