Look, kickers are obviously hilarious. We all know that. But can we take a quick second to remember that only 25 years ago, there were dudes who still kicked barefoot?!
That man is not wearing a shoe!
When it was time for a field goal attempt, 22 grown men would run out on the field and one of them would be 50% more prepared to take a bubble bath.
Anyway, as far as we know, this Sunday both Super Bowl™ kickers will be wearing shoes (borrrrriiinnnngggggg). But what else do you know about these dudes? NOT MUCH! So before you place your bets or pick your squad, make sure you know as much as you can about the two dorks would could make or break this football game, Graham Gano of the Panthers and Brandon Mr. McManus of the Broncos.
EARLY YEARS
GANO -- Graham Gano was born in Scotland (which is amazing) to American parents (which is lame) who were stationed in the UK because Graham’s father was in the military (which makes the whole Scottish-born thing majorly disappointing). The Ganos (real last name) later moved to Florida (a ridiculous place to raise a child) where Graham would go on to become the second best kicker in Florida State University history (after Sebastian Janikowski) (who has an enormous head) (and never cost his school $950,000 (or 846,176 Euros) to pay off an alleged rape victim, like this dude).
MCMANUS -- Brandon McManus was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (A LOVELY PLACE TO RAISE A CHILD THANK YOU VERY MUCH) where he attended North Penn High School (a school that people have definitely heard of but have no idea where it actually is). McManus later went onto Temple University (shout out Mik Kilgore) where he holds pretty much every school kicking record including “longest field goal by a guy who has actually seen Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.”
NFL
Advantage: Mr. McManus!
DUDES THEY HANG OUT WITH
GANO -- I will give you one guess as to which teammate Gano has been hanging out with during Super Bowl™ week. That’s right, you guessed it, the punter.
MCMANUS -- Our Temple dude is not exactly poppin’ bottles with A-listers either. Here he is golfing with The Bachelor.
Advantage: Larry!
WAGS
GANO -- Unfortunately, Brittany Gano (who is a total smoke dog) has a private Instagram account, so I couldn't find any barefoot pics of her, but Graham did recently post this sultry pic of his wife #at #da #range.
MCMANUS -- Brandon’s fiancee, Nadia Spencer, doesn’t do a lot of tweeting, but she has tweeted about (and posted pics of) Doritos twice in the past year. She also recently sent this beauty to our good pals over at Comcast:
Women who are engaged to professional kickers… they’re just like us!
Oh, and here’s a secretly super erotic picture of her for all you shallow jerks out there who have your heads in the gutter. (She might be barefoot in this pic.)
Advantage: Rob Schneider!
PERSONALITY
GANO -- Graham is probably best known for once shoving a trombone player during a halftime performance. Here’s da vid if you wanna check it out (just watch it, it’s only 16 seconds, and it will make you hate him forever).
Gano was also recently interviewed by Bryce Johnson from ChristianPost.com and featured on their podcast called “UNPACKIN’ it.” The article was titled “NFL Kicker Graham Gano on How Jesus Helped Him Deal With Pain,” and while I’m not going to comment on Jesus or religion or people who believe in God or whatever, because it’s fine, it’s totally fine, I would like to share the last paragraph of the interview as Bryce was wrapping things up:
Bryce: Wow, what a great story -- it’s awesome to hear about your development on and off the field, and we wish you and the Panthers the best with the rest of the season. Thanks so much for joining us on UNPACKIN’ it.
MCMANUS -- McManus seems nice enough and has a very cute doggie.
Advantage: Doggie!
Prediction: Panthers 20, Broncos 18, doggie adorable!