Tolley Sunshine or: How I Made it Through the Birds' Preseason Game

Tolley Sunshine or: How I Made it Through the Birds' Preseason Game

I grew up here, so I am more than familiar with Don Tollefson's body of work. By all accounts he's a terrific guy who tirelessly supports and promotes local charities. He's also, by a wide margin, the most optimistic person to ever walk the face of the earth. He makes Pat Croce seem depressed.

He has a unique ability to find the silver lining in any, and I stress any, situation. For years my friends and I have dropped "he's an alllllllll arounnnndddd gooooooood guy" references in our best Tolley/Quagmire voice.

His sunny disposition was once again on display last night during the Eagles/Chiefs game. He was so happy and so positive that he inspired me to tweet a bunch of "If Tolley Called (insert tragedy here)". I've copied/pasted them after the jump.

-Don Tollefson calling Katrina disaster: "What a great, great job by FEMA. The levees stood tall in adverse conditions.Thanks, Mother Nature"

-Don Tollefson calling the Hindenbug disaster: an achievement in engineering. the germans are truly talented. a terrific bit of pyrotechnics.

-Don Tollefson calling crash of Titanic: what a glorious majestic iceberg. deck chairs are heavenly. love cold water - gets the blood flowing

-Don Tollefson calling Jonestown Massacre: Guyana's beautiful. Trust me, Jim Jones makes the most delicious Kool-Aid. The cyanide's terrific.

-Don Tollefson calling Lidge's 9th v SD last night: You've got to admire Brad Lidge not taking the easy way out. He craves adversity. Love seeing a balk

Perhaps it's because we're in Philly and optimism like that is so atypical, to the point of being disconcerting. All I know is that Tolley makes Pollyanna seem like a greedy, obnoxious, selfish little brat. Oh Tolley, with your positivity.

I'll leave you with one more fake Tolley call. This is Tolley calling the Monday Night Football game where Lawrence Taylor annihilated Joe Theisman's leg/career: LT with a terrific bit of sportsmanship by leaving Joey T's head connected to his shoulders. He could have decapitated him, but because he treats people so well he held up a bit. LT seems really high...on life. And how about that beautiful bone structure Theisman's showing off? His femur is a work of art. Great job by both guys there.

Feel free to share your best fake Tolly call of any famous event in the comments.

MLB Notes: Nationals place Stephen Drew on DL

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MLB Notes: Nationals place Stephen Drew on DL

CLEVELAND -- Unable to figure out what's making Stephen Drew dizzy, the Washington Nationals placed the veteran infielder on the 15-day disabled list Wednesday.

Drew has played just once in the past week, delivering a walk-off triple to give Washington a win over San Diego on Saturday. Manager Dusty Baker said the 33-year-old Drew has been experiencing vertigo-like symptoms and the team is sending him back to Washington for more medical tests.

"He wasn't getting any better," Baker said before the Nationals concluded their two-game interleague series with the Indians. "He was dizzy. He was kind of worried and didn't know what it was because he's had two concussions, but he hadn't had anything that would have caused another concussion. Whenever you feel woozy and dizzy and don't get any better, that's a pretty good indication that something's wrong."

Drew sat out several days last week because he was feeling ill. He's in his first season with the Nationals, who signed him as a free agent in January (see full story).

Padres: Solarte placed on family leave list
TORONTO -- The San Diego Padres made a few roster moves before Wednesday's game against the Blue Jays, recalling utilityman Alexi Amarista and left-hander Buddy Baumann from Triple-A El Paso.

The newcomers replace outfielder Melvin Upton Jr., who was traded to Toronto on Tuesday, and third baseman Yangervis Solarte, who was placed on the family leave list and will miss from three to seven days.

Solarte is batting .290 with 10 home runs and 40 RBIs.

This is Amarista's fourth stint with the Padres this season. The six-year veteran is batting .239 with no homers and seven RBIs in 45 games.

Baumann joins the Padres for the second time. He made his major league debut with 1-3 of an inning against San Francisco on July 16, retiring Brandon Crawford on one pitch.

NHL Notes: Predators sign Calle Jarnkrok to 6-year, $12 million contract

NHL Notes: Predators sign Calle Jarnkrok to 6-year, $12 million contract

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- The Nashville Predators have signed forward Calle Jarnkrok to a six-year, $12 million contract through 2021-22.

Under the deal announced by the Predators on Wednesday, Jarnkrok will earn $1.7 million this season rising to $2.2 million in both 2019-20 and 2020-2021 before dipping to $2 million in the final year.

The 24-year-old Jarnkrok played in 71 games last season and scored a career-high 16 goals with 30 points. The native of Gavle, Sweden, was second on the team with four game-winning goals last season.

The 51st pick overall by Detroit in the 2010 entry draft, Jarnkrok was traded to Nashville on March 5, 2014, and was a restricted free agent.

The Predators also promised on Twitter the announcement of another signing later Wednesday.

Hurricanes: Head coach Bill Peters extended 3 years
RALEIGH, N.C. -- The Carolina Hurricanes signed coach Bill Peters to a contract extension through the 2018-19 season, general manager Ron Francis said Wednesday.

Peters has a record of 65-72-27 in two seasons while leading the Hurricanes' rebuilding project. They finished this season sixth in the Metropolitan Division with a 35-31-16 record, but earned 86 points -- their most since 2010-11, and a 15-point improvement from Peters' first year.

"We knew it wasn't going to be a quick turnaround," Peters said. "It takes time. ... I just like the direction we're headed in, and we're headed in that direction for a long period of time."

The Hurricanes used three rookies in the rotation on defense, and mounted a last-gasp -- but ultimately unsuccessful -- push for their first playoff appearance since 2009 by earning points in 12 of the 14 games that came after trading captain and franchise face Eric Staal to the New York Rangers.

Terms of Peters' extension were not disclosed. Peters was entering the final year of a three-year contract he signed in June 2014, when he was hired to take over for the fired Kirk Muller.

"You've got a head coach heading into the last year of his deal," Francis said. "It's important that if you like him and you want to have him around, you get this done."

The Hurricanes have reached the playoffs just once since winning the Stanley Cup in 2006. Carolina's seven-year postseason drought is the longest among Eastern Conference teams.

"Professionally, it's the right thing for me, and I want to see this thing through, and I want to get in the playoffs, and I want to get on a run," Peters said.

NFL Notes: Panthers sign former Eagles S Kurt Coleman to 3-year extension

NFL Notes: Panthers sign former Eagles S Kurt Coleman to 3-year extension

SPARTANBURG, S.C. -- The Carolina Panthers have signed safety Kurt Coleman to a three-year contract extension through the 2019 season.

Coleman led the Panthers and finished tied for third in the NFL with career-high seven interceptions in his first season in Carolina last year. He contributed to a team that ranked sixth in the NFL in total defense and led the NFL in interceptions (24), takeaways (39) and points off turnovers (148).

The 28-year-old Coleman finished third on the team with 103 tackles. Financial details were not released Wednesday.

Coleman called the contract a blessing, saying "when you go through situations you want what's best for your family and what's best for the team, and I'm really excited. I'm fortunate to be a part of this team for three more years."

Jets: Bernard Pierce signed; Zac Stacy waived
FLORHAM PARK, N.J. -- The New York Jets are signing running back Bernard Pierce and waiving running back Zac Stacy, who failed his physical after missing the last half of last season with a broken left ankle.

Pierce ran for just 11 yards on six carries in seven games last season with Jacksonville after spending his first three NFL seasons with Baltimore. He ran for a career-best 532 yards as a rookie with the Ravens in 2012 after being a third-round pick out of Temple.

Pierce was released by Baltimore in March 2015, when he was charged with drunken driving. He was claimed off waivers by Jacksonville the next day.

The NFL announced in May that Pierce will be suspended for the first two games of this season, likely stemming from the DUI arrest.

Stacy ran for 89 yards in eight games for the Jets last season, but he was lost for the rest of the season in November when he broke his ankle on a kickoff return.