For Wrestling's Uninitiated: 5 Things You Need to Know about Tonight's 'Money in the Bank' PPV

For Wrestling's Uninitiated: 5 Things You Need to Know about Tonight's 'Money in the Bank' PPV

The Money in the Bank pay-per-view pre-show kicks off at 7:30 p.m. inside the Wells Fargo Center with the full show getting underway at 8 p.m. Tonight's show will be Philadelphia's first WWE PPV since 2009 and comes just days after reports that Lincoln Financial Field could be a candidate for an upcoming WrestleMania.

If you're already a fan of pro graps, enjoy the change-of-pace content below, and if you're not, here's five basic things to know about tonight's card...

1. Mark Henry is the Daniel Day-Lewis of professional wrestling
If you have a milkshake, and Mark Henry has a straw, and his straw reaches across the room, he drinks your milkshake. He drinks it up.

Wrestling fans from the Attitude Era (late 90s) may remember Mark Henry as "Sexual Chocolate," a plus-400-pound former Olympic weightlifter who was having sex with a woman in her late 70s, which then led to that same woman birthing a hand.

But fast forward more than a decade and the World's Strongest Man is now also the baddest man on the planet. Entrances are key in professional wrestling, and Henry's is a metaphorical blocking of the sun and literal blocking of the camera, featuring the song "Somebody's Gonna Get It" by Three 6 Mafia. Lyrics:

Somebody gonna get they ass kicked.
Somebody gonna get their wig split.
Somebody gonna get they ass kicked.
Somebody gonna get their wig split.
Beat 'em up, beat 'em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat 'em up, beat 'em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat 'em up, beat 'em up, break his neck, break his neck.
Beat 'em up, beat 'em up, break his neck, break his neck.

This is all a prelude to Henry inducting opponents into his "Hall of Pain," which usually consists of him delivering the World's Strongest Slam and consequently shouting "THAT'S WHAT I DO."

I channeled There Will Be Blood above  because in order to goad Cena into accepting his challenge for the WWE Championship, Henry held a fake retirement ceremony complete with him crying in a salmon-colored jacket. That ceremony was quickly broken up when he picked up Cena -- mid-hug -- and slammed him to the mat. It's the best acting performance in professional wrestling I've ever seen and it's better than most of what you'll see from people who are traditionally considered "actors."

But if we're picking a film, Henry's match with Cena is almost beat for beat the plot of Rocky III. Cena's the protected champion who's lost his hunger after being the company's golden boy for the last decade, and Henry is the closest living thing to Clubber Lang. The only thing we're missing here is Cena training on a beach in California with Kofi Kingston, who just keeps screaming, "WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!" (Of note, Kingston apparently lived on the same floor as Enrico in college.)

If you're not rooting for Mark Henry this Sunday, you're doing it wrong.

2. 15-foot ladders make everything better
From Wikipedia: "In fiction, a MacGuffin (sometimes McGuffin or maguffin) is a plot device in the form of some goal, desired object, or other motivator that the protagonist pursues, often with little or no narrative explanation as to why it is considered so important. The specific nature of a MacGuffin is typically unimportant to the overall plot. The most common type of MacGuffin is an object, place or person. However, a MacGuffin can sometimes take a more abstract form, such as money, victory, glory, survival, power, love, or even something that is entirely unexplained, as long as it strongly motivates key characters within the structure of the plot."

Think of the briefcase from Pulp Fiction. Now take that briefcase, suspend it 15-feet above the ring, and have guys try to scale a ladder to grab it. Welcome to Money in the Bank.

The winner of the Money in the Bank ladder match earns a contract to face the WWE or World Heavyweight Champion at any time during the following calendar year, depending on which match he's entered in. Most guys cash it in when the champ is beat up and defenseless, and winning Money the Bank is nearly always a guarantee that you will win the title. There are two of these on the card this year. If you've never seen one, anywhere from six to 10 guys bash each other with ladders for 20 minutes before somebody finally climbs one and ends it.

This one isn't a Money in the Bank match, but it was one of the most famous ladder matches of all-time:

I remain amazed they haven't partnered with Werner to produce "the official ladder of World Wrestling Entertainment."

3. Faaaaaaaaan-daaaaaaaaan-gooooooo
Fandango is involved in one of the two ladder matches, his for the World Heavyweight Title opportunity. He is a character who ballroom dances his way to the ring and dramatically says his own name in the third person. I should need to write nothing else to get you on board with this.


4. Rob Van Dam is back and in Philadelphia
After a six-year hiatus from WWE, which he spent mostly in TNA Wrestling, Rob Van Dam makes his return Sunday night at Money in the Bank.

Van Dam has a long and noteworthy history in Philadelphia as one of the biggest in names in the former ECW, which called this building in South Philly its home.

At 42 years old, Van Dam isn't quite what he was during ECW's heyday. In fact, he's spent much of the last decade recycling the same rolls and monkey flips that feel far more impossible now because he's just generally slower in the ring. Suspension of disbelief is an odd thing in wrestling and Van Dam tests it even for diehards.

That said, even those who don't "get" wrestling will find it hard not to be entertained by his match with Jerry Lynn from Living Dangerously in 1999:

Living Dangerously 1999 - RVD vs Jerry Lynn by Kapitas

Working in his favor, he'll be in the ring with five other guys and probably as many ladders, meaning he'll likely do something like this ... and this.

5. You might run into Charlie Manuel
Assuming you can afford the good seats.

*

Here's your full card for tonight's Money in the Bank pay-per-view:

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WWE Championship
John Cena (c) vs. Mark Henry

World Heavyweight Championship
Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

WWE Championship Contract Money In The Bank Ladder Match
CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus vs. Christian vs. Randy Orton vs. Kane vs. Rob Van Dam

World Heavyweight Championship Contract Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Dean Ambrose vs. Fandango vs. Antonio Cesaro vs. Jack Swagger vs. Damien Sandow vs. Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes

Chris Jericho vs. Ryback

WWE Intercontinental Championship
Curtis Axel (c) vs. The Miz

WWE Divas Championship
AJ Lee (c) vs. Kaitlyn

Kickoff Match
WWE Tag Team Championships
The Shield (c) vs. The Usos

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And just because:

Best of NBA: Noel scores 9 points, grab 10 boards in Mavs debut

Best of NBA: Noel scores 9 points, grab 10 boards in Mavs debut

DALLAS -- Harrison Barnes scored 19 points and Dirk Nowitzki had 18 points and nine rebounds as the Dallas Mavericks ended a three-game losing streak by beating the New Orleans Pelicans 96-83 on Saturday night.

The Pelicans fell to 0-2 since trading for DeMarcus Cousins and pairing him with Anthony Davis.

Davis had 39 points and 14 rebounds but scored only 12 in the second half. Cousins finished with 12 points and 15 rebounds.

Seth Curry scored 10 of his 13 in the fourth quarter to help Dallas pull away. His 3-pointer with 4:49 to play gave the Mavericks an 84-72 lead, and the Pelicans never got closer than six after that (see full recap).

Harden leads Rockets past Timberwolves in 142-130 shootout
HOUSTON -- James Harden had 24 points and 10 assists to lead the Houston Rockets to a 142-130 victory over the Minnesota Timberwolves as both teams set season scoring highs in a Saturday night shootout.

Houston won for the sixth time in seven games, handing the Timberwolves their first road loss in more than three weeks.

Minnesota committed a season-high 25 turnovers that led to 38 points for the Rockets.

Playing against Houston's guard-heavy rotation, Minnesota went inside all night and outscored the Rockets 68-44 in the paint. Karl-Anthony Towns had 37 points and 22 rebounds, and Andrew Wiggins added 30 points (see full recap).

Bulls benefit as James sits with strep, beat Cavs 117-99
CLEVELAND -- Dwyane Wade scored 20 points and Jimmy Butler recorded a triple-double, leading the Chicago Bulls to a 117-99 victory Saturday night over the Cleveland Cavaliers, who played without LeBron James.

James missed the game with strep throat, and coach Tyronn Lue said he wasn't sure how long the Cavaliers would be without the four-time MVP. Cleveland struggled as it often does without its star - they are 4-19 without him since he returned to Cleveland in 2014, including 0-4 this season.

Chicago has won all three games against Cleveland this season. It took advantage of James' absence to win its fourth straight overall (see full recap).

George ejected, Heat stay hot with 113-95 win over Pacers
MIAMI -- Paul George had another frustrating night in Miami.

Hassan Whiteside scored 22 points and grabbed 17 rebounds, Dion Waiters added 22 points and the red-hot Miami Heat pulled away late to beat the Indiana Pacers 113-95 on Saturday night. Miami outscored Indiana 42-22 in the final 16 minutes, all with George watching from the Pacers' locker room after an ejection.

"It felt like a playoff-type game," Heat coach Erik Spoelstra said (see full recap).

Flyers suffer deflating outdoor loss to Penguins, fall in playoff picture

Flyers suffer deflating outdoor loss to Penguins, fall in playoff picture

BOX SCORE

PITTSBURGH – They won the battle inside the faceoff circle. Outshot their opponent badly. Blocked more shots, too.

And the Flyers still lost. Sound familiar?

Saturday's 4-2 defeat (see Instant Replay) to the Penguins at Heinz Field in the Stadium Series outdoor game likely confirms for general manager Ron Hextall it’s time to be a seller at the trade deadline with a playoff berth seemingly out of sight.

"We gotta score goals. We got good opportunities, but it’s getting old," Jakub Voracek lamented. "If we don’t find a way to win a game, nobody cares."

Not enough scoring from their pop-gun offense, which now has just 25 goals over their last 16 games. Which is a major reason why they've lost seven of their last nine.

"It's that cliché, gripping your stick and I don’t like to use that," Voracek said. "The bottom line, if we want to make the playoffs we got to score the goals. We're not scoring."

It was 36 degrees at puck drop and there were swirling wind gusts. Players said the first period was tough, but they adjusted as the game went on.

"It feels good. It feels awesome," Wayne Simmonds said. "It's the way ice hockey should be played."

So should a few wins with this club and it's not happening. They play well enough to win but ...

"We got to get going here," Shayne Gostisbehere said. "We're [five] points back and that's the biggest thing and it's in all of our heads now. It's getting down to not a lot of games left and we've got to get two points."

Goalie Michal Neuvirth did not have a strong game facing 29 shots.

"We walk away with the wrong result," coach Dave Hakstol said. "We have a day in-between to turn the page and get back at it."

Things began Pittsburgh's way with Sidney Crosby scoring at 11:18, sneaking to the low right slot near the goal line to take a perfect pass from Jake Guentzel and one-time into the far side on Neuvirth for his 34th goal.

Brayden Schenn, centering a new line with Nick Cousins and Jakub Voracek, had a solid scoring chance in the final minute of the period, but Pens goalie Matt Murray turned his shot aside. Murray also had two good saves on Sean Couturier earlier from in-tight.

Nick Bonino, one of the heroes from the Stanley Cup Final last season, made it 2-0 at 6:44 of the second period on the power play. He scored almost from the same spot where Crosby scored.

Minutes earlier, Guenztel took a questionable hit to the head area from Brandon Manning which the Penguins felt was illegal (see video). Pittsburgh came back with Chris Kunitz rocking Ivan Provorov two shifts later.

Manning’s hit energized the Flyers, who owned the second period.

Hours before the game, Voracek said what most people were already thinking.

"I would expect this to be the biggest game of the year," he said. "You look at the standings. We can’t afford to lose."

Voracek wasn't kidding when he said the Flyers needed to do something here. He went behind the net 4-on-4 with Justin Schultz and came around the front with the puck to muscle it past Murray at 11:14, cutting the Flyers deficit in half.

Voracek's goal, his second in three games, gave the Flyers even more of a lift and they made a strong push to tie the game before the period ended.

"We spent a lot of time in their zone and we were very strong on the forecheck," Voracek said. "We had comebacks early in the season … but two penalties in the end, it's tough … How do you rebound? You have no choice. We're not out. We have to start winning."

The Flyers killed off a carryover penalty to start the third but immediately after, the Pens got a strong forecheck with Eric Fehr behind the net, getting the puck over to 40-year-old Matt Cullen, who snuck up on Neuvirth and stunned him with a wraparound.

That was a terribly costly goal and made it 3-1 but Gostisbehere got it right back minutes later with his first goal in 34 games off a point shot during the power play.

It was as close as the Flyers got. Pittsburgh scored off a faceoff to make it 4-2 in the final six minutes. Sean Couturier lost a draw to Evgeni Malkin and the Pens scored off a point drive Neuvirth couldn't find.

"That was deflating," Gostisbehere said. "We can be sad for ourselves all we want … bad bounces or we can say, 'well, it's lucky.' But you know, it keeps happening for a reason."