SLOW NEWS DAY, PA -- Tony Chiareli, a 39-year-old chief oil checker at the Meineke on 48th and Spruce, watched the Super Bowl at his parents house at 3rd and Moyamensing yesterday in South Philly where his Grandma Teresa was a guest for the evening. "My Grandma be crazy and shit," Tony told the cashier today while discussing his favorite Emerald Nuts commercials from last night. "She thinks McNabb should be back even though the fact is he's a total bum. He's never gonna win a Super Bowl. That's undisputable."
The longest tenured member of the Chiareli family woke up from her second quarter nap on the couch last night to watch The Who perform and join in the halftime discussion of what a bum Donovan McNabb is and always will be. Despite the Eagles having nothing to do at all with the big game yesterday, aside from former Eagle Hank Baskett becoming the biggest goat of the day, the subject, as always, turned to McNabb. "They need to trade McNabb for two first round picks, a third, a fifth, and maybe Brian Urlacher," Tony said, but Grandma Teresa felt differently.
The 4'10'' elder Chiareli went off on a tirade, citing her favorite player's recent opinion as her back up, "Brian Westbrook says 'you would be hard-pressed to say that there was better quarterback in the league than Donovan McNabb,' and I always listen to what Brian Westbrook says. He's been hit in the head quite a bit just like I have and he's such a nice boy. Plus, Donovan's always smiling out there while that Vick fellow is an animal beater. Imagine if our Chase got treated like that!"
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Chase, of course, is the name of the Chiareli's pure-bred award winning Labrador Retreiver.
The party and debate abruptly ended when Tony's wife Colleen got upset at him for calling Danica Patrick a fine piece of ass. Colleen tried to throw everyone's favorite buffalo chicken dip at him but missed by about four feet and ended up hitting Tony's favorite Angelo Cataldi portrait.
"Just like that bum McNabb," Tony added.