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Malcolm Brogdon is gonna be the most hilarious Process Enemy ever

Malcolm Brogdon is gonna be the most hilarious Process Enemy ever

Be honest: You knew this was going to happen. Joel Embiid only played 31 games. Dario Saric was only good for half a season and ended the year on a bum note. Both of them played for a bottom-five NBA team. Malcoln Brogdon put up 75 games' worth of competent-plus numbers for a team that made the playoffs. Him winning Rookie of the Year at Monday night's first-ever NBA Awards was as inevitable as Drake making a joke about his Instagram exes during the opening monlogue, and even hours before it was announced, it seemed like Sixers Twitter was getting testy in anticipation. 

But you know what? It's fine. No, I don't believe Malcolm Brogdon deserved to win over Joel Embiid by any stretch of the imagination -- Dario's case is a little more arguable than we'd probably want to acknowledge -- and I agree with everyone else cackling over how ridiculous Brogdon beating Embiid is gonna seem five years, five months, five JoJo tweets from now. But I'm also kinda looking forward to those next five years, because The Process just got itself a hilariously innocuous new mortal enemy. 

By most accounts, Brogdon seems like a pretty harmless dude. He seems destined to be the 15th best point guard in the league -- the kind of guy who'll get traded in a package for a legit star at least three times in his career by a team attempting to go over the top. His understandable reaction upon accepting the Rookie of the Year award was the slightly over-eager excitement of a guy who hasn't had to give a ton of acceptance speeches in his life; not exactly the coolest dude on the block, but one you can't really hate on either. 

                        [Sixers Twitter shuts down Bucks' Rookie of the Year bragging]

Well, unless you're a Sixers fan. If Sixers fans have demonstrated one thing over the past four seasons, it's that it's not particularly hard for us to hate on anyone, and a well-meaning rookie point guard with a hearty smile is as easy a target as the next. And now, Malcolm Brogdon will feel the true wrath of Process pettiness. 

When Malcolm Brogdon takes the floor at the Wells Fargo Center next year, he will be booed. When Malcolm Brogdon steps in a Wawa next year, he will be booed. If Malcolm Brogdon attempts to stream a song by Hall & Oates or Boyz II Men next year, he will be booed by his Spotify account. Verily, Malcolm Brogdon's NBA existence is about to be very largely defined by just how much hot air the Philly Phaithful is gonna expend just so he never forgets our outrage over how he had the temerity to win an award that one time. (And actually showed up to accept it!)

It's gonna be a lot of fun -- not like the next few seasons will likely be lacking in fun to begin with -- and at the end of the day, we'll probably get far more joy out of Brogdon's Sixers supervillainy than we would have in a single statue in Embiid's soon-to-be-very-cramped trophy case. JoJo himself seems fine with the L, and that's because he knows he has us behind to pick up the vengeful slack. That's what us Process Trusters are good for: We're bitter, stupid and endlessly vindictive so you don't have to be.

NFC East Report, Week 2: Like Ivan Drago, the Dallas Cowboys are not a machine

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NFC East Report, Week 2: Like Ivan Drago, the Dallas Cowboys are not a machine

Each week, we’ll take a look at how the Eagles division rivals fared the previous weekend (spoiler alert: I feel the same way about them as Martha Stewart feels about Pumpkin Spice) and what they have upcoming. This week, the Giants did absolutely nothing different, Washington barely beat a team that lost twelve games a year ago, and the Cowboys, like the old Siberian Express, looked vastly overhyped on their way to an ugly beatdown.

Here’s what happened, and what’s happening, in the NFC East after Week Two.

Dallas Cowboys (1-1):

What Happened: Oh man, this was fun. Imagine the Chiefs/Birds game, but without all the good things that happened; that was essentially this game for Cowboys fans. Jason Garrett’s squad went on the road against an AFC opponent and got brutally demolished, losing 42-17. Unlike being barely-beaten by long-term NFL Quarterback Alex Smith (like the Eagles were), the Cowboys were thoroughly slaughtered by Trevor Siemien, who tore into the depleted Dallas secondary like they were every single kid from middle school that used to make fun of his last name. 

I, personally, couldn’t be happier. It had been eight months since we’d gotten to experience a Cowboys loss, which is far too long (speaking purely from a medical perspective, of course), and this one was especially epic. I’ve seen a solar eclipse more recently than I’ve seen Jerry Jones look this deflated. The Cowboys losing is like a new season of Wet Hot American Summer. There’s something familiar about it. Something safe. And always, a part that will make you laugh hysterically.

The part that made me laugh hysterically this week was watching the worst game of Ezekiel Elliott’s career. The Cowboys star running back had just eight more yards on the day than LeGarrette Blount (who, in case you forgot, had zero), and was then called out after the game by Canton-bound Ladainian Tomlinson for being a quitter. Yup, Ezekiel Elliott is the new Jay Cutler, a comparison that doesn’t seem fair to J-Cut, since he’s actually won a playoff game.

Positive Spin: Like the Birds, dem Boys can take solace in knowing they lost on the road to an AFC opponent they’ll never have to face again, which is like not being embarrassed you farted audibly on public transit ‘cause you’re getting off the next stop anyway. One game doesn’t make a season, nor does it suddenly prove that Zeke or Dak Prescott don’t belong in this league. This was one unfortunate result at a point in the season where teams can afford to have unfortunate results… like how it’s okay to lose one of your fingers, because you still have nine others. At least that’s what they taught me in the Yakuza (though its made glove shopping impossible. Luckily, JPP introduced me to his guy). 


Negative Spin: I mean, it was 42-17, and while Zeke and Dak are still legit, some flaws were definitely exposed. Siemien, who was fighting for the starting spot less than a month ago, made the Dallas secondary look like, well… the kind of secondary that employs Nolan Carroll. Imagine what Alshon Jeffrey should be able to do. Or Odell Beckham. Or Jordy Nelson, or Julio Jones, or any of the other top-flight wideouts in the NFC that Dallas will be expected to beat if they want this season to surpass the results of the past two decades. 

Dallas looked really bad on Sunday. Some of it should be easily fixed. But that secondary may need a little bit more than duct tape and Orlando Scandrick to get things rolling. But don’t worry, Dallas fans; I’m sure Jason Garrett, who’s had two winning campaigns in his six full seasons as head coach, will be able to push this team forward, no doubt. It’s like having the former UBER CEO take over your kids lemonade stand.

What’s Next: A road-game against the Arizona Cardinals, who barely snuck out a victory against Indianapolis last week. With David Johnson’s broken wrist ruining your fantasy team, and Carson Palmer continuing to age at the normal going rate, Arizona just isn’t very good. Road game or not, Dallas should be able to turn things around in the desert next weekend.

 

Washington (1-1):

What Happened: Out in Los Angeles, the Washington Football Team defeated the previously undefeated Rams 27-20. A week after letting a close one literally slip through his fingers, Kirk Cousins threw a game winning touchdown with less than two minutes to play, and the D.C. D snatched an interception off of Jared “Not Carson” Goff moments later to seal it.

It was a crucial win for Jay Gruden, who like Andy Reid, was able to knock off his former offensive coordinator, in this instance 31-year-old Sean McVay. FUN FACT: When Doug Pederson was McVay’s age, he was the starting quarterback of your Philadelphia Eagles. Isn’t math fun? 

Positive Spin: Washington avoids the dreaded 0-2 start, and any win on the road should be considered applause-worthy… even if the stadium looked less crowded than Anthony Scaramucci’s Going Away Party. Seriously, just by mentioning someone from the Trump White House, I’ve guaranteed more angry tweeters @ me than attendees at L.A. Coliseum last Sunday (though in their defense, Sean Spicer said it was the largest crowd ever). Remind me again why Los Angeles has two football teams?

Meanwhile, Chris Thompson is making moves like a young Brian Westbrook. The guy who made Iggles defenders looks like they were playing ‘tag’ in Week One had a pair of touchdowns against a respectable Los Angeles defense, including a 61-yarder (which I believe is more rushing yards than Birds runnings backs have all season combined).

Cousins wasn’t phenomenal, but he showed improvement from last week (which is comparable to saying the urinal looked better after the auto-flush). With a victory, Washington avoids the “Dan Snyder’s Team Is Always Doomed To A Pit Of Despair” storyline for at least another week.

Negative Spin: Washington almost lost to the Rams. The RAMS. This is a team that went 4-12 last year playing in the NFC West. Sure, they may be improved (how could they not be?), but you won’t find many barstool bloggers inside the beltway this week saying “WE SURE LOOKED GOOD NEARLY BLOWING A 13 POINT LEAD TO JARED GOFF.”

And meanwhile, what is this team planning to do next year if they don’t re-sign Cousins? Hand the reigns over to Colt McCoy, the 31-year-old journeyman who’s essentially just Doug Pederson 20 years later with a better name? What does this team do if they go 8-8 and Cousins essentially looks the same he’s looked these past eight quarters? I’m not saying Gruden’s squad should go full Sam Hinkie Trust The Process after a 1-1 start, but it’s really hard to get excited about the long-term future of this football team. Even victories make the fanbase groan.

What’s Next: SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL! The soon-to-be-Las-Vegas Raiders come to D.C., and they haven’t really been tested yet (beating the Titans and Jets handedly the first two weeks). A win against the trendy AFC-Champ-Pick on Sunday would significantly alter the opinion of this team heading into October.

 

New York Giants (0-2):

What Happened: The Giants lost at home to the Detroit Lions 24-10, and things are starting to get ugly. How ugly are they? With just 13-points on the year, the highly-celebrated Giants offense has just one more point on the season than Nelson Agholor. They’re being outscored by the Jets! That’s like finding out your loser roommate who never leaves the apartment is actually a gun-smuggling millionaire (coming this Thursday on FOX!). 

Brandon Marshall, who was suppose to take this offense to the next level, dropped a big third down pass in the fourth quarter, and the very next play was an 88-yard punt return for a TD by someone named Jamal Agnew that broke Big Blue’s back. Meanwhile, coach Ben McAdoo spent his postgame presser taking shots at two-time Super Bowl Champion and six-time Mouth Breather of the Year Eli Manning, so rest assured Giants fans, leadership has a plan for turning this sinking ship around! McAdoo may even hand over play-calling duties! What a great hire.

Meanwhile, Eli was sacked five times (or what they call in New York “one short of a Winston Justice”). While we can only grimace at decade-old memories of Winston-the-Pooh at right guard being eaten up by Osi Umenyiora like Chris Christie at CiCi’s, this Sunday at the Linc may top that. The Iggles D-line is very, very good, while the Giants O-line has the toughness of overcooked spaghetti. This is the kind of day Jim Schwartz should be bragging about when he’s interviewing for the Cincinnati Bengals head coaching gig four months from now.

Positive Spin: IT CAN’T GET WORSE. 

Negative Spin: Since 1990, only 12% of teams that start 0-2 make the playoffs. And while I haven’t taken a deep-dive into it, I’d be willing to bet that the O-line of this Giants team is way worse than any of that 12%. Meanwhile, waiting for Marshall and Manning to get on the same page is like waiting for a new season of Arrested Development. It may never come, and even if it does, will it be worth it? And at this point, who really remembers when it was that good to begin with?

For all the mystique around Eli-led Giants teams being great down the stretch, it’s important we remember he has a career winning percentage of just .545. That’s .004 points higher than Nick Foles! Andy Dalton, Alex Smith, & Teddy Bridgewater all have a higher winning percentage than the 36-year-old Giants quarterback. To expect he, (and, presumably, Odell) to turn this thing around may be a little out of touch. Like how DirecTV thinks it’s okay to put Charlie Kelly in any football jersey other than midnight green.

What’s Next: Week 3 is a Must-Win game for New York, and the circumstances are not fun. Well, they’re actually super fun for us; after losing Monday night, the Giants come to Philly for the Eagles home opener at The Linc, where they haven’t won since 2013. A divisional game on the road off a short w

J.J. Redick once impressed Ryan Howard with his baseball skills

J.J. Redick once impressed Ryan Howard with his baseball skills

Philadelphia 76ers talk is coming.

Members of the Philly media are meeting with Brett Brown today for their yearly before-the-season lunch. Then, next week, Sixers media day will be here.

That means Sixers' news will be coming at you fast like an undead snow bear messing up Thoros of Myr.

We got a nice little primer for that today when the Inquirer's Bob Ford wrote a wonderful read on the friendship between new Sixer J.J. Redick and one of Philly's all-time favorite basketballers in Jameer Nelson.

Nelson was with the Orlando Magic when Redick got drafted as an over-confident shooter out of Duke. He showed him the ropes and the two bonded over work ethic and a desire for honesty.

It's a really good read to get to know both players more closely. And hints at some of the reasons the Sixers went out and spent big money on Redick this offseason.

“It’s not always easy to talk to peers and tell them what they need to do,” Nelson says. “But he wanted to learn, wanted to get better. It’s a competition and it’s not for everyone. You don’t always find guys like that.”

“Something both of them have in common is honesty,” Van Gundy says. “Neither one is afraid of honesty. They were easy to coach because they liked to be told the truth, and they weren’t afraid to tell you the truth, either to a coach or another teammate. You never had to wonder what’s going on with this guy or anything else.”

Will Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons, and Markelle Fultz be receptive to hearing the truth, perhaps when it's not the easiest to handle? Sounds like J.J. is going to be telling it.

There's a fun nugget about how those Orlando Magic teams used to bond back in the day by Nelson bringing his teammates up to Philly for a week at a time during the offseason to play ball, but also to have fun off the court, like on the paintball field or at a Phillies game.

“My favorite one was a paintball competition,” Redick says. “We drove about an hour outside the city and divided up into teams and we went at it. That was a blast. Another time we went to the Phillies and took batting practice with the team. And the whole week, you’re riding together to workouts or just spending time, and you’re sort of out of your element, so you open up. I’d also mention that I had, by far, the best swing on the team. Ryan Howard told me that I looked like the only person on the entire team that had actually played baseball.”

Basketball is back soon and it'll be fun to watch J.J. play the mentoring role this time around.

>>How Jameer Nelson helped make J.J. Redick an NBA player, and got a friend in return [Philly.com]

From last night- father/son time at the ballpark ⚾️🏟.

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