Defensive tackle Hargrove conquers demons

BETHLEHEM, Pa. -- Anthony Hargrove will never forget the moment he realized he was in trouble.

Deep, deep trouble.

It was Sept. 21, 2006, and Hargrove was playing for the St. Louis Rams back then. But that morning, instead of driving out to the Rams practice facility in Earth City, Mo., Hargrove was taking drugs in a dark basement. Somebodys basement. He didnt know whose.

I was in a basement snorting cocaine, Hargrove said. Its a Thursday morning, and Im supposed to be at work, and Im the starting right defensive tackle for the St. Louis Rams at that point, and I didnt show up.

Im sitting there thinking, What are you doing? Why arent you at work. People were worried. It was just terrible. I had to look at myself in the mirror, but I couldnt look in the mirror because I didnt like who that person was. I didnt want to be that person anymore.

Hargrove was in his third season as a part-time starting defensive tackle with the Rams, who had drafted him in the third round out of Georgia Tech in 2004. He had a terrific job and a nice contract, but his life was spinning out of control thanks to alcohol and drugs.

Few knew about Hargroves drug and alcohol problems until he failed to show up at the Rams facility two days in a row that fall. Team officials searched frantically but couldnt find him.

Thought I was dead, he said.

The Rams quickly traded Hargrove to the Bills, where things got even worse. He was twice suspended after failing league-mandated drug tests -- for the first four games of 2007 and then for the entire 2008 season.

Hargrove had realized for a couple years that he desperately needed help. But not until he began serving that second suspension did he finally go out and get it.

He was home in Port Charlotte, Fla., cast off by the Bills, out of work, hooked on drugs and alcohol. He was only 25 years old, and he gradually realized that he had lost the one thing that meant the most to him.

Football.

I saw everybody start going back to work, off-season training started to happen, guys signing new deals, and I was still at home doing nothing with my life, he said. I realized at that point I had no plan. I didnt have everything. I was like, What am I going to do with my life now. I just realized, Hey, I have to do something.

So in April of 2008, Hargrove checked himself into a rehab center at the University of South Carolina, where he spent three months before moving to Transitions Recovery in North Miami Beach, where he stayed 10 more months.

As he got himself healthy and battled the addictions that had threatened his career and his life, the realization came to Hargrove that his NFL career was probably over.

He had been suspended twice. He had been arrested for an altercation with a police officer after a brawl outside a nighclub during the Bills training camp in Rochester. He had been cast off by two teams in a year. He had spent more than a year in rehab. And he couldnt imagine another football team would ever give him another chance.

My football career was coming to an end, he said after the Eagles Sunday afternoon practice at Lehigh. I knew the chances of going through what I went through, getting suspended twice, that getting a chance to come back to football was pretty much impossible.

That entire 2008 season I spent in rehab, I wondered if I was ever going to get a chance to play football again. But I knew if I was ever going to have a chance to play again, I had to get myself right.

And that became his only priority.

Conquering the addictions that had haunted him for years. Conquering drugs. And conquering alcohol.

Life had always been very tough for Hargrove. As a 5-year-old in Brooklyn, his familys apartment building burned down. Four years later, he lost his mom to AIDS.

But this -- ridding his body of these unshakable addictions -- was the greatest challenge he ever faced.

Man, its a tough battle, he said. The big thing for me was looking into the mirror at myself and admitting that I had a drug problem and an alcohol problem. And then from there it was, OK, how do you fix this? How do you learn to live again? Because for me, thats what it was all about. I didnt know how to live.

I didnt know how to go to work and go home, watch film, eat dinner, go to bed -- I always thought it was go out, party, run the streets and do all kind of stuff. So it was time to figure out how to live a healthy, balanced lifestyle. And that entire 13 months I was in rehab, thats what I dedicated my life to. Trying to find the right way to live and really find out who I was and the things that I liked to do and the things that I loved to do.

Hargrove doesnt even know how long he had a drug problem and a drinking problem.

He said it just sort of crept up on him. He started drinking and using, and by the time he realized something was seriously wrong, his addictions had such a tight hold on him that he couldnt wriggle free.

It didnt really happen all of a sudden, it just happened, he said. You never really want to admit to having a problem, but I think I finally first admitted it was when I was in St. Louis in 2006 and I missed two days of work, and thats when the realization hit me, man, You really have a problem here. And from there, thats when it just got bad. Really bad. Because its just a tough battle. Because youre in the grips of the devil right there. And, whew, its not easy to get free.

But he did get free. Finally.

In February 2009, the NFL cleared Hargrove to return to football. In May, he left Transitions after 13 months of rehab, and within weeks, he had signed a contract to join the Saints. Eight months later, he won a Super Bowl ring.

I went from rehab to a winning a Super Bowl, he said. Its kind of an unbelievable story, isnt it?

Last week, the Eagles signed Hargrove to a one-year contract, and he immediately began practicing at tackle with the starting defense.

Hargrove, whos 6-foot-3, 280 pounds, is easy to spot out at training camp. Hes always smiling. Always happy. Always upbeat. That was him Sunday morning screaming and shouting with joy as he ran out to the field for each drill. And that was him yelping and laughing Monday afternoon as he walked with new teammate Marlon Favorite out to a low-key walkthrough.

Im always happy, Hargrove said. These days, I always have a smile on my face.

Once you hear his story, its easy to understand why.

Im a better man today than I was before I went into rehab because I understand now how short life is and how rare these opportunities are, he said. I threw it away once. I threw it all away -- just coming out here every day with the guys, with the fans, and doing something that I love to do. I threw it away, and I didnt know if Id ever get it back.

So once I did get back, I was all in. I was never going to waste the opportunity to play football again. Nothing was ever going to be more important than football, and it never will be.

Hargrove is honest about this. Some days are harder than others. Staying sober, staying off drugs, isnt easy.

He said people look at him differently now than they did before his troubles began. They see him and whisper and shake their head and wonder if hes going to have a relapse.

Anthony Hargrove? Hes a druggie!

Actually, hes not.

Its still a battle, because people outside looking in are never sure what a person is really like, he said. Because addicts and alcoholics have such a bad stigma. People forget that people do become addicts and then become healthy, productive citizens.

And thats the best part of all this, being able to inspire people. Let people know it doesnt matter what anybody says or thinks, Im still going to keep doing good.

People say Im too happy, he said. When you fight something like that and you win, theres no reason for you ever to be unhappy again. The recent loss of my brother, I know people were saying, Oh, hes going to go back to all that (drugs and alcohol).

No. Theres no way. Theres no point. Because I know what that life is like. I know where it leads. I know what the consequences are. The thing is, Im still learning. Im still learning what it feels like to make good decisions and the effects of it. I know I love the effects the good decisions I make a lot more than the effects of the poor choices I made.

It hasnt just made me a better player, its made me a better father, its made me a better friend, its made me a better brother, its made me a better teammate.

Hargrove said he almost signed with the Eagles before the 2009 season but went to New Orleans instead.

But hes always been intrigued by the Eagles, and when he became a free agent late last month and they called, Hargrove didnt hesitate. Although he might not be among the most well-known free agents theyve signed during this frenzied free agency period -- Nnamdi Asomugha, Cullen Jenkins, Jason Babin, Ronnie Brown and Vince Young fit into that category -- Hargrove will have a chance to play a lot in new defensive coordinator Juan Castillos scheme.

Hargrove, who played defensive end early in his career, is now exclusively a defensive tackle. He has 16 12 sacks in six years with the Rams, Bills and Saints and had five sacks and a touchdown on a fumble recovery during the Saints 2009 Super Bowl run.

Ive always had great respect for the entire Philadelphia Eagles organization, he said. Its one of those organizations thats always up there, always in the NFC Championship Game.

To be here now, it seems like its just poetry. Im just waiting to see how this story ends.