Mechanic's Grandmother Says McNabb Should Be Back

Mechanic's Grandmother Says McNabb Should Be Back

SLOW NEWS DAY, PA -- Tony Chiareli, a 39-year-old chief oil checker at the Meineke on 48th and Spruce, watched the Super Bowl at his parents house at 3rd and Moyamensing yesterday in South Philly where his Grandma Teresa was a guest for the evening. "My Grandma be crazy and shit," Tony told the cashier today while discussing his favorite Emerald Nuts commercials from last night. "She thinks McNabb should be back even though the fact is he's a total bum. He's never gonna win a Super Bowl. That's undisputable."

The longest tenured member of the Chiareli family woke up from her second quarter nap on the couch last night to watch The Who perform and join in the halftime discussion of what a bum Donovan McNabb is and always will be. Despite the Eagles having nothing to do at all with the big game yesterday, aside from former Eagle Hank Baskett becoming the biggest goat of the day, the subject, as always, turned to McNabb. "They need to trade McNabb for two first round picks, a third, a fifth, and maybe Brian Urlacher," Tony said, but Grandma Teresa felt differently.

The 4'10'' elder Chiareli went off on a tirade, citing her favorite player's recent opinion as her back up, "Brian Westbrook says 'you would be hard-pressed to say that there was better quarterback in the league than Donovan McNabb,' and I always listen to what Brian Westbrook says. He's been hit in the head quite a bit just like I have and he's such a nice boy. Plus, Donovan's always smiling out there while that Vick fellow is an animal beater. Imagine if our Chase got treated like that!"

Chase, of course, is the name of the Chiareli's pure-bred award winning Labrador Retreiver.

The party and debate abruptly ended when Tony's wife Colleen got upset at him for calling Danica Patrick a fine piece of ass. Colleen tried to throw everyone's favorite buffalo chicken dip at him but missed by about four feet and ended up hitting Tony's favorite Angelo Cataldi portrait.

"Just like that bum McNabb," Tony added.

Nerlens Noel on Sixers' frontcourt logjam: 'I don't see a way it can work'

Nerlens Noel on Sixers' frontcourt logjam: 'I don't see a way it can work'

CAMDEN, N.J. — Nerlens Noel is standing his ground.

After saying that the Sixers' entering the season with three starting-caliber centers (himself, Jahlil Okafor, Joel Embiid) "doesn't make sense," Noel didn't back down from his stance during the team's annual media day.  

"I don't see a way it can work," Noel said Monday. "It's just a logjam. You have three young, talented centers that can play 30-plus minutes a night." 

The Sixers attempted to play with two bigs in Noel and Okafor last season but had little success. Now that Embiid is finally healthy, the fit to the puzzle doesn't figure to get any better.

Reports swirled during the offseason that the Sixers were looking to trade either Noel or Okafor to add backcourt help to the woeful franchise, but nothing came to fruition.

"Things need to get situated," Noel said. "I think things obviously need to be moved around, someone needs to be moved around. It's just a tough situation. I can't really say too much because I have no say in the matter, so obviously that's for who can handle the situation in the right manner.

"I've gone through a whole lot. Probably the most, arguably, that any player has gone through in the NBA in losing. It's a tough situation to still be in. Year by year, to see things get more difficult to show your value. Year by year, it's always been something. It's really at a point where it's just a lot."

Bryan Colangelo said he understands Noel's viewpoint. However, the Sixers' president said he is in no rush to trade any of the centers and will wait the situation out.

"It’s not disappointing. It’s understandable," Colangelo said. "I think Nerlens actually did a pretty good job sizing up what we have, which is a lot of depth and a lot of talent at that position."

Despite each of the three centers being early in their career, Noel, who is in the final year of his rookie contract, doesn't want to hold off to see if the trio can actually mesh on the floor.

"I can't say I do really understand that (wait-and-see approach)," Noel said. "If you have a group of players, I just don't think it makes too much sense to just still come into the season with such a heavy lineup at the center position. I don't know what there is to wait and see."

Noel made sure to express that he has no issues with Okafor and Embiid and said they are some of his closest friends on the team. But when asked whether he was happy to be a Sixer, Noel deflected.

"I feel good," he said. "I'm all right, I'm in a good place right now."

Sure sounds like it.

Darren Sproles' TD from Wentz set to Sonic the Hedgehog music

sproles-sonic.jpg

Darren Sproles' TD from Wentz set to Sonic the Hedgehog music

You may fondly remember the time Darren Sproles took a punt return to the house last season and a wonderful Twitter user set the video to the Super Mario Bros.' star music, yes?

It was great.

Now that Sproles' put on the jets again yesterday in the Eagles win over the Steelers, the same @pacdude on Twitter has done it again.

This time it's the theme music from Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Please enjoy.