Theres that old line about how actors want to be athletesand athletes want to be actors. Actually, there really might not be much of adifference between the two occupations anymore. Given the way the big TVnetworks have farmed out primetime to reality shows, why cant an athlete bean actor?Then again, network primetime TV is still a big deal nomatter how many entertainment choices we have. So when Shane Victorino, thePhillies All-Star, Gold Glover and native Hawaiian turned up on the updatedrevisit of the 70s cop show Hawaii Five-0, there was only onequestion.If only Jack Lord was still alive to slap the cuffs onVictorino and deliver the money line:Book him Dan-O!Victorino never acted before. Not once. He was never in thehigh school drama club, nor did he appear in the senior presentation ofH.M.S. Pinafore.Since he set nearly every track and field record in the history of the state,Victorino was no doubt too busy going to practices to practice lines with thewould-be starlet like Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf.No, sometimes life doesnt imitate art.
Still, athletes rarely have to be trained as thespians inorder for the art to come calling. So as Shaun, an employee whos on Oahuwith co-workers on a team-building exercise, Victorino just may be the firstPhillies player to star on a primetime network TV show since The Superstarswent off the air.
That said, if you blinked, you missed Victorino. He appeared onthe program for approximately 72 seconds.Take a look.Nevertheless, since the Phillies have become one of theglamour teams in Major League Baseball, members of the team have been showingup on TV all over the place -- some for much longer than 72 seconds.For instance, two years ago, Ryan Howard and Chase Utley hada bit of a star turn on a TV show where they showed off some serious actingchops. Make that serious acting chops playing Ryan Howard and Chase Utley andthey just sat there in straight back chairs with bemused looks on their facesas they watched two drunks wrestle on the floor. Not until the trained actorspaused to catch a breath with their dress shirts torn open, did the winninglines from the ballplayers help put a bow on the scene.I just sawyou bite that dude, Ryan Howard said while appearing as Ryan Howardin the programIts Always Sunny in Philadelphia.That was followed by an invitation to wrestle from two ofthe main characters of the show, played by Glenn Howerton and Charlie Day, whowere sprawled out on the floor at a PSPCA benefit. Needless to say, charityevents for animals have a tendency to get out of hand, with grappling andorfisticuffs popping up throughout a ballroom. Its a serious business and somefolks need to give until it hurts.However, the invitation to Howard and Utley to join in thewrestling match because they were wasted, was met with a witty rejoinderfrom the All-Star second baseman.No were not, Utley said.No, were completely sober. But you guys drink a lotthough, Howard added.You guys drink more than anyone Ive ever seen, Utleyfinished before the ballplayers shrugged their shoulders and exited, stageright.Utley has been known to improve his lines when livemicrophones are around, but for the occasion of his crossover into the arts,Utley had to defer to writers to craft his lines -- you know, FCC guidelinesand all. Plus, he seemed genuinely enthused and didnt speak in clichsstraight out ofBullDurham, unlike in situations with the press at his day job. On aneveryday basis, Utley has the charisma of a toilet seat, or maybe he genuinelymeans that he wants to stay within himself, or take things a day at a time.That makes it a little curious that a personality-plus likeVictorino didnt get as much screen time as Utley. Maybe thats because Utley startedhis acting career on cable, which is like working off-Broadway, where an artisthas much more freedom. Even the role Victorino landed reeked of Hollywood sellout -- aworker on a corporate team-building retreat in Hawaii? In this economy?Sheesh!Still, despite the star turn from the All-Star ballplayers,Utley and Victorino hardly turned in All-Star work. Granted, it was prettygood and, who knows it could open thedoor for more acting work. Still, Howard seems to be branching out from commercialsto situational comedies, which shows much more versatility than his work inbaseball.The Big Piece has shown his chops as a spokesman for Subway,and then there was the time he paired with Jimmy Rollins for a short feature onthe Funny or Die website, in which the bar was raised pretty high. Here,take a look:Baseball Fantasy Camp with RyanHoward and Jimmy Rollins- watch more funny videos Certainly there are fewer limitations on the web than withregulated mediums like TV or radio. For instance, theres no way thecensors would allow Howard to get away with that dance that mimics Prince. Itsjust too funny and a big man shouldnt have moves like that. It wasnt quite aswackyas Shaqs entrance with the Jabbawockeezbeforethe All-Star Game a few years ago, but its up there. Then again, word on thestreet was that Howard and his buddy Jared were going to use the same moves in aSubway commercial until Shaq beat them to it.Our loss. A dance with the Jabbawockeez might be the bestway for Howard to make up for his appearance on the HBO show Entourage. No, hewasnt bad, but that was an episode removed from where the Fonz goes water skiingin his leather jacket.Of course, Jimmy Rollins is no slouch, himself. He might notbe working with big stars like Jared or the gang fromIts Always Sunny in Philadelphia,but his work in an ad for Dicks Sporting Goods is Emmy Award quality. Thats the award they give to TVcommercials right?Interestingly, when it comes to TV commercials, the Philliesdoing the acting have delivered nothing short of Olivier quality work. If Irecall correctly, Mike Schmidt did a commercial for 7-Up in the early 1980s. Itwas around that time when Steve Carlton hawked milk in a TV spot, which, formany of us who never heard him speak because of his refusal to grant anyinterviews, was a landmark event. We finally heard Lefty talk, and then for awhile he wouldnt stop and it was all we could do to seal up his bunker inColorado to keep him quiet.Of course, Carlton still turns up for the reunion weekends atthe ballpark where he usually sits with the broadcast crew for an inning or twowhere, listening in, it sounds as if the ol left hander is attending a baseballgame for the very first time.The biggest draw for advertisers was Pete Rose, who shilledfor everything from Kool-Aid, Wheaties, Nestle Crunch, and Aqua Velva. Havinghad the chance to hang with Pete in Las Vegas, it seems as if he was given alifetime supply of Aqua Velva as payment for doing the ads because one whiffmade it seem as if he was trying to use it all at once.But, you know its Aqua Velva. Thats the good stuff.Still, the Phillies dont see acting as a fallback career.Even the former Phillie Scott Rolen, who once delivered a line on SaturdayNight Live over a decade ago, didnt look at it as more than a one-time thing.Wait you missed that one? Rolen in a Phillies uniform onSaturday Day Night Live? Dont worry, Rolen didnt host it like Charles Barkleyhas three times. However, Rolen appeared in a sketch with about a dozenballplayers, including Phillie Gregg Jefferies and Mike Sweeney, in which theymagically appeared in the room of a little boy played by Chris Kattan. See, thekid had posters of baseball players on his wall and dreamed of playing in themajors until the guys showed up in his room and acted like a bunch ofballplayers.They blasted music, swilled drinks, made untoward commentsat the kids mom before it finally was tied together with the show-stopping linefrom RolenHey, Griffey is naked on the lawn again!Rolen not only delivered the line flawlessly on national TV,but he did it on a show hosted by Oscar winner Helen Hunt in which JackNicholson made a cameo. He wasnt working alongside some dudes in thelocal community theater troupe. Rolen was trading lines with Oscar winners.But get this, a couple of years later, I told Rolen that Isaw his acting chops on the show, much to his amusement.You know, I can get a Screen Actors Guild card for that,he said.Really? Not bad. A lot of actors would kill to get a SAGcard. Do you have it?No. Im not going to get it, he said.Why not? I asked.What am I going to do with it?Well, what if this baseball thing doesnt work out. Youmight need something to fall back on.Yes, this conversation actually occurred. Someone shouldhave been filming it.E-mail John Finger at jfinger@comcastsportsnet.com.