ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MEATBALLS THE OLYMPICS?!
Seriously, how awesome are meatballs the Olympics?! Take this survey or just forget about it and go get some meatballs to see if you are a certified Winter Olympics SUPERFAN!
Ready?!
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WHO CARES!
What are your thoughts on five-time Olympic gold medalist, Bonnie Blair?
a) Amazing athlete, seems like a genuinely nice person, one of the worst haircuts in the history of Western civilization.
b) Honestly, nothing about her matters besides that haircut.
c) I once knew this lady who was born without feet, and she had a nicer haircut than Bonnie Blizz.
Do you believe in miracles?
a) I believe Al Michaels is a dorf.
b) If Jared Leto wins an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor, then yes, I believe in miracles.
c) It was a miracle every time Bonnie Blair walked around in public with that haircut.
Two words: Jeremy Bloom
a) I legitimately thought he was going to become the next Vai Sikahema.
b) I had no idea that Vai Sikahema would become the next Greg Gumbel.
c) That's an insult to Greg Gumbel.
What is the most amazing thing about this picture of Alberto Tomba?
a) The lady in pink looking up longingly at Tomba la Bomba.
b) Tomba's la Bomba
c) The dude on the right rockin' a Channel 6 Action News hat?
Better ski jumper? Nøørven Glürgenbørgvs or Riklabst Bendtqkvøst?
a) C'mon, obviously Glürgenbørgvs!
b) Dude, are you kidding me? Bendtqkvøst!
c) I'm sorry, this is so stupid. Let's move on.
Who has had a better post-Olympic career, Apollo Ohno or this trash can?
a) Well, let's see, Ohno was on Dancing With the Stars, and then he did Subway commercials, and now he's oh obviously it's the trash can.
b) That's honestly a pretty nice trash can.
c) First of all, that is not a nice trash can. It's all dented and it's full of garbage. Still way cooler than Apollo's stupid stupid STUPID soul patch.
Did you watch Johnny Weir's reality show? Be honest.
a) yes
Whom do you prefer? Herschel Walker the football player or Herschel Walker the bobsledder?
a) Well, considering Herschel Walker was singlehandedly responsible for building the Cowboys dynasty, I've gotta go with Herschel the bobsledder.
b) I dunno, Herschel the football player had a pretty good career. And he had a decent run with the Eagles. He was gay, right?
c) I had an Uncle Herschel who loved corned beef and I am not making that up.
How amazing was the Jamaican bobsled team?
a) Dude, they crashed on every run. I loved them.
b) The AUDACITY of them to even sign up. Incredible.
c) I am sad to report that I have never seen the movie Cool Runnings. My life is meaningless.
Remember when Dan Jansen's sister died and then he slipped and fell and it was really sad?
a) And then he kept slipping and falling! Every single time! He seriously sucked.
b) Ugh, that look on his face when he was just sitting on the ice in disbelief? I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle how he just kept embarrassing his country over and over and over again.
c) I'm sorry I really am.
source: DonPollackLookalikes.com
Favorite Winter Olympic athlete OF ALL TIME
a) Katarina Witt, no doubt. Her beauty, the way she looked, her physical characteristics, her appearance, how pretty she was, the way she bathed in a pool of flowers with her melon butt rising from the water omg you have to click this.
b) Eddie the Eagle, hands down the worst athlete to ever appear in any Olympic games. It's not even close. Those glasses!
c) Sidney Crosby lol
Are you prepared for Mary Carillo's human interest stories?
a) No.
b) Nope!
c) How many pants suits do you think she owns? 20? 30? I'd say 90.
Results: Congrattauulatastions! You just read the stupidest post in the 700 Level's history! Consider yourself a certified Olympics superfan. And a giant dorf.
Follow The Evster @TVMWW.